Should I confront my ex about the cheating?

[stillafool]

On 1/29/2023 at 5:56 AM, Runninggirl said:

yes, I live in a very small town, with only around 30 000 inhabitants. I have two exes live close here, one on my street, and my previous real ex from many years ago lived next to where I work. Everywhere in the city here is walking distance, and there's only really one of everything, so its hard to avoid people after. only a couple of bars, one cinema, a few grocery stores, all the clothing stores are right next to each other and so on. 

I live in the exact type of environment and I'm able to dodge people I don't want to see all the time.  I simply don't understand how you were walking behind 2 girls who were discussing this guy and heard everything they said without being noticed by them or how you step out of your house and your ex is right there.

[DirtyHarold]

On 1/21/2023 at 5:29 PM, Runninggirl said:

 

Thoughts and advice? 

The truth is - there is no going back. He's gone. With or without her - he's happy with another woman and probably stopped thinking or caring about you at all.

I suggest focusing on the though of him totally forgetting you. I know that people naturally stop caring about someone who doesn't care about them. Same goes with love, we fall in love with people who love and care about us. It's a responsive feeling. 

You are free now, embrace it.

[JTSW]

21 hours ago, stillafool said:

I simply don't understand how you were walking behind 2 girls who were discussing this guy and heard everything they said without being noticed by them

My guess is one of the girls is who he is with now and OP was deliberately following her.

[Runninggirl]

 

On 1/29/2023 at 1:53 PM, Weezy1973 said:

How many years were you together as a couple?

Formally four years, then on and off with long breaks

On 1/29/2023 at 7:38 PM, NuevoYorko said:

I've read and participated in all the threads you've started under this username. I think you might have others. There are very consistent patterns.  In these threads,  you have  not  been in a solid viable relationship with any of the men.  Or, is this all about one man (I am thinking that it is)?  You've had some type of relationship(s)  which were never defined, sex was had, guy(s) faded off, and you spend years stalking and trying to translate "signals" you think you're getting.   

Do you realize that it's very strange and frankly, unbelievable to any outside observer that you learned a man "cheated" on you (at this point it's immaterial that you weren't in an exclusive relationship anyway) because you were walking directly behind women who were talking to each other on the street and you could hear and understand every word they said?   Because of this scenario, you are considering confronting the man?

I'm not here to be hurtful - I would sincerely like you to think about this.  What would you think if someone told you this?  You would probably think it was not possible.   

The places you're allowing your mind to carry you are not good for you.  They certainly won't lead you anywhere you want to be in a relationship.  Please get help with this before you try any more dating and especially any further interaction with this (or these, if there are more than one object of your obsessions) fellows.

I only have one username, and I think Ive made threads about total three guys Ive dated except for him, I don't remember making previous threads about this guy, only the guys Ive dated in between us being in contact. 

I understand it sounds unbelievable, but if I was lying, why would I be lying to strangers on the internet? Also why wouldn't I have made up something more believable, I could have just said someone told me, or he confessed to it. It was pure luck/unluck. If you hear the name of your boyfriend being mentioned you notice. I took a picture of them walking in front of me so I could confront him, but I never got around to it, I chickened out because maybe I was hoping it was a one night stand and we could make it work, that he felt bad. Because I was still hoping. Now I really regret not lashing out at him telling him I knew, telling him all the things she said that I heard. He's blissfully ignorant now thinking he just got away with it. 

 

22 hours ago, stillafool said:

I live in the exact type of environment and I'm able to dodge people I don't want to see all the time.  I simply don't understand how you were walking behind 2 girls who were discussing this guy and heard everything they said without being noticed by them or how you step out of your house and your ex is right there.

I certainly probably haven't heard everything they said about him, they could have talked about him for 20 minutes, and I happened to hear a few minutes.

 

1 hour ago, DirtyHarold said:

The truth is - there is no going back. He's gone. With or without her - he's happy with another woman and probably stopped thinking or caring about you at all.

I suggest focusing on the though of him totally forgetting you. I know that people naturally stop caring about someone who doesn't care about them. Same goes with love, we fall in love with people who love and care about us. It's a responsive feeling. 

You are free now, embrace it.

I know, and I somehow feel a bit more free, and I love him a bit less. It became more "real" after staging the run in. I had dodged him for so long, and then staged that run in, and apparently it was karma, because only a few days later I almost run into them both, I was walking home and they come walking towards me together, she had obviously slept at his place or something, and he was following her back to the train station (she doesn't live in our city). Luckily it was a small street between, I just pretended not to see them, and walked stiff and quickly away, I think he noticed I saw him. Was absolutely horrible, but after I just felt numb, and a bit more at peace. Like I hate him more from seeing him again with her, reminding me of the cheating, and it makes me care less too. 

 

1 hour ago, JTSW said:

My guess is one of the girls is who he is with now and OP was deliberately following her.

No, I didnt know there was anyone else until I overheard, I didnt know her name or anything, after I heard I became obsessed with finding out who she was, and that was pretty easy because he added her as a friend on facebook.

 

 

In general yesterday I felt so much better, today I feel much worse. But it comes in waves, and I feel like I with time can let it go. Ive booked an appointment with my GP and got confirmation that we could talk about him referring me to a therapist, who I hope can help me prosess the feelings of betrayal and the cheating. I feel somehow over him, and accepting that the relationship is over, and I dont want him back, its the betrayal and cheating and seeing them that haunts me! 

[JTSW]

6 minutes ago, Runninggirl said:

No, I didnt know there was anyone else until I overheard, I didnt know her name or anything, after I heard I became obsessed with finding out who she was, and that was pretty easy because he added her as a friend on facebook.

In general yesterday I felt so much better, today I feel much worse. But it comes in waves, and I feel like I with time can let it go. Ive booked an appointment with my GP and got confirmation that we could talk about him referring me to a therapist, who I hope can help me prosess the feelings of betrayal and the cheating. I feel somehow over him, and accepting that the relationship is over, and I dont want him back, its the betrayal and cheating and seeing them that haunts me! 

Do you see them together?

[NuevoYorko]

4 hours ago, Runninggirl said:

I only have one username, and I think Ive made threads about total three guys Ive dated except for him, I don't remember making previous threads about this guy, only the guys Ive dated in between us being in contact. 

In December 2020 you posted:

Quote

My ex and I were "dating" for over 2,5 years. Neither of us had the courage to initiate to define the relationship. After one year he broke up with me and said he lost feelings because we never defined things.

Now you're talking about a man you were with for several years, but prior to 2018?  If this is the case, you REALLY need to let go.  It's actually alarming that you're following women in the street, close enough to hear every detail of a lengthy conversation, because of a relationship that was over years ago?   And now want to confront this guy from your distant past about it? 

You seem to be entangled like this with more than one guy you had casual relationships with.  

 

 

[stillafool]

So if you were in a relationship with this guy "formally" for 4 years how long ago did you break up before going off and on for awhile? 

[JTSW]

22 hours ago, Runninggirl said:

after I heard I became obsessed with finding out who she was

Why? and what did it matter if you weren't together?

What was your plan after you found out who she was?

Try to break them up?

Honestly OP, everything you're doing is all very 'Fatal Attraction' behaviour.

[DirtyHarold]

22 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

In December 2020 you posted:

Now you're talking about a man you were with for several years, but prior to 2018?  If this is the case, you REALLY need to let go.  It's actually alarming that you're following women in the street, close enough to hear every detail of a lengthy conversation, because of a relationship that was over years ago?   And now want to confront this guy from your distant past about it? 

You seem to be entangled like this with more than one guy you had casual relationships with.  

 

 

You should be a detective 

[Runninggirl]

On 1/31/2023 at 1:40 PM, JTSW said:

Do you see them together?

No, I avoid seeing both. She doesn't live here, so if I saw her I expect it would be around where he lives, and I try to avoid it as much as possible.

 

On 1/31/2023 at 6:09 PM, NuevoYorko said:

In December 2020 you posted:

Now you're talking about a man you were with for several years, but prior to 2018?  If this is the case, you REALLY need to let go.  It's actually alarming that you're following women in the street, close enough to hear every detail of a lengthy conversation, because of a relationship that was over years ago?   And now want to confront this guy from your distant past about it? 

You seem to be entangled like this with more than one guy you had casual relationships with.  

This was more of a situationship and an older one, I became entangled with him again after breaking up with this, that's the first post I posted I remember. Its not the same, and I luckily dont care at all about that guy anymore, cut him off completely. I agree there's a pattern, and I wish it wasn't. I just want to find someone who Im secure and happy with and who wants the same as I do.

