Unhappily married

[Newlywed07]

Got married during in Dec 2020 to my partner from high school. We are on our third year of marriage together & I can’t help but feel so unhappy, feels there’s no understanding nor respect from him. I am starting to see so much in him that I do not agree with and do not like that makes me question how I am going to live a life like this going forwards for the rest of my life? 
I moved into his parents home for the first 1.5 years. It was a huge struggle, as his mother caused a lot of problems and that became our sole focus. Following on from a year we have been trying to conceive from our first child & 13 months later we have not been able to. Meaning that took over our second year. We have moved into our own home, it has been 2 months and he often (2/3times) will visit his parents, him and his brother swear in front of me and the parents, which I feel incredibly uncomfortable and [offensive words] When I am there at my inlaws football is always on, excluding me and my mother in law. I have suggested me and my mother in law do things when they watch but it becomes about chores, which is not enjoyable! I have had to take her clothes and domestic shopping, as the older brother who lives with her and my father in law don’t, which to be honest makes no sense to me, as I live 15 minutes away and my parents wouldn’t ever ask my husband to do chores with them. When I asked him today whether this will be regular thing where he will be visiting/us visiting multiple times a week he said I was controlling him, how he has just left his parents and that I shouldn’t ever question that. He said we have no kids and we work from home so we are with each other all the time and why am I controlling him. When I am not, I just feel he goes so much in a week and I feel every feeling I have, thought etc. is invalidated, I’m never felt a priority in his life and I genuinely wish I didn’t get married. 

Edited January 22, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[glows]

You’ve posted this in Separation & Divorce. Are you implying you’ve made up your mind to separate and divorce or are you just ranting here? I empathize with you and I’m sorry this is happening. It’s best to speak with a lawyer in private and figure out an exit plan that works best for you. 

[stillafool]

Why not stay home when he goes over his parents to watch football?  You can invite your friends or relatives over to your house for a little get together while your husband watches the games.  Do you enjoy football too?   I agree that if you are very unhappy and no longer want to be married you should consult with a divorce attorney.  Do you work?

[Newlywed07]

6 hours ago, glows said:

You’ve posted this in Separation & Divorce. Are you implying you’ve made up your mind to separate and divorce or are you just ranting here? I empathize with you and I’m sorry this is happening. It’s best to speak with a lawyer in private and figure out an exit plan that works best for you. 

Sorry.. I wasn’t able to post it anywhere else under marriage and relationships. 

[Newlywed07]

6 hours ago, stillafool said:

Why not stay home when he goes over his parents to watch football?  You can invite your friends or relatives over to your house for a little get together while your husband watches the games.  Do you enjoy football too?   I agree that if you are very unhappy and no longer want to be married you should consult with a divorce attorney.  Do you work?

I do not like football. And I can call friends over but every week? It’s impossible, as friends are married and have kids. Whereas his friends do not have kids nor are married. He’s the only one married out of him and his brother and friends, so does not understand priorities or responsibilities about being a husband in that sense. Yes i work FT

[Els]

10 minutes ago, Newlywed07 said:

I do not like football. And I can call friends over but every week? It’s impossible, as friends are married and have kids. Whereas his friends do not have kids nor are married. He’s the only one married out of him and his brother and friends, so does not understand priorities or responsibilities about being a husband in that sense. Yes i work FT

Is he going every week? Your post seemed to say 2-3 times in 2 months, which is about once a month.

IMO, once a month is fine but every week would be a dealbreaker for me. The question is, surely you knew all of this about him before you got married, so why did you get married?

[Weezy1973]

11 hours ago, Newlywed07 said:

. When I am not, I just feel he goes so much in a week and I feel every feeling I have, thought etc. is invalidated, I’m never felt a priority in his life and I genuinely wish I didn’t get married. 

Well stop trying to have kids would be my first thought, especially if you're considering ending the marriage. Marriages end, but kids are forever. I do think going to your in-laws 2 to 3 times every week is a lot, but for some families that might be more normal. What matters for your marriage is that the two of you see this differently. You need to communicate and compromise. It sounds like he wants to go out and do something during the week as he works from home and wants to get out. Maybe you can suggest going to the in-laws and watching football once a week, and then going out on a "date night" once a week and the other can be a flex day. Maybe do some home projects together, have some friends over etc.

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, Newlywed07 said:

I do not like football. And I can call friends over but every week? It’s impossible, as friends are married and have kids. Whereas his friends do not have kids nor are married. He’s the only one married out of him and his brother and friends, so does not understand priorities or responsibilities about being a husband in that sense. Yes i work FT

Football is only for a season and is not year long.  Many wives will tell you they become widows in football season.  I love football and my husband and I bond over it; but many women do not like it.  I have friends who use that time to pamper themselves, go shopping, out to lunch or just rest up for 3-1/2 hours.   If some of your kids like football send them with the Dad to watch the games.  I do think 2 to 3 times a week away is too much; but you can't expect him not to watch football just because you don't like it or his family.  You don't have to be involved.

Edited January 22, 2023 by stillafool

[JTSW]

Not being able to conceive right now may be a blessing in disguise.

Bringing a baby into this will make things allot worse for you.

He will want to go with him and his mother will be an unbearable grandmother.

He has no respect for you and still likes to live the single life.

You are not happy and I don't blame you.

I couldn't live with a husband like that. 

Put yourself first here and seek advice from a divorce attorney.

Please don't stay with this man.

[Lotsgoingon]

You may want to get out. What's holding you back?

[S2B]

If you are miserable divorce now. Do not keep trying to get pregnant.

[notbroken]

Bringing a baby into this won't help.    You are unlikely to be any happier at 'Grandmas' on Sundays with a baby in tow.   You need to talk to your husband.  It seems you married very young and didn't have a healthy routine built up.   Tell him you are unhappy and would like to change a few things.  Compromise.  Fix this - or break it.   Don't wallow in pain and misery.   It won't end well.  I hope you find a way to fix it and be happy together.  If not, find a good path for yourself.  

[stillafool]

Since you guys have moved into a new house why not invite his family over there to watch the Superbowl.  It's the last game of the season so celebrate.  He's all yours after that until next season.  Football nor his family are not the reason you guys aren't expecting a baby.