shyvixen Posted October 30, 2005 Share Posted October 30, 2005 Hi, this is my first time on here. My story is a little long. My relationship is about 14 months with the last half of the relationship in a long distance one. We loved each other very much and had a bunch of the usual problems that most couples do. We got along from the first day we met and had a lot of fun with each other. Our favorite thing to do was spend time with each other talking. We spoke everyday, several times a day. We talked about and planned a little what we imagined would be our future together: work, career, marriage, etc. A major problem we had was our communication style. I have a strong personality and am not inclined to get emotional. On the other hand, he has a sensitive, emotional personality. Needless to say, we got into a bunch of unnecessary fights. It took me a while to realize that I was actually hurting him with my words. In my head, I figured if you are willing to argue with me, then you must be strong enough to take what the argument brings. Anyway, fastforward to about a year into the relationship, we had a huge fight. I said a ton of things I now regret, many hurtful things. I said things regarding areas he has low esteem/confidence. I regret this now. Anyway, about a week later, he cheats on me with a co-worker twice. I felt my world had been torn apart. I still do. I never imagined my boyfriend would cheat on me. I trusted him completely when it came to that. I knew being in a LDR had its temptations and we were very good about talking about them with each other. So, I was completely surprised that he cheated on me. I could not imagine why he did not call me like he usually did if he felt overwhelmed. I pressed him for reasons, over and over. He accepted responsibility for his actions but since I kept asking why. Here's what he told me. He felt pushed away by me, that it seems I did not care, and he needed a break from the fighting, etc. This made no sense to me as people who feel that way break up. They do not cheat. Ultimately it was his fault, regardless of what pushed him to it. He accepts that. My problem now is, he is trying to get back with me. It's been a month since I found out. I have told him that I can not get back with him because he lost my trust and betrayed our commitment. I told him that the chances are quite slim and given my personality, I do not think I can do it. Typically, I have no problem getting over someone. I have never been dumped. I have been cheated on before and was able to dump the guy in a heartbeat. I can make a decision to walk away and can be quite rational when it comes to making emotional decisions. The problem I am having is that I am unable to make a decision. I can not stop caring about him. I still love him. This is making me highly confused. He is working very hard to get me back. But I am not even considering his side because I want to know if I can get him out of my life first. I did break up with him, but I have been unable to stop caring about him. I feel his pain acutely in this situation and although I am quite direct to him that he is the cause of his pain, I still feel it and want to shield him from it. I do not know what to do. Is this weird? Any thoughts or advice...... Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted October 30, 2005 Share Posted October 30, 2005 Once my father told me: "You have a strong personality so you need someone even stronger than you." I think every woman longs for a stronger man than herself. I am actually very emotional and sensitive at the same time, but still don't like over-emotional and fragile men. It seems to me that what bothers you most is his weakness and readiness to destroy the relationship just to raise his self-esteem at the moment. He can't stand the pain you're causing him so he needs to cure it on aside. I think he needs someone more sensitive to understand him. You're emotionally incompatible. Besides, you've had problems, fights, infidelity, and pain in a 14-month relationship. That's not a good sign. If you get back together, you will still always be the one who will "wear the pants" in your relationship and he will be weak and prone to cheating. If he needs sex with another woman to feel better after what you've told him then he is not right for you and you're not right for him. It was not an incident, it's the pattern of your relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 30, 2005 Share Posted October 30, 2005 It's not hard to cheat on someone when you're long distance. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts