Girls, if a better guy comes along, youll pursue him regardless of your bf wont you?

[loony]

Anyhway, If i had a gf, and a better prospect came along i would probably go for it. But there are exceptions. It would depend on our relationship, how strong it is and if im happy in it. Of course any unhappy relationships are usually bound to be doomed. So why lie to ourselves to stay with someone whom we are not content with? It would not hurt to explore other prospects, its only human nature.

I'm not really sure why you ask then. If the relationship is crappy, I wouldn't need a better guy to come along to dump my boyfriend.

 

On the other hand if a girl left me for someone who she thinks is better. Then she probalby had good reasons. Reasons that would justify me to change for the better, of what i lacked thereof. If there was something of me that i wasnt fulfilling in the relationship, then its my fault.

Every person has different needs, so it only makes sense.

I think it has something to do with commitment. You accepted this person as your partner, knowing his weaknesses and it should be expected that you either accept them completely or give him time to work on them. If you don't have this patience you shouldn't stay with him. I would find it simply crappy though if you needed someone else to motivate you to break up with your partner.

[RainyDayWoman]

well, if i meet someone who i think is better than the person i am with, i obviously don't think much of the person i am with, so logically i would want to be with someone i thought was "better."

 

if you are in a relationship you're happy with, you don't usually find someone else "better" than your present SO...and you're not looking for it either.

 

however, i do think it is possible to be in a satisfying relationship for some time, and then meet someone afterward when you're not epxecting it. that may prompt a break-up because accidentally, unexpectedly, you found someone "better."

[scratch]

I was talking from the point of view of someone who is afraid of getting dumped. What I meant to say is, how can he simply throw away the affection he felt for me for the rush of a moment? For the simple belief that there might be someone better out there?

 

I understand. A wise man wouldn't throw away months or years of genuine affection unless the circumstances were such that, upon careful reflection, he felt that the new woman would be a better long-term fit. He wouldn't leave because the new woman might be better, but because he searched his soul and decided that the new woman would be better.

 

I assumed that the relationship was going well and that someone better only implies a person with a higher desirability factor, not greater compatibility or that maybe the girl was suffering from the grass-is-greener syndrome.

 

Based on that assumption, I think that a smart, healthy person would stay in the relationship they are in. I've had several situations (for lack of a better term) end because good women decided that, despite enjoying my company and sharing a strong physical chemistry, I wasn't the "relationship type" for them, and they went back to the guy they originally dumped to be with me. In those cases, the girl originally thought she was upgrading, but then went back when she saw the fit is better with the other guy.

 

Then why are you in this relationship at all if it doesn't feel so good?

 

Something feeling "good" doesn't preclude the possibility that something else can feel "better."

[Outcast]

awww, shyte, she left me out

 

Yes, and RR and several others (my apologies!) - meaning (1) I still hadn't had my coffee and (2) that there is a great enough number of non-misogynists that I can't keep the entire list memorized shows that LS hasn't become completely hopeless. Else I'd have long vanished, myself. But I certainly have had days when I was tempted to go NC

 

But by all means i did not intend to offend any sex, and therefore i apologize.

 

Well ok then.

 

I'm with the crew who says that some people (I would think males would be more so inclined) who suffer from the 'grass-is-greener' syndrome who might go follow every new opportunity. However anyone with any sort of experience understands that people who may seem better in some aspects may actually have a good number of other qualities which counterbalance the seemingly 'good' qualities.

 

You can't get to know someone well enough to know they will treat you better per lindya's defintion unless you spend a fair bit of time with them, and if you're already in a committed relationship that you think is good, how and why would you be able to find out that the other person is indeed 'better'?

 

So I believe that you stay with someone because you believe you've found the best there is, and if for some reason the person isn't the best but you're just tolerating them, it's time to leave that relationship and find someone better rather than trying to find a replacement while in a relationship. Like Craig, I'd have nothing to do with someone who would propose dating me while I was in a committed relationship.

[Moai]

I wouldn't even be friends with someone who did something like that, male or female. IME, most people are honest and don't go out of their way to shaft someone. They are also mature enough to know thatthe "new" person probably only seems better, since you don't know them all that well and don't know any of their faults.

 

If I was dating someone and I met someone else who I just had to date, I'd break up before I did anything. But then, I don't date anyone exclusively that I don't feel has the chance to be "the one."

 

Date lots of people before you get serious, and when you get serious, be loyal. The world will be a better place.

[scratch]

I'm with the crew who says that some people (I would think males would be more so inclined) who suffer from the 'grass-is-greener' syndrome who might go follow every new opportunity.

 

You can't get to know someone well enough to know they will treat you better per lindya's defintion unless you spend a fair bit of time with them, and if you're already in a committed relationship that you think is good, how and why would you be able to find out that the other person is indeed 'better'?

 

Why, o leader of the LS misandrists, do you think men would be more inclined to jump?

 

You do, however, make a good point that it would be difficult to determine if a new person is better while in a relationship. Difficult is not the same as impossible. As I mentioned, the better the current relationship, the higher the barriers to exit and entry. But here's a scenario:

 

I am with my girlfriend a year and all is going well. Then, my childhood female best friend moves back to our city after two years with the peace corps and the feelings between us are undeniable. The friendship blossoms into love, and I know her better than I know my girlfriend.

