Broke the ice - now what?

[daphne]

Some friends of mine tried to set me up with a guy-Y some time ago, but I immediately started dating someone else-X and forgot about Y. Y came out to where I work, not just to see me but he definitely noticed. Nothing came of it, I was with someone else anyway-X. We broke up shortly thereafter, however and I went to ask about Y. One friend told me he had a girlfriend. The next time I saw him a short time after, he showed huge signs of interest, trying to get my attention and smile and be friendly. I thought he still had the girlfriend so I was very very cold. I thought he was an assclown like the guy I had just broken up with (also had a girlfriend until we started dating) and I wanted no part. Later a friend of mine told me that he had already broken up with the other girl as well. And said he's a really nice guy. My bad.

 

Since then, we've been off and on staring at each other, then purposefully not noticing the other. Regardless, we are both acutely aware of the presence of the other. I tried to break the ice and be friendly since we know some of the same people and go to the same places. It just looks odd that we don't even talk, but he has had a hard time trusting me. I do too though, because of his lack of consistency. He's extremely shy but very cute. He'll use my friends to get close to me but then he won't say anything. Just looks.

 

So, I told the friend I would call him about business. I rehearsed a message to leave on his voicemail and specifically called him when I knew he would be unavailable. However, he picked up, even though his job isn't one that he can really answer his phone. We set up a time to meet about a business opportunity and we were both friendly and more confident than we had ever been around each other. It felt normal. I must admit though, I felt his interest level was high again after the phone call and mine dipped a little. Part of the challenge is gone, but that's ok. Now, I’m wondering what to do next. He is either going to continue being inconsistent, or he knows now that the game has really started and he can drop the act. He showed his hand and I know he likes me. I guess I did too by breaking the ice. But if it’s going to be constant mixed signals from here on out, I’m out.

 

How do I walk the fine line of staying slightly aloof since he likes the challenge, but being warm enough to draw him in? I'm very good at aloof and it often works with a lot of guys, but after a while you really just totally lose interest. Any ideas?

[Milo]

When a woman is being aloof I always translate that to a lack of interest. So for me, your play would shut the door. There's a difference between aloof and just not being as attentive as someone who is interested in you might be. There's nothing wrong with being warm, friendly, and talkative to someone you aren't romantically interested in. At the very least, be that.

[daphne]

Thanks for the response Milo. Funny thing is, I'm usually warm and friendly to everyone except the guy I'm interested in. lol

 

Seriously though, I'm going to try the friendly thing since I've got nothing to lose. If he starts to lose interest, I'm back to my safety zone. Cos although you may not respond to aloofness, many guys do. Some of the better looking guys do especially because they are used to having women fawn over them and well, I wouldn't do that. I want a man not a girl. I'm the girl.

[daphne]

Ok. This is getting a little tougher. Shyboy is probably one of the shyest guys I've ever met. I say hello and smile and he pretends not to hear me because he's too self conscious. However, I pretended not to notice and fortunately there have been other occasions to speak and he finally relaxed (I use that term very very loosely) and actually tried to make small talk. I was impressed. But it's a little painful because he's not very polished and it makes me a little shy as a result.

 

On a good note, he started wearing hair gel when I'm around. LOL I just wish I knew the right things to say other than to keep smiling to get him to stop being afraid. I've given up the aloof thing because he's clearly not being aloof as gamesmanship. He just seems very nervous.

 

Any advice on how to get this guy to loosen up? I tried flirting (close proximity and whispering to him) and showing teeth. What next? I feel like I'll be a grandma before this guy figures out what to do.