sneakygurl Posted November 2, 2005 Share Posted November 2, 2005 I have been dating an older man for about 2 years now. We have recently moved in together. I love him, but I am so bothered by his past. He cheated on his ex-wife and she cheated on him and they eventually got a divorce. He at first told me he had only slept with a few women but after a while I figured out it was a lot more. He is definitely someone that tells me what I want to hear and only confesses when I catch him in a lie. So there are plenty of things I did not know about him until recently. I do not think he has cheated on me but I think that he puts himself in situations to get attention from girls. He is the quintessential "nice guy" who slutty girls like to tease and say "why can't I find a guy like you". Lately I've been trying to catch him cheating on me by checking his messages and where he is. I know that it's sneaky what I"m doing but is this guy trustworthy? Or shoudl i cut him loose? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sneakygurl Posted November 3, 2005 Author Share Posted November 3, 2005 I'd like to add a little more about the situation.... My bf is one of those manly men that enjoys going to strip clubs alone and beer and parties. I hate that he hasn't grown up yet. I think a lot of it is the product of getting married at 20 and not going to college. I think he feels entitled to live the good life while he's young. I know he loves me and he's never given any indication that he doesn't want to be with me, but I suppose I'm insecure and feel like he'll eventually get bored and cheat on me with one of the many girls he is friensd with. He has admitted to me that he never had a girl "friend" he didnt' want to have sex with. And he gets calls eonce in a blue moon from girls that he knows that are drunk dialing him. He's pretty much with me all the time and I don't think he sneaks off but I'm pissed that he still has girl friends and with his sleazy past I'm a little apprehensive. Is this a normal guy or is he too immature for me? Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Well, since you've been with this dude for 2 years, you've given him permission to act like this by condoning his behaviour. Yes, he sounds pretty immature to me, but I can understand his desire to "live the good life." (Spending copious amounts of money in strip clubs is a peculiar definition of a "good life," but hey, to each his own, I suppose.) There isn't anything he can do about his past; in a very real sense, that's actually a compliment to you because he gave up all that to be with you. And neither of you can control whether or not his friends from his previous life call him or not, though he can make it clear to them that he's moved on. Whether that will make a difference remains to be seen. Have you actually spoken to him directly about this? Have you made your feelings clear to him? Link to post Share on other sites
Tangerina Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Nah, I would say from what you said that he probably isn't 100% trustworthy... at the very least he isn't being sensitive to your needs and making you feel safe and wanted... I was with a guy wh did lots of things that made me insecure (some of the same things you said, and some different things too) and I just thought, oh, that is how it always is, I'll put up with it for the good stuff... but then when our relationship ended and I started meeting new people I realized that that wasn't how it had to be and that there was no reason to be with someone that didn't make me feel loved just so they could get ego boosting attention from other people.... "I almost cheated on you, but I know that would make you feel bad so I didn't" "me and Anne Marie decided that spooning is the best" (WTF, why are you spooning with other girls at ballet camp?) "If I wasn't in a relationship with you, I think Lilac is the girl I would want to be in a relationship with" What the hell, why did I put up with that crap? I know your guy probably has a really good side like mine did, but it isn't worth putting up with feeling like you are replaceable...... (ps....my ex only imagined he was hot ****, he is really a kinda-awkward ballet dancer and now that he broke it off with me and he isn't getting all the hot action he imagined he really wants me back, go figure.... haha, can you tell I am on a PMS induced rant right now?) Link to post Share on other sites
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