Toni_no12002 Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 Hi my nanna had cancer and she couldnt eat or drink properly for about a month.Yesterday me my mum and my sister went up to see her and she was worse.She had an oxygen mask on and couldnt breathe properly.She was tired and kept falling to sleep.My mum asked the doctors if it was nearly the end and they said they didnt know.I held her hand and we talked about normal things as usual to lighten the mood.At 5 we left to go home as i had to get my son home and to bed.At 6 we had a phone call saying she was getting worse.I rushed to find someone to look after my son and we went to the hospital.By the time she got there she had already passed away.I feel so guilty because we wasnt there to hold her hand and to help her.I was really close to her and i cant come to terms with it.I cant believe it sometimes.She was so lively before. How can you make things easier and how can you learn to accept things.At the minute it seems like i wont ever get over it Please help! Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 {{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS Toni}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} this is where faith in God comes in.. I personally believe your nanna is still with you in spirit. She is near you even if you can't feel her.. I believe you can talk to her and she hears you. If she is biologically your nanna then her blood runs in your viens too so she is still alive in you.. The hurt of losing her will lesson in time. It is normal to miss her and feel sad... Its human, normal and natural. Logically you know it will get better but for now you are mourning.. {{{{{{{{ hugs to you }}}}}}}}}}} in this time of grief. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toni_no12002 Posted October 28, 2005 Author Share Posted October 28, 2005 Hi thankyou. i nearly cried when i read your post back lol.I really hope she can hear me! i miss her sooo much! Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 Sorry about your grandmom. She maybe was lively when she was young and healthy, but for a while she's been sick and uncomfortable. She's been freed from that. The nurses in the hospice will tell you that dying family members will 'wait' until their families go home because they don't want to upset people by dying in front of them! So don't feel bad about not being there right at the moment of death - you were with her earlier that day and she felt your love. Be at peace about this. Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 So sorry to hear about your nanna toni. So don't feel bad about not being there right at the moment of death - you were with her earlier that day and she felt your love. Be at peace about this. She knew that you loved her and I believe that she can hear you and will continue to watch over you and your family. *Hugs* Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 you have my sincerest condolences. It's not easy letting go someone you love so dearly – you wonder if it ever becomes easy to breathe again or laugh or even smile again. I do believe that death cannot really rob you of the one you love, because honest-to-goodness love doesn't leave with the person who has passed away. Your nana is forever in your heart and in your mind, Toni – and she won't leave until the last person holding the last memory of her passes, too ... if you get a chance, read these lyrics and think of them when you think of your granny: http://home.comcast.net/~quantumcognition/Lyrics/Lullaby.htm hugs, quank Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 Hi thankyou. i nearly cried when i read your post back lol.I really hope she can hear me! i miss her sooo much! I beleive without doubt she does, even if you can't hear her or see her. When I lost my nanna I felt like I lost the only person in the world who really loved me unconditionally on this planet.. Even more then my parents. Many times I have felt her presence with me. I have literally heard her call me by the nickname she had for me. It has startled me but I felt her presence and I knew she was comforting me and letting me know I wasn't alone.. I believe I really experienced her presence, I do NOT believe it was my imagination.. Because I believe in the supernatural as well as the physical aspects of this world. It's all about faith Toni. Faith is a choice too. It's not tangible it is spiritual. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toni_no12002 Posted October 28, 2005 Author Share Posted October 28, 2005 Thankyou everyone.I keep thinking about things that i should of said to her like i love you.When i was holding her hand i squeezed it and she squeezed it back.I hope she realises that it meant that i was there for her and i love her so much. Thankyou everyone! Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 Thankyou everyone.I keep thinking about things that i should of said to her like i love you.When i was holding her hand i squeezed it and she squeezed it back.I hope she realises that it meant that i was there for her and i love her so much. Thankyou everyone! She knows. don't worry yourself.. She knows... Nanna's know everything. Remember when you were a little girl and she had eyes in the back of her head. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 Touch conveys love more effectively than words do, toni. I'm sure she understood. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 don't beat yourself up over the things you didn't say or should have said ~ that you were there to see her in the hospital, and I'm sure countless other times throughout her life, told her just how much you loved her to be with her. when all was said and done, I think that your nanna loved you dearly, and was happy to be with you the times that you were, with no regrets ... Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 Toni, I am so sorry for your loss. Don't feel guilty honey. Maybe she wouldn't want you to live that sad and traumatic moment of her last minutes. She only wanted the best for you and she doesn't want you to feel guilty wherever she is. And she is in your heart. She will always live there as a lively grandma that was your close friend. She would want you to remember her as such and carry that image in your mind. Her life was not futile if you love her memory and she is not really dead as long as she resides in your heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Milo Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 Of all of my relatives, I really loved my Aunt Bertha form New Orleans. I was very little when we went to visit her in the hospital. It was a little disturbing, as I had always known her as a vivacious, funny, and very loud person full of stories and conversation. So seeing her in the hospital very sick was startling. But I do hope she was happy to see me, which is what was more important. I hope they have Lucky Strikes and bourbon where she is now. Ha ha ha. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toni_no12002 Posted October 29, 2005 Author Share Posted October 29, 2005 I keep telling myself that i couldnt have done anymore but still i get upset about it.I just hope shes with my grandad now and really happy.She was never the same when my grandad died a year ago.I think in a way maybe she was glad to go as she would be with him again.They was together 53 years so it must of been awful for her.I know this sounds selfish but i wish was still here to see my son grow up.Well my grandad died just before he was born and i wish he could of seen him. Its silly things like that that upset me.I know they couldnt have lived forever but still doesnt stop me wishing they would have done thanks everyone for posting Link to post Share on other sites
