flat chested and hating it

[Hot Coco]

Ok. I went to the playtex website and tried to find out my exact size. I entered my measurements as instructed and all I got was:

 

no exact fit found.

 

I am even too small for their nearly A sizes. I saw photos and they look bigger than I thought they would be. My hope has just completely deflated.

 

Oh and don't go by the photos. It's not the same as seeing them in person. I'm telling you, I'm right on this. You really have to go in person. Many stores carry that line and other lines that will fit you. I promise you. And don't go for a training bra. Go for the Nearly A or the A with a little padding. You won't be dissapointed. Let us know!

[lifeasiknowit]

I am intimidated by the idea of going out to stores and trying on bras. When I go shopping for clothes and try on tops, where the dressing room mirrors are on the exterior side of the doors, I won't even go out of the dressing room to see how I look if there's other people around. It's really embarassing.

 

but I'm going to have to suck it up and do it anyways. It'll just take me forever to work up the nerve.

[Hot Coco]

I'm the exact same way! But there's plenty of places where the mirror is inside a curtained little room. Don't go anywhere to try on bras where you're not comfortable. You shouldn't have to.

 

I'm not sure if you're in the US or where you are but Walmart carries those bras I believe and Walmart has mirrors inside your little curtained room. Many department stores do too. Do what feels comfortable to you.

[lifeasiknowit]

ok. I'm going to try it, but am having serious doubts. We'll see. I'll keep you posted.

[Outcast]

Look for Elita, too. They make sports-type bras which don't have cup sizes. And stores that sell bras don't have mirrors on the outsides of the dressing room doors!!

[dgiirl]

k, i read the first two pages and then stopped. I might be repeating a lot of what others have just said but I feel the urge to post.

 

* I'm about the same height/weight as you are. And I disagree strongly with the advice of gaining weight. If you have a heathly appetite, exercise well, and have no problems with food, do NOT go out and deliberately gain weight. To me, that's just silly.

 

* I think every woman who is b and lower have insecurities about their breasts. We dont often talk about it and feel ashamed that we are the size we are. Atleast I have in the past. And if you let it, it can seriously destroy your self esteem. I fell into depression and this was the one thing that played heavily on my mind. Thankfully my life went to sh*t and I got snapped out of the way I was thinking, cos had it not, i would have done something terrible. Appreciate your body for what it is. You are petite, you are slim, and you probably have other features that make you pretty (hair/eyes/legs). Focus on those attributes that you DO like about yourself and build up your self esteem!

 

* most asian women are petite. And most of them are extremely beautiful. You dont need to be barbie to get the attention from boys. The nice thing about us, we all have different tastes, so even if one guy wants the blue eyed barbie bimbo, there is another guy who wants us just the way we are. But beauty really lies in the confidence we put out. We tend to be attracted to people who have this aura about them that just makes us want to be around them because they feel very good about themselves and make us feel very good about ourselves. That's confidence. When you believe you are beautiful, others will see that confidence and think it too.

 

* You can buy bras that are padded, they even have padded inserts so you can remove them to get washed, and the bra wont get lumpy. They give YOU the confidence to wear the clothes you want to wear. Not everyone is gonna see you naked, so this helps you feel comfortable with yourself, if you choose. However, they dont give you TOO much boost that it's fake. Any guy who is interested in getting to know you can already see that you're petite. He's not gonna care if it's half a cup bigger or smaller. He already digs petite women, otherwise he wouldnt be asking you out for a date! And any guy shallow enough to judge you by cup size alone, well he's not gonna ask us out, and we should consider ourselves lucky because he's only after one thing!

 

* Do NOT get a breast augmentation. You dont need it, you've already thought about it and dont want to waste the money OR take the risks. I agree 100% with you. Sometimes I feel pressured to go and do it, but you know, that only makes the problem WORSE for other petite women. As a petite woman, we dont have a very strong voice. Most of us keep quiet and are secretly ashamed of our bodies, and feel pressured to get augmented. We need to stop doing that and start speaking out and say "I'm beautiful just the way I am and i'm not going to risk my health or waste my money on something so stupid". If you build confidence in yourself, you can help other women who are feeling the same things as you are. Dont you hate the way this makes you feel? Would you want any other woman to feel the same way? If not, then take a stand, appreciate yourself, build up your confidence and be a role model for other women in the same situation! Atleast this is what I'm trying to do!

[elijahBailey]

I agree dgiirl. It really a confidence thing. If you aren't happy with the way you look, you'll forever be insecure.