17 hours ago, stillafool said:

So if you were in a relationship with this guy "formally" for 4 years how long ago did you break up before going off and on for awhile? 

We broke up in 2020, was on and off after, but it was very ON or OFF, so when it was on it was mutual and it was consensus that were were exclusive and trying to find a way back together. He cheated during an on-period. He made it very clear that if we were seeing each other again he expected me to be monogame, and me too for him obviously. I have however dated other people while we were off, and we had no contact with each other and I was trying to move on. The first time we were back "on" (happened twice) someone came to me and told me he cheated - I immediately questioned him about it and he became angry and he said "Do you really think I could ever do that to YOU?!", so after that I really never believed he could. He replied as if it was absurd. Probably why I was so shocked, I never thought he could do that to me. 

6 hours ago, JTSW said:

Why? and what did it matter if you weren't together?

What was your plan after you found out who she was?

Try to break them up?

Honestly OP, everything you're doing is all very 'Fatal Attraction' behaviour.

It matters because it makes me question our entire relationship, what has happened for the rest of the period where he was claiming he would never ever cheat on me, was he a completely different person than I thought he was? Just because the relationship is over doesn't mean the feelings instantly go away, and everything that was sacred about the relationship gets destroyed. Now I feel like Ive spent so much time with someone I thought I knew, that I clearly dont. He was my best friend, and I tried for years to make it work with him, and to find out that our entire relationship could have been a bunch of lies is the biggest betrayal. Not the cheating in itself, but what the cheating represents. 

I had no plan, I was never going to contact her or break them up, I was just in shock and became obsessed with finding out who she was. I wanted answers. I think that's very normal. 

Honestly, Im not doing anything fatal attraction, Im not doing anything to them. I haven't even confronted him about it, Im trying to leave him completely alone and process without him, and just move on. But its difficult, so instead of going crazy Im posting here, Ive contacted my GP, and I was just in a very bad place wanting to confront him and get some answers, because the betrayal is running around in my head like crazy at all times. Its heartbreaking, and very tiring. I avoided it for a long time, I didnt expect it to hit me like a truck later on. 

[Runninggirl]

An update, today I was at my GP and asked for a referral for a therapist. I was crying in his office, it was humiliating, and explained and even exaggerated the issue. I told him I struggled to move on, collect my thoughts, get ordinary things done, how he had moved next to me. He called it a trauma response, and that my behavior was reactionary, but he insisted it was normal and would pass normally, and focused on that I had said that I was able to sleep. He said he didnt believe therapy or medication was necessary, and that I should just "let the thoughts come and pass", he asked a lot of questions, and I was quite disappointed when he decided there was no point in referring me. He basically said "this has happened to many before you, and will happen to many after you" and that the thoughts of betrayal, loss, longing, obsession and weird behavior was normal and would just pass. Even thought he did state that it had been quite a long time since the break up, but just said it was because it was traumatizing. 

I looked into private therapist, but they charge way more than I make, so I can't afford that. I might go see another doctor if they will listen, because at this point I really feel like I need a therapist. Im pretty surprised and bummed I was denied. 

[Alpacalia]

I am sorry that you had a disappointing experience with your GP and felt like your concerns were not taken seriously.

Seeking help for emotional distress is a brave step and it's important to find someone who will listen and support you in your journey towards healing.

While some people may recover from emotional trauma without professional help, therapy can be very beneficial in processing and overcoming difficult experiences.

There are also low-cost or free therapy options available, such as community health clinics or support groups. You may also consider reaching out to local organizations that provide counseling services to those in need.

It's important to advocate for your own mental health and find a support system that works for you.

[stillafool]

Absolutely there are very low cost as well as free options for therapy.  I can't believe your physician would be so insensitive to tell someone who has been struggling for years to basically just get over it.  Did you tell him how long you've struggled with getting over this?

