Gal proposing marriage - help!

[wahaha1]

My guy friend told me that his gf was proposing marriage to him, after 3 months of dating. He think that's interesting. I asked him if he is going to get marry, he said 'I think so, I am kinda in shock'.

 

I could not give any response to this but just shocked, and divorce flashed on my mind. BTW, I told the guy that I love him and he told me back that he still loves me too, he asked when I would get marry with my bf. To recap, this guy was the other bf of me, I am still going with my 6+ years bf.

 

Can you tell me what's going on here? It is a mess here, I cannot sort things out now. Is it normal to get married that fast?

 

Need your point of view.

[JayKay]

Well, it depends on the person. I've known some couples who date and get engaged pretty quickly...who still have great marriages years later.

 

I've also known people to rush into marriage, only to have it collapse.

 

There are many many reasons people decide to marry. If you read statistics and various publications on marriage, the marriages that tend to last are between people who have decided or know;

 

* They share similar values, ethics and lifestyle goals and are very compatible.

 

* They both seek a relationship based primarily on a strong friendship and mutual respect, as opposed to passion

 

* They have similar sexual needs

 

* They can work well as a team

 

* They are emotionally capable of handling disappointment, occasional inequalities in the relationship as well as conflict

 

* They don't base their marital success on outsider's perceptions of what a married life should be like; they have both attained enough self knowledge to determine what makes them happy.

 

 

Some not-so-good reasons to get married are;

 

 

* He/She 'completes me'

 

* Feeling judged by society for still being single

 

* Feeling jealous of the attention brides get

 

* Wanting to fit in

 

* Wanting someone to 'fix' your life for you

 

* Getting back at an ex who has moved on

 

* Not knowing what else to do in life

 

 

 

 

 

You can't know if this guy friend of yours is getting married for the right or wrong reasons. But you can express your concerns to him, as a friend, and ask if he's thought things through.

 

By the way, what did you mean when you said, "I told him I love him"

 

Do you mean romantically or as a friend?

 

Maybe you two need to be more clear with each other.

 

And if you've been with someone for 6+ years and are still undecided as to your feelings for him, maybe it's time to move on.

[wahaha1]

By the way, what did you mean when you said, "I told him I love him"

I still love this guy, we are in LDR, and I cannot spend time with him physically. Surprisingly, the love grows and the feeling are so strong as time goes. Out of my pride talking, I told him to move on, but I still think about him from time to time. We still talk to each other everyday, and I think we can be good friends. Any new things happened to me, he is the first one pops up on my mind, I'll let him know. I found that I was so wrong to ask him to move on, I felt devastated after knowing him seeing another gal. So after he told me about this gal and marriage, I revealed my true feeling to him.

 

Do you mean romantically or as a friend?

Romatically, I told him to reconsider about the whole thing..., it is unfair to him, but the thing is I love him and he loves me, and we are not married yet. So he told me that he need some time to think about this. I guess after this, no matter it is accept or reject answer, it will be a closure of the chapter.

 

Maybe you two need to be more clear with each other.

Yes, I am clear to him now, I told him my true feeling, rather than pride talking. Just he is confused. He said he does love me, but that I told him to move on many times, he has no choice but move on.

And if you've been with someone for 6+ years and are still undecided as to your feelings for him, maybe it's time to move on.

I am struggling with this..., I need to sort this out.

[mini696]

There is no such thing as normal... Just social standards.

 

I'd say good luck to him. I get the feeling you are jealous. Are you?

[wahaha1]

If he is somebody else, I won't even care if a guy know a gal for a day and get married.

 

Yes, I admit to him that I am jealous. I told him I could not get over my jealousy to send them any blessing.

[JayKay]

Well, at least you're honest Waha.

 

I would leave them alone then. Hopefully he will be happy and you will move on to greener pastures...

[wahaha1]

Thanks JayKay for your encouragement.

It has been almost a week of no contact, after he told me about he need time to think, he didn't get back to me since then. Last Thur was my bday, he didn't take any action for that.

 

I was sad for couple of days last week, losing my appetite, couldn't concentrate on work. Now, my mood is getting much better after couple of days and I am regaining most of my strength. I know I have to wait and be patience, until my heart die. At the time being, I am getting over him and lowered my expectation - i.e., he won't send me any response and I have lose this guy.