slubberdegullion Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Two for me, please. Ale, if you've got it. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Two for me, please. Ale, if you've got it. Molson Ale? i've got Newcastle also... Link to post Share on other sites
Hot Coco Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Don't forgot the compassion while you're in there! It's WAY way in the back with the quart of sour milk. Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Two Newcastle for me, pls. Where's the dartboard? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JS17 Posted November 3, 2005 Author Share Posted November 3, 2005 Sorry Hot Coco, I couldn't find your post through all the garbage from the threadjackers. There's nothing I need to know. I was in one, I'm not anymore, and now he's moved on to telling someone else how worthless she is. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Don't forgot the compassion while you're in there! It's WAY way in the back with the quart of sour milk. Ok, once his head's right in the fridge I'll count to 3. Then you lift one buttock, I'll lift the other, we'll shove him in there and shut the refrigerator door. I have a padlock at the ready. Link to post Share on other sites
Hot Coco Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 JS, at least you got out. So did you get out with your self-esteem in place? Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Glad to see you back, lindya! Link to post Share on other sites
Hot Coco Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Ok, once his head's right in the fridge I'll count to 3. Then you lift one buttock, I'll lift the other, we'll shove him in there and shut the refrigerator door. I have a padlock at the ready. Sounds like a plan! What a visual! Very funny...hey his ass is kind of cute though but I think it will be cuter locked up in the fridge! Link to post Share on other sites
Author JS17 Posted November 3, 2005 Author Share Posted November 3, 2005 Ok, once his head's right in the fridge I'll count to 3. Then you lift one buttock, I'll lift the other, we'll shove him in there and shut the refrigerator door. I have a padlock at the ready. :lmao: JS, at least you got out. So did you get out with your self-esteem in place? No I didn't. I was the complete opposite of you. I used to have very healthy self-esteem and never took crap from anyone. In fact, after the relationship ended and I stopped making excuses for him everyone I know was completely shocked...and the first thing they ALL said to me was that they were surprised that I took so much crap from him because I don't take crap from anyone. It's hard not to believe the things that someone who was so close to you tells you about yourself. Since then I have had some bad experiences and I'm not the same person that I used to be. I don't think there's anything I can do, I'm just going to take more time and hope it all goes away. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Glad to see you back, lindya! Thanks S. I did stop all contact for almost 24 hours. JS17 - you'll get there. It takes a while though. Link to post Share on other sites
Hot Coco Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Thanks S. I did stop all contact for almost 24 hours. JS17 - you'll get there. It takes a while though. Yes, JS I second what Lin said. You'll get back to your old self...only BETTER! Lin, you went NC with LS? Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Lin, you went NC with LS? Yes, I was having a bad day Link to post Share on other sites
Hot Coco Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Sorry to hear that:( Sounds like you're doing better now though. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 For anyone that is interested in aiding their own healing process I found an excellent book that can be downloaded for free or read onliine (no registration required.) It's an amazing book, cites references and is written by someone with credentials not just a pop psych paperback. http://mentalhelp.net/psyhelp/ Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 I too have suffered severe mental, emotional, verbal and physical abuse. Almost my whole life. First by my father, then other family members, friends of the family, my peers, boyfriends, exhusband and even so called friends.. I've even heard the damn secretaries when I was in High School talk bad about me when they didn't even know me personally.. So I have been stripped of all self esteem and I have come back in leaps and bounds. I've totally lost in my life then I've also rebounded to fight back.. My reputation now is "THE BIOTCH", I seem sweet and kind and over nice but once you step on my tail watch out the claws, fangs and biotch come out. I have slipped back from time to time into submission mode but I don't last long.. I am still a work in progress but I know that I have come a long way baby in 8 years.. I don't shut my mouth anymore..... I am NOBODYS DOORMAT ANYMORE.. NO MUD ON MY BACK.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JS17 Posted November 3, 2005 Author Share Posted November 3, 2005 Thanks again Craig! And thanks Padameckla for sharing. I feel like Mr Rogers saying that I was never abused in any way by anyone until my ex. Maybe that's why I was able to get out of the relationship relatively quickly. I don't know anyone who was emotionally abused and I feel like nobody really understands. It's great to be able to come here and see that I'm not alone. I'm trying to bounce back and some days I feel like my old self but for the most part I just haven't gotten there yet. I'm angry at myself for letting someone strip away who I used to be. I hope I can find my way back to being the strong person that I was before I met him. Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Thanks again Craig! I'm trying to bounce back and some days I feel like my old self but for the most part I just haven't gotten there yet. I'm angry at myself for letting someone strip away who I used to be. I hope I can find my way back to being the strong person that I was before I met him. From my experience, from witnessing my gfs situations, from the counceling I have recieved (even at a rape and abuse center) many abusive relationships don't start out abusive. The abuse starts out slowly and its so gradual and such piety things we blow them off. We are also taught to forgive and forget when we are growing up.. We have as children been hit or done wrong and we were told it was an accident when we felt like it was on purpose.. I think we are conditioned to forgive and turn the other cheek. In a relationship with someone we love we dont want to believe they intentionally hurt us on purpose and over time we become numb to the remarks and actions. We don't recognize what is happening until it all of a sudden gets explosive and has reached a new peak that we are not desensitized too. It is not our fault we ended up in abusive situations. It is our fault if we chose to stay in them... We do not ask to be abused.. but if we stay we chose to accept the abuse.. Dont blame yourself.. Be proud of yourself that you got out. I have found the best way for me to utilize my experiences is to help others. Sometimes just sharing your story helps others to not feel alone and it also encourages others to take action for themselves.. Almost ALL of my friends who are in my life today were persons who were in termoil in there life with something and met me and I understood. Most of my friendships are built on a common ground--our pain, loneliness, confusion, understanding but most of all the strong friendships I have include all that I mentioned plus respect........ Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 I've been there done that too. By the end of my 3 year relationship, he had me convinced that I didn't deserve any better than he gave me. I was unlovable, ugly, and would be alone for the rest of my life if he left me. Which he constantly threatened. I was terrified what would happen if he left. Well, one day he did. The emotions that I expected to come did not. Instead I was overjoyed. I even went driving around town to tell my friends I was so relieved. When he called to say he was coming home, I had the strength to refuse him. It was amazingly wonderful to be without him. To this day my self-confidence isn't superb, but it's sooo much better. I hate being in large groups, cause I convince myself that nobody cares what I have to say. Other than that, I've pretty much recovered. My fiance didn't know the shattered person I was, and I'm so glad. Just like Hot Coco's Hubby, my fiance has a hard time believing I was in such a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Hot Coco Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 What strong women! What great stories. You're all so inspiring. I bet you've helped a lot of people. And JS, yes you'll find your way back to the person you were. It does take a little time. Don't let him have that much power over you. Don't let him steal your spirit. These types of men are sad, pathetic bullies. Don't let them continue to bully you! Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 These types of men are sad, pathetic bullies. Don't let them continue to bully you! Agreed, 100%. What type of man would victimize his partner? A man who's insecure, weak, unable to control his emotions and erratic in his behaviour. Yesterday afternoon I was flipping through the channels and came upon the Oprah show. Oprah was interviewing a female country music singer that had been continually abused by her boyfriend. (I don't remember her name, sorry, I haven't a clue who she is.) She had been beaten so badly that she was admitted to the hospital a few times. And yet, she still insists that she loves him and that he will change. There are some things I just don't understand. This is one of them. The other is that the fellow posted bail and is free again. Maybe the police should take more interest in keeping yobbos like this dude in check instead of spending precious resources catching people going 5 mph over the speed limit. </rant> Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 Agreed, 100%. What type of man would victimize his partner? A man who's insecure, weak, unable to control his emotions and erratic in his behaviour. There are men that like to do this to women and it is because they are afraid the women will wake up one day and realize what the hell am i with someone like this for i deserve better!! Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 And yet, she still insists that she loves him and that he will change. There are some things I just don't understand. This is one of them. When you are in an emotionally abusive relationship it feels almost as if you have been brainwashed. You're told so often that you are so flawed you believe that this man that you are with is the best you will ever get. You hang your hopes on him changing back to the great guy that he was in the beginning that you fell in love with. They don't start the abuse until you are already settled in the relationship and they're getting what they want. They know the stakes are too high for you to just up and leave at the first sign of abuse. The abuse also starts slowly so that you are made to believe that they are isolated incidents. I realize that I wrote this from a female perspective but the same can go for an emotionally abusive female to a male. Maybe the police should take more interest in keeping yobbos like this dude in check instead of spending precious resources catching people going 5 mph over the speed limit. </rant> Sorry about your speeding ticket Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 Sorry about your speeding ticket I deserved it. My own fault. Link to post Share on other sites
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