[glows]

15 hours ago, Runninggirl said:

An update, today I was at my GP and asked for a referral for a therapist. I was crying in his office, it was humiliating, and explained and even exaggerated the issue. I told him I struggled to move on, collect my thoughts, get ordinary things done, how he had moved next to me. He called it a trauma response, and that my behavior was reactionary, but he insisted it was normal and would pass normally, and focused on that I had said that I was able to sleep. He said he didnt believe therapy or medication was necessary, and that I should just "let the thoughts come and pass", he asked a lot of questions, and I was quite disappointed when he decided there was no point in referring me. He basically said "this has happened to many before you, and will happen to many after you" and that the thoughts of betrayal, loss, longing, obsession and weird behavior was normal and would just pass. Even thought he did state that it had been quite a long time since the break up, but just said it was because it was traumatizing. 

I looked into private therapist, but they charge way more than I make, so I can't afford that. I might go see another doctor if they will listen, because at this point I really feel like I need a therapist. Im pretty surprised and bummed I was denied. 

I’m not sure why you exaggerated the issue. These are practiced listeners who are usually able to tell a lie or when someone’s exaggerating. 

It’s better to be honest about the bare facts as it’ll help you also figure out whether you are really not helping the situation by framing things in a worse light. If you’re experiencing a lot of anxiety explain in a concise way how your focus has changed or you’re not able to go about your daily activities or function like you ordinarily would. 

I think it’s a good step if you’re looking for support but be honest with yourself above all.

 

Edited February 7, 2023 by glows

[basil67]

On 1/31/2023 at 11:32 PM, Runninggirl said:

I understand it sounds unbelievable, but if I was lying, why would I be lying to strangers on the internet? Also why wouldn't I have made up something more believable,

Have you heard of trolls?  People who write in order to get others enraged or to seek sympathy?  Online message boards get all the time.  My approach both online and in life is "if it doesn't make sense, then it's probably not true".   Given that you've been exaggerating and/or not telling the story clearly, it is quite normal that your posts will be viewed with suspicion. 

Anyway, regarding the situation you're in, I think it's a stretch to call sleeping with someone else when you're in an on/off sleeping with the ex/situationship "cheating".  It's not like the two of you had retained a solid investment in each other.   Absolutely, its cheating if the understanding is that both of you are committed and believe the relationship to be strong....but what you had barely classifies as a relationship.    I'm not saying this to be mean, but rather, to try and give you a different way to look at things.  

Regarding the doctor not referring you for subsidised counselling, I imagine the placements would be limited and the doctors need to triage who they refer - with priority going to those who are at risk of hurting themselves or others.   

In the meantime, I suggest you start looking at the concept of resilience:  It's the ability to know you'll recover after something bad happens.   Have you ever had upsetting experiences before?  I bet they felt terrible at the time.  If you have recovered before, you can recover again.

[mark clemson]

You could look into something like BetterHelp that might be more affordable if it's available in your area.

[basil67]

17 hours ago, Runninggirl said:

I looked into private therapist, but they charge way more than I make, so I can't afford that. I might go see another doctor if they will listen, because at this point I really feel like I need a therapist. Im pretty surprised and bummed I was denied. 

On the topic of therapy and recovery, a look at your threads shows a few patterns

1. You've got a pattern of letting exes back into your life and then getting hurt or confused.  (I assume it's more than one ex, not the same ex through the threads)  I'm pretty sure that you've also said that you won't block an ex because you think it looks petty.  So it sounds to me like you'd prefer to risk going into months of pain and confusion than be seen as the bad guy.  That's not the smartest choice, is it?  Had you dropped contact with the guy on this thread after the relationship ended, you wouldn't be in this situation.  Given how much pain you inflict on yourself with your choices, wouldn't it make sense to reconsider your rule about blocking?   And if you've blocked them but you run into them on the street, don't go considering hookups with them

2. Exaggeration.  You've exaggerated on this post, previous posts and also with your doctor.  You probably also exaggerate with yourself and this just makes your pain worse.  Start with being honest.  

3. Lack of clarity.  So many of the hurts you've had come from you assuming that a guy is seeing you and only you.  I'd lay money that the guy who this thread is about saw this ON/OFF thing as just casual too.   And even if they've later clarified that it was only casual in their eyes, you refuse to believe them.   Next time you meet a new guy, establish exactly what's going on before having sex with them.   

4. I feel like you want to be the cool girl, sleeping with the ex, dating different guys without actually clarifying the relationship status and hoping for the best, refusing to block someone from your past.....but the fact is that you function best when there are clear parameters of what you want and need.   And that's perfectly OK and normal. 

