roonisgirl Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 Hi to everyone here! Last night I posted my problem regarding my husband working out of town, and how I suspect that he's been unfaithful. I wanted to add a few more things. My husband is a neat and clean freak. Everytime he comes home from work, instead of acting happy to be with me and the kids, he will look through all of the rooms, and make comments. If there is a spot on the counter, he'll make a comment, if the bathroom mirror has smears on it, he comments. I don't like a dirty house either, but I don't expect things to be 100% perfectily clean all the time either. He continues this behavior most of the time that he is home, and then like always, a few days before he has to leave for work, he's really nice to the kids and I, and rather pleasant to be around. Then, whenever he calls from work, he's still really nice and fun to talk to. But, right when he gets home, he starts the negative talk and attitude with me and the kids. It is like an emotional rollercoater with him. One last thing I wanted to know. Within this last year, I have noticed that if he calls home and I am not home, he will grill our son with a lot of questions such as "what time did she leave" "where did she go" etc... Whenever I return home, my son always tells me that his Dad kept calling to see if I was home. Also, during this past year, he is always checking my cell phone messages a few times a day. I know this because our cell phones are in my name only, and when the bills come, I look at all of his calls. I finally changed my password so that he couldn't check anymore, and I knew it would bug the hell out of him. The very next day he called me from work and said to me " I see you tried to pull a fast one on me" I said "what do you mean" playing stupid of course, I told him that I don't check his cell phone messages so he shouldn't need to check mine. He really didn't have too much to say after that. Is is normal behavior for a spouse who has cheated to start showing signs of insecurity, and have to know the exact details if I go somewhere? If any of you have expierenced this behavior from a cheating spouse please let me know because I am just about fed up with his behavior! Thanks a lot everyone Link to post Share on other sites
RainyDayWoman Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 some are possibly like that, and still others are not. not all people who engage in certain behaviors have the same mental and physical make-up, so it would very difficult to classify all cheaters as neat freaks with OCD, not to mention erroneous. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 More and more I'm thinking that highly insecure people are not trustworthy. If it's so easy for them to imagine you taking advantage of opportunities to do wrong, it's because they figure that's what people do. And they figure that because they know that's what they would do themselves. If they didn't think that, then I'd expect the normal level of insecurity that comes with dealing with the unknown in a partner you love. RainyDayWoman: I like your signature, but I think it needs a tweak. Here's what I would do with it: "don't mind-***** me... and maybe I won't mind *****ing you." Link to post Share on other sites
RainyDayWoman Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 RainyDayWoman: I like your signature, but I think it needs a tweak. Here's what I would do with it: "don't mind-***** me... and maybe I won't mind *****ing you." i would mind. but it was cute anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Sloppy Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 That sounds like he is suspicious, which could come from his own guilt. It probably wouldn't hurt to look more into his activities while out-of-town. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 i would mind. but it was cute anyway. Ok. Maybe it wasn't that clever. I also like it the way it is. Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 I have found that people who cheat are not necessarily more insecure than most, but those who can't confront problems for one reason or another. Perhaps they grew up in a situation where they couldn't express negative emotions without dire consequences or they have problems making decisions or any other reason that would cause someone to be unable to confront an issue. I believe that insecurity is not a good indicator of trustworthiness or untrustworthiness. Your husband's behavior is suspicious, perhaps it is time that you find concrete proof of his cheating and confront him with it. Link to post Share on other sites
makaze Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 More and more I'm thinking that highly insecure people are not trustworthy. If it's so easy for them to imagine you taking advantage of opportunities to do wrong, it's because they figure that's what people do. And they figure that because they know that's what they would do themselves. If they didn't think that, then I'd expect the normal level of insecurity that comes with dealing with the unknown in a partner you love. You could be right but not in all cases. I'm quite insecure with my boyfriend going out etc.. yet I'd never consider cheating on him in any way, ever. Link to post Share on other sites
NatoPMT Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 Is there any reason why he would start doubting you more which may of triggered his changes in attitude? Unfortunately, you might not even realise that an event has happened to create this insecurity. A little innocent comment is easily twisted out of context if the wrong conditions prevail - that can make you doubt your trust in someone and then it can create an internal battle of mistrust. My advice would be to communicate rather than testing each other. I was a bit concerned that you would change your pass word to catch him out, if you enable his games, then you get caught up in them too and the mind games escalate. Its all adding fuel to this fire he's got going on, and its you, his wife, adding this fuel. It has to be someones responsibility to stop that spiral, and in his state of mind its unlikely to be him stopping it so can you be the one to get on the right track? What communication have to attempted over this? Link to post Share on other sites
lovey_411 Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 In my experience, my SO was insanely jealous and controlling when he was cheating on me. He also worked out of town and was sleeping with what I like to call oil skanks. During this time, if I wanted to go out with friends he would go crazy, phoning me a million times on my cell, calling me names and accusing me of cheating on him. When he would come home, he would check my cell phone and the house phone to see who I was calling and pick me apart emotionally. I finally found out about his indescretions by his cell phone because he was phoning some girl he met in another town. I guess it comes down to your intuition, because when they work away they have more opportunities to cheat. He may not be cheating but either way, the way he is treating you is not okay. Living on a rollercoaster is not fun, for you or your kids. I know, I've been there. Personally, I would try to talk to him about the way he is acting and go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts