is she cheating agian

[jason4233]

Hello eveyone well i have a ? in my last thread i stated my wife went to texas and cheated and we are tring to work it out.

Right now she is in Cali. and im in England she went on a work trip and last night we got into a fight on the phone. She said that i was calling to much well I call about 5 in the morning my time and its 9pm her time i do this just to tell her good night. I thought that this would be sweet guess not. and i also call on my lunch break that is the time she is waking up I do this to tell her good morning and to let her talk to our kids. That is about the only time they can talk to her. Well she said that i was calling to much and she thought i was checking up on her. Then she said that she needed her space. Well i thought there was a ocean and the entire U.S. between us and we only talked 2 times a day for about 5 mins or so. After we hung up the only thing i could think of is that she must be feeling guilty about something she is doing. Am i right to think this way?

 

Anouther prob she brought up was about 4 years ago one of her friends stayed at our house for the night and all of a sudden she started asking did i sleep with her. Hell this was 4 years ago and this is the first time i have ever herd of this. But she says her friend said that we did and it has been bugging her all this time. well i didnt sleep with her and there is no way someone could pay my to. she isnt my type and going by my mother in law this girl is gay and has had a crush on my wife for years.

 

So i dont know what to think or to do i havent called and i dont plan on it. Im curious how long it will take her to call us but for some reason i dont think i will hear from her till she gets back.

 

One other sence she has been there she has been out buying stuff from victoria secrets and she has never done that before and she hasnt told me this yet i just noticed it when i was checking out our bank info.

 

Any thought or suggestions would be great thanks

[RecordProducer]

I think the worst thing about this whole situation is that she doesn't seem to regret her actions (cheating on you). You caught her, she most likely wouldn't have admitted it otherwise, and now she is accusing you on checking up on her as if she is innocent. She even wants to accuse YOU of cheating in order to have justification for hers.

 

She should be on her knees begging you to forgive her, not making you feel like this. You seem to be more bothered by the fear that she would cheat on you in the future than that she already cheated in the past. Your trust in her must be re-gained and it won't be if she acts like this.

 

Have you been a good husband to her in the past years? Did she give you any reason why she did it? Does she regret it? Did she say she was sorry and will never do it again?

 

When did she buy the underwear from Victoria's secret? Right before her trip to California?

 

From what you wrote I can't say if she is cheating or not, I only see that she feels no remorse; she is only bothered by the fact that she got busted.

I feel for you.

[glittergurl]

Of course she's cheating on you again; she's done it before, she's doing it now, and she'll do it again. Gahhhh, she's so selfish and mean. I can't believe how little respect she has for you.

 

And uhmm, why exactly do you put up with her?

 

It sounds like she doesn't even give a SH?T about her children. Hell, my husband even puts me on the speakerphone when I'm away so that the dog could hear my voice!! And she doesn't even want to talk to her CHILDREN? WTF is wrong with her?? I feel sorry for your kids; I'm sure they must sense it in some way.

[Hot Coco]

You're being WAY too nice. Be a man and stand up to her. Tell her you need and want answers from her. Don't be afraid. She'll have more respect for you that way. Right now, she's bullying you. Don't be a wimp. I would tell her that when she comes home you have some things to discuss.

 

Something tells me you are avoiding this confrontation but you have to do it or else you will never really get this resolved and you'll be miserable.

 

Good luck! Tell us how it turns out. Oh, and surely she will call to speak to the kids won't she?

[jason4233]

you all are right i know i need to confront her and i know alot of what she is saying is just to justify what she has done or is doing. I always have been as nice and sweet as possible to her. I was never jealous till feb. and didnt mind who she talked to. I guess i was to nice in that aspect i think i let her think it was ok or something.

She didnt buy the underwear till she got out there.

I thought we had a great life togeather we hardly ever fought and we liked the samethings for the most part. Our main and really only fight throughout the years was about sex i wanted it and she acted like she didnt. (i guess just not with me) i know she loves the kids and i dont think she understands her acting like this is bothering them. Ieven talked to my mother in law and she feels the same way as you guys for the most part she doesnt go into to much detail but she did say save the extra pennies and to save all the proof i have that she cheated incase she comes back acting the same way.

After she gets back here 4 days later im leaving for 2 weeks for work and i have decided if she hasnt talked to me or came clean with me on how she feels and everything by the time i get back then were (me and the kids) are out of here. i think if she is honest with me and would go to get professional help with me then i would really like to make it work.

