Caught feelings for a long-term friend.

[FabioJ2623]

Apologies for the long post, appreciate those that read and offer advice.

I 22(M) have developed a crush on my long-term friend 21(F), any advice on how I should move forward with this would be greatly appreciated. I will try to give as much detail as possible, thanks.

I met this girl when I was 8 years old as we went to the same school together from 8-13 years old. During our time at school we friendly but not very close, she was often at my house as she was friends with sister and our parents were friendly with each other. We ended up going to different high schools so didnt have as much contact for about 5-6 years.

Fast forward 5-6 years (2019) we ended up reconnecting and became closer than previously, it got to the point where we were talking pretty much every day or two and hanging out quite a bit. Now I could be wrong here but during this time period there was a few things that I and some mutual friends picked up on that may have been her showing interest but me being shy and seeing her as a friend never really entertained it.

• She would almost always be the one to text me and start the conversations.
• She would ask me if I would like to go out one on one for a drink and if I declinded she would suggest a different activity until I agreed or she got fed up.
• If we were hanging out she would always talk to me most out of the group and would try and discuss my interests like certain tv shows etc.
• I would always notice alot of eye contact from her and she quite often complimented me.

Those were a few things I noticed back then, but I could have been reading the situation wrong. Anyway she and her family ended up moving to a town about 1 hour away and we lost contact for 2-3 years, until about 2 months ago (End of 2022).

I was clearing out some stuff and found a gift she gave me 2-3 years back and decided to message her to see how she was doing, from that moment on we instantly hit it off. That first night we were messaging each other for hours catching up and then she asked for my number and we ended up on the phone until 5am..

For the next 2 weeks after reconnecting we would be texting everyday and in calls all night every 2-3 days just catching up ( Which was fine at the time as I had time off Uni as it was the christmas period and she is off work for health reasons. But I had to back off a bit from all the late night calls now that my schedule is back to normal. ) Since then we text every few days and have hung out a few times ( Coffee, Food, Bowling, Chilled at her place and talked. ) She has really opened upto me and told me alot of personal things.

With this last 2 months of becoming quite close with her I have really started to develop feelings for her and I am unsure what I should do about it. Though I had a suspition in the past that she was interested in me I am not sure now.

• For the last few weeks I am the one that texts first or starts the conversations.
• I am the one that asks to do go out and do things or hang out. ( This may be because she is off work and money is tight. )
• She hasn't been flirty in anyway I could think, she has talked a few times about what she likes in the bedroom (postions, fetish, etc)
• She has been single now for about 4 months and has mentioned once or twice when we were catching up that she is enjoying currently not dating.
• She did mention to her family that we have been talking and invited me to meet them sometime.

I have seen 100s of other threads online and the majority of the advice is "ask her out on a date.." now the problem with this is because I already know her quite well, she mentioned that she doesnt really like going out on dates (movies, dinner, etc) and most of her relationships have started as hookups. Another piece of advice Ive seen across other threads is "dont open up your friend and let your feelings out as it could freak them out.."

I am not sure how I should proceed..

• Asking her out on a date is kind of a waste of time considering she mentioned she isnt in to that.
• I know alot of people go on dates to get to know each other but we already know each other very well.
• We have already been out a few times to do the things she enjoys.

The only thing I can think to do is to open upto her and tell her how I feel and if something comes from it great, if not then I would think due to how long we have known each other that our friendship wouldn't be affected to much. Is this a good approach for my situation?

I have only ever had hookups that haven't come to anything afterwards, I kind of just focus on myself alot. This time something just feels different..

If anyone has been in a similar situation with a friend and would like to share or give me some advice, I would greatly appreciate it.

Thank you.

[JTSW]

She was interested, but she's not now.

You never took the bait when she was showing interest so you missed your shot.

Far too much time has passed and she's now giving hints that she doesn't want to date.

I wouldn't ask her out. It won't go well and it's too late for that now.

You just have to take this as a learning experience and learn to read the signs.

[glows]

You’ll have to be comfortable with losing the friendship if she doesn’t feel the same way. Since you’re both single I don’t see what’s the issue sharing with her how you feel. 

The point is respecting her wishes and the fact that she doesn’t like you in the same way if feelings aren’t reciprocated. Be prepared to go on your own way and not look back if that’s the case.

[FabioJ2623]

@JTSW @glows

Thanks for taking the time to read and give advice, much appreciated.