 

I see the OP has just updated her avatar with half her face And the way I see it, she should be thankful she's got such a cute face. If she ain't gettin' asked out, it's probably because of the confidence thing. And yeah, most guys do dig petite girls. So, that's already 2-nothing in your favor. C'mon, be thankful for what you have. A lotta girls would love to be in your shoes, seriously

[Hot Coco]

Look for Elita, too. They make sports-type bras which don't have cup sizes. And stores that sell bras don't have mirrors on the outsides of the dressing room doors!!

 

The sports type bras won't do anything for you. You need a little padding and I don't think most of those (if any?) have the padding you need.

[dgiirl]

Also, up until recently, I've also had anxiety when shopping for bras. But I decided it's time to do something about that. I went to a mall where I know I wouldnt know anyone and just went around and looked. I was really nervous at first, but I just looked around at all the different bras there were. I even lauged at some of the huge bras that are out there! Be curious about your surroundings. Dont hide in the corner and be embarassed. Just look. And if someone comes up (they probably wont, never had that happen yet) to offer you help, and you feel uncomfortable, just say you're just looking. I looked around at all the different types of bras there were and this summer found this bra. I liked it cos it has two types of straps, clear and a normal colored one. So if I wanted to wear those tank tops, I could.

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

dgiirl, that was really sound advice indeed. The OP actually needed someone to talk to her the way you talked.

 

I agree about not gaining weight just for the sake of it, however the OP might generally benefit from watching what she eats. When you eat healthy, balanced meals, it makes you feel good, automatically. Healthy food is a natural mood elevator.

 

LifeasIknowit, here's the thing: What you decide to focus on, is upto you. Bust size is not the only way to look attractive. In fact, unless you're in that particular section of the entertainment business where your bust is your best bet, nobody gives a sh*t. Seriously.

 

I'm petite too, although not far-east Asian. Petite means a generally smaller bone structure. We have smaller shoulders and pelvic bones. And although bust size varies among petite women, they have the advantage of a naturally delicate look. So take pride - you'll manage to look younger than the general population even as you grow older! These days, you find so many choices of clothes for petites - and I mentioned this before - you have to take advantage of that. Pay attention to the way you dress, your hair, etc - make the most of the rest of good stuff you are blessed with!

 

On a side note, I am often taken aback at reed-thin women sporting a HUGE bust!! I mean, it seems almost physically impossible - like all the fat in their body went into their breasts!!

[mini696]

As has been said a lot in this topic, not all guys like a girl with big breasts. My ex had nothing too "two peas on a breadboard" but she was one of the sexiest girls I have ever had the pleasure to meet. She wore slightly padded bras, and tight fitting tops. The loose ones just made her look even flatter.

 

Putting on weight is probably a good idea, but I understand why some women cant, and even though there are recommended weight/height ratios, not everyone will fit into them. My ex was only 38kgs (85lbs). All the doctors she ever went to asked her to put on weight, but she was not unhealthy (there was a situation when she was young causing her low weight).

 

I guess what I am trying to say is there are plenty of girls out there who are unhappy with their body. You are most definately not alone.

 

Try to stop calling yourself a freak. You are not. Trust me.

 

Mick

[mini696]

does anyone know how I can get my hands on clothes that actually fit me nicely? I can never find shirts that fit me right. It's really fustrating.

 

OK this may sound silly. But my ex used to buy from the kids section for he singlets, shorts etc.

 

I never had any problems finding something sexy for her to wear (dresses, short skirts, boob tubes). Example she loves Kylie Minogue, who has her own range of bras and lingerie, since Kylie is a tiny girl herself, there is usually a lot of her stuff tha'll fit my ex.

 

 

And as a side note. She didn't have regular periods either, and is on hormone replacements to remedy this. I suggest at least talking to a doctor about it unless you already have.

[lifeasiknowit]

wow. thank you everyone for your encouraging comments.

 

Well, I went to Walmart to look at bras, and, at first I was getting discouraged, there were not that many A bras, and even the brands that had A's were still too big, so I ended going to the girls/teen section. *sigh* oh well.

 

I'm finding that this whole depressing issue is making me angry. Well, I'd rather be pissed off than sit here feeling sorry for myself. Add to that, I'm conscious of stupid comments that I hear from people in everyday life, even from people who mean well. I have friends who complain about how they wish they had bigger breasts and that just makes it harder for me to get out of this mindset, especially when they are much bigger than me to begin with!

 

I'm actually satisified with my weight, which is why I'm reluctant to gain weight. Also, I in general eat well, so it's not like I'm not eating.

 

I am feeling better about myself. In fact, when I think about it, the few times I have been asked out, it was on days when I was wearing things like hoodies, sweatshirts, jeans and wearing no makeup. So I was always caught off guard.

 

This doesn't mean that I don't wish I had a bigger chest. I've just come to accept the fact that I can't do anything about it without doing something drastic (which I don't want to do).

[Gold Pile]

I've known a couple of flat chested women.

