basil67 Posted January 29, 2023 Share Posted January 29, 2023 Your message was perfect. If she doesn't accept this respectfully, it would demonstrate that she's lacking in empathy and only thinks of her own needs 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiritedaway2003 Posted January 29, 2023 Share Posted January 29, 2023 You'll be okay. You really don't want her to respond other than "I understand" (and then you should focus on reducing or cutting contacts). Trust me, this is how it starts...you won't want to become an "other man"/"other person" in their relationship. She IS n a relationship. You want more than friendship. This isn't working. Step back. Step way back now. Otherwise, you will get hurt. I know you like her, but focus on finding someone who is single and available instead. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 29, 2023 Share Posted January 29, 2023 Okay. Your message was clear. Hopefully that's the end of it. It's good to get that out of your system. If she doesn't step back and respect your space, block her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted January 29, 2023 Share Posted January 29, 2023 At the very least, mute the notifications and don’t bother checking until next year, maybe the year after or never. I know. It’s cold but better than living in limbo. Look at your whole life ahead of you and you’re here limiting yourself to this woman. Unfortunately it’s best to assume she will continue to message. You’re going to have to be the one to move on and put this behind you. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 30, 2023 Share Posted January 30, 2023 13 hours ago, toughlove1993 said: Her: You know I'm in a relationship. For a year I do love him This is all you need to know hun. She loves him. I know it hurts but you did the right thing. Put her out of your mind now. It will get easier in time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 30, 2023 Share Posted January 30, 2023 It is best that you cut all contact with her now, and yes, finally block her. She is in love with someone else and doesn't see you as more than a friend. There is just no reason to keep in touch with her anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author toughlove1993 Posted January 30, 2023 Author Share Posted January 30, 2023 (edited) I am still feeling really hurt today. But I know I did the right thing for both of us. she never replied to the message so I think it’s really over now. Edited January 30, 2023 by toughlove1993 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 30, 2023 Share Posted January 30, 2023 What were you hoping she would do, OP? Ditch the boyfriend and come running to you? You knew what you were signing up for here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author toughlove1993 Posted January 30, 2023 Author Share Posted January 30, 2023 (edited) 1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said: What were you hoping she would do, OP? Ditch the boyfriend and come running to you? You knew what you were signing up for here. Before yesterday I thought maybe she was testing the waters with me and her relationship with her boyfriend was not great. Yesterday when she said she loves him it torn into me hard and made reality settle in. I am not selfish, I do want her but if she is happy with him then I wish her the best. In the coming weeks I'll end up moving on again. I went a year without contacting her and thinking much about her. My main issue is I am not dating more, I keep sticking to one person. Edited January 30, 2023 by toughlove1993 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 31, 2023 Share Posted January 31, 2023 19 hours ago, toughlove1993 said: I am still feeling really hurt today. Feel free too DM me anytime you need to talk 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 31, 2023 Share Posted January 31, 2023 It sounds like you have had a difficult couple of days, and it is understandable that you are feeling hurt and disappointed. It can be hard to accept that someone you care about is not interested in pursuing a relationship with you, especially if you have had feelings for them for some time. The best thing you can do right now is to focus on yourself and find ways to move on. This might include spending time with friends, engaging in activities or hobbies you enjoy, and taking care of your mental and physical health. It is also important to recognize that it is okay to feel sad and hurt, and to give yourself the time and space to process these emotions in a healthy way. It is also important to remember that it is okay to take risks when it comes to relationships, but it is important to be mindful about the risks you take. If you are feeling like you are constantly sticking to one person, it might be a good idea to take a step back and focus on getting to know more people. You may be surprised by how much you can learn and how much you can enjoy the process of getting to know someone new. Finally, try to have patience with yourself and remember that it takes time to move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 31, 2023 Share Posted January 31, 2023 On 1/30/2023 at 2:04 PM, toughlove1993 said: . In the coming weeks I'll end up moving on again. That's true. Now that you have closure, you can move forward and the light is at the end of the tunnel. Things will go better from now on because you're not in this painful limbo. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author toughlove1993 Posted February 1, 2023 Author Share Posted February 1, 2023 On 1/31/2023 at 10:01 AM, JTSW said: Feel free too DM me anytime you need to talk Thank you, that's very sweet of you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author toughlove1993 Posted February 1, 2023 Author Share Posted February 1, 2023 On 1/31/2023 at 1:12 PM, Alpacalia said: It sounds like you have had a difficult couple of days, and it is understandable that you are feeling hurt and disappointed. It can be hard to accept that someone you care about is not interested in pursuing a relationship with you, especially if you have had feelings for them for some time. The best thing you can do right now is to focus on yourself and find ways to move on. This might include spending time with friends, engaging in activities or hobbies you enjoy, and taking care of your mental and physical health. It is also important to recognize that it is okay to feel sad and hurt, and to give yourself the time and space to process these emotions in a healthy way. It is also important to remember that it is okay to take risks when it comes to relationships, but it is important to be mindful about the risks you take. If you are feeling like you are constantly sticking to one person, it might be a good idea to take a step back and focus on getting to know more people. You may be surprised by how much you can learn and how much you can enjoy the process of getting to know someone new. Finally, try to have patience with yourself and remember that it takes time to move on. I has been really hard. I am doing everything I can to take my mind off her. Knowing she is in love with another person makes my pain a lot more intense but I keep reminding myself that I want her to be happy. I know with Valentines day coming up it will not be easy for me. I am keeping myself busy with work, I go gym as well, I am changing my wardrobe around as well. Just doing everything to keep my mind busy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author toughlove1993 Posted February 1, 2023 Author Share Posted February 1, 2023 On 1/31/2023 at 8:49 PM, Wiseman2 said: That's true. Now that you have closure, you can move forward and the light is at the end of the tunnel. Things will go better from now on because you're not in this painful limbo. Thank you. I know I had to end this thing I had with her, whatever we want to call it, friendship etc. Like you said, I could not be stuck in this limbo. Every time she would send me a message I would get so excited and when I read it, it was just devoid of anything romantic. I knew deep inside this would not go anywhere and that's why on Sunday I had to push myself to end it, for both of us and I knew how much it would hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 2, 2023 Share Posted February 2, 2023 It's best that you truly understand that there is nothing to work with here, even if it hurts. You unfortuantely got your hopes up too high with the random contact, and read into it too much. It's not fun to realize we were wrong about something. But perhaps this will help you avoid these types of women in the future. It was pretty clear from the get-go that this was not someone you could take seriously and that she was just toying with you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author toughlove1993 Posted February 2, 2023 Author Share Posted February 2, 2023 (edited) 7 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: It's best that you truly understand that there is nothing to work with here, even if it hurts. You unfortuantely got your hopes up too high with the random contact, and read into it too much. It's not fun to realize we were wrong about something. But perhaps this will help you avoid these types of women in the future. It was pretty clear from the get-go that this was not someone you could take seriously and that she was just toying with you. Yes, I mean there's little I can do if she's in love with someone else. No point even trying. I left the ball in her court, I am going to move on. It's not easy for me, but I don't exactly have any other options. There is someone out there who will appreciate me and what I can give her, I just need to find her. Edited February 2, 2023 by toughlove1993 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted February 2, 2023 Share Posted February 2, 2023 Are you able to be happy for her? She sounds satisfied and happy in her relationship with her boyfriend. When we care about someone it’s not just me me me. It can be painful but try putting that aside and recognize someone else’s joy. It’s time to let go of any naive fantasy you had at the start believing that you’re better than him or that you deserve her more in any way. Her messages are surface level only. They can come through and you don’t let it affect you or block them because