Me and her both grew up in familys that really believed in devorce her mom was married 4 times and my mom was married 3 times. I think the main reason im wanting it all to work out is one i love her to death and i dont want my kids growing up like i did. Thanks for your thoughts!!!! But i am going to confront her and call her out on everything. i normally start the convos and she gets pissed and for some reason by the end i feel like it was my fault but not this time i will not say sorry at all. i still have 1 week she gets back on sun. so hopefully ill still feel like i do now or more pissed.

[Walk]

I know you're mad, and have every reason to be. But you can't let her anger affect you. People stop communicating, raise their defenses, and the issue cannot be resolved after that. If you want your marriage to work, then you have to listen to her, and understand what she is saying.

 

If you approach it logically, not emotionally, like a lawyer... Start it with questions, not accusations. "Why are you distant?" "What makes you feel that way?" Keep asking questions... Clarify points you don't understand. Clarify her answers, and try to understand how she is feeling.

 

If she won't open up, or you feel she's being untruthful about cheating, then you can state the reasons you have for why you believe she is not being truthful. If you can keep the anger out, she may admit. She'll probably get angry, defensive, feel as though you're saying she's a bad person, etc. You have to keep a level head. Keep your anger out of the conversation. (easier said then done). If you can do this, and also keeping the conversation from wandering off on to other areas, then you may be able to get to some of the real reasons she's acting/acted the way she has.

 

Otherwise, you might as well just attack her when she gets home and rant about how angry and hurt you are, then take the kids and leave. It'd save you the time of having to listen to her.

 

(I'm saying this based on an assumption that you haven't heard what she's been saying. Not saying it's your fault, women sometimes aren't very clear. Women don't usually cheat for the sex, but for emotional reasons. She isn't getting something she needed from you. She's probably told you what it is, but somehow the message didn't get through.)

[jason4233]

Thanks for that i know your right but most of the time i dont even let her know that i know the truth. ill ask 101 ?s about the subject and she will still lie to my face even little things.

Here is a example sence shes in Cali. her and some friends that she works with went to six flags yesterday for halloween and they were all dressing up well she sent a e-mail to a friend of mine saying she was going to be a school girl but when i asked what she was going to be she said a angle. well i new the truth and i have proof on what costume she bought but yet she still lied to me even after i said an angle naw i can see you as that maybe something diffrent well she went through a few diffrent ideas but never once said school girl. its a stupid thing to lie about and she knows i dont care what she dresses as but yet she still felt like she had to lie or its just that natural to her now.

 

but ill keep it in mind to keep a cool head when she gets back

Thanks

[glittergurl]

She's such a skank.

[jason4233]

So am i stupid for wanting it to work?

I really love her and she is great with the kids and i know she loves them. I think if i can get her to go to counselling we might be able to work through this. Or am i just holding on to something that isnt there?

[Hot Coco]

So am i stupid for wanting it to work?

I really love her and she is great with the kids and i know she loves them. I think if i can get her to go to counselling we might be able to work through this. Or am i just holding on to something that isnt there?

 

I think you'll get your answer to that AFTER you REALLY talk to her. You can't answer that question now. If she continues to lie and evade and won't get honest with you then you'll have your answer. If she breaks down and comes clean and agrees to go for counseling to fix things then you'll have that answer.

 

I don't think we can say you're being stupid for wanting it to work. If you STILL want it to work after she's dishonest then you'd be foolish. But you don't know yet. Wait until you speak to her.

[jason4233]

Thanks Hot Coco

[Walk]

Very True Hot Coco!!

 

I totally agree. If she won't discuss this with you, won't open up and talk to you honestly, (even after you've kept a cool head) then you have done all that you can do. After that, a swift kick in her rear out the door may very well be in order. If she can't see the truth with the way things are, then she needs a change in perspective.

[Hot Coco]

You're welcome Jason. Let us now how it goes and if we can be of some support along the way, ok?

[lilmoma1973]

I don't get why she would get mad when you call to talk to her at night before you go to bed!! If it was my spouse i would want to talk to them before i went to bed also!! I see nothing wrong with this at all.. She must have had someone there that she didn't want you to know!!! Why didn't you go with her? I been where you are and it is still hard for me to trust my h with what he says and does!! Once you are cheated on you let people get so far and you trust only a little so that you aren't a foo again:Good Luck

[jason4233]

lilmoma1973 the kids and i didnt go because it was for her work and i had to work back here at home. she is going to be gone a total of 3 weeks and i cant afford to take that much time off.

