Anxiety/Insecurity over relationship status

[clynn]

Good for you.

 

THe counseling is a very good idea. Good for you recognizing when it is time to seek out help.

[kpa]

Man, it's only been 1 week. I've been struggling today to not call her.

 

The thing is this woman looked into my eyes not too long ago and I was damn sure I saw something there. Just the way she looked into my eyes as I looked into hers...

 

In a way I just want to have a cup of tea one last time. I hate that see dumped me over the phone.

 

I know I should just forget her and move on -- is it wrong to want to have that one last meeting?

[country gal]

find something else to do with your time and to occupy your brain - FAST! it'll get easier just keep at it... and DO NOT CONTACT HER!

[kpa]

Why do I have such an urge to call her? I know there is zero chance of us getting back together.

 

In a way I just want a finale. One last face to face meeting to close this painful chapter.

 

Is this wise? It's only been a week. Should I wait longer?

 

She may not answer or call back or agree to meet me.

 

I know there should be no-contact -- and that is fine. But I want to close the book on this first.

[clynn]

The book already is closed.

 

It seems to me you'd be opening it again to contact her.

 

Really, the girl sounds like an artificial cow to me. To me, looking / gazing into someone's eyes is something I only do when I am truly connected with someone and want a relationship with them. It is a means of very deep, personal expression for me.

 

HOWEVER - not everyone is this honest or pure. Some people are more fickle with their emotions. I've had guys stare into my eyes and tell me all sorts of fancy things....only to find out they've been doing the same with 2 or 3 or 4 other girls - at the same time!! Can you believe it???? Some people are just plain weird that way. Are they insincere? Or do they need other people's adoration to feel good about themselves? Maybe. Who knows. What I do know is that they don't deserve the attention and respect of people like you and I whose feelings run much deeper.

 

So, chalk this one up to bad luck. You were really unlucky to ever fall for this girl. Because, obviously, she doesn't deserve you! Not at all.

 

Don't phone her. Don't look back.

 

Good luck. The reason it is hard for you is because you are a deep feeler. A true and honest person. She is fake.

[kpa]

clynn -- I do agree with you. My rational mind knows I should just drop this and never look back.

 

She made it more than clear she is not interested in me.

 

Why do we do this to ourselves?

 

I've been flip-flopping. Part of me wants to drop it, the other part want's that final meeting/conversation just to put this to bed once and all. I think that if that'll help ease my mind it might be worth it.

 

I don't want her back, I know it's so over.

 

Thanks for taking the time clynn. I'm still not sure what I'm going to do, but I'm going to wait a little longer -- at least until I'm a little less conflicted.

[kpa]

Well -- I did it. In a moment of weakness I called her.

 

Of course she didn't answer. I left a voice mail.

 

But I said what I wanted to say.

 

Now it's over.

 

I'll never contact her again.

[clynn]

Good for you. The truth is that at this point it really is all about you and about you getting on with things, and if that means you needed to phone her to do that, then so be it.

 

What did you say?

 

Best with the moving on. It sucks, I know.

 

But one day, maybe soon, or maybe not, you'll meet someone who'll make her a distant memory and it'll become clear as to why you're not suitable for one another.

 

Good luck.

[wantedandhopeless]

Hey!

 

Glad to hear that you got over her... I can't really give you any advice because im in almost the exact same situation.. but not as far into it and im only 16... and a little inexperienced in dating... Anyways.. if anyone here is willing to try to help me with my situation let me know and Ill post my story.... thanks..

(just a brief summary as to the situation I'm in: about a month and a half ago I fell head over heal for this girl in my grade. I have known her since last year but not as a good friend. As in, i knew her, but never talked to her much inside let alone outside of school. Anyways, we talked for hours each day and one day she set me up to ask her out so i did and she said yes. Nothing happened becasue we were too busy. After a while i took this as her saying "yes" only so tahtshe would not to hurt my feelings so i blatently asked her what was going on. She said she was still interested but want to get to know me more in person. Since then, things have gotten a little weird.... No more talking on msn, and whenever i started a convo she'd answer with stuff like "ok" "oh" "i see".. stuff you can't continue a convo with... but recentley, Ive tried talking to her more in school... and im mean as much as possible. And a major change has happened to her... Still not much talk on msn, but in school she blushes when i say hi to her if she's with friends but goes "Hey!!" if she's alone.. I keep seeing her make quick glances at me all throught class.. When ever i talk to her, while no friends are around, she seems to become all cheerfull and happy even if she looked stress and tired before.. and others..

