goingcrazzie3 Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 Please help me I am going crazy over this!!! My husband and I have been together over 10 years and we have been married for seven years. My husband has a really close married friend who is not getting any sex from his wife. His friend recently moved near us and his wife is still out of town (selling the house, getting this settled, etc.). This past weekend all three of us (me, my husband and his friend) went to a party and got realllllllly drunk. To make a long story short, we ended up messing around - a threesome. It was mostly the two men on me. My husband (literally) stoped his friend from having "actual sex" with me, but didn't mind if other things went on. When it was time for bed, my husband went into the spare bedroom and almost passed out. I went to see if he was coming to bed with me and he said - just come sleep here, but I didn't I went back to our bed. In the meantime, his friend came into my room and asked me for a kiss goodnight. On thing lead to another and he was on top of me. My husband came in and was pretty upset, so his friend went to the spare bedroom and my husband and I went to bed (in our bed). The next morning I was having trouble sleeping (because my conscience was getting the best of me) so I woke my husband up to ask him if he was mad at me. At first he didn't even remember what happened, then he said that he was glad he came down or else who knows what would have happened. His friend spent most of the next day at our house and all three of us were a little bit quite, for the most part everything seemed fine. When my husband's friend left I asked my husband if he talked to his friend about what happened and he said no. My husband said that he loves me very much and he never wants anything like that to happen (which I agree)! He said that he is trying to have an open mind about the whole situation and he knows all three of us were reallllllly drunk. I asked him why he would let something like that happen if he loves me and he said he was sooo drunk he doesn't even remember how it started. I told him I felt like it was my fault and he said he felt like it was his fault. Basically I can't stop thinking about it. My husband and I over the last year have not had a great sex life, we both work and have kids so it's hard to find time. The next day after this happened, we had sex three times!!! Granted it's only been three days since this happened we have been getting along better than ever! However, I am still worried that this will ruin our relationship. It made me realize just how much I love my husband and that I do not want anyone but him and he told me the same thing! Please tell me what you honestly think will be the repercussions of this, for me, my husband, our marriage and even our friendship with his friend.
whichwayisup Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 Why did you start off your post with that? I hate to say it, along with an "unconfirmed" account, you're not going to get too many replies as I'm sure many (myself included) will think this post is BS (and I ain't meaning Betrayed Spouse...) IF this post is real, you obviously have alot of work to do in the marriage. Head to marriage counselling, find out why you both needed to explore the option of a threesome...Yes, the damage is done but can be repaired. Please tell me what you honestly think will be the repercussions of this, for me, my husband, our marriage and even our friendship with his friend. Things will never be the same. Jealously, hurt feelings, uncomfortableness, is there now. I'm glad to hear that it won't happen again - If it ever does, set up rules/boundries of what can/can't happen. The friendship with that man will be strained for quite a while I'm sure...
Lonestar Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 Why did you start off your post with that.. WWIU, I think she thought that was a crying icon, not a lmao of icon. They could be confused by a newbie. I personally thought the story was real.
Author goingcrazzie3 Posted November 1, 2005 Author Posted November 1, 2005 Wow, I feel like a total ass!! I did think that was a crying icon and you guys were calling it a "lmao" I didn't even know what that meant - until I ran my mouse over it and saw what it meant. I don't even know how to edit the thread to delete it. Yes I am new and I am sorry if I offended anyone, but my story (unfortunately) is really real and I really would / need some really real advice. Please help me (no more smiley icons for me - apparently I can't get them right either)!
RainyDayWoman Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 the feeling in the pit of your stomach is guilt. you know you didn't sleep in the bed with your husband because you knew you wanted to hook up with the other guy alone. you are full of shame right now, as maybe you should be. but i would certainly be furious if we just had a threesome and my husband took off to get some one-on-one action behind my back. but since you both took part in this event, it's possible that you can work through it together just fine. only time will tell. he has more to forgive than you do, i think.
Author goingcrazzie3 Posted November 1, 2005 Author Posted November 1, 2005 Maybe I feel a little guilty, but I absolutely did not go to my bed to hook up with his friend again! I like to sleep in my bed, it's big and it's mine. You are right I am a little ashamed. It's just really unnatural and weird to me! I don't think my husband was going to get some one-on-one behind my back - but I don't really know for sure. Do you think it's best that I don't say anything else about it unless he does; it will be hard for me because I am the type of person who needs to get things off my chest? Thanks for replying I really do appreciate it.
