Vic1298 Posted October 30, 2005 Share Posted October 30, 2005 I don't really have anyone I can confide in about my relationships and I really need some non-biased advice so I hope someone can help. Here's my story- I have been with my bf for 6 years. The first year we were together was wonderful. We tould go on dates and really have a good time with eachother. He didn't even mind taking me along when he went out with his friends. Then somewhere along the way he decided that he wanted his "time with the guys" which didn't bother me but it turned out that he wanted to go out with the guys every weekend. We have broken up twice in the past few years because I get tired of feeling so neglected. It has come to the point where the only time I get to see him is if I go over to his house when it is convenient for him, which is mostly at night when he gets home from work (and he usually ends up going to bed soon after I get there). The most recent time we broke up was about a year ago and (on the rebound) I met another guy and started dating him. We went out all of the time and then one night my bf saw us out together and threw a huge fit. Things didn't work out between me and the guy and my bf and I ended up getting back together. Now things are even worse than before because we don't do anything together and his excuse for everything is that he can't get over the fact that I dated someone else. He goes out of town every single weekend to parties and if I dare ask him to stay home he says that he needs to go out to take his mind off of what I did. He now won't even let me come over to his house at night because he says he cant sleep with me next to him because it's uncomfortable. Everytime I tell him that we need to talk about whats going on he says he doesn't want to because "everything isn't always about me" and that "he is a grown man and can do whatever he wants". Long story short, I never thought that he was the cheating kind but why else would he want to go out every weekend without me? I have finally broken things off for the third time because I haven't seen him for nearly two weeks straight and he didn't seem to care. Even after breaking things off I gave him the option to talk things out and he always changes the subject. However once and awhile he will send me a little "i miss you" message which doesn't really mean to much to me because if he really missed me he could come to my house (which he hasn't been to in about 4 years). I guess my question is does it sound like this guy cares? And is it normal to never take your girlfriend out even if you have been dating for 5+ years? Is it even worth it to try and work this out? Link to post Share on other sites
allaboutchoices Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 Wow. How does it sound to me? 1) You are wasting your time and possible opportunities for better match with this guy 2) He is immature 3) I wouldn't be surprised if he cheated just out of spite...because he is immature 4) Sounds like everything he does he does as a punishment That's how it sounds to me:( Link to post Share on other sites
Hot Coco Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 This really reminds me of something my mother always used to tell me when I was younger and picked a guy like this. She'd say: There are only TWO kinds of women in this world: Goddesses and Doormats. Which do you want to be? You're not a Goddess. Now leave him and go be a Goddess! He has ZERO respect for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 I guess my question is does it sound like this guy cares? And is it normal to never take your girlfriend out even if you have been dating for 5+ years? Is it even worth it to try and work this out? No, no, and NO. He's not your boyfriend. He's someone who uses you for sex and tolerates you being around so he can get sex sometimes. In short, a class A jerk. Ditch him now and don't look back. Link to post Share on other sites
Sloppy Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 No, no, and NO. He's not your boyfriend. He's someone who uses you for sex and tolerates you being around so he can get sex sometimes. In short, a class A jerk. Ditch him now and don't look back. Amen to that. Link to post Share on other sites
InTrouble831 Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 Dont let yourself go through this anymore... Youve but up with it to long! Tell him to kiss your ass and hit the road. Cause hes not good enough for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vic1298 Posted October 31, 2005 Author Share Posted October 31, 2005 Thank you guys for your advice. I think in the back of my mind I know that this isn't right, if I didn't then I guess I wouldn't have broken up with him so many times for the same thing. I guess one of the main problems is that we have been together from my late teens to my mid twenties and I don't really know anything else. I don't really have any past relationships to compare this one to. But it seems like our relationship is regressing instead of progressing. I mean he's 26 and he is still going to frat parties with his friends instead of thinking about a future with me. I saw someone posted that he just wants me for sex. Actually lately when he was asking me to come over after work nothing of the sort was going on.....we would literally eat dinner and go to sleep. This is actually one of the main things that makes me suspect some kind of cheating may be going on. I know they say if your sex life changes it is a sign of cheating and ours has been non-existant for the past month and a half (this is when all the going out of town and partying started). The part that makes it the hardest for me to move on besides the length of time we've been together is that after we break up he always starts to call me and leave messages that he loves me and misses me, send me flowers etc. I know it is totally contradictory to the way he acts when we are together but it still makes it hard for me to make a clean break. I definately don't want to make the same mistakes I did last time we broke up (dating on the rebound) because I know it doesn't work out well. Does anyone have any tips for how to get away from the relationship without letting him get to me? I know I definately have to take this time to get to know who I am since I have basically never been single. Thanks again for your advice Link to post Share on other sites
Sloppy Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 Vic, it's always tough to leave what you are comfortable with, what's familiar. Times will be REALLY rough and pain almost unbearable, but later you will see that there is SO MUCH IN LIFE to explore. You said you haven't really had anything else. Get your self out there, meet people, have fun. But if you do decide to end this R, make sure you take your time to heal your wounds before you go crazy... Just hang around here, LS is great for easing the hard times. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 he always starts to call me and leave messages that he loves me and misses me, send me flowers etc. sad to say, but it sounds like he's very determined to play mindgames with you, and as long as you take his calls, accept his flowers, etc, he knows you're willing to let him. cut this jackass off at the knees. Change your phone number if need be, contact the flower company he does business with and tell them that you are not accepting any deliveries from this guy, to forward anything he sends to the nearest nursing home with a cheerful card addressed to the residents and staff (hey, someone will get a kick out of getting them flowers, so technically, they won't be going to waste, right?). I think you more than have it in you to move forward because it sounds like your ready, just don't let him drag you down. and remember, we're here if you need to talk, or even holler in frustration. Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 The best thing to do is tell him it's over and then practice No Contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vic1298 Posted November 2, 2005 Author Share Posted November 2, 2005 Thanks guys, I will definately keep on stopping by here for support and advice. It's great to be able to talk about what I'm going through. Speaking of the whole flower thing that I was talking about before...guess what happened? My ex gave me his passowrd to check his online statements a long time ago and out of curousity I decided to check them yesterday. Guess what I found? A charge to the florist he used to get me flowers from when we broke up and a charge to a resturaunt both in the same night (which was a couple of weeks ago before we broke up). And I sure never got any flowers or dinner that day....wonder who did? I know its not the best thing to be looing at his staments and I wont do it again....but what an interesting find. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vic1298 Posted November 2, 2005 Author Share Posted November 2, 2005 That was also the same night that he didn't answer his phone or return my calls for over two hours. Link to post Share on other sites
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