maja Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 I have been with my man for little over 2 years and we've lived together for over 1 year. We talk about the future and we know we will get married some day. My man is a promoter for a club which everyone loves. People respect what he does and girls seem to be too interested in him. It drives me crazy when I see girls flirting with him. He sometimes meets girls as they go up to him to thank him for the good party, ect. Recently he met a girl at the club through other group of friends and now every time there's a party, she comes out and tries to make a move on him knowing he's with me. She smiles at him and he smiles back at her, but I was never introduced to her throught him. He told me the reason why he hasn't introduced me is that there wasn't an opportunity yet as he doesn't just want to go up to her and if she was to come up to us then he would introduce me. But I know that he briefly talked to her that night of the party and said it was just about the DJ, music, good party, ect. I don't know why i get SO crazy over the fact that someone is talking to him, or him talking to someone without me knowing who she is, why they are talking, what are they talking about. What am i supposed to do to try not being so insane!!?? Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 As long as he does this for a living, you're gonna be in hell. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maja Posted November 1, 2005 Author Share Posted November 1, 2005 why do you say "hell"? Becasue I'm a jealous freak? I was asking for some help on how to control this? Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 why do you say "hell"? Becasue I'm a jealous freak? I was asking for some help on how to control this? No. I say this because it's only going to get worse. Why? Because he's a promoter, and he's always meeting hot chicks attracted to status and power. I don't blame you for being jealous, and I don't know how you can put a stop to it. When I like someone, I get jealous, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maja Posted November 1, 2005 Author Share Posted November 1, 2005 It is very hard! I don't know how to stop myself from being so insecure. I know I'm smart and I am a pretty girl so I shouldn't feel threatened, but for some reason I do and I guess that's when I get so jealous. My man always shows me love and tells me that I should now worry about stupid things like this, because he would never do anything to hurt me, but I still get weird about this whole thing. He is a very handsome man, successful and all, anyone would want a man like that, but i really need to change and I guess I was just asking for some suggestions how.... Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 I'm sure there are ways to deal with it, but it's hard nonetheless. Just hold your breath and hope for the best, and don't let this insecurity get the best of you. Unless you have proof (or a very strong suspicion) that something is up, don't overreact. You'll know something's up if his behavior starts shifting toward the erratic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maja Posted November 2, 2005 Author Share Posted November 2, 2005 thanks so much for your help! I had another blow out with my man tonight. He's so sick of me getting jealous that he told me he feels scared talking to anyone at the club so i don't get mad. He said I take buisness away from his promoting company becasue he feels as he can't talk to anyone for any reason. He said he wants to be friendly with everyone as people are spending their money to come to his parties and I'm not allowing him to talk to people, ask their opinion about how they like it, ect. I understand his point, but do you think he's being a little selfish and not carying about my feelings? He says he will introduce me to people that are worth it, meaning if it's just an acquaintance, then he doesn't want to bother me as he thinks there's no need for everyone to know me and me to know everyone. He said he feels the same way about me introducing him to guys. He thinks are relationship will never be fully happy as I get very jealous and I don't trust him. I know I need to work on that, but I get to worried becasue there's all these pretty girls all over that he's friendly with and I start getting these crazy ideas to my head about him finding interest in someone else and he tells me that I'm the love of his life and that he would never do anything to hurt me! aahhh thanks for listening!!! Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted November 2, 2005 Share Posted November 2, 2005 Every relationship is tested in one respect or another. If you can't place faith in him, how do you expect to grow as a person and as a couple? If he betrays your trust, then he doesn't deserve you. If you don't look at this maturely, you will eventually lose him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maja Posted November 2, 2005 Author Share Posted November 2, 2005 you are right! thanks for your quick reply! Do you think that the reason I feel the way I do is becasue I'm very dependent on him at this time in my life? I go to school full time and he takes care of the bills, food, everything, so maybe I feel like if I loose him, I will loose everything. You know, I was always a jeaolus type, but never to this extent that I feel like my mind is my worse enemy. I was always independent and was able to buy everything for myself and others, but now that I went back to school that all stopped and I feel so helpless. Plus don't guys love so see an independent woman? Maybe I need to do things for myself and show him that I don't need him as much, maybe that will make me feel better and stop my insecurities?! Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted November 2, 2005 Share Posted November 2, 2005 Plus don't guys love so see an independent woman? We do want to feel needed, but not to the point where we can't get anything done. You probably have become very dependent on him, which explains a lot. It's great if he makes you happy, but you also have to learn to be happy when he's not around. Being well-rounded will improve your relationship by leaps and bounds... he'll definitely look forward to being with you when he sees you've got stuff going on in your life as well. It makes your time together that much more valuable, because you're sacrificing those things to please each other. Balance in all things... I need this, too. Link to post Share on other sites
insanelyjelous Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Hi There, All I want to say is you need to get a new hobbie, something to do or walk away from your relationship because as long as he's a promoter there'll always be girls, it comes with the territory! I'm pretty much in the same situation as you, my fiances a DJ so girls are always trying to get with him whether they know about me or not. I have my own insecurity issues that i'm dealing with very slowly. You need to find a way that you cant start to deal with your jealousy/insecurity if not he will probably end up shutting you out of that part of his life and believe me you dont want that to happen . My fiance stopped taking me out with him when he's DJing because he's so sick of my jealousy and I don't blame him. I realise now that if he wants to cheat with other girls he's going to and I can't stop that but for now he's with me and if I continue being jealous i'm only pushing him further away and I think your pretty much doing the same thing. try not going to every party he holds or asking a few of your friends to come with you, or even going out somewhere else with your friends when he's doing one of his parties that will help take your mind off of what he's doing and you might even start to enjoy yourself. Trust me you you don't want to be shut out, if it hurts you to see what he's doing then imagine not being able to go with him and the torture that you would put yourself through until he got home!! I hope this helps it's a shame you don't live in london i'm sure we'd make a right pair!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author maja Posted November 4, 2005 Author Share Posted November 4, 2005 Hi there, thanks for your feedback, it really helps!! I'm far, far away from you! I'm from USA.... It's funny, but we recently bought a DJ over from the UK, he was awesome!! Anyway, you are right and I need to try harder to hold myself back. My man doesn't show me anyhing other then respect and love, but I still manage to put crazy ideas in my head. I know that this will drive him away and I need to stop and face the fact that if I want to be with someone that is in the spot light all the time, I need to learn on how to deal with that. He hasn't shut me down from parties oh no, but there were few times were he asked me for my opinion and I soon as I heard that he got an idea from some girl I flipped, and he then said that he hates to talk buisness with me as I get all jealous and crazy.... I guess both of us need to realize and beleive in our men and our realationships and be proud that we are the ones with these fun, outgoing, succesfull men!! Good luck to you and look out, I'm coming to London for the night life sometime soon so you never know, I might see you on the dance floor!! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 You do have control over those thoughts. Just really try to concentrate on the positives. 1)He loves you 2)He respects you 3)He hasn't given you any reason to be jealous 4)He is allowed to have friends and enjoy himself when you're there or not there. 5)The business he is in, he will have lots of interaction with females, so you have to rise above it and trust him. Most of the time it's business, so chances of him flirting to the point of "having someone else" isn't going to happen. 6)Believe in yourself and know HE LOVES YOU! That should put a smile on your face...He comes to you at the end of the day...Not someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
insanelyjelous Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 Hi Maja, I'm so glad I could help even if it was only a little, I do wish that someone had told me what I told you before I made that mistake but then again i'm not very good at learning from others mistakes. Don't worry those crazy ideas that you put in your head will go in time (I've had them too) you just need to start to believe that he does love you and thats why he's with you and not any of the other girls. As for me my new mission is to start showing my fiance that I can go out with him and not be jealous or worried about other girls and not act silly when we get home, I know that its going to take time for him to believe that things have changed but I know I can make him see that I do believe in him and myself aswell. Jealousy and insecurity are all in the mind you have the power to control whether you use them as a positive or a negative energy.... Start believeing that you deserve him as much as he deserves you and stop doubting yourself, you are more than good enough for him and hopefully soon you will see that, I finally have!! Anyway good luck with everything I really hope you 2 stick at it and keep me posted on how things are going. Link to post Share on other sites
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