Michael86 Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 This past weekend all three of us (me, my husband and his friend) went to a party and got realllllllly drunk. To make a long story short, we ended up messing around - a threesome. It was mostly the two men on me. My husband (literally) stoped his friend from having "actual sex" with me, but didn't mind if other things went on. I'm going to resist jumping all over you for what happened. I think you already know how wrong it was. But your husband bears responsibility too. And I'm not sure what you mean by you were messing around and then he stopped the "actual sex." Why was messing around OK to him? And to you too. It should never have gotten to that point. This friend of yours is no friend either. Kick him to the curb and don't ever contact him again. In any case, you might want to think about marriage counseling. You might actually be able to work through this since BOTH of you were at fault for this mess. And being drunk is no excuse. If this is what you're capable of when you drink, then give up the alcohol. Michael
RainyDayWoman Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 I don't think my husband was going to get some one-on-one behind my back - but I don't really know for sure. Thanks for replying I really do appreciate it. no, in this case the "husband going behind your bacK" was my example for me of how i would feel...and i would marry a man, not a woman, so i said "husband." in this case, you're the wife who went behind the husband's back. i'm sorry, but i do find it hard to believe that you and your husband slept in separate beds and yet you expected nothing to happen with you and the other guy. he came in for a good night kiss.....yeah, okay. you could have said no. but you didn't...and the all of a sudden he was on top of you. i don't buy it. and you're welcome.
Milo Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 It sounds like you guys are going to be fine. Talk about it as you both feel the need and make a point to have sex with each other more often. You can't keep that bottled up forever.
lilmoma1973 Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 I personally couldn't do this even if i was drunk .. I don't get that drunk not to know what im doing certainly not with someone else.. I understand why you feel guilty for what happened you feel you have betrayed your h even though he knew!! As for the friend falling on top of you i don't buy it !!! I wouldn't let this type of thing happen again because having sex with other people can bring feelings into it and someone is going to get hurt!!! Good Luck hope it all works out for you
aloneinTX Posted November 4, 2005 Posted November 4, 2005 Kind of like how DH's A started. He was invited into the bedroom with a couple, later on the OW's H would only watch. Needless to say it WAS NOT a one time deal. Should you figure out later that your marriage works as an "open couple" Please only invite other couples that have an open marriage.
GuySimple Posted November 4, 2005 Posted November 4, 2005 What kind of a husband, no matter how drunk, would give his wife to his friend in a sexual way. This is something out of the middle ages. I would be questioning his respect for you.
lilmoma1973 Posted November 4, 2005 Posted November 4, 2005 What kind of a husband, no matter how drunk, would give his wife to his friend in a sexual way. This is something out of the middle ages. I would be questioning his respect for you. I totally agree with you !! What kind of man is he to let it happen? I don't get if he was so drunk how come he stopped the friend from having sex with her when he noticed what was happening !!! I don't buy that he was too drunk!!!
jonesgirly Posted November 5, 2005 Posted November 5, 2005 Its NOT going to happen again. Put it behind you, don't get so drunk next time. This is not going to be a topic at the dinner table. It will be uncomfortable when his wife arrives (are you friends?). That may take a bit of "denial" on your part to push it into the past. Life and learn. Be happy that your sex-life seems to be rejuvenated!
weescotslassie Posted November 12, 2005 Posted November 12, 2005 Please help me I am going crazy over this!!! My husband and I have been together over 10 years and we have been married for seven years. My husband has a really close married friend who is not getting any sex from his wife. His friend recently moved near us and his wife is still out of town (selling the house, getting this settled, etc.). This past weekend all three of us (me, my husband and his friend) went to a party and got realllllllly drunk. To make a long story short, we ended up messing around - a threesome. It was mostly the two men on me. My husband (literally) stoped his friend from having "actual sex" with me, but didn't mind if other things went on. When it was time for bed, my husband went into the spare bedroom and almost passed out. I went to see if he was coming to bed with me and he said - just come sleep here, but I didn't I went back to our bed. In the meantime, his friend came into my room and asked me for a kiss goodnight. On thing lead to another and he was on top of me. My husband came in and was pretty upset, so his friend went to the spare bedroom and my husband and I went to bed (in our bed). The next morning I was having trouble sleeping (because my conscience was getting the best of me) so I woke my husband up to ask him if he was mad at me. At first he didn't even remember what happened, then he said that he was glad he came down or else who knows what would have happened. His friend spent most of the next day at our house and all three of us were a little bit quite, for the most part everything seemed fine. When my husband's friend left I asked my husband if he talked to his friend about what happened and he said no. My husband said that he loves me very much and he never wants anything like that to happen (which I agree)! He said that he is trying to have an open mind about the whole situation and he knows all three of us were reallllllly drunk. I asked him why he would let something like that happen if he loves me and he said he was sooo drunk he doesn't even remember how it started. I told him I felt like it was my fault and he said he felt like it was his fault. Basically I can't stop thinking about it. My husband and I over the last year have not had a great sex life, we both work and have kids so it's hard to find time. The next day after this happened, we had sex three times!!! Granted it's only been three days since this happened we have been getting along better than ever! However, I am still worried that this will ruin our relationship. It made me realize just how much I love my husband and that I do not want anyone but him and he told me the same thing! Please tell me what you honestly think will be the repercussions of this, for me, my husband, our marriage and even our friendship with his friend. Hi, I've never been in that situation before, but as long as you do not feel like you were taken advantage of by this friend(or even your husband), then I don't see why you both can't move on from this. If this is something that you both agree was not for you, then at least you both know it. Not many couples get the opportunity to explore their sexual relationship like that. However, you have to be honest with yourself and question why things went further while your husband was in the bathroom. Is there an underlying problem that both of you aren't addressing? Also, you need to look at the fact that both you and your husband seem(to me) aroused at the fact that this happened, is this something that you both should explore(sober) with set boundaries and rules? Maybe the fact that you were all so drunk and maybe not in complete control over your actions and reactions, made this particular situation uncomfortable and awkward. If you have no interest in continuing any sort of relationship with this friend, then you should consider distancing yourself from him. Good luck, let me know how you get on!
