confused696969 Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 I want to get something for my X this Xmas and her bday is a couple weeks after xmas as well. Any suggestions. We dated for 4.5 years and knew each other for 5, she needed her "space" and we just broke up a month ago, i am trying to not have contact with her for awhile so i can either get over her or else have her realize that she really wants me back for the future. Any suggestions on gifts i should get her to show her i still care, still love her, and am still wide open in taking her back. Because i do now, respect her need for "space" and want to show that getting back together is the right thing and the best thing to do for the both of us. Suggestions from the male and female perspective would be appreciated. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
RainyDayWoman Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 by the time christmas comes around, i doubt either of you will be concerned with each other anymore. you don't have to show her you will take her back....she broke with you, so this is what she wants. she isn't worried about you taking her back because you're the one that needs to be "taken back" by her, if it were to happen at all. she wants space. respect her by giving her that space, and let her make the next call. another hint....saying i need space means "i need time away from you, to not be with you, and not have to think about you and plan my life around you." this is not the time to start planning other ways to ensnare her back into your life---you'll be doing the exact opposite of what she wants, therefore severing the chance at another shot down the road. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 Why ?? You are not involved with each other and an Exmas gift ( pun intended ) is fairly personal.. Let her be.. you will just set yourself up for more pain looking for a reply that won't come. If she sends you one.. Then doing NC is having an effect and you might consider sending a card.. Gifts are for people in relationships.. No matter how small the gift it is wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
glittergurl Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 I wouldnt buy her anything either. Heck, I'd be pi$$ed if she'd dumped my a$$ because "she wants more space". I believe this situation and the reasons of your break up are much more complex than what you described. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 A gift for your ex? Please tell me it's April Fool's. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused696969 Posted November 2, 2005 Author Share Posted November 2, 2005 thanks for the advice, i am just so much in love and i just cant get over her or see myself with anyone else in my life, when she told me she needed space, she told me she sees us getting back together in the future. Is that even possible?? And if so, how much space, how long should i give her before talking and asking her again??? Link to post Share on other sites
glittergurl Posted November 2, 2005 Share Posted November 2, 2005 Aww, I feel for you, confused. That is harsh; and getting over someone you love can take a while. But for your own good, please don't go begging. Don't pay give her any attention and don't give her any gifts. You should keep yourself busy and go out with friends or something. I know how this feeling can drive you crazy when you have enough time on your hands to think about it all. It is not fair for your girlfriend of 5 years to say "I need space; go f?ck off somewhere and maybe someday I'll take you back". Does she seriously expect you to wait for her like a dog? She does not respect you and obviously doesn't care how much this could possibly hurt you. She's selfish; and selfish people should not be rewarded for their selfish actions. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 2, 2005 Share Posted November 2, 2005 Take it one day at a time. Thinking ahead to Xmas and her birthday (When is her bday?) is just abit much right now. The best thing you can do is let her have the space she needs. Let her figure it out, and then hopefully she'll miss you enough to track you down again. She knows how you feel, so I wouldn't keep telling her how much you love her. That will push her away...Sorry to sound harsh, it's just how things work in a situation like yours. When someone asks for space, give it to them. Keep busy, go out with your friends. Change your focus so you're not thinking about her all time. Have fun! Laugh and be silly... Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted November 2, 2005 Share Posted November 2, 2005 ...when she told me she needed space, she told me she sees us getting back together in the future. Is she 21? Link to post Share on other sites
glittergurl Posted November 2, 2005 Share Posted November 2, 2005 Is she 21? lol Wes, why 21? Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused696969 Posted November 2, 2005 Author Share Posted November 2, 2005 as a matter of fact she is 21, i am 22 Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted November 2, 2005 Share Posted November 2, 2005 Figures... They always do this at 21. Most of them, anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
glittergurl Posted November 2, 2005 Share Posted November 2, 2005 Figures... DANGGG how did you do that sh?t?? LOL So uhmm, wait a minute; she was 16 when you met? Hmmmfff ... It's over, man Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused696969 Posted November 2, 2005 Author Share Posted November 2, 2005 well if thats true, i think thats pretty ****ing lame, i thought she was always the one and only for me, i even had that feeling that this girl is the one for me, and now i feel so backstabbed by my best friend, but i always want to keep an open mind to things happening again, but i dont know when is an appropriate time to approach her, or just maby wait until we cross paths and can hookup again. I just dont wanna see it being over, cause really, how can i be sure she wont do it again, and for that matter how can i know if another girl wouldnt do it again to me. Its horrible and the worst ive even been in my life. and i am only a month in, and only 6 days into NC Link to post Share on other sites
patwheel Posted November 2, 2005 Share Posted November 2, 2005 yeah, 21 or 24. the big 25 means i want a hottie with money and stable career. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused696969 Posted November 2, 2005 Author Share Posted November 2, 2005 well damn, i have to wait that long, i have my career started and well under way, and looking to move forward. then again, i am also a very impatient person, i want things now that maby i should wait for, because right now i dont like being single and i never really wanted to be single, i love being loved and i love showing love to another nad having that feeling of comfort between two people. but i guess this is the first time ive ever really been single, and i m stuck in some **** ass little town where nothing happens until my career can move forward witth experience. Im kinda stuck in a major rut right now. Link to post Share on other sites
glittergurl Posted November 2, 2005 Share Posted November 2, 2005 Well, did you ever talk this out before you guys actually separated? I mean, she didn't just smile and said "okay, bye!" and then left, did she ? I can understand that if you want to move on, you need some explanations from her. She can't just leave you like that without being a little more detailed about her reasons. That's just plain mean. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused696969 Posted November 2, 2005 Author Share Posted November 2, 2005 well my career has started and i am stuck in a **** hole small town until the experience comes in and i can get the **** to somewhere fun and exciting, i have to wait til im 25, damn that blows because i am not a fan of being single, but then again i guess ive never been single, but i always loved the feeling and comfort that i am with someone i love and show to her that i love her and she shows the same back to me. i dunno anymore, i just dont know. Women are ****ing confusing as hell and play to many games. the secret is to just lay it out plain and straight, thats all there is too it for me, **** the games its all BS Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused696969 Posted November 2, 2005 Author Share Posted November 2, 2005 she told me shes been thinking about us for about a year, and wanted to shake those "feelings" or wanting to see what its like to be with someone else, she wants to experience what its like to be with someone else, but i have too but didnt ever wanna ruin what i had with her. She says maby it will take another guy to make her realize she wants to be with me forever. but over a year i feel like ive been lied to now, ive forgiven her for that and shes forgiven things that i broke of hers out of rage, and we started to be friends again, but that just hurt me too much, so i emailed her a while ago telling her i want no contact from her unless its to discuss us and possibly getting back together, and if she sees someone else there is a remote chance i would take her back (even though i really would and want to) and if she slept with someone else i wouldnt even consider taking her back (which is true, i wouldnt be able to forgive her for that). So i dunno, i just cant move on without her, so i am really really hoping we can work things out eventually and regrettable things wont be done by either of us. Link to post Share on other sites
glittergurl Posted November 2, 2005 Share Posted November 2, 2005 Awww, I feel so sorry for you! You know, you actually did the right things so far. The part about telling her you wouldn't take her back if she sleeps around, etc; you're right and you should stick to it. Don't give in; she's the one who messed it all up. And hey, not all girls are b?tches. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused696969 Posted November 2, 2005 Author Share Posted November 2, 2005 well, she did tell me that she doesnt expect me to wait around for her, and that she wouldnt blame me for not taking her back if she did come back. so being single now, i think that no other girls would look at me the way she always did, becuase i wouldnt know the first thing to you know talking to other girls or all that stuff, becuase honestly why SHOULD i wait around, even thought i would take her back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused696969 Posted November 2, 2005 Author Share Posted November 2, 2005 i will have to use my sad pity story on girls...maby that will work muahhahahaha, jk Link to post Share on other sites
patwheel Posted November 2, 2005 Share Posted November 2, 2005 she told me shes been thinking about us for about a year, and wanted to shake those "feelings" or wanting to see what its like to be with someone else, she wants to experience what its like to be with someone else, but i have too but didnt ever wanna ruin what i had with her. She says maby it will take another guy to make her realize she wants to be with me forever. but over a year i feel like ive been lied to now, ive forgiven her for that and shes forgiven things that i broke of hers out of rage, and we started to be friends again, but that just hurt me too much, so i emailed her a while ago telling her i want no contact from her unless its to discuss us and possibly getting back together, and if she sees someone else there is a remote chance i would take her back (even though i really would and want to) and if she slept with someone else i wouldnt even consider taking her back (which is true, i wouldnt be able to forgive her for that). So i dunno, i just cant move on without her, so i am really really hoping we can work things out eventually and regrettable things wont be done by either of us. I am in the same situation as you. My girl want some space, see whats out there on her own, and not with me anymore. Short story long, she wants to see if she can find a better catch. shes in law school, so am i so were both in professional careers filled with people with a lot of expectations and potential. i was with my girl for 2 1/2 yrs, and to tell you the truth, I really thought she was gonna be the one. but, what I wanted as a commitment, as a future for us, she didnt, and no one can force that. im just like you, i hate being alone, i hate being single, i dont like the dating scene. but you know what, while i was in my relationship, i let go of a lot of things that i enjoyed to do, namely seeing my friends that she hated, or just plain reading a book. being single has its charm. and trust me, i know what alone means, im here in Los angeles, with no family, and no friends that I can really talk to now, since ex took them. i might consider a dog, at least it will be there when ill get home. dont worry about giving her a present, i know my ex (1 week since break up, and NC for 5 days) isnt gonna get me anything for my bday tomorrow. and, probably no bday wishes either, since she is great at suppressing ppl, but thats another issue. the whole point of this is, i dont feel bad because i know she is living it up, partying all over town, "discovering herself", and not thinking about me. and this is how it should be. if she wants to, then it would give me mixed signals, that i would not want to see anyways. i dont hate her, i love her, just not in love with her. girls that age wont look back twice on their decision. theyll go on, party it up, find some older dude that has a hot career, makes plenty of money, will compare that to the first relationship they had and see how much better they are, marry the first guy theyll find who will listen to their egoistic needs, and then you just have to wish her the best. youre young, career is just starting, work a little, get some experience, get the hell out of your sh*t town, and youll see everything will be better. Link to post Share on other sites
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