my girlfriend

[???]

last night i went to play softball and had a couple beers after the game at the game. then i have a meeting this a.m. with an old lady and i am meeting her at dennys, business only. my girlfriend had a fit about those of these things. she was mad that i did not come home after the game and instead chose to visit with the guys after the game. she says that meeting in a restaurnat for business is "too personal" and that the other person could get the wrong idea. is she right, i love her alot but this control is getting out of control. i have talked to her about counseling and she is willing to go but says that some women are like her and others are not and that if i don't like the way she is then maybe i am with the wrong person. what to do? any suggestions?

[Tony T]

I think you need a new girlfriend.

 

Now, you didn't give the whole story. If you told her you were coming home right after the game and you didn't, you deserve to have your butt kicked. If she was waiting for a call from you, you could have called and told her of your plans with the boys.

 

As far as business is concerned, a restaurant...which is a very public place...is the best place to meet. Denny's in not a high class, fine dining joint. I think your girlfriend needs to value your honesty in disclosing your business meetings and be grateful that you do. Then she needs to keep her nose out of how you conduct your business.

 

Your girlfriend probably needs a new boyfriend as well. She doesn't trust you and relationships require total trust. She may have some issues from her past, which are her problem and not yours.

 

There are lots of ladies who will let you have freedom, within reason. Going out drinking after the game was taking things to the edge and a call to her, if she was expecting you, would have been the coureous thing to do. However, she has no right to be your mother in this regard unless the two of you are in a live-in, committed relationship.

[clia]

I think your girlfriend is right in what she said about women. Some women are controlling and don't trust their men. Others aren't.

 

I don't think your girlfriend was right to be mad at you. In my opinion, you did absolutely nothing wrong. You are entitled to see your friends, and I actually think it's unhealthy to spend every second together in a relationship. I mean, it's not like you went out to the strip clubs and stumbled in wasted at three in the morning. Your girlfriend was out of line to tell you that you should've come straight home. Do you ever get a guys night out? Does she have friends and a life of her own? Why wasn't she out having fun without you? In my (vast--haha) experience, girls that are controlling like that generally are insecure and don't have lives of their own so they want their boyfriends to be the center of their world.

 

I've had many business meetings at restaurants, over breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That is not a strange thing. Something tells me if you had been meeting a man, your girlfriend would not have cared less. She doesn't trust you, for whatever reason.

 

I think you need to decide what type of relationship you want to have--with the girlfriend you have now who tries to control you and doesn't trust you, or with a different type of girl. (There are a lot of girls out there who would be more than happy to let you have your own life outside of the relationship.) If you really want to try and make things work with her, the two of you definitely need counseling because this will not heal itself. This is part of her personality, for better or worse. You just need to decide if it's worth putting up with, or if it can be fixed.

 

last night i went to play softball and had a couple beers after the game at the game. then i have a meeting this a.m. with an old lady and i am meeting her at dennys, business only. my girlfriend had a fit about those of these things. she was mad that i did not come home after the game and instead chose to visit with the guys after the game. she says that meeting in a restaurnat for business is "too personal" and that the other person could get the wrong idea. is she right, i love her alot but this control is getting out of control. i have talked to her about counseling and she is willing to go but says that some women are like her and others are not and that if i don't like the way she is then maybe i am with the wrong person. what to do? any suggestions?

[???]

i don't know if this is going to make any sense or not, but i feel that she does trust me, but that she just feels threatened by other women. i always come home straight after the game, but i do have a beer with the guys first but last night i had two and was gone longer then normal. also with meeting women at restaurants i have promised her in the past that i would not go to their homes and or meet them at restaurants as she feels this is too personal.

 

i have done everything i can to accomodate her to keep peace and in hopes to help her learn to trust me.

 

she has come along way from when we met, she use to question every call i made, now she doesn't ask too many questions so i think maybe she just got use to it.

 

she has had a lot of trauma in her past with very abusive and alcoholic boyfriends and is very insecure and very sensitive.

 

this has also put a strain on our relationship as i feel i have to walk on egg shells around her.

 

i know she tries tho, but at times she just gets this way and at other times she does fine.

 

i know that she feels bad afterwards and has apologized and admitted her being wrong but at times she just losing control or something.

 

she also thinks that i am an alcoholic because i pretty much was when i met her i was at the bar just about seven nights a week.

 

she tried to break it off with me a few times saying that she don't want to be with an alcoholic ever again.

 

i have cut my drinking down to 1-2 nights a week but still her feelings persist because when we go out i have a beer, and she thinks that everything we do involves me drinking a beer which just reinforces her beliefs about me being an alcholic.

 

i do love her alot and don't really want to leave her but sometimes i think she feels the same way, that she knows she is out of control with her controling and knows it's best for us to part, but since we do love each other it is so very hard to do. im hoping she will agree on counseling soon and that it will help her or maybe like you said it is just part of her personality and she will always be that way. i hope not cause i don't know if i could spend my life like this dispite my love for her.

I think your girlfriend is right in what she said about women. Some women are controlling and don't trust their men. Others aren't. I don't think your girlfriend was right to be mad at you. In my opinion, you did absolutely nothing wrong. You are entitled to see your friends, and I actually think it's unhealthy to spend every second together in a relationship. I mean, it's not like you went out to the strip clubs and stumbled in wasted at three in the morning. Your girlfriend was out of line to tell you that you should've come straight home. Do you ever get a guys night out? Does she have friends and a life of her own? Why wasn't she out having fun without you? In my (vast--haha) experience, girls that are controlling like that generally are insecure and don't have lives of their own so they want their boyfriends to be the center of their world. I've had many business meetings at restaurants, over breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That is not a strange thing. Something tells me if you had been meeting a man, your girlfriend would not have cared less. She doesn't trust you, for whatever reason. I think you need to decide what type of relationship you want to have--with the girlfriend you have now who tries to control you and doesn't trust you, or with a different type of girl. (There are a lot of girls out there who would be more than happy to let you have your own life outside of the relationship.) If you really want to try and make things work with her, the two of you definitely need counseling because this will not heal itself. This is part of her personality, for better or worse. You just need to decide if it's worth putting up with, or if it can be fixed.

 

[And "G"]

Point blank she's INSCURE and needs help!