totallyconfused Posted October 30, 2005 Share Posted October 30, 2005 I'm stuck please help! I am currently seeing my new bf for only 2.5 months. For 2.5, we've gotten extremely involved, being exclusive as well as having met his family & friends. We've had alot of arguments, mostly about keeping contact with my ex. One of the major problem in this relationship is the fact that I started this relationship too fast, too soon after an emotional breakup with my ex. There was only 1 month leeway after my four year relationship with my ex in which ended with him having an emotional, online affair for four months, as well as having kissed and messed around with one of them. I took a huge hit after finding out he was cheating on me and thought dating would help ease back in bc at the time I was depressed and needed a distraction. I know I'm a retard and should've followed alot of people's advice and NOT date. Well almost 3 months into "dating", I became too involved. My current bf wanted to influence my contact with my ex, telling me to get rid of him on my buddylist, never answer his calls or ims. I realize, that if I truly cared about him, I would've just done this naturally, but now I see that I just never got time to really get over my ex and still felt sorry about him> thus still cared about my ex's feelings even though it hurt my bf. I continued to remain contact with my ex about once every three weeks and lied about it to my bf, eventually fessing up to it every time. I know I'm stupid to lie about it, but he was completely against it and I thought what I was doing was completely harmless, though now I look back - it wasn't. My ex still tries very hard to get me back, saying that he wants to try to work things out and has apologized profusely as well as tried to send some mementos. I do believe that he really is sorry and has changed for the better. He's been trying to get me back about 2 weeks after he cheated and has begged for forgiveness since then. But now I am left with confusion. At this point, I've told both guys to not talk to me as I need time to rethink about things and told the bf that I just didnt have enough time to get over my ex and that if I really cared enough about him, I'd rid of him out of my life without even a doubt. I told a similar thing to my ex. So now, I'm left alone, to think who is the right man for me if none at all. Though the ex cheated on me, it was a great relationship prior to the cheating. He was there for me at all costs, communication was good, and the sex was great. He really tends well to my personality as in very patient with me and understanding. I did find him a bit of a bore during our relationship as he never really wanted to do much with himself or us, but now he told me he's "grown up" and wants to make things happen. This was the man I dreamed of marrying, having kids, the whole nine yards... its going to hurt like hell if I get burned twice. The boyfriend (well soon he might not be anymore as he is completely fed up, and I would completely understand if he did) is so... different. He is a complete romantic, sweet as hell, but needs TONS of attention and assurance from me, and got very emotionally attached. We have very strong personalities that really feed off each other and, like great friends, we get along fantastic, make each other laugh like crazy. Except for communication when we are angry with each other, we tend to lash out on one another, without compromise to each other. The sex is fantastic, but again its so completely different from my ex. I dont know if I'm just scared of the unknown and thats why I long for the comfort of my previous relationship. I'm not so scared to be alone, b/c I've been in a long distance relationship for four years and therefore I've been by myself for long periods of time without a problem. I don't know whom to choose, as I don't want to hurt either one of them, but gosh they are waiting for me to reply back to them. I have no idea what to do. I have no idea who to choose if none at all. How do you say things to someone? How good is the unknown? Do second chances really work? I'm sucha fool Link to post Share on other sites
Rocko Posted October 30, 2005 Share Posted October 30, 2005 All I can say is don't drag them through the mud. Especially the new guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts