Wierdness From a Friend

[Moai]

I have lots of female friends, which I like. I enjoy the company of women more than men, generally. There is one, though, that I would rather be dating, but for whatever reason (she has never been specific as to why, and I have never pushed it) we aren't.

 

Because I know "she" doesn't want to date me, I have pulled back emotionally a little, and focused on another girl who I like very much, but have no romantic interest in. Both are very attractive, and look something alike. The one I want to date is older by about ten years, though--closer to my age.

 

The girl I want to date has admitted to being jealous of my friend, and has also acted in certain ways that make it obvious. Fishing around for how often we hang out, asking me to call her so the three of us can hang out, etc. She told me that when I told her that "Betsy" was a good listener she felt that jealousy feeling, but it wasn't right and so she dismissed it.

 

The girl I want to date and I went out for my birthday, and had a nice time (or so I thought). I have been ill recently, and I didn't feel all that hot. At about 1 a.m. I dropped her off, and she asked if I wanted to come in for some wine. I told her I had to work and split. She calls a couple hours later all hammered and leaves a voicemail about how I don't have to make up excuses to "see my other bitches" and blah blah blah. I asked her about it and she said she was kidding.

 

A day goes by and we don't talk (I called like I promised, but she didn't call back). Then on Sunday she calls and starts screaming at me that I am different, that she is feeling all this antimosity from me, that there is too much drama and she doesn't dig it, and god knows what else. Then the next day she calls (in the middle of the night when I am asleep), and says that she still loves me, but that our relationship is "...different. Just different." Then she called again a few hours later but didn't leave a message.

 

Too weird. My question is; This all comes from jealousy, right? Why else would she act this way? And if she is jealous, why doesn't she just stop freaking out and ask me to date her, if she wants to be the primary girl in my life?

[Outcast]

I think you need to seriously rethink wanting to date this one. She sounds like there's a few screws loose. A normal person may feel jealous, but will not allow herself to call you up, scream at you, and hurl names at women you see ('just kidding' or not). This sounds like the sort that will stalk your next gf should you date her and break up with her.

 

These are BIG RED FLAGS, boy. Drop the idea of dating her fast; I promise you you will end up regretting dating her.

[Moai]

Totally. After this I don't want to date her, I may never speak to her, unless I run into her when I am out. It's just that I have never seen this behavior before, and because of the way my mind works I am trying to grasp it.

 

But I guess I know that there is no figuring it out, if she is unbalanced. It's too bad, because she is amazing in so many other ways.

 

I am also wondering why I feel an attraction toward the crazy one, but "Betsy" is is just as physically attractive--if not more so--doesn't do it for me. And she and I get along famously with no drama at all. Maybe that's it, actually.

[Outcast]

There's some science that says adrenaline (which of course can be triggered by conflict) can increase attraction. I pay little heed to 'attraction' as a gauge of who to be interested in because it's biology's way of trying to get you to make more humans.

[Yamaha]

Yes. I think the challenge is attractive to most people. This gal seems over the top as far as jealousy goes but she still may not want to date but wants your full attention. Some people just want what they want and don't like someone else coming in and messing up their life. She doesn't sound like a true friend as she just wants things her way. You don't need the drama.