 

Under that fact pattern, I think the right thing to do would be to break up with my current girl and date my childhood friend.

[Outcast]

Why, o leader of the LS misandrists, do you think men would be more inclined to jump?

 

Not misandry. It's the 'remote control' syndrome. Who in your family is most likely to constantly change channels always hoping for 'something better'?

 

I am with my girlfriend a year and all is going well. Then, my childhood female best friend moves back to our city after two years with the peace corps and the feelings between us are undeniable. The friendship blossoms into love, and I know her better than I know my girlfriend

 

Well how many times is that going to happen to anyone? And 'all is going well' doesn't sound like a ringing endorsement. It sounds as though you are coasting along because you like having someone and she'll do.

[scratch]

Not misandry. It's the 'remote control' syndrome. Who in your family is most likely to constantly change channels always hoping for 'something better'?

 

I love to debate via analogy. Who in your family is most likely to put on an outfit, decide they don't like it as much as they thought they did, and put on an entirely new ensemble?

 

To your edit: feel free to change "all is going well" to "we are in love." I don't think people take on exclusive girlfriends lightly. Moreover, I think the "return of the long lost friend" scenario isn't all that bizarre or unusual.

[loony]

Based on that assumption, I think that a smart, healthy person would stay in the relationship they are in. I've had several situations (for lack of a better term) end because good women decided that, despite enjoying my company and sharing a strong physical chemistry, I wasn't the "relationship type" for them, and they went back to the guy they originally dumped to be with me. In those cases, the girl originally thought she was upgrading, but then went back when she saw the fit is better with the other guy.

Well, then these were not a real relationships yet. It was nice, ok, pleasant but there was no serious emotional commitment yet, that's why it was easy for them to leave you.

 

Something feeling "good" doesn't preclude the possibility that something else can feel "better."

The grass is greener on the other side of the fence...

[loony]

Why, o leader of the LS misandrists,

Hey man, she's the one who regularly defends all the dolts who masturbate to their home dvd porn collection. You should be thankful that at least one woman here is willing to defend your human right as a man to make himself happy and enjoy visual pleasures without being prejudged as a pervert.

[scratch]

Well, then these were not a real relationships yet. It was nice, ok, pleasant but there was no serious emotional commitment yet, that's why it was easy for them to leave you.

 

I was making the opposite point. They didn't have a hard time leaving me, but they also didn't have a terribly hard time leaving the other guys when they thought I was a better fit.

 

The grass is greener on the other side of the fence...

 

If a prison inmate is peering across the fence at a five star hotel, yes, babe, the grass is greener. Sometimes the cliche holds, sometimes it doesn't.

[tanbark813]

These kind of threads are always so funny.

 

If a woman masturbates, she's sexually liberated.

If a man masturbates, he's a dolt.

 

If a woman defends her gender, she's empowered.

If a man defends his gender, he's a misogynist.

 

If a woman leaves a man, it's because it was not a real relationship and there was no real commitment.

If a man leaves a woman, it's because he's an a**h*** and suffers from "grass is greener" syndrome.

 

It's so cute to see you ladies try to rationalize things.

[loony]

I was making the opposite point. They didn't have a hard time leaving me, but they also didn't have a terribly hard time leaving the other guys when they thought I was a better fit.

Ok, what was your point again? Obviously, 'better' in your case just didn't really mean more suitable or compatible, it was just more chemistry, a higher attraction maybe, but that was it (exactly what I had tried to explain, when someone says 'better' he's usually not talking about a higher level of compatibility).

[scratch]

If a woman masturbates, she's sexually liberated.

If a man masturbates, he's a dolt.

 

If a woman defends her gender, she's empowered.

If a man defends his gender, he's a misogynist.

 

If a woman leaves a man, it's because it was not a real relationship and there was no real commitment.

If a man leaves a woman, it's because he's an a**h*** and suffers from "grass is greener" syndrome.

 

My personal favorite:

 

If a girl wants to date the guy casually but he wants something serious, he isn't mature enough to just have fun without forcing the issue.

 

If a girl wants something serious and the guy wants it casual, he isn't mature enough to have and adult relatiosnship.

 

The moral: when a woman wants one thing, and the man doesn't want what she wants, he's "immature."

 

Loony, I agree with you that usually better isn't deep enough to imply compatibility.

[loony]

If a man defends his gender, he's a misogynist.

He started calling her a misandrist.

 

If a woman leaves a man, it's because it was not a real relationship and there was no real commitment.

Obviously his relationships were not real relationships, he also doesn't sound to devastated about their endings.

 

If a man leaves a woman, it's because he's an a**h*** and suffers from "grass is greener" syndrome.

No, that's the same for both genders.

 

It's so cute to see you ladies try to rationalize things.

One of us has to be rational and think logically, don't you think so?

[loony]

If a girl wants to date the guy casually but he wants something serious, he isn't mature enough to just have fun without forcing the issue.

