My gf doesn't want to share me - advice pls

[Jaxx]

we've been together for almost 2 yrs now.

 

What I mean by sharing is that my girlfriend doesn't want me to hang out with my friends. It has been a long time since I've chilled with them...I'd say in April and before that was probably in January. I love my girl with all my heart but I miss hanging out with my friends and they miss me too. It all started about a year ago when we both agreed that Fridays were our days. Meaning, neither of us can see our other friends but Saturdays are good to hang out with our other friends. Then soon after that, I would see her on Saturdays too and now, she expects for me to see her on saturdays as well. I don't mind spending time with her...I love spending time with her but why can't I spend time with my friends as well? What makes it worst is that she is willing to dump her friends for me...and I've done the same thing but I don't feel good about it. There's a part of me that still wants to hang out with my friends. She gets really jealous...there was this one time where my cousins from the states came by and I haven't seen them for maybe 2 or 3 yrs and she completely gets mad cuz I want to chill with em. I saw my gf the day my cousins arrived and I told her that I have to be home early cuz my cousins were waiting for me. I was going to break up with her cuz I haven't talked to her in 1 day 1/2 but she apologize for her behaviour. And everytime I talk about my friends and a gathering we end up fighting. She actually gives me a curfew too...just because she does it, I have to do it. That's the problem. I don't want to. If it takes for her to come home at 2:00 in the morning that's cool, just as long as I can do the same. I have some good times with my friends...I miss those times. She even says that she can't compete with my friends and her cuz there are so many of them and one of her.

 

My birthday is coming up and my girl says that I should only go out for dinner with my friends cuz she did the same thing with her friends. The problem with that is that my friends and I always end up going out after dinner. It's tradition...especially if it's the celebrants b-day I have to stay.

 

Well, I'm going crazy inside...I don't know how to talk to her w/o there being a big fight or a break up. That's what I don't want. How can i approach her nicely? Is it possible?

 

I think she's taken too much from me. For 2 yrs now, I enjoy playing v-ball with my friends and she promised me that she'd take me so I don't have to go with them.

 

Dazed...yes, I am! Help!!!!!

[clia]

You need to immediately have a talk with your girlfriend and let her know that she is not the only person that you want to see socially, and possibly find out from her why it bothers her so much when you are with them. You don't have to be a jerk about it, just tell her straight up that you miss your friends and need to spend time with them.

 

Her behavior is not fair to you. You have every right in the world to hang out with your friends. How old are you anyway? She is acting like your mother by giving you a curfew and telling you what to do. She's trying to control every aspect of your life, it sounds like. This is NOT fair to you, and if it bothers you this terribly now, it will only get worse.

 

I don't understand women like this, and further don't understand the guys who are willing to put up with it. If she can't take it, tough luck. Move on. There are many girls out there who enjoy being with their friends and want their boyfriends to do the same. You need to have time with the guys to relax and hang out, just like she needs to have time with her friends to do the same. If she doesn't want that time and has dropped her friends, I question her maturity level. She has obviously made you the center of her life, which is way too much pressure to put on you.

 

There seems to be a myth out there that two people in a relationship need to spend time only with each other, and that is not true. You both need to have lives and interests outside of each other. Her jealousy is immature and a sure sign of her insecurity. (I mean, come on! Jealous of your friends? Please.) Tell her she isn't in competition with your friends. The two of you have a completely different relationship than you have with them.

 

Oh, and on YOUR birthday, YOUR special day, you should be able to do whatever the hell you want to do.

 

If you are afraid to face this, then your only option is to live with it and miss your friends. There will probably be a fight, and potentially a break up, but you need to decide if that's worth it or not for the long term. Do you want to marry someone like this? I'm sure your friends have stood by you for years. Is it worth losing them over?

[Tony T]

Clia is right on the mark on this one. And to go just a step further, you ought to give a lot of thought to whether or not you really love or want to continue a relationship with someone who would control your life, be so selfish, and deny you things that make you happy.

 

What your lady doesn't understand is that she's going to burn you out on her real fast and one day you'll be sick of her. All people have to have other social interests in their lives. It is practically criminal to cut you off from your friends.

 

Your friends are forever. From the sound of things, this girl...is only a temporary fixture in your life. Unless she changes her tune, you will one day realize how wrong she is for you. I think you are already beginning to.

[Jaxx]

Thank you for your response. I know that I will have to sometime talk to her about this matter but I just don't know how to bring it up. I guess I'll just tell her I'm going out with my friends (mind you, it's a group of guys and girls but no one to be jealous about) some, I have been buddies since highschool (btw, i'm 22) others in university.

 

I'm not a jerk, I'm just scared that's all. I do this, to make her happy, I've made sacrifices just to make her happy.

 

Yes, she has made me the center of her life...she doesn't care about her friends...maybe they don't have a close bond such as my friends and I. I get jealous cuz my friend and her boyfriend give each other both. I wonder why I can't have that. Thanks again for ur response. I do want to marry her...but is it possible for people to change?

You need to immediately have a talk with your girlfriend and let her know that she is not the only person that you want to see socially, and possibly find out from her why it bothers her so much when you are with them. You don't have to be a jerk about it, just tell her straight up that you miss your friends and need to spend time with them. Her behavior is not fair to you. You have every right in the world to hang out with your friends. How old are you anyway? She is acting like your mother by giving you a curfew and telling you what to do. She's trying to control every aspect of your life, it sounds like. This is NOT fair to you, and if it bothers you this terribly now, it will only get worse. I don't understand women like this, and further don't understand the guys who are willing to put up with it. If she can't take it, tough luck. Move on. There are many girls out there who enjoy being with their friends and want their boyfriends to do the same. You need to have time with the guys to relax and hang out, just like she needs to have time with her friends to do the same. If she doesn't want that time and has dropped her friends, I question her maturity level. She has obviously made you the center of her life, which is way too much pressure to put on you.

 

There seems to be a myth out there that two people in a relationship need to spend time only with each other, and that is not true. You both need to have lives and interests outside of each other. Her jealousy is immature and a sure sign of her insecurity. (I mean, come on! Jealous of your friends? Please.) Tell her she isn't in competition with your friends. The two of you have a completely different relationship than you have with them.

 

Oh, and on YOUR birthday, YOUR special day, you should be able to do whatever the hell you want to do. If you are afraid to face this, then your only option is to live with it and miss your friends. There will probably be a fight, and potentially a break up, but you need to decide if that's worth it or not for the long term. Do you want to marry someone like this? I'm sure your friends have stood by you for years. Is it worth losing them over?

[And "G"]

I kind of know what your going through. me and my boyfriend are kind of in the same situation, but its different. he's always with is friends and never calls any more well u can read all about it on my posted meesage about my drugie boyfriend I wrote it on June 30. read pl. Anywho she's crazy.

 

You've let her cross the line on controling you. you need to tell her that you want her to be happy but you need your own freedom too. If she can't except that tell her u need a break then. friends should always come first they have been there with u before her and will be there after. you dont wanna lose that.

[clia]

I get jealous cuz my friend and her boyfriend give

each other both. I wonder why I can't have that.

Guess what? You can. It just might not be with this particular girl.

Thanks again for ur response. I do want to marry her...but is it possible for people to change?

I think people can change, but she might need to go through some counseling to get over her controlling, insecure ways. There's some reason inside her why she is the way she is, and she needs to (1) figure out what it is, and (2) be willing to make the change. You need to determine if she's going to be willing to do that for the sake of your relationship. She'll probably be very hurt and upset when you bring this up, but you need to stay strong if you want to make things work. Like I said before, the way she's treating you is unfair, wrong, and not the solution for a healthy relationship.