Cathy7 Posted January 24, 2023 Share Posted January 24, 2023 I wonder what do you think and if I am wrong on this one. I have met someone online on a professional portal through which we have been both working. It was initially a professional relationship, but then it grew romantic and on my side I discovered that this person is so homely, sensitive, loving and kind. I felt very drawn towards him, as I always sought peace and homeliness in men and could not find it. Yet since some time he started insisting on something which I consider strange and do not want to do it, as I would like our relationship to develop before any of these. He insists on me seeing him without clothes on a video. I did not agree. Even though I have many romantic thoughts about him and my imagination is working too, I am not ready for it and I find it strange. We have not met and from his side it looks like we may not even have a chance to ever meet as we live far away from each other and he says meeting might not be possible. He explains that this is the only way to engage romantically in this situation. I would be willing to meet anyway, but now I am uneasy in general because it looks like not only we may never progress in our relationship in real life, but also this request is upsetting me. He feels hurt and I started questioning myself - am I wrong and is he right? Am I selfish and not truly loving towards him for not wanting to do it? . He stated that he might stop talking to me because he feels frustrated that I don't agree. I wish I could feel more secure in any relationship in my life and have more than this. Yet, apart from this topic, he is also very gentle, very loving and kind. Am I wrong in saying no? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 24, 2023 Share Posted January 24, 2023 If he was sensitive, loving and kind, he would respect that you're not comfortable with what he's suggesting and wait till you are. Meanwhile, I'm trying to work out if he's an exhibitionist and gets off on this or has concerns about his body which he wants you to know about. If it's the latter (perhaps loose skin or scars) he only needs to tell you. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 25, 2023 Share Posted January 25, 2023 (edited) No, not wrong. It's your boundary (no sexual activity before meeting). You’re wise enough to know that things of this **ahem** nature clouds judgment and you might get irrationally attached to someone who may or may not be a good long-term partner. It is possible to convey your attraction to a man and that you are having a great time right now while also conveying that you don't engage in sexual activity with people with whom you are not in an exclusive relationship (let alone have never met). So as much as you want him, until you and he figures out if you want to be together, you’re just going to have to stick to clothes on. It seems you think it matters WHY you do not view him naked online. Not at all. He doesn't need to know. He doesn’t need to understand. Your boundaries, whatever the reason. Let him have his. Edited January 25, 2023 by Alpacalia 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cathy7 Posted January 25, 2023 Author Share Posted January 25, 2023 1 hour ago, basil67 said: If he was sensitive, loving and kind, he would respect that you're not comfortable with what he's suggesting and wait till you are. Meanwhile, I'm trying to work out if he's an exhibitionist and gets off on this or has concerns about his body which he wants you to know about. If it's the latter (perhaps loose skin or scars) he only needs to tell you. Dear Basil67, thank you so much. I am trying to figure out what is it too. I feel really confused, and I also started believing that maybe i am doing him some injustice through not agreeing. I feel very strange about it and deep inside it is something Iam not ready for . Thank you so much. Your opinion matters a lot because I became very confused in the end and thought that maybe this is something which others would find normal. Link to post Share on other sites
BrinnM Posted January 25, 2023 Share Posted January 25, 2023 (edited) 2 hours ago, Cathy7 said: maybe this is something which others would find norma Not sure about others, but not me! I would not find this normal. I would get some very strong pervy vibes here. He doesn’t even know you well, and you haven’t met, and now he is saying you might never actually meet in person? What? You sure he’s single? Bizarre. I’m glad you didn’t agree. He seems to be getting off on making you uncomfortable or some other weird ***t. I wonder why you got so attracted to him in the first place, but I hope that his “request” has opened your eyes a little bit. Edited January 25, 2023 by BrinnM 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 25, 2023 Share Posted January 25, 2023 7 hours ago, Cathy7 said: he is also very gentle, very loving and kind No, he isn't. You are blinded by your crush. A man who is the above things would not try to manipulate you into doing things which make you uncomfortable. This guy is a creeper, plain and simple. What he is asking for is not normal and not something any reasonable man who's never met you would ask. 7 hours ago, Cathy7 said: Am I selfish and not truly loving towards him for not wanting to do it? Well, why would you be truly loving towards this internet stranger? You don't know him. You two chat but this is not a relationship. It's a man you have never laid eyes on in person and sounds like you never will. There is no reason to be loving in this situation. I think it's time to take a big step back and ask yourself why you're getting to attached to such an untenable situation. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 25, 2023 Share Posted January 25, 2023 10 hours ago, Cathy7 said: He stated that he might stop talking to me because he feels frustrated that I don't agree. All he wants is some sexy internet fun, nothing more. He's not kind and loving. He doesn't care about your feelings so you are not wrong to say no. Always follow your gut instinct and never do things for a man if you don't want to. Don't message him anymore. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 25, 2023 Share Posted January 25, 2023 12 hours ago, Cathy7 said: . He insists on me seeing him without clothes on a video..as we live far away from each other Do you work together or in the same industry? Unfortunately he is trying to get you involved in his exhibitionism fetish. Don't engage in this. Anything that happens online can be forwarded, posted somewhere, etc He's not trying to date you. Discontinue communication with him unless it's professionally necessary. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted January 25, 2023 Share Posted January 25, 2023 It sounds creepy and strange, OP. Block and delete. I understand you’ve built some rapport with this person and things turned romantic but nothing about his proposition appears respectful, sensitive or kind. It sounds quite unhinged and disrespectful. I’d have doubts he is on the “professional” platform for work-related reasons at all. Unfortunately this isn’t a relationship. It’s a cyber/online rando you may never meet in real life. He doesn’t sound keen on meeting either and I’m assuming the costs associated with travel, initiative and so on rests on you. Please be careful with your privacy as well and anything you share online may be recorded or affect your career and/or personal life adversely. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 26, 2023 Share Posted January 26, 2023 There is a reasonable chance that he is expecting to play naked with you and see you naked. Here is mine, here is yours. I will show you mine, you show me yours. The idea is the same, yadda yadda, you get the idea. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxcazaxx Posted January 26, 2023 Share Posted January 26, 2023 Sorry but personally this would make me run a mile without having met someone. To be honest videos like that wouldn't be for me even having met someone. You never know where they might end up. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted January 26, 2023 Share Posted January 26, 2023 (edited) @Cathy7if I may ask, how old are you? Are you still a teenager? You seem quite naïve and inexperienced. You should have blocked and deleted him immediately after he began "insisting" that you allow him to send you naked videos of himself. This type of guilt-tripping and pressure on you to do something YOU are uncomfortable with shows a complete lack of social awareness as well as respect and courtesy for you! Your reaction actually scares me a little, that you can be so easily influenced by such creeps you meet on the internet (or anywhere) that you question yourself and your own boundaries. I encourage you to speak to a professional or an adult you trust about this, you are easy prey for all the internet predators out there. In the meantime, immediately block and delete this dote, seriously, he is BAD news no matter how your slice and dice. Edited January 26, 2023 by poppyfields 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cathy7 Posted February 26, 2023 Author Share Posted February 26, 2023 Thank you Everyone who responded to my question! Here is an update: he wrote to me again, asking if he can send me an intimate picture of himself instead. I cut it off, but before that he told me that he cannot be himself with me - precisely because I dont appreciate him wanting to send me naked pictures. I think that this is not the matter of being himself, but complete lack of good manners. Guys who are truly into a girl dont do such low things. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 26, 2023 Share Posted February 26, 2023 3 hours ago, Cathy7 said: Guys who are truly into a girl dont do such low things. No, they generally don’t - particularly not when they have never met the woman and/or are not in an actual relationship with the woman and/or because you have said that it makes you u comfortable. If you were in an actual relationship with the man and you both wanted to exchange photos as part of the sexual relationship you share - that’s one thing. But, that’s not what is happening here and as such, he should not be sending you photos for all of the reasons listed above. It’s clear what he wants Cathy - he gets off on sending women naked photos and he is not above pressuring you to do so. If you don’t like it, and you are not wrong for deciding that this is not acceptable to you, then you need to stop talking to the man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 27, 2023 Share Posted February 27, 2023 12 hours ago, Cathy7 said: Guys who are truly into a girl dont do such low things You're right, they don't. Something is seriously off with this man. I hope you have blocked him everywhere. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cathy7 Posted February 27, 2023 Author Share Posted February 27, 2023 11 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: You're right, they don't. Something is seriously off with this man. I hope you have blocked him everywhere. Thank you! Actually, as soon as I said that I am definitely fed up with this type of request and behaviour and that I feel that he perceives me in somewhat low way through his request, he blocked me, so it is like ending up being the one who did something bad, but well, it is ok. It was very strange. Even if one dates, I don't believe that this type of behavior is normal. Every conversation was leading to this topic before. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 28, 2023 Share Posted February 28, 2023 This guy is only interested in what he can get sexual from you online. You probably aren't the only woman he's doing this with. He knows there's a lot of lonely women and he's playing on that to get cheap thrills. He's actually a creep. How old are you? Link to post Share on other sites
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