roonisgirl Posted October 30, 2005 Share Posted October 30, 2005 Hello everyone. I have a long story to tell you, but I'll try to keep it short as possible. My husband and I have been married almost 15 yrs with 3 kids. my husband has to fly every 3 weeks to work in the oilfields, and then flies home for 3 weeks in which he is off from work. A few months ago, my husband called me from the Anchorage airport and told me that 3 guys had robbed him and threatned his life the night before, while he was out with his friends. That night when he got home, I went to give him a hug, and I noticed that he pulled away from me, and quickly jumped in the shower. In the 15 yrs that he has come home from work, he usually does not take a shower right away, so I thought it was strange. Then, as we're laying in bed having casual conversation between us, out of the blue, he suddenly starts talking about sexual diseases. He started telling me that it really ticked him off when I kept getting bladder infections, and a Doctor wanted to check him for STD's. ( this incident happened over 7 yrs ago) He then tells me that he has never cheated on me. I'm thinking to myself, "why are you bringing this up now? 2nd day he is home, his story changes about the 3 guys robbing him to 2 guys and a girl. That same night we were sitting in our family room watching tv, when suddenly he starts talking about STD's again. He told me that he wouldn't be suprised if he caught an STD from the toilets at his work. I told him that he could'nt catch one from a toilet seat. He just kept going on and on about how filthy the toilet seats were. Then, he say's to me that may he should start wearing a condom whenever he uses a work toilet. I told him that he needed an errection to put on the condom. 3rd night he is home, we went out to this little bar. The whole time we were in there, he kept trying to call his buddies and tell them what happened. When he hung up his cell phone, he looked at me and said "if anyone should call you from Alaska, don't believe what they tell you" A few days later, his version of what happened that night changed again. This time, he told me that him and his friends were at a bar and that he decided to go sit out in his friends truck to listen to music. He said that a women followed him out to the truck, and got in with him. He said that the women suddenly went nuts, and started driving away with my husband. This woman suposidly robbed him and threatened his life. My husband is a big man, and I just can't picture him letting some woman do that to him, especially when she didn't have a weapon. He told me that the police showed up, but didn't take a statement and no report was filed. I have had tons of talks with my husband regarding this situation, and when I ask him why he kept changing his story, he said that he was embarased to tell me about a women robbing him. My husband also lies a lot to me about small or big things. He will look me right in the face and lie. I told him that I did not believe his story, especially since he kept changing it, and how he had to bring up sexual diseases twice. He also told me that he blacked out part of that night, which doesn't suprise me because he does drink a lot. The rest of his time home, he would tell me something different. For example? he told me he was robbed, but then a week later, he told me that he left some of his money in his friend's truck, and wanted to get it back. I questioned him about that, but he had another explanation for it. After this incident happened, I looked over our cell phone bill, and I noticed that the morning he called me from the airport, he had been trying to call his friend repeatedly, but told me that his cell phone didn't work, because that women threw it on the ground, and it broke into pieces. Right before he had to leave for work again, he was complaining of not feeling well, so he was going to go the Doctor. I told him that he better get checked for STD's and when I said that, he just starred at me for a few seconds, and then said to me, "I don't need to get checked because I swear to god I've never cheated on you. Now, he wants the subject totally dropped, and gets mad if I bring it up. I know that he is not being honnest with me, but what do I do? Any advice would be very appreciated! Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
einahpets Posted October 30, 2005 Share Posted October 30, 2005 i don't know what advice to give you, especially since you have three kids. but something is amiss here, and i smell a rat. whatever you do, make sure it is what is best for you and your children. and i would be very wary of getting intimate with him. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 30, 2005 Share Posted October 30, 2005 Time to go dark and stop talking to your husband about this. Make him think that you believe his stories and drop the subject. That is the only way you be able to find out anything approaching the truth. All that talking to him is doing, is letting him know which tracks to cover and the best way to lie to you and make you think that YOU are the bad guy. Time to smile sweetly, stay silent and gather evidence. It is clear your husband is cheating on you, probably has an STD and is trying to rationalize ahead of time a plausable story. I would wager that there is an OW or someone else who is threatening to tell you what is going on there, and he is trying to cover his tracks before someone can get to you and explain what is really going on. You will need to go to a doctor and have yourself checked out for the full spectrum of STD's - do not tell your husband you are doing this. If you do, and you still do not have proof