My next move?

[darknhandsome]

Hi everyone,

 

I won’t bore you with long detail, but my situation summarised, I was with my girlfriend for almost a year, however like many guys do, I made the mistake of taking her for granted and the relationship (sort of lost its spark), I worked too much and I became quite selfish, and didn’t realise this until it was too late and we broke up about 6 weeks ago.

 

I do regret it and see what an ass I was, but that’s life, I can’t change it now, and the break-up probably did me a lot of good and made me realise this.

 

I asked her to give things a second chance as soon as we broke up, she ummed and erred and kept changing her mind, eventually I got angry and called it off myself.

 

We hadn’t really spoken for the last 6 weeks (just two emails back and forth). I’ve been getting on with life, having fun now, work is going brilliantly, I’ve been on a few dates with other girls. However I do really love my ex.

 

I want to take it slowly and try to get her back, I know it’s not guaranteed, and I can take it if she really really doesn’t want to, and if not, that’s fine I’ll move on.

 

So last week she emailed to tell me how she was doing with her degree (shes a final year under-grad) and she asked if I’d like to meet up the next day for a coffee… (said she now felt ready and it hurt too much to do it before now) as it turned out I had plans already so I told her I’m really busy at moment, but be great to see her, hows about next Friday? It took her 5 days to reply but then she did and we met yesterday.

 

I was actually going out with friends last night, so we met in afternoon and it was short and sweet… I let her do pretty much most of the talking and it was only her we really talked about, no relationship chat, we didn’t bring it up. I was upbeat and happy, and after 40 mins I made my excuses and said I had to go.

 

To be honest we only talked about what she’d been up to really, I kept putting the conversation back to her so she hasn’t really heard any details of what I’ve been up to. I dropped little hints and clues that every thing was great, but I think I remained quite mysterious. She also dropped hints that she was not seeing anyone else by talking about a friend who’d recently split with an ex and said “after a long relationship you need time alone, infact after any relationship you need some time alone, not wise to get with someone new soon after”.

 

Also body language was great, she sat opposite me, leaned in, open arms (no folded etc.) played with her hair a lot too, direct eye contact whole time.

 

Damn she looked hot too, did her hair and make-up impeccably.

 

I think she was a bit surprised I had to go so soon into the "date", but she was fine, I didn’t make any plans to see her again, just said “it was nice seeing you again”. And went…

 

But what should be my next move?

[darknhandsome]

Can no one offer me any words?

[Rocko]

Take a deep breath and relax. Work on yourself. Emotionally disconnect yourself from her a bit. You wouldn't want to go haywire if you found out she started dating someone else, would you?

 

Just keep working on yourself. She'll see it if things are right. But honestly? Everyone goes through tough times, its not possible for you (or me, or anyone else on this forum) to give your 100% attention to her all the time. There are periods in our lives when work really gets hectic and I would think a final year undergrad would know this and understand that fact of life.

 

Remember, it always takes two to make a relationship work. You're not the only one with "problems." If she can't handle the idea of you having other commitments in life (e.g. work, school-life) then perhaps you should reconsider her. After all, if she leaves at the first signs of trouble, who's to says she wouldn't do this in the future?

 

I'm playing devil's advocate here for the reason of saying that perhaps you should make sure she's changed before you possibly try a relationship with her again.

[westernxer]

Ditto to what Rocko said.