5. Victimhood.  You've been portraying yourself up as a victim to these guys.  But the fact is that you've also made some really bad decisions too. (see above).  When you're unpacking what went wrong, be more honest with yourself about how you contributed to each mess you get into. 

 Change starts with owning your own choices and working out what works for you and what doesn't. 

Edited February 7, 2023 by basil67

[Runninggirl]

Hey everyone, I wanted to make an update, and instead of making a new post Ill update here. 

Since I made this in january Ive made a lot of effort to move on. Ive not gone out at all, because Im afraid alcohol will make me miss him or depressed and just feel worse. Ive tried to get back into a new hobby, and I also started applying for new jobs. After a long process I actually ended up getting my dream job, and Im starting in august! The job is way better paid, so I can afford to splurge on a therapist in the fall, which Im very excited about. The job is in the same company as I already work, but with different people. The past few months I started making an effort to getting to know what will be my new colleagues, and they're a very positive investment in my life! The job is difficult, so Im scared, and it will be long hours, but I think it will be very rewarding work. 

My ex in this thread seem very happy in his relationship and even posted her, which he never did with me. The feelings I described in this post about not getting fully over him didnt really change no matter what I did, or how busy Ive stayed. But I fully decided to NOT text him or tell him about it. Its been a long time, and it would only be embarrassing for me, and I would regret it. 

The day I got the job I was immediately happy, but also very sad that I no longer had anyone to share the news with, and made me think of him a lot. A few days later I went to sign the contract, and felt much better. My future colleagues all congratulated me and was very happy for me! On my way home I was in a good mood, and I stopped to get a haircut and shop for some new clothes. 

When I came out of a store I ran into my ex for the first time in forever, but it didnt kill my mood because I felt so high on live that day!! I was cheerful and happy and careless, and I didnt even see him at first, because he was dressed very weird. I went for a fly by wave, he went for a hug, and it was very awkward at first. He asked me where I had been, and I said Id been to get a haircut, "can't you see it?" and he replied "you always look nice" seemingly without thinking. 

He asked what the occasion was for shopping and getting my hair done, and I told him I got the job - which he knew I wanted when we were together. He seemed a bit surprised and didnt congratulate me (instead he asked me what I would make lol). I then went on, and was happy I kept a good appearance and didnt seem taken off guard. 

A few hours later he texted me with an excuse of a text. I replied with only two words to not initiate conversation and get my hopes up. 

A few days later suddenly he likes my instagram photo, which I thought was really strange because he hasn't done that since we broke up. I also checked, and he's still seeing the girl he cheated on me with. For all I know they seem fine and doing well. I decided not to put much into it and forget it. 

As I said I haven't been drinking, but this weekend I was invited to my best friends birthday party and I was hesitant but attended. We were having a lot of fun and were planning on going out. I wasn't gonna go out with them, but then they said they planned on going to a particular night club which is the type of place none of my exes would show up. We were dancing and having a lot of fun and the place was packed, and I was even introduced to some nice guys although I never really think about meeting anyone in that setting.

One of the girls at the party is best friends with my exes best friend, and he had been texting her ALL NIGHT about keeping him updated about where we were going out. She had told him we were going to this night club, and confessed this to me way later, and she thought it was so strange that he was SO eager to know where we were going. 

As I was dancing and having fun this guy comes in with my ex and one other guy. They had left all the people they were with and stood in line forever to get in. They went around the club and my ex and the two friends of him was standing right behind me dancing pretending not to see me. When I didnt turn around my ex even tried dancing in between us and pretend not to see us so I would nudge him. For a good 20min he was within 1m of me the entire time, before I thought it was so stupid that I just turned around and said hi politely. I turned back to my friends and the guys Id gotten to know and keep dancing. 

My ex keeps just standing behind me waiting with his friends, and grabs the opportunity when there's an opening to talk to me. He's drunk and all up in my face talking about how proud he is or my accomplishments, how smart I am, how much more accomplished I am compared to him and so on. This time I can't really keep my mood up, and its just no flow in the conversation and awkward and unwanted, although he's really trying to be nice. Trying to bond and say things like "you know me so well" and so on. Im just standing there thinking about how he's with someone else and the betrayal. The conversation dies, and he backs off a bit, standing with a friend. A hot guy walks in towards my ex and they know each other and hang out. I dance for another 30min before my ex approach me again asking me if Im attending this and that, and even starts talking about how nice it was the last time we went to something (our last date ever before he left me... how delusional can you be).

