needing a second chance

[toxxic]

this is about the best forum i could think of for this.

 

my fiance & i had been together for a year and a half happily living together untill three weeks ago she left me, i ignored her for a game & let her leave & didn't chase her.

i didnt realise it at the time & she didnt even tell me till later that i neglected her & didnt show her enough love.

i know this now & have changed (quit the game etc), and would do anything for a second chance.

 

problem is she has moved to another guy (as soon as she left me).

she's not 'as happy' with him as she was with me, she's just 'taking a chance'.

i know he's not the kind of guy she'll be with forever, she's not comfortable with him etc.

But that's not the point it seems more like a fling to me, but it's not for me to judge.

 

I know she still has feelings for me (you can't just lose feelings like that), whenever we're together now we cuddle etc even are still intimate together (i know that's defidently wrong, but i feel saying no now may push her away, which isnt what i want to do - as used as i may feel).

 

i want to win her back, we were very free with each other & could be immature and crazy,we were so in love.

 

i have allot of sweet things planned (i bought hername.com & am going to put something sweet there, Clich'e i know).

 

She says she just wants to be friends, but has stated that she'd probably even come back if they ended.... as bad as that sounds.

 

It just feels like she's hurting over something that i am missing & covering it.

 

any ideas? i know i was in the wrong, but surely your heart tells you to pull towards 1 1/2yrs over 3 weeks.

 

thanks all for your time.

[Zaira]

I think you both need some time out. She wasn't happy with you, but to move on so quickly and 'replace you' with someone else, whilst still being intimate with you is not good.

 

Take a few months to work out if you really want to be with each other, or it was just a security thing.

[downcydeguy]

Please understand that the mentality a dumpER has is, "The quickest way over someone is under someone". To those of us on the dumpED side, it makes absolutely no sense that they can do this so easily. If she has moved on so quickly, please don't try to convince yourself that she was happy with you. She's still be there is she was. And, "she'll probably come back if they break up" is a joke.

 

You need to accept the fact that you're now in the same boat with the rest of us and have to move on. She's gone and that's that.

 

Good luck and stick with NC.

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

Please understand that the mentality a dumpER has is, "The quickest way over someone is under someone". To those of us on the dumpED side, it makes absolutely no sense that they can do this so easily. If she has moved on so quickly, please don't try to convince yourself that she was happy with you. She's still be there is she was. And, "she'll probably come back if they break up" is a joke.

 

You need to accept the fact that you're now in the same boat with the rest of us and have to move on. She's gone and that's that.

 

Good luck and stick with NC.

 

is it really always this 100% black and white ? surely there are grey areas which step outside this!

[downcydeguy]

Sure, there are rare "gray areas" with this matter. However, she's stringin' this guy along while dating another guy! And to boot, she's sleeping with both of them. This is classic "cake and eat it too".

 

If her current fling doesn't work out, she'll still have you there while she looks for another.

 

If you truly love her, there's no way you can handle/accept her being intimate with other guys with you around. Tell her to do whatever she needs to do to make herself happy and that she can call you up someday to talk if she wants. However, stay with strict NC from here on out....unless you just want her to be a friend with benefits...