they prevent you from thinking or seeing clearly. Tap into that care for another person and move on with your own life. I’m glad that you’re moving on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 2, 2023 Share Posted February 2, 2023 1 minute ago, toughlove1993 said: Yes, I mean there's little I can do if she's in love with someone else. No point even trying. I left the ball in her court, I am going to move on. It's not easy for me, but I don't exactly have any other options. here someone out there who will appreciate me and what I can give her, I just need to find her. You always have options. You have oneitis and your confusing it with something deeper, but let me make this clear, it is definitely not love. Love is unselfish, it is understanding, it is kind, and it is free. This is an unhealthy belief that there are limited resources in this life therefore you must tread carefully to not (bleep) it up. Get out there and try new exciting things. Soon, I'll be kayaking with humpback whales. Don't forget to put something in your bucket! Establish new and deep bonds with many people, both males and females. Travel and immerse yourself in different cultures to experience and learn about different life perspectives. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author toughlove1993 Posted February 2, 2023 Author Share Posted February 2, 2023 (edited) 6 hours ago, glows said: Are you able to be happy for her? She sounds satisfied and happy in her relationship with her boyfriend. When we care about someone it’s not just me me me. It can be painful but try putting that aside and recognize someone else’s joy. It’s time to let go of any naive fantasy you had at the start believing that you’re better than him or that you deserve her more in any way. Her messages are surface level only. They can come through and you don’t let it affect you or block them because they prevent you from thinking or seeing clearly. Tap into that care for another person and move on with your own life. I’m glad that you’re moving on. I want her to be happy. I do want her, but if she happy where she is now then I'll have to let her go. I said my part to her, if she is ever ready for something more than friendship, she knows where I am. I will not wait around for her though, I will start looking for other people now. Edited February 2, 2023 by toughlove1993 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author toughlove1993 Posted February 2, 2023 Author Share Posted February 2, 2023 (edited) 6 hours ago, Alpacalia said: You always have options. You have oneitis and your confusing it with something deeper, but let me make this clear, it is definitely not love. Love is unselfish, it is understanding, it is kind, and it is free. This is an unhealthy belief that there are limited resources in this life therefore you must tread carefully to not (bleep) it up. Get out there and try new exciting things. Soon, I'll be kayaking with humpback whales. Don't forget to put something in your bucket! Establish new and deep bonds with many people, both males and females. Travel and immerse yourself in different cultures to experience and learn about different life perspectives. Sorry when I meant I have no option I meant when it comes in the context of letting her go. Meaning letting her go is my only real option here. But your oneitis comment is true, I seem to fixate on one person a lot, I know I need to make this change. Last year when she dumped me, I actually went skydiving for the first time to help me get through it. It was scary, but great! I hope you enjoy your time with the whales! I am looking into going scuba diving. I do really care for her, I am at a point where I do really want her to be happy. She deserves happiness and someone who will cherish her. If it's not with me, then so be it. Edited February 2, 2023 by toughlove1993 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 2, 2023 Share Posted February 2, 2023 3 hours ago, toughlove1993 said: Sorry when I meant I have no option I meant when it comes in the context of letting her go. Meaning letting her go is my only real option here. But your oneitis comment is true, I seem to fixate on one person a lot, I know I need to make this change. Last year when she dumped me, I actually went skydiving for the first time to help me get through it. It was scary, but great! I hope you enjoy your time with the whales! I am looking into going scuba diving. I do really care for her, I am at a point where I do really want her to be happy. She deserves happiness and someone who will cherish her. If it's not with me, then so be it. Skydiving, oh fun! I would not have the wits to do that. Though I did parasail once and I hated it (lol). Good for you, enjoy! You're going to meet someone terrific, I can feel it!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author toughlove1993 Posted February 3, 2023 Author Share Posted February 3, 2023 22 hours ago, Alpacalia said: You're going to meet someone terrific, I can feel it!! Thank you. That is very nice of you to say. Made me smile. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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