not sure NC is helping

[sheepie]

Hey Everyone,

This is my second post. I'll sum up what i'm going through. I've been married for 3 years currently going through a divorce against my wishes. My wife says she no longer loves me as a husband but as a friend. I know ouch.... Anyway long story short. We sold our house 3 months ago and i was fine. I asked her if she wanted to work it out go to therapy anything. She declined saying she doesn't love me so that wouldn't help. I asked her if she had anyone else she said no. I was ok with it i trusted her.

I guess i didn't realize the implications of getting a divorce. I just thought she needed space. I know selling a house says the marriage is over. 3 months go by and i'm still ok. i think about her all the time but i just let it go. We talk everyone once in a while for legalities. Then she calls me because she is taking a trip and wants me to watch our dog. I say no problem. I spend the weekend at her place and discover pictures of her with another man while we were still living in the same house but sleeping in different rooms. I told her i saw the pictures and asked her why she cheated on me. She said she never cheated on me while we were married. She said we were already separated, (even though we were living in the same house) I said to her you cheated on me we are still married. All that said and done i was a wreck. I would call her and beg her to take me back. She was curt with me on the phone when she would pick up and she never responded to my e-mails.

So here's my dilemma: I've read so many posts about NC. I find it was not helping. I just needed to contact her and find out why she did what she did. Closure i guess. I guess i was looking for an answer she wasn't willing to give.

I give her the divorce papers yesterday and we talk for a little bit. Nothing changes. She calls me last night and says she is angry because i went through her stuff. I said i wasn't looking through your stuff (honestly) the pictures were right there when i logged on. She then says she feels bad i found the pictures. I said i wouldn't do anything that would destroy my chance of getting back with you. Basically i was saying sorry for finding pictures of her cheating on me. Imagine that? We talked for a good hour and i said to her this helps me that we're talking. I'm still interested in you as a person see where your life takes you and such. In the back of my mind hoping we will get back together. I asked her a few times if i can call her she said yes but in her words "don't think we will get back together" To me that was a step in the right direction just being able to call her.

So we spoke for an hour yesterday and i've had some moments where i want to contact her today but i've resisted. I feel so much better today. Why? I thought NC was the answer?

Anything would be of a great help.

[westernxer]

I thought NC was the answer?

 

It helps if you don't talk to her at all.

[Spurned]

I have to agree here, no contact means no interaction whatsoever.

 

It's tough. Really, though, it's more for you to recover and grow stronger than it is for her to smarten up and take you back.

 

Just be strong, it's tough, I've been there.