AC874 Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 To all: I am speaking to you, with a lot of sad thoughts and a spirit filled with hope for the future. Your insight and analysis is very appreciated. My x-gf is the type of girl that needs a strong Christian guy in her life. She wants this above all, and requires this if any relantionship is to be initiated or work. My x-gf and I have now been broken up for 1 week. From the outset, she was a very strong Christian, and I was an unbeliever. As the relationship progressed, I became a Christian, but we remained unequally yoked to this day. Because of this very precise issue, I had perhaps some insecurity issues. My commitment remains to improve my spirituality, because this is something that I want for myself. I am 100% certain I will follow through with this commitment to myself. But this is where my optimism remains. Because of this very precise issue, I had some insecurity issues. During the 4 years, we have experienced a very true kind of love for eachother. We loved eachother for the small things. During the whole time, it was very real and genuine. We never had sex in order to honor our commitment to god. We were absolutely amazing friends, she wrote to me on her birthday that “she cherished our friendship above all”. We were inseperable. Things got so good this summer, that she told her friends that she could see herself marrying me and having children with me… exactly 2 months ago that is. We then went to San Diego, where she always wanted to go to the zoo (she is an animal freak). We had an amazing time things were clicking. We drove up the pacific, and I watched her fall asleep as the sunset happened right before my eyes. I literally cried. On Sept 27, she was feeling weird. She was pre-occupied with the question “Im not sure whether or not we are meant to be together forever”. We agreed to keep moving on. Things never got back to the level I wanted them to, so I forced a brutally honest conversation 2 weeks later. She said she has “doubts” about us, mainly because of the fact that she wants a guy that is more spiritual. She told me the day before, that she loved me. We fooled around, and it was amazing. The morning of, she called me to tell me she loves me. She says that we should continue this relantionship, but it was too much for me. I broke up with her the next morning, after no sleep and a delirious mental state. That, I pretty much cried and begged her to stay with me. She said she would think about it. The next day, I went over to make a pitch about taking things “slowly”. She said she needed more time. On the ensuing Thursday, she said that we should remain broken up. And that we should focus individually on god solely. I agreed, and wrote her 2 nice emails the next morning to thank her for amazing times. In church on Sunday, I saw a series that would pinpoint exactly the problem between her and I. I decided to speak to her about it, she was happy to hear this. However, she thought that we should continue to stay broken-up. In fact, she said that she could probably never see us together again. The next day, I spoke to her best friend. She told me that she needs space and time to grow herself individually (as do I), and that she doesn’t wanna make any commitments about the future because she doesn’t know. She did say that she loves me very much, and that this is equally difficult for us. We are NC for 1 week right now. The problem is, I know that this is the girl I want to marry. I understand that some of my issues and spirituality differences are the reason for which things cant work out right now. I accept those, not because I want to change for her, but for myself. Because this will make a stronger person. I never was OK without her, so how could I present myself as being secure? She is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me…. What do you suggest as my next steps? Me contacting her right now, is a violation of her space. Definitely not the right thing to do, since her space is key right now. Like I said, I truly want to marry this girl. I have always made this girl feel precious and loved. I have always been generous, respectful and gentlemen like with her. I;m just so lost, confused and hurt. I know that in the future, once we our finished this growth phase, that things could take the next step. This is what I believe, and this is why I am not giving up. What do I do at this point? Your advise is very much appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
Neptune Posted October 29, 2005 Share Posted October 29, 2005 Age is a factor with a situation like this. If the two of you are 19, it is a little different than if you were 29. The other thing is experience. If both of you have never been in other relationships. Then, it is not surprising that there would be some second thoughts at least on part of one or the other of the two. Relationships that are Christian have a real challange in this day and age because nothing in society for the most part is in harmony with that mindset. Meaning having only one sexual partner for life. That is a real challange. As much and possilbly more for the woman as the man. Don`t be surprised if she wants to sow her wild oats for a while. Sounds bad, with the perception of her really being Christian. But let me tell you, it is not always in the heart what a person says. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AC874 Posted October 29, 2005 Author Share Posted October 29, 2005 Thanks for your response. We are both 22 Shes not interested in wild oats. Her current activities are like youth ministry and bible studies with older ladies. This is not a question of misleading intentions. How do I win her hear over? Link to post Share on other sites
Neptune Posted October 29, 2005 Share Posted October 29, 2005 AC874, It may be good fortune if you never get this girl. See, sometimes a person is just living a script that does not match what is really going on inside. This may be the case with this gal. In another year or two she may do a 180 degree change. 22 is young for this day and age. She may have to put it all aside for a while because underneath it all there is a tiger in the tank wanting to come out for a while before she settles down to a lifetime partner. She may not have fully come to that realization yet. I say this because regardless of what your beliefs are, you are greatly influenced by the society around you. Link to post Share on other sites
NightsEcho Posted October 29, 2005 Share Posted October 29, 2005 Hey man... I was with a deeply christian girl for 3 1/2 years. I was a christian but did not share her views on everything 100%. After we broke up (and may I add, she was very hypocritical) I realized I was believeing what she believed cause i loved her. I sacrificed my own views for hers. She did not ever accept my way ever. Now bud....I have done much research since the breakup and found my own views, and beliefs. Not hers. Read my previous posts. Dude, I find people like this blindly believe what they have been told there whole life and if you dont line up to bad. Come to your own conclusions about what you believe. Oh and she cheated on me...good christian? NE Link to post Share on other sites
ButtonPusher Posted October 29, 2005 Share Posted October 29, 2005 Thanks for your response. We are both 22 Hmmm sounds to me like another case of girls going funny at 21-22 and dumping their bf's. I think you will find a LOT of threads on here with girls doing this around that age. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AC874 Posted October 29, 2005 Author Share Posted October 29, 2005 Ok firstly, These are also my views. Secondly, Do I N/C it.. or what do i do? Link to post Share on other sites
jasmine04 Posted October 29, 2005 Share Posted October 29, 2005 Hey man... I was with a deeply christian girl for 3 1/2 years. I was a christian but did not share her views on everything 100%. After we broke up (and may I add, she was very hypocritical) I realized I was believeing what she believed cause i loved her. I sacrificed my own views for hers. She did not ever accept my way ever. Now bud....I have done much research since the breakup and found my own views, and beliefs. Not hers. Read my previous posts. Dude, I find people like this blindly believe what they have been told there whole life and if you dont line up to bad. Come to your own conclusions about what you believe. Oh and she cheated on me...good christian? NE hey maybe the girl in the first post is a commitment phobe.. not just super picky bitch.. i suggest typing it in google... if the definition fits... i think you should really cut your losses and run before you have a child and she turns into a total bitch so she can have her space... i'm a girl and my guy has turned into a great dad but horrible man to me --- very paranoid... demanding of space and freedom to do everything, however immoral or hurtful - under the sun... my life is like a hell to me... even though i may have a few friends and good job prospects.. (still looking) family is practically everything to me.. and i'm just devastated at the sabotage he works so hard to inflict on our relationship so that i will leave him.. i love him and the more forgiving i am, the meaner he gets... now i practically hate him for the abuse.. but i have no immediate, practical way of leaving.. i simply have to have a shallow & hollow "curteous" relationship... if there is any intimacy he starts freaking out on me and being a jerk... its hell loving a CP Link to post Share on other sites
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