I have certainly never said this.

 

Loony, I agree with you that usually better isn't deep enough to imply compatibility.

*fainting*, *boing*

[JS17]

These kind of threads are always so funny.

 

If a woman masturbates, she's sexually liberated.

If a man masturbates, he's a dolt.

 

If a woman defends her gender, she's empowered.

If a man defends his gender, he's a misogynist.

 

If a woman leaves a man, it's because it was not a real relationship and there was no real commitment.

If a man leaves a woman, it's because he's an a**h*** and suffers from "grass is greener" syndrome.

 

It's so cute to see you ladies try to rationalize things.

 

Numbnuts, you're such a button pusher.

[NightsInWhiteSatin]

Honestly i believe its different depending upon the girl. If she is in a relationship where she is treated badly and isnt happy and something better comes her way and she has a chance she's very likely to take it unless shes head over heels in love with her current boyfriend. If she's happy and something better comes along she'll either go for it or she'll stay where she is its 50/50. If she's more than happy like on her way to falling in love or already in love and something better comes along she isnt very likely to go for it. Relationships are a risk and its all about the risk taking...kinda sucks but ahh well it has its ups too!

[monkey00]

My personal favorite:

 

If a girl wants to date the guy casually but he wants something serious, he isn't mature enough to just have fun without forcing the issue.

 

If a girl wants something serious and the guy wants it casual, he isn't mature enough to have and adult relatiosnship.

 

The moral: when a woman wants one thing, and the man doesn't want what she wants, he's "immature."

 

Loony, I agree with you that usually better isn't deep enough to imply compatibility.

 

Exactly!

And if the guy wants to casually date without being exclusive, he's considered a player.

 

The thing is usually the individuals that do end up cheating on their bf or gf and dumping them for someone else who tehy believe (at the moment) is 'better', end up realizing how their previous relationship was much happier. And end up regretting what they did....So much for the "grass is greener on the other side":lmao:

 

Human are interesting beings, we love the thrill of exploring the unknown. Yet we regret it when it's too late....unforseeable consequences my friends.

[tanbark813]

These posts are so tiresome because people won't step back and realize that someone's loyalty or integrity has nothing to do with their genitals. Women stick up for women, men stick up for men. It's a given.

 

"Men suck!"

"Women suck!"

 

Stop already. It's PEOPLE that suck. There are lots of men who cheat and lie. There are lots of women who cheat and lie. Forget all the double standards and loopholes and bulls*** excuses. Anyone with a clear head can see that both genders get slammed at different times on this board. To say that ONLY women get critized and hated on or ONLY men get criticized and hated on is doing nothing but promoting your ignorance and inability to see beyond a limited viewpoint.

 

I don't think it's about blaming one sex or the other. Some people are always going to suck so it's best to move on from them. The people who don't suck just need to find other people who don't suck.

[JS17]

It's PEOPLE that suck.

I wholeheartedly agree

[scratch]

That's exactly what I mean. A guy who complained would now hear (unfortunately mostly from women), "Aww, poor guy. Don't be so mad. There are plenty of good women like us here. Don't let some bad experiences make you lose hope in humankind."

 

I don't see it as you do, that men here are coddled and women are villified. Certain posters seem to offer support to whomever expresses pain. Other posters are quicker to offer criticism (with varying degrees of constructiveness) to what they believe to be a baseless rant. Both kind of responses have a place.

 

Personally, I'm a critical, tough-love type, and I think I'm viewed as a misogynist. However, I honestly feel that I am equally critical of both sexes. Maybe there are more men who are critical and more women who are supportive, but I don't think that the type of sentiment expressed by a given poster is highly dependent on the gender of the person to whom they respond.

[RecordProducer]

When I love someone, I don't care about other guys. I was open to a better catch with my first BF (we broke up when I was 22), because I was not satisfied with him and the relationship. But with the other three men - no. I can't imagine leaving my current BF for somebody else. I simply wouldn't even go out or kiss another guy cuz I am in love with him. Besides, I don't trust the "loyalty, character and the amount of affection" of a new guy who pursues me. If I am not content with this features in my BF, I will simply end the story with him first.

 

If someone dumps a BF or GF for a better one, he or she will do it when married too. I don't "board new passangers while my airplane is in the air!"

[lindya]

Besides, I don't trust the "loyalty, character and the amount of affection" of a new guy who pursues me. If I am not content with this features in my BF, I will simply end the story with him first.

 

Ha! I'm not exactly sure where I was going with that one, to be honest. It's easy, with hindsight, to assess the loyalty, character and amount of affection of my ex. Love can make you persevere for too long with the wrong relationship and shut out your awareness of other possibilities. I had blind loyalty to someone who, instinct should have told me, was never going to respond in kind - and I think what I was trying to say was that I hope I'll never do that again.

[monkey00]

Ooh my, what has become of this thread...

 

Thank you all for your insightful and angry responses. It was a mistake on my part starting this thread, may this thread never be spoken of again...

 

Anyway by nature, man and woman was never meant to be monogamists. Society's laws can only hold us for so long until civilization falls apart...which has already begun