amandine Posted November 12, 2005 Posted November 12, 2005 Granted it's only been three days since this happened we have been getting along better than ever! However, I am still worried that this will ruin our relationship. It made me realize just how much I love my husband and that I do not want anyone but him and he told me the same thing! Please tell me what you honestly think will be the repercussions of this, for me, my husband, our marriage and even our friendship with his friend. Wait, you said you're now getting along better than ever and it made you realize how much you love your husband... so what's the problem? To be sure, threesomes are ideal for people not in commited relationships, but I could count more than a handful of friends who've been married for a while, and end up making their sex life better after such an encounter. So long as your husband doesn't behave "distant" and "weird" etc right after this, I think you just had your fun with it and that is it. Now, going forward, should you and your husband have a problem in which it is precisely stated that the threesome is the root of, discuss it then. Don't, of all things, blame a problem you may have in the future on this instance unless it's stated that the problem was the threesome outright. If you truly regret it, well, just don't speak of it again.
TMCM Posted November 13, 2005 Posted November 13, 2005 : Basically I can't stop thinking about it. My husband and I over the last year have not had a great sex life, we both work and have kids so it's hard to find time. The next day after this happened, we had sex three times!!! Granted it's only been three days since this happened we have been getting along better than ever! Please tell me what you honestly think will be the repercussions of this, for me, my husband, our marriage and even our friendship with his friend. Don't beat yourself up, for what happened to you could have happened to almost anybody in your circumstances. That being said my first bit of advice for BOTH of you is to avoid getting drunk again. Alcohol is proven to eliminate the inhibitions that keep us from making stupid mistakes. You came within a hair's length of having actual intercourse with your mutual 'friend' because of a cocktail of bad sex life, alcohol intoxication, foreplay and brief time alone with another man. Chances are good that if you had not been intoxicated you will most likely have stopped it before it got to the point of the 'friend' kissing you and getting on top of you. Don't you agree?. And secondly, talk to your H about the importance of having a day [or just an evening] just to yourselves [with no kids around] to keep the marriage happy and healthy. Get someone to babysit your kids while you and your H go out for a few hours and do some of the things you did when you were courting each other. I beleive that from BOTH of your reactions to the event, your marriage is not in any danger of self destructing BUT if the two of you choose to repeat this scenario, then the chances are good that it will. TMCM
wanting to heal Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 You and your H need to agree it was a mistake. Agree not to get back in that situation. That "friend" is not one at all. Get rid of him by mutual agreement. You were as wrong for what you did as you husband is for sharing his wife in any way.
lilmoma1973 Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 You and your H need to agree it was a mistake. Agree not to get back in that situation. That "friend" is not one at all. Get rid of him by mutual agreement. You were as wrong for what you did as you husband is for sharing his wife in any way. Totally agree with wanting to heal!!! This is no friend to either of you if he was then why he do what he done drunk or not !!!
Judas Christian Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 Your relationship seems to have strengthened a little and that's not actually strange - you've each had a mutual scare, gone through it together and are further dealing with the aftermath together. It's bringing you closer together and that's great. It doesn't mean the semi-threesome was a good idea, obviously it wasn't, but good CAN come from bad and in this case it did. Just appreciate the fact that you and your husband have renewed desire for each other and only worry about the threesome insofar as you have to - as and when it rears its head. As for the friend, I'm not quite so harsh as others regarding my judgment of him, but certainly in light of what happened he should not be a regular fixture in your lives anymore. It's not that he's any more to blame than the two of you, but he is the odd man out - you two are married to one another, he's just a friend. So, in that regard, have much much less to do with him, if anything at all. Not because he's to blame, but because he's the only part of a three-element equation that can be subtracted to yield the positive result.
Kenyth Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 I think you can both get by this. You both had responsibility in what happened and admit it. You didn't actually wind up sleeping with the guy. This isn't really so much a betrayal as a case of bad judgement and drinking too much. Both of you went into it with your eyes wide open. You both feel guilty and take fault. Just forget about it and try to move on. Unfortunately, you will both have to sever the relationship with this freind character. He crossed the line and should be thankful things didn't get more screwed up than they did. By pure luck, this incident is only at a point where you can all walk away from it.
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