he broke up with me!

[marzipan75]

I'm only 26 but my boyfriend and I have been dating since we started college. So we've dated for almost 8 years and he broke up with me last saturday. I am heartbroken and I don't understand exactly what happened. I am still in school and he has recently graduated and gotten a job about an hour away from where I live. We saw eachother on weekends and we lived together for a while in college too, we talked on the phone for a few minutes nearly every night until the weekend when we saw eachother and then he just broke it off! I am so confused. Help! He did it over the phone because we were both crying so bad, he said it was just too painful to see me at that time and now we can't even talk! I know it's not another woman, we had a discussion about our future two weeks ago and it didn't go the way I wanted it to. I asked about marriage and he hadn't thought about it. I know he must have gotten scared but I don't think it was enough to warrant a break up! Will he come back to me? I want him back so much!

[Tony T]

You've got to remain calm here.

 

It sounds like he's emotionally immature and not ready for the same kinds of things in life, such as marriage, that you are. If you look closely at his family background, you'll probably notice patterns that favor avoiding close relationships. His mother and father were probably emotionally distant from each other...or they may have been divorced, giving him a fear of being abandoned in similar fashion.

 

There are many reasons why he did this but he has obviously gotten to the point where it's clear to him from what you've told him that you will be pressing more and more for a lifetime committment of some sort and he just isn't ready to go there yet.

 

I know it's very painful now and it'll take you a while to get through this. But, I promise you, you're much better off finding someone who's on your frequency, who wants the same things you do and who's timetable is closer to yours.

 

It takes a whole lot more than love to make a relationship. It takes a whole lot more than love to make the person you love the RIGHT person to be with forever. I've said goodbye to a number of people I've loved...loved a whole lot...in my life. I've gone through a hell of a lot of pain, more than my share (in my opinion). But I survived and I'm quite OK. And in every case, looking back I saw that things happened for the best.

 

Stay busy, do good things for yourself. Now, if you want this guy back for real, your best bet is not to contact him, not to do all this crying stuff (which is why he's avoiding you) and to just go about your life in a positive fashion. You'll hear from him when the time is right if it was meant to be.