 

Just like many women, their hair was pretty, as was the face, the lovely smiles, the butt, the grace with which they moved.

 

You sound like a pretty girl. Sometimes I think breasts are more important to women then they are to many men.

 

Ugly women will place much importance on their big breasts, as they have no other redeeming features.

 

I have never known a guy who would not sleep with a girl because she was flat.

[lifeasiknowit]

I think my insecurity all began because of a specific incident that happened when I was in gr7. I was over at my best friend's house, choreographing our dance routine and helping her with it, practicing for our dance class. When we took a break, sitting around with her older sister, for no reason at all, my so-called best friend started going off about how flat I was. She was boasting about how big she was compared to me (which I must admit she totally was, she must've been a C) and just bragging in general. And she told me I had a big nose. I was shocked. It just came out of nowhere. Her sister was sitting there, uncomfortable and silent. My best friend, someone who I had know since I was 5 picked me apart. She had never said anything negative to me like that before. I was seething, but mostly I didn't know how to react. Instead, I just left, barely controlling the urge to slam their back door. After that I never spoke to her again, but it really had an effect on me. I could never really understand what made her say those things.

[dgiirl]

Life, I'm totally happy that you went out looking! Congratulations! Take your time, but use that anger and challenge yourself.

 

We all have stories from childhood that make us insecure, but it's time to let the past be in the past. People can be idiots, we cant control that, but we can control how we react to them. Sometimes people are unaware or insensitive to how their remarks make you feel, but you are the one who's replaying those comments over and over in your head. You are the one who's negative self talk is destroying your self esteem. You are the one in control of all that and I'm glad you are starting to take your first step and fight back. I just came out of a depression. For the last 8 months it's been a struggle, but I'm learning more about how I'm the one letting negative thoughts destroy me. When you notice that your thoughts are becoming negative, you have to actively stop those thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts about yourself. It will feel weird at first and will take a lot of time before those negative thoughts stop, but every time you notice yourself doing it, stop yourself and say something good about yourself. Keep doing this and your whole view on life will start to change.

 

Keep going to the mall and just keep browsing and trying new things! Start with bras then move to clothes. You dont need to buy anything, but you can play in the stores trying on different clothes just to see what they'd look like on you. Whenever i use to go shopping, I would never try on anything I didnt think would look good on me. If it was hip and trendy I'd stay far away. I automatically assumed it wouldnt look good on me. Now, I try things on! I dont need to buy it. Might not even want to buy it. But I'm experimenting and it's fun!

[lifeasiknowit]

dgiirl, did you see a therapist to help you get out of your depression? I've been thinking of seeing a counsellor at my university, but have been putting if off for a while.

 

I've tried thinking positively, but it's been really hard.

 

It does make me feel better though, knowing that I'm not the only one.

[dgiirl]

well, about 8 months ago my stbxh walked out on me and I was devastated. So I went to see a therapist to help me. That is when I found out I was suffering from depression and anxiety for the last 8 years. I knew something was wrong with me, just didnt know what. Thought I was burning out from work. When I started to tell her I feel like i'm going crazy, i cant sleep w/o the tv on because my mind wont turn off, that i go over every single conversation i have with people, that i reherase things i will/should have said, etc. She just mater of frankly said "oh that's anxiety". I didnt know what anxiety was until she just gave it a name. Knowing what I was suffereing through helped me a LOT. ie, knowing i wasnt crazy or going insane, and that i wasnt alone, that a lot of ppl experience this. That was the first step to my recovery. She gave me a few pointers and we talked about some childhood issues that also helped me get a little better. But she wasnt the only thing I did. I've read a lot about anxiety/depression/divorce etc. I've talked a LOT to people about my fears and my anxiety, and when they catch me talking negatively to myself they reinforce my good qualities. But it all started with me. I needed to listen to them, I needed to stop discrediting what people are saying to me because "they're just being nice, they dont really think that". I had to start believing what people were telling me and I had to start believing in myself. So yes, counselling can be a very good option, but it all lies onto your shoulders. You are the only one who can change this around. You have to start believing what people tell you, and instead of shying away or being "modest" when people give you a compliment, thank them! Thank them and accept the compliment, and reinforce the compliments in your head. Look at yourself in the mirror and pay attention to your good qualities. The things that make you feel pretty. Your eyes, your hair, your smile, whatever it is. Flirt with yourself in the mirror, smile at yourself in the mirror and pay attention just for a few seconds and be nice to yourself. When you can love yourself, other's will love you too.

 

Have you ever been around someone who doesnt like themselves? Have you ever noticed how draining that is on your own well being? People dont like to be around others who dont like themselves. And why should anyone else like you if even you dont like yourself? You can get through this. It's a lot of work, and you have to keep working on it, probably for the rest of our lives. But you have to force yourself to do it. You have no choice, because if you dont, where you are headed is not a good place. You have the power to turn it around. And that's a good thing!

