my friend

[Emma]

Hello-

 

I have a close friend who is a male. He and his girlfriend broke up after dating for 2 1/2 years. She decided she liked another guy and wanted to date them both, but he said no and broke up with her.

 

He still loves her, just not in the same way as he did before. He still has great respect for her and enjoys talking to her as a friend.

 

She just broke up with her new boyfriend, and seems to be interested in dating my friend again. She will be attending the same college as my friend in the fall, and will be around him a lot.

 

He is afraid he will cave and go back out with her just because he misses having a girlfriend. He doesn't love her in that way anymore, but wants to have someone to love.

 

I dont think he should, because she hurt him once before and may do it again. If he does cave, she will think it is ok to hurt him and may do it again. I have told him this, but he is still concerned.

 

Please give me some suggestions on what to tell him to keep him from dating her again. He has a lack of confidence- which has started since they broke up. Thanks!

[Tony T]

Butt out of your friend's love life and let him make his own decisions and learn his own lessons. We all go through the things we do for a reason.

 

I think you are a nice friend but friends don't tell other friends how to run their lives.

 

What you think is immaterial anyway. You told your buddy how you feel...now just leave it alone. He will make the right choice. If he needs to learn a lesson, that's good too. If he goes back to her because he just "needs somebody to love" he is emotionally weak and needs to toughen up a bit.

 

Everybody would like somebody to love but we have to go through a lot of crap in order to find the right one and your friend is no exception.

 

Meanwhile, do you want this guy for yourself? If so you have a conflict of interest and shouldn't be advising him anyway.

 

I will repeat something I said earlier. If you want to preserve friendships, stay out of their lovelives. As a matter of fact, it can also be harmful to get involved even when they ask advice. If they don't like what you tell them, sometimes it can cause damage. Just give them emotional support and tell them to seek advice in a forum.

 

If this guy wants to get back with his old girlfriend, he will no matter what you say. And, yes, he is likely to get the shaft again. But he needs to go through that experience to learn...so butt out.