My Sister is Bullemic.

[SadBabyGirl]

Shes 17. And in denial. Its been about 3 years. I thought she had stopped coz I dont live at home anymore but to my surprise today I went in her room to find something and I found buckets i mean large size mop buckets filled with vomit. Cups. Glasses. Bowls... to the point we had no place to dump them. I was such in ultimate shock at the sight of it. Its like how can a small human being do that...its as if the food isnt even digested. It is becoming a huge hardship on my mom coz she expects her to do all the damn cleaning up after her vomit and she wants to sleep in the living room and ruin my moms couch coz her room stinks so bad. When we try to help her she gets defensive and says im not ****ing bullemic i just have a stomach problem and other people have it too... and thats why I found laxatives and diet books and shape magazines in her bedroom dresser. I have pretended to go along with her little 'im sick' lie and said ill take you to my doctor and she said she will go with me but before i take her im gonna tell my doctor everything so that she doesnt lie to him. But I dont know what else to do. Its been 3 years, my moms at her wits end. Im studying psychology but theres really nothing else I can do coz i tried to tell her what i Learned in psychology to help her and she just got defensive and snapped at me. She keeps coming over and stealing stuff of mine too and then later i find it over at my moms house. That hurts that me and my mom and my other sister try to help her and all she does is puke carelessly, laugh at my mom when she tries to clean it, and then steal from us. What should I, We do about this? I think no ultimatum will work at this point and she really has no where else to go. Shes just like commiting self suicide slowly...

[RainyDayWoman]

she's not strong enough to take care of herself. it's her responsibility to take care of her own health, but both you and your mom are helping her perpetuate her illness by enabling her to keep up this behaviour...going along with her lies, cleaning up her puke, letting her sleep on the couch because her room smells...this is not helping her realize what she is doing is unhealthy and wrong, it is showing her that as long as she does it, someone will clean up after her mess.

 

her family, including you, needs to toughen up and stop letting her and her illness walk all over all of you. i would be pyssed off at this nonsense by now, enough to say don't bother with me until you stop doing what you're doing and get some help.

[d'Arthez]

The "positive" thing in this situation is, that she is only 17. And therefore parental responsibility still applies to the parents, who might have the legal possibility to force her to get counseling and therapy.

 

Bullemia is not something that magically gets cured, as you are aware. And just pretending it does not exist is dangerous as you noted. She does not perceive to have a problem, other than that other people are not complying with her requests and demands. So expect no improvements, until she is going to / is forced to face the bullemia.

[JayKay]

She needs to be in a rehab / eating disorder treatment center.

 

Your parents need to get the doctor to help refer them to a treatment facility that their insurance will cover.

 

She needs a team to help address her very serious eating disorder; a good eating disorder treatment center utilizes doctors, social workers and dietitians as well as psychologists and specialized therapists.

 

This is not something that can be 'cleaned up' and by cleaning up after her your mom is simply enabling her to continue this behavior.

 

Tell your mom that some of the risks of prolonged bulimic behaviors are:

 

* Rotting teeth

 

* A ruptured stomach or esophagus

 

* Electrolyte imbalances which can affect heart rhythm

 

* Swollen salivary glands

 

* Kidney damage

 

* Chronic acid reflux....which can increase the risk of esophageal cancer in later years.

 

I really respect your intent to study psychology.

 

There is a good book written by James O. Prochaska called 'Changing for Good' where he talks about the stages people go through when they are battling destructive behaviors.

 

I would read it.

 

Good luck and sorry to hear about how terribly this affects you and your whole family

[RecordProducer]

She needs a doctor a she needs to understand that this is killing her. Remind her of Terry Shiavo and what happened to her because she was bullimic. The electrolites she is losing damage her heart.

 

Try with diet food like fruits and vegetables, small nips of milk or juice so that she gets used to not puking.

 

I don't know why but this occurred to me the other day... When you look at yourself in the mirror, if you have low self-esteem, you will always see an ugly and fat person. But if you put make-up on and a photographer takes pics of you in various positions, you will look thiner and nicer. Perhaps you should take pictures of her in clothes and positions such as those in the fashion magazines so that she realizes how skinny she is. You can compare the pics to the ones from the magazines.

[SadBabyGirl]

The situation is really hard. My mom is unemployed because she has fibroid problems and needs a surgery before she can go back to work. She is trying to apply for medi-cal so that she can get not only help for her health, but for her daughter. I offered to take my sister to my doctor. In order to get her to want to go to my doctor, I am pretending to take her side. She tells me she just has 'a stomach problem' and wants to go to the doctor. I told her not to worry and that my doctor is bounded by doctor patient confidentiality. That way, she will be more comfortable telling him. I am going to talk to him beforehand about her situtation. That way when she visits, he will see if she gives him the good ol 'stomach problem' story or if she actually admits to having a problem. A few months ago she broke down to my mom crying and said I dont want to die. Then her bf's stupid bitch mom came along and said oh i use to throw up all the time when i was young but i was fat and its coz i ate too much and it went away. After she did that, now my sis is in denial.

 

I would do what I can to help them but I have my own life and problems. If i could afford a treatment facility believe me, I would pay for it myself and send her without my parents. Its not that my parents dont care, its just that they cant afford it. And im sure there are plenty of hotlines and places they can contact to help her, financial hardship should be no exuse. This is a life here. But thanks again, for hearing me out. I hope I can work something out for her...