Her getting mad about me calling the first thing i thought was who was there or what are you doing that you shouldnt be? but she comes back sun and ill find out how things are going to turn out.

Thank you very much to everyone, you all have helped out a lot and giving me a 3rd person point of view has calmed me down without me going crazy.

 

THANKS AGAIN

[lilmoma1973]

thats cool i understand that!! I'm glad we could you out !! Let us know how things go after she comes back ... Pay attention to how she is to you when she comes back whether or not she is distant .. As long as she has been gone away she should want to be all affectionate with you and saying she missed you if not something is up !!! Good luck

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

I am sorry but it seems pretty clear that she is playing you. It is all about her. The sad part is that she shows little remorse and continues to lie to you about even the smallest things. How could you have a future with a wife that continuously lies to you and cheats on you. She shows that she has no respect for you. By the way, her comment that she believes that you slept with her lesbian friend is clearly a smokescreen. She is trying to justify her cheating by blaming you. The chances are that it is possible she probably slept with this girlfriend. Why don't you talk to this girlfriend and get the truth?

Her attitude and feelings toward you are unacceptable. What a message she is giving to your children. You have a right to happiness and respect and honesty from your spouse. You will not get this from her and she continues to put your health at risk for STD's. Would you want your children to grow up and marry someone who would treat them the way your wife has been treating you? If you do not respect yourself then who will?

[jason4233]

Just so it is understood..... the wife did not cheat while in Cali! (this is her ) I am not a slut as someone has suggested. Whether or not my husband cheated on me with my best friend isn't even an issue... it is the fact that I had to get over it quick or he was going to leave. It was eaither her or him. I chose and I lost my best friend over it. And when I cheated it became this huge issue that no one can get over.

I cheated becasue I didn't want my husband sexually and everyone said that it was me.... including Jason and the rest of the family at the family reunion. I went to doctors to see about pills and Jason even ordered pills over the internet. I only did what I did becasue Jason told me that if I had to sleep with someone to find out what the *uck was wrong with me then do it, he just didn't want to know. So I did. I feel really guilty for it and have taken the blame. I didn't tell Jason becasue he said that he didn't want to know. I have tried numberous things to get the trust back, but nothing works, even if I am honest he looks for lies. I even stopped talking to just about all of my male friends. He has since got into my email just to check up on me.... all he has to do is ask and I would have shown him. And for the record, I bought 5 pairs of panties and a strapless bra at Victoria secrets.... There was a sale and they were pretty, I shouldn't have to justify buying underwear. They weren't even provocative, thank you very much!!!!!

As for a halloween costume? Is a girl not allowed to change her mind on what she wants to be and it was for fun anyways!? Turns out I didn't go as anything but myself because it was to cold to wear a costume. I didn't even buy one, becasue the weather was horrible that whole week.

I care more about my kids then anyone else on this earth, and Just becasue I am trying to figure things out doesn't mean I am goign off and sleep ing with lots of people.

As for not wanting to talk to my kids.... where did that come from???? I talked to them nearly everyday except for the last week becasue I was working 12-13 hour days, you think I went the to lounge... no it was work!, the conversations were short only becasue they have short attention spans, they wanted to play after saying hello to Mommy I cherish every moment I have with them, to even sugest otherwise is the stupidest thing anyone could do who didn't even know the whole situation.. As for not wanting to talk to Jason what was I goign to say? I got in what I had to say in few minutes, I'm not one to stay on the phone for hours without anything to say. And besides what was I going to talk about from the time I was waken up from the phone rining right after I went to bed to the time I answered the phone right after waking up. It wasn't as if sleep was something that I might be doing.

me and Jason did have our little talk. We are more differnt then he let on and hopefully with him on his trip he is able to see things the way i do. I don't hate Jason he is my best friend, but there is more to marriage than just friends, and we jsut need to figure them out. Obviously we had differnt ideas about what was goign on.

[scobro]

are you the guy whos wife was with some guy in a big cowboy hat in texas???if so i remember that post......damn women that cheat really piss me off I would bail on this girl she seems to not really give a crap you are calling her half way across the worl and she is ticked at you too muckin fuch if you ask me.