your husband will swear that YOU are cheating, that YOU brought home the STD's and he will use that against you. There's no telling what your husband has brought home to you. He may even be trying to justify leaving you right now and is looking for ways to do it. Before you let him know about the STD testing, you'll want to have solid proof of what he is up to. If you have anything less than solid, unrefutable proof - he will continue to turn the situation on you and lie/deny/make up stories. Do not discuss anything related to cheating right now - if you do, he'll simply use what you already suspect to cover his tracks. He already knows how to keep you in the dark and cover his tracks. Time to self-protect. My suggestion would be to go see a lawyer and let him know what is going on. You will want to protect yourself ahead of time. Arrange for some counseling if you need it. There is no doubt whatsoever that you need to protect yourself and your children right now. The lawywer should be able to suggest a good PI and some strategies to get your feet under yourself legally to be able to handle this. If you want solid proof, you'll want to consider a PI. From that far away, it would be difficult to get the proof you need on your own. Once you get that proof, decide whether or not you want to stay with him. Once you make your decision you can confront him with what you KNOW and then go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted October 30, 2005 Share Posted October 30, 2005 As you said yourself, it's more than obvious that he is hiding something. The condom suggestion probably means that he intends to cheat on you. I also think that something has happened between him and the woman he keeps bringing. A friend of mine from Manitoba was offered to work in oil fields and he told me that a lot of drugs, alcohol, and women chasing was going on amongst the guys and he didn't want to accept the job, being that he drinks, but doesn't want to do drugs or cheat on his wife. So the temptation is probably huge for people who drink and have low moral values. Given that your husband lies often about big and small things, I would assume that morality is not his best side. That's the part that would worry me most, in fact. I think living with liars is impossible unless you're prepared to live in lies. Then be prepared to be cheated on as well. Probably the best solution would be for him to quit this job (although the money is good) and find a regular one in your area. Link to post Share on other sites
sugar-rae Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Don't have sex with him or get into any situation where you can catch anything! This guy's cheating! Link to post Share on other sites
Lonestar Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Hmmm... my first thought was that he may have been raped by a gang of guys. If he gets that drunk, he easily could have been robbed and raped. Most guys will not admit to that and make up elaborate stories. I'm sorry, but I don't know why that popped in my head. I guess that saying you were robbed by 3 men in order to cover up screwing around doesn't compute, but who knows what's going on. I can say for sure that he is lying about something. Link to post Share on other sites
deesgirl Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 You are probably getting bits of the truth. My guess is that he did go out with friends and either hired a prostitute (that's why he has missing money) or took a girl out to the truck, passed out, and she took his money. When he swears he isn't cheating, maybe he justifies it because he got a bj instead of full on sex. In his mind he can say he hasn't slept with someone else. Now he's wondering if he can get STDs from a bj. All we can do is guess, but you know he has been up to no good. I agree that you should not have sex with him and get yourself tested. Link to post Share on other sites
Milo Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 Your husband cheated on you and then made up all of this elaborate, stupid, bull**** to somehow both allow him to partially confess and obfuscate the real events. Tell him you know he cheated and to please STFU with the lies. Goddammit, that is the really irritating part. Does he think you are stupid? Link to post Share on other sites
dvstate Posted November 16, 2005 Share Posted November 16, 2005 If your husband uses a computer frequently, you can use a stealth keylogger to record all of his e-mail, chats, passwords, etc. You can then use this information to obtain the truth. I would recommend Fingerprints by Gore Research (http://www.gore-research.com). You can install it secretly on his computer with one click in just 3 seconds from a disk or memory stick. It records every keystroke typed, even passwords, and it does so completely hidden and undetectable. Not even spyware removal tools can detect Fingerprints at the present time. Goodluck with your situation and best wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
suzy Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 I think its fairly obvious that you are not getting the truth here and I think you know he's almost certainly been cheating. In a more uncertain situation I would say "bide your time, gain hard evidence", but this guy is lying his ass off. I think the real question is what do you want to do about it? You feel he lies to you regularly, can you really put up with that? Should you have to? How can you ever achieve peace of mind with a liar? You deserve better than that. Get help, therapeutically and legally, then dump his lying ass Link to post Share on other sites
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