Milo Posted October 29, 2005 Share Posted October 29, 2005 You take care, Toni. Talk about your nanna and remember the good times with the people who knew her. I found that was very helpful when a good friend of mine died in an accident. We had the best time telling each other stories. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted October 30, 2005 Share Posted October 30, 2005 Its silly things like that that upset me.I know they couldnt have lived forever but still doesnt stop me wishing they would have done it's not silly to wish or want for those things, just very, very human. Take solace in knowing that because she loves you as much as she has, your joys are still hers, even though she's not around. not sure about the wishing them to live forever thing ~ one part of me wants desperately to not have lost my mom, but realistically, I know that had she lived longer, her life would have devolved into more pain from diabetes complications. I think knowing that she was no longer suffering or having to go through those hurtful things anymore has been a trade-off. A poor one mind you ... your nanna and grandpa were married 53 years? cool ..... :love: Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toni_no12002 Posted October 30, 2005 Author Share Posted October 30, 2005 I dont excatly mean live forever i mean that they would always be here when i was sort of thing.I am glad she doesnt have to suffer more but i just cant come to terms with her death at the minute.Her funerals on thursday.Hopefully she will be looking down because there are a few things i never said to her. I read a saying which said something about the worst tears shed over a grave are ones of guilt of not saying something when they where alive.It was basically like that well thats what it meant anyway! Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted October 30, 2005 Share Posted October 30, 2005 i mean that they would always be here when i was sort of thing that's a hard one, I know exactly what you mean. Nothing, but nothing can make up for them not being there as you go through those milestones in your life. Arrrgghhh! I read a saying which said something about the worst tears shed over a grave are ones of guilt of not saying something when they where alive.It was basically like that… yeah, I know exactly what you mean. I guess that's when you hope and pray like mad that the love you shared with that person "took care" of all those things you didn't do ... Just don't let yourself become overwhelmed by those regrets, because I'm pretty positive your nanna loved you too much to want to see you beat yourself up like that. you'll be on my mind and in my prayers this week as the funeral approaches. hugs, quank Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toni_no12002 Posted October 30, 2005 Author Share Posted October 30, 2005 Thankyou Maybe at the funeral i can tell her how much i love her.Everyone who cares for her will be there and hopefully she will know how much we all loved her....well love her sorry i suppose even thought someone has gone you will still always love them Thanks everyone! Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted October 30, 2005 Share Posted October 30, 2005 Everyone who cares for her will be there and hopefully she will know how much we all loved her.... that's a joyous thought to have in the midst of your sorrow, that all those who love her will be there, together, for the funeral. well love her sorry i suppose even thought someone has gone you will still always love them ah, the glory of love: there is NO EXPIRATION DATE!!!! And that's a very comforting feeling to have. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted October 30, 2005 Share Posted October 30, 2005 Thankyou Maybe at the funeral i can tell her how much i love her.Everyone who cares for her will be there and hopefully she will know how much we all loved her....well love her sorry i suppose even thought someone has gone you will still always love them Sorry to hear about your loss, Toni. Though funerals are difficult things to get through I think they really do help you feel that you've said goodbye to the person and shown them how important they were to people. I think you'll feel very much that she's there with you in spirit. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toni_no12002 Posted October 31, 2005 Author Share Posted October 31, 2005 well today i got told you can go and see my nanna at the chapel of rest but im not sure wether i should go or not.what does everyone think? Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 Sorry to hear about your nana dying but if you don't go and see her you will regret it!! It is a kind of closure you need to except she is gone... Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 Toni, The pain of losing my nana is a little over a year old so I completely understand how you feel. She was everything to me and loved me and took care of me when I had crap for parents. I'm sooooooo sorry for your loss but I'm happy for your nanna that she is not suffering any longer. She will live on in your heart and I have no doubt that at some point in your life you will feel her presence. I hope you do decide to go to see her that last time and say goodbye. That's closure for you in some way- that's what a funeral is. It's really for the living. Rejoice that you had her for that long and that you guys had a special relationship. That she had a long happy marriage and is no doubt reunited with your grandpa! God Bless you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toni_no12002 Posted November 1, 2005 Author Share Posted November 1, 2005 Hi thanks alot!sometimes i think im being selfish because i want her back and keep thinking that ill never speak to her again.Is that selfish?I wouldnt of wanted her to be in pain but i still wish her and my grandad was here. am i being selfish? Link to post Share on other sites
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