..........

Now my question is this.... Did she like me in the beginning, said yes to going to with me but regretted it because she felt that she knew me through msn and not in person. Then after i started talking to her in person a lot more, showing her that i was still the same person, she likes me again??

..........

Or am I just in denile? I'll take her as a friend because it was her personality that I fell in love with first and i would hate to lose her as a friend... She's first person that i've know who i can tell anything.

------------

Ill post the lengthy really detailed one if you guys are interested.. if not ill just post it in a new thread.. thanx.. and good luck KPA in finding another girl because your last one defenitley doesnt deserve you!!!

[kpa]

Yeah, I think I had to make that cool. She didn't answer as I expected and hasn't returned my call as I expected.

 

I don't want to say what I said nor is it important.

 

It is done, she is done...

 

Thanks for listening, it has helped.

 

[elijahBailey]

dude, use this period of time to unlearn everything. Everything! You need to change your behavior with women. It's okay to make a mistake, just don't make the same mistake over and over again. Pick yourself up and move on. There are so many other women out there and you're so hung up on just ONE woman. Change, dude, change. Get a grip and move on.

[kpa]

dude, use this period of time to unlearn everything. Everything! You need to change your behavior with women. It's okay to make a mistake, just don't make the same mistake over and over again. Pick yourself up and move on. There are so many other women out there and you're so hung up on just ONE woman. Change, dude, change. Get a grip and move on.

 

Yup, you are right. And I will learn. For the first time I see some patterns. I'm going to learn from this one and make the pain worth something.

 

I've already made some positive changes.

[MissLonelyHeart]

Yup, you are right. And I will learn. For the first time I see some patterns. I'm going to learn from this one and make the pain worth something.

 

I've already made some positive changes.

 

 

I'm on the verge of going through pretty much the same thing you just went through. Things didn't get as far with this man and myself though, because when it comes to sex, I do not sleep with people quickly at all. If I do, and things don't work out, I feel even worse over it. So, I don't go there anymore. But still, emotionally, I got very wrapped up, and I didn't get that way all on my own. He said and did a lot of things that helped this all along. So, just know that even though you may need to change, and work on things about yourself, that other person wasn't exacty being very fair or nice.

 

And, I can relate to feeling desperate. At times, I feel very desperate myself. It's really hard when the other person does or says things that feed into the desperation, too. It makes things so much more painful when it doesn't work out. People who run hot and cold are the WORST PEOPLE for folks like us to fall for. Some people here think you pushed her away, and you may have, but again, I also think she was a little unfair, and perhaps not sure what she wanted. I

 

I'm glad you're over her. And I'm sorry this happened the way it did.

 

 

-MLH

[kpa]

MissLonelyHeart -- yep, sounds like our situations are similar. I do admit I got emotionally wrapped up way too quickly, maybe I even liked the "idea" of her more than the real person. But certain times the way she acted... it just seemed like we were connecting. But we weren't. I've got to be more careful next time.

[FireReady]

Can I ask the women out there a question -- when you say you aren't looking for a boyfriend, what does that mean? In my head that just means you don't like me enough -- afterall, if you like someone enough, you want to be with them! Isn't it that simple?

 

Anways--- we hung out thursday evening and had a GREAT time. Then I don't hear from her for the weekend. She didn't answer my calls or text messages. I rang her from my office phone and she answered. Hmmmmm...

 

I hate this...

 

I think that she doesn't like you the way you like her, first of all. Secondly, I think that it's not something that can be forced, even if you feel you're not forcing it. Either the chemistry is there, or it's not.

 

To answer the other question, when I say I'm not looking for a boyfriend, I mean, I'm not looking for a boyfriend. Not, I think youre great but not my type, not I want to get you into the sack and move on, not any of that... Pure and simple: I like my independence at present and don't have the patience/time/desire to alter my situation into a relationship. Maybe in the future, but at this point and time, thank you very much, but I'm quite content with being single.