He's so close to my face Im afraid he's gonna kiss me, and one of his friends (the one who wasn't plotting with him) is standing next to us giving me harsh angry looks and shaking his head, as if trying to remind him that he has a girlfriend and he has no business being like this towards me. I HATED that. I hated that I was being portrayed like the other woman, when I was the original one to be cheated on. Why didnt his friends do that for me. The hot guy they knew that I had never met doesn't know that we have been together. As he walks by he eyes me and holds eye contact. he then walks over to approach me as my ex is standing right behind me. My ex grabs me really hard to turn me around and then pretend it wasn't him, just to mark his territory to his friend. 

Anyway.

I ignored him as much as I could, and when he was leaving he came over a third time to hug me and just held me for the longest time until I pushed him away. It was like emotionally loaded as if there is an elephant in the room and he wanted to make it known. He then left and I haven't heard from him since.

It should have made me feel great, but honestly it just ruined my night a bit. It just feels selfish and disrespectful of him to have the audacity to pretend like nothing, pretend he doesn't have a girlfriend, just to get some sort of connection or validation or whatever he's missing. 

I just dont understand why he's being like this after all this time, when HE left ME for someone else. It doesn't seem like he's miserable or wants to get back together, he just wants to have it all?

Because I lack someone else to vent to Im writing it down here. 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

It is way beyond time to block and delete him everywhere. Stop allowing him any access to you. 

3 hours ago, Runninggirl said:

It doesn't seem like he's miserable or wants to get back together, he just wants to have it all?

Bingo. He's a cake-eater. Nothing more. You are going to get badly hurt all over again if you fall for his antics. 

[flitzanu]

yup.  what @ExpatInItaly said.

this guy knows that you want him, and always wanted him, and how easy it is to manipulate you and keep you around.  he's being friendly and acting that way because he probably figured he could get you in bed that night.

[NuevoYorko]

I suggest you re-read all the craziness in this thread and the one before it about how he prioritized his friends.  Then delete and block him.  

[Runninggirl]

Can't prevent him to show up where I am obviously. Ive been avoiding places he goes like the plague. Im just gonna act unbothered, continue to not text him or give him an inch of attention to feed off. 

I dont think he was trying to sleep with me that evening, but I think he's trying to keep me around and Im not falling for it. Even if he did want me back he feels used and disgusting to me now. I would never go back to someone who's been with someone else in a serious way in between dating me. That's just disrespect. Not gonna be a back up. Just needed to vent here to "get it out of my system", because it was a lot of things in a short period of time. 

Also thought it would be a positive update that I now have a new job and can go to therapy to work on myself from august!  

[stillafool]

It's always amazes me how you walk out of a place and your ex just happens to be standing there.  At any rate what is the point you're trying to make with this update?  Is it that you got another job at the same company that your ex is working for?  You need to move on from that company so you can finally get over this guy.  I don't think he's really an ex but someone you are infatuated with.  He's still with his girlfriend and has not asked you out on a date.  The rest is just fluff.  He's not trying to keep you around because he already knows you'll always be around.

Edited May 1, 2023 by stillafool

[IrinaM]

OP have you been to see a psychiatrist? is there any chance you could have a disorder?

Nobody runs into their ex at this rate. In some of your previous posts you even admit to setting up fake accidental run-ins.

I honestly wonder if you are stalking somebody while suffering from the delusion that you are being pursued by a lovesick ex. If that is the case, nobody here will be able to convince you of it. But there is medication that can help you. I'm not trying to be mean. Delusional disorders are extremely dangerous and worsen over time. Google "Teleka Patrick"

Please please consider printing out this thread and taking it with you to your appointment. There's nothing to be ashamed of.

[Wiseman2]

18 hours ago, Runninggirl said:

 A few hours later he texted me. A few days later suddenly he likes my instagram 

 Congratulations on the new job. Please delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Why allow someone who cheated on and dumped you access to your personal life? 

Try to live your life and enjoy yourself without hoping he notices or contacts you. Try to broaden your social horizons as far as where you go and what types of things and activities you pursue. It's time to step into the future and let go of this bad reminder.

Edited May 2, 2023 by Wiseman2