[lifeasiknowit]

I think I've been depressed for a while. I have trouble falling asleep. In the summer, about a month before my fall semester at university, it got really bad. I on average had 2 hours of sleep a day. The thing is, it's not like I feel like commiting suicide everyday. Some days are a little better than others. The scary thing is when my friend recommended that I try sleeping pills to help, I refused to let myself buy any. I was afraid what I might do with them, if you know what I mean. It just wasn't a good idea to have sleeping pills around, in case I had a really low moment, because I probably would have been tempted to overdose.

 

Things are better, but it's an everyday struggle. I tend to be blase about my problems to everyone, so most people think everything is alright with me when it's not. I have a lot of issues at home with my family, so everything just accumulates. But I'm moving out of my dad's place next semester and that's a big step- I'm estranged from most of my family members (it's complicated).

 

I've always thought therapy was only needed for people who were psychologically in the deep end, you know, the people who are seriously ill. But I'll work up the nerve to see a therapist about all of this.

[dgiirl]

No, therapy can do wonders for you. You might have to look around for a few different therapists before you meet one that you are comfortable with tho. Thankfully, the first one I went to was enough for me. I didnt know what to expect, what I should say or what. But i ended up going into that first appointment and blurting everything out into one huge incoherent blah. I was impressed she understood half of what i said. She did tell me tho that she doesnt think the people she sees are unhealthy, in fact, when people decide to go get help is when they take the actions to become healthy. Of course, it's her job to say that, but still. There shouldnt be any shame in seeing a therapist. I needed an objective opinion that i simply couldnt get from my family or friends. Family and friends are awesome for boosting your self esteem, but very rare will they tell you the hard cold truth. My therapist was awesome. Plus she's seen tons of ppl like me. She has a better idea of what works and doesnt work. It was an awesome experience and I wont be afraid to do it again.

[mini696]

Dont be stressed over buying bras from the girl/teen sections. Think of it as a way to keep your youth. Thats what I told my ex and she seemed to really perk up with that thinking.

[lifeasiknowit]

mini696:

Dont be stressed over buying bras from the girl/teen sections. Think of it as a way to keep your youth. Thats what I told my ex and she seemed to really perk up with that thinking.

 

that's a nice way of putting it. Most of the time, though I still feel like a child, having this flat chest, small body. It also doesn't help that I've been told that I have a baby face. I look like I still go to high school but I'm 21, and it's kinda embarassing when people are constantly surprised when I tell them my age. People always treat me like I'm a naive, innocent teenager, like a doll to be taken care of. I wish I could be taken seriously.

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

OMG!! Life, you be happy while you have the baby face!

 

I was tagged as "the one who'll have a baby face forever", and it made me feel kind of indignant when people said that I looked 17-18 when I was 24. Now I'm 26, and it seems like the baby face has gone!!

 

It happened just this morning, someone commented after seeing a recent pic of mine - "you look 26, now"...and gosh, it made me feel scared that I was actually starting to age - and that it showed!!

 

Ah, the vanity of always wanting to look young . heheee. Well, I got over the "shock" after a couple of minutes and now I'm blissfully resigned to my transformation into an old crone

 

Point is, you'll start looking older at some point, and while it has the advantage of actually "looking your age" when you want people to take you seriously, it's like the perpetual human condition - you want what you don't have!

[dgiirl]

lol enjoy it, dont frown upon it! Shortly after my 30th birthday, and my first gray hair , I went to get a library card. The girl (much younger than i) asked if I was over 18 lol. I said "God bless you, yes, I just turned 30". She was totally shocked and embarrased and appologized. I told her dont appologize! I still look younger than I actually am and that's a great thing

[Gold Pile]

If your "friend" was that big in Gr 7, she is probably a whale now. If you ever manage to bump into her, make sure you strut your beauty.

 

I think my insecurity all began because of a specific incident that happened when I was in gr7. I was over at my best friend's house, choreographing our dance routine and helping her with it, practicing for our dance class. When we took a break, sitting around with her older sister, for no reason at all, my so-called best friend started going off about how flat I was. She was boasting about how big she was compared to me (which I must admit she totally was, she must've been a C) and just bragging in general. And she told me I had a big nose. I was shocked. It just came out of nowhere. Her sister was sitting there, uncomfortable and silent. My best friend, someone who I had know since I was 5 picked me apart. She had never said anything negative to me like that before. I was seething, but mostly I didn't know how to react. Instead, I just left, barely controlling the urge to slam their back door. After that I never spoke to her again, but it really had an effect on me. I could never really understand what made her say those things.