What now? Very long post.

[Unusualsuspect206]

I'm going to be totally honest here, bearing my soul isn't something I do often.

 

I'm an escort. Well, I was an escort, until very recently. I have decided enough is enough, it's time to call it a day.

 

2 years ago, I found an escort site. I was strangely curious, how could these overweight, average looking women earn so much? I'm quite good looking, and have a good figure, so I thought if they could, so could I. I was single at this point.

 

The money was fantastic. The clients were sometimes vile, but I got on with it.

 

A few weeks after starting, I met a friend of a friends brother waiting for a train. I was going one way, him, the other. We chatted a little. He was moving away from the area, to start his new job and be closer to his friends. He was gorgeous, and so sweet, but moving away, so after that, i put him to the back of my mind.

 

The following weekend, I was out with friends, when I noticed him with a male friend of mine, still looking gorgeous. I spoke to him, but he was very shy. he'd tired of being away already, and had decided to come home to his family every weekend.

 

After a few more drinks, I let slip to our mutual friend that I liked him. Not long after, I was up dancing and invited him to join me. At first he shook his head, after a while, he came over. Turned out he thought he'd have no chance with me, but our mutual friend told him otherwise. We exchanged numbers and promised to meet the following weekend.

 

When I started escorting, I hadn't considered how I'd feel when I met someone. I hadn't thought about what I'd say to them. On the way to jobs, I'd feel awful, i felt awful the whole time, but lied to him. I didn't want him to judge me. It's selfish, but I wanted him to actually know me before telling him the truth. A few weeks after, he moved back home.

 

5 months later, I'd cut down the number of clients I was seeing hugely. I wanted to see him more, but it meant I had less cash. We'd argued about a night out, I couldn't afford to go, he offered to lend me money but I didn't want it. In the end, I saw an extra client, and went.

 

That night, he was behaving very strangely. He was nervy, nit picking, and driving me up the wall. He was being horrid towards me infront of his friends and I snapped. I took him to one side and told him the truth about my job. the minute i'd done it I regretted it, but I felt a huge weight off my shoulders.

 

The next few weeks were very rocky. It was off, then on, off again, and on again, but we managed to work it out. He asked me to give it up, I said I would, as soon as I found another job. At first he was fine with that, then he wanted me just to give it up and live off his cash. If only. He doesn't earn enough to support himself, never mind me. He started working less and less, it was clear that we couldn't live this way, so we agreed I'd carry on escorting.

 

4 months later, he asked me to marry him, I said yes.

 

Fast forward through the happy stuff:

 

A few weeks ago he text me to say he was moving back home. He didn't want to be with me anymore.

 

I went out that weekend and met someone, in honesty he could have been anyone, I felt insecure and needed to feel wanted. I took him home, we slept in the same bed but I couldn't face doing anything else with him, it didn't feel right.

 

The following day the ex text me to see if I'd had a good night. His mothers friend had followed me from place to place and had seen me with the other guy. I told him everything, although looking back, I shouldn't have had to explain myself.

 

A few days later, he came to see me, and we got back together. His mother said she'd disown him if we got back together, but he told her if she loved him, she'd support him.

 

Everything looked fine for a few days, we went out one night together, and had a fab time, but the next day he kept mentioning the other guy I'd met, making me feel very guilty. I told him how he made me feel and he confessed to kissing his ex girlfriend about a month before we split. I was fuming, but I said fine, we've both made mistakes, let's put them behind us and move on.

 

On Friday 7/10, he went out with his friends, including the one who hates women. I half expected a text through the night saying it was over, as he was drinking. But he didn't. He text me to say he's be over to see me later and that he loved me, and missed me. Aww, bless. A few hours later, he text to say he was really sorry but he didn't love me anymore and it was time to move on.

 

I carried on for about a week after that until I saw a mutual friend while I was out drinking, he told me that my ex was moving to the same place he did when we first got together. I text him to wish him luck, as we'd agreed to be friends when he ended it.

 

A few hours, and many vodkas later, I noticed a missed call from him. I went outside and called him back. A woman answered. I asked if I could speak to him, she said no. Asked who I was, I asked who she was.... she's "his girlfriend, they've been together for a month and are really loved up!" and "you need help. I can give you that." She called me back twice after that to make sure I knew who she was and not to bother with him again. Fair enough.

 

I went home, still fuming, and ripped up some of the clothes he'd left behind. It felt great at the time,but I do regret it. I left them in a bag in his local pub the next day.

 

Last weekend, I was out with a friend when we bumped into my ex. it was strange. he'd done something different with his hair, new clothes, he looked gorgeous. Our mutual friendcame to talk to me, and suggested there was still hope. I spoke to the ex, and it was made clear he just wanted to be friends.

 

I couldn't stand to be there, so I left. I had to get a taxi home so I spoke to another friend while I tried to remember the phone number. Our mutual friend saw me, and invited me to a party. I agreed to go, but I wanted to have a chat to my other friend first, so I'd call him when I was done.

 

While i was chatting away, my ex walked past. Shortly after, he text me, inviting me to the same party our mutual friedn was at, and that he'd come get me. I had I rough idea where he was, so I set off to meet him half way. When we met, he hugged me, and kissed me. I was in shock, I didn't expect this, what was he doing?! Back at the party, we chatted a bit, the went for the "I wish I didn't" for old times sake, sex. We went our separate ways shortly after.

 

On monday night, he came to my house. We chatted for a long time, and the true reasons behind everything came out. He hates me escorting. When we make love, his face changes after its over, he can't stop picturing me with other men. He also hates this place, he wants to move on to somewhere we can have a future, not here. I know that. That's why i'm no longer an escort. i want him, and only him.

 

I may have screwed up, but I'm willing to do what ever it takes to make things better.

 

Right now, we're seeing each other every few days, keeping it quiet for now as if other people knew, they'd only put pressure on us. If we work out, we'll tell everyone. If not, no one else can tell me what they think, cause they didn't know.

 

We're taking it slowly, no point in us moving away together if we don't get along here.

 

What I want to know is, what do I do next? I don't want to pressure him at all, but I do want him to know how sorry I am, how much I'm willing to change, and how much I love him. What should I be doing right now?

[d'Arthez]

The problem is not just the escort. It is about a few things more.

 

- Lack of money on his part.

Working less on the same job is not going to increase his salary. Let alone allow him to pay for your expenses. There is one problem, that existed throughout the relationship..

 

- Lack of money on your part

You need money too. And if the only way seems to be to that via escort then so be it. Sometimes, (I do not know your qualifications) the alternatives are worse. You could work for minimum wage somewhere, 40 hours in a week, but it would still leave you with no money. So that means a second job. And there is more to live than just earning money.

 

- His issues with how you obtain your money to live.

A lot of men have issues with that. But if he had been fair about it, and the both of you would have looked at the options the two of you had, you might have come up with different careers, in order to make a decent living.

 

- Then there is this issue with the whole "girlfriend."

He may not agree with your career choice. But that does not mean, that truthfulness and honesty do not have a place in the relationship. What exactly happened with this girlfriend, is not clear to me. But it is clear that your ex did not behave in the best way imaginable towards you. What happened with her?

 

It is hard for anyone who works in the "services" industry to openly tell about that. As there is quite a bit of hypocrisy around the subject. But if a guy cannot handle that, he should have voiced his concerns openly, or even have broken up with you at that moment in time. It sucks, but it one of the hazards of employment in the industry.

 

The thing is, you really need to look at your career. If you can find alternatives, that may pay less well, but would also allow you to pay the bills reasonably comfortably, you may want to consider that. As I said earlier a lot of men have issues with their girlfriends working in this industry.

 

And no, you are not solely responsible for this. He is too. He did not voice his concerns - but hid them. How can you solve an issue, if you are not aware of the existence of the issue?

 

Take it slowly. But communicate about the issues, that the two of you identify, and start looking for ways to address them.

[Unusualsuspect206]

- Lack of money on his part.

Working less on the same job is not going to increase his salary. Let alone allow him to pay for your expenses. There is one problem, that existed throughout the relationship..

He has always worked part time, he won't work full time as he likes to see his freinds lots etc. I think moving to the city might change that, but who knows. He'd have to work full time, or else he wouldn't be able to live.

- Lack of money on your part

You need money too. And if the only way seems to be to that via escort then so be it. Sometimes, (I do not know your qualifications) the alternatives are worse. You could work for minimum wage somewhere, 40 hours in a week, but it would still leave you with no money. So that means a second job. And there is more to live than just earning money.

I'm looking for another job now, when we move into the city we're not doing it together, I'm not living with him, I couldn't, not now, I couldn't afford to support both of us, and no only that, if we don't work out, I don't want to be left without a home.

- His issues with how you obtain your money to live.

A lot of men have issues with that. But if he had been fair about it, and the both of you would have looked at the options the two of you had, you might have come up with different careers, in order to make a decent living.

I think he felt he couldn't tell me, that i would have told him where to go. I don't know what i would have done, but we would have discussed it and agreed on something to suit both of us.

- Then there is this issue with the whole "girlfriend."

He may not agree with your career choice. But that does not mean, that truthfulness and honesty do not have a place in the relationship. What exactly happened with this girlfriend, is not clear to me. But it is clear that your ex did not behave in the best way imaginable towards you. What happened with her?

I missed that part out, I should have explained. This woman is a friend of one of his friends. She's madly in love with some drug addict, and isn't interested in any of them. They just wanted to upset me, it seems.

The thing is, you really need to look at your career. If you can find alternatives, that may pay less well, but would also allow you to pay the bills reasonably comfortably, you may want to consider that. As I said earlier a lot of men have issues with their girlfriends working in this industry.

As I said, I'm looking for another job. I have no problem giving this up. This will destroy me if I carry on, i know it will. I can't carry on lying to people.

And no, you are not solely responsible for this. He is too. He did not voice his concerns - but hid them. How can you solve an issue, if you are not aware of the existence of the issue?

 

Take it slowly. But communicate about the issues, that the two of you identify, and start looking for ways to address them.

 

Right now is so hard. He's my baby, I want to see him, but I don't want to seem too keen. I'm not sure quite how to behave at all!