joel.vanevery Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 hello im joel and lately i've had a problem i've been with this girl for three months and she has cheated on me three times and the reason's she say's she does it are because she was talked into it or forced into it. she says she is sorry and she is a horrible person every time cheating comes up . in one case she could have gotten out of it after we had went over what happened. she has even had sex with another well with me. she often wears provocitive clothes to school and will do anything for attention often flirting way to much infront of me even. she hugs one of the guys she cheated on me with right in front of me and he even flirts with her still. it really hurts me because i have tried to think of anything i could have done for her to cheat i've treated her nice as any of my friends at school will say i've spent time with here pretty much cutting my friends out of my life i've spent around $200 on her and she tells me it was not my fault. but how can i trust her ? is it possible for a some one to cheat three times (one night stand things) and be faithful ? i love her but lately i find my self more interestened in friends then her (most of my friends are girls) and it is mostly because of her she goes off during lunch not even asking me to come with her and if i leave to go some were i get her upset with me. when i talk to her on the phone lately she will be watching tv or on her labtop or on msn messenger so it makes it hard to talk because she does not listen to what i say and if i dont call her or stop talking she gets upset. what should i do ? i might only be in grade 10 but i've grown up fast because of my childhood and i think like an adult in relationship ways and i need peoples opinion's what should i do ? please if you've been through this or have any suggestions please post. Link to post Share on other sites
Peter the second Posted November 5, 2005 Share Posted November 5, 2005 Hello Joel, If it really hurts your feelings she's cheating on you then you should break up with you. If it is important for you to be faithful in a relationship then you should find someone else who will be faithful. After all you can't change her. No matter how much time, ove or money you will spent on her. The only one who can change her is herself. How awful it may sound she ows you nothing so she has a right to be unfaithful. If that works for her to e happy then she should be doing that. And if you can't have such a relationship with someone who is like her then just breakup with her. Try to enjoy the things that she DOES make you happy with as a friend. Breaking up with someone doesn't mean (or at least shouldn't mean) that you will lose all good stuff. You see, it is her choice (although she says it's not) to be unfaithful or not. And it is your choice if you will be put up with such a person. You got to she this as an opportunity to see if you want to be with her cause you like her so much and she makes you happy or if you are afraid to become unhappy if you brakeup with her, afraid of being alone. I'm telling you, you really will find someone else. Someone that has the same livingstandards as you do. And that will bring you so much joy then the situation you are in right now. So basicly just tell her that you respect her way of living and wish her all the best but that you cannot live with a person like that. That way you will not be disapointet anymore everytime she cheats on you and you are still able to enjoy her in other ways like maybe she is really funny or whatever. Because unlike (in my opinion) being partners and having sex, laughing together IS something you can share with others. And that way you are still able to hang out together and maybe one day she will learn what horrible effects it can have on people's life with cheating. IF she learns that then you can try to make it work again. Time will tell. Just don't go tell her what she should do of what she shouldn't do. If she makes you unhappy break up with her. The only one that truly can make you happy is yourself. And if you want to share your happiness with others don't expect to get something in return but just hope for it. That's only fair. It's your choice. I hope I'm being clear on this and I hope I'm nothing coming of to unsensitive but if you want to see things change, change yourself. And if you do you WILL meet someone much better! Don't believe that she was talked into it it's just not true. It's her own choice, as you said it yourself she was hugging a guy she cheated you with, come on man that's just unsensitive of her. It IS her choice. She may not want to hurt you by doing that but because you keep coming back to her you keep on being hurt. Balance up what you want in a relationship. See what she can give you and what see can't. And then dicide if you accept that. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted November 5, 2005 Share Posted November 5, 2005 hello im joel and lately i've had a problem i've been with this girl for three months and she has cheated on me three times and the reason's she say's she does it are because she was talked into it or forced into it. Even criminals claim they're innocent. Your crime is putting up with it. Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted November 5, 2005 Share Posted November 5, 2005 simple answer to will cheating continue ? .......YES YES and YES Link to post Share on other sites
oh_what_am_I_doing Posted November 5, 2005 Share Posted November 5, 2005 I think you already know the answer but just don't want to admit it. You said yourself that lately you've been wanting to be with your female friends more than spending time with her. She doesn't listen to you when you're on the phone with her because she's too busy chatting with others or surfing the web. She doesn't sound like she's mature enough to have a boyfriend. Period. She cheated on you three times, for pete's sake. What the heck does she mean she was talked into it or forced into it??!!! Unless she was raped, she had a choice. Move on, let yourself heal, and then you'll find someone who treats you better. Someone who appreciates you and your money spent. Someone who will abide by the same dating rules (fidelity) that you do. Link to post Share on other sites
JayKay Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 YOu can't change her behavior. You can only change your own. Break things off with her. As long as you put up with her excuses, she will continue to abuse you. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 She is simply not in love with you. That's why she is cheating on you. The actress Liv Ullmann said: "When you're in love- you don't cheat; when you're not in love - then tehre's no one to cheat on." Your GF doesn't even take you seriously. In her heart she is single. It sems that she likes your attention and you're there until something better comes up. Link to post Share on other sites
sdguy Posted November 8, 2005 Share Posted November 8, 2005 Just to reiterate. Cheaters are always cheaters. Dump the girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Leahh Posted November 8, 2005 Share Posted November 8, 2005 One more time.. dump her now before it gets worse you can't change anyone. you think "next" time is an exception. it wont be. Link to post Share on other sites
joel vanevery Posted December 4, 2005 Share Posted December 4, 2005 hello all and thank you for your help i broke up with her for a bit and we are back together after a fourth time of her cheating im giving her one final chance and if she blows it then she really does not love me. you may think my idea is dumb but i care about her and if she hates me enuff to hurt me again then i will leave her. thanks again to everyone who gave there two cents. Link to post Share on other sites
JayKay Posted December 4, 2005 Share Posted December 4, 2005 Joel, ever hear the saying, "First time you fool me....shame on you. Second time you fool me....shame on me" ??? It refers to the fact that when people think they can take advantage of you, they WILL. You've already forgiven her how many times? She thinks she can walk all over you. Yeah, I think you need to open your eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
NYCmitch25 Posted December 4, 2005 Share Posted December 4, 2005 Joel, I hope she keeps cheating on you to the point where you've finally had enough -- and do something about it. I had a friend who put up with a gf who cheated a lot, and it was weird because it was just the way she was almost like it's "nothing personal". She defined herself though intimacy with other men, if she was rejected, she actually would secretly cry about it (she had an anxiety disorder). Despite this she was a great person, funny, interesting, worldly, and fun, it's probably why my friend put up with her infidelity. Actually it wasn't, he had very low self-esteem because he is very short and ave looking and thus unattractive to the opposite sex. He also seems depressed at times to the point of it being clinical. I guess I'm talking about all this to ask why you feel it's ok to be with a woman who cheats on you a lot? At some point you've got to start blaming yourself and I think every post before mine is exactly right on... so listen to them! Link to post Share on other sites
joel vanevery Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 ok well she dumped me and then she tells me its because she does not like my worrying about what she does with her friends when im not around. then she tells her friends its because she does not want to be tied down. then today she tells me it is because she was planning on killing herself and i had always said i would if she did. i think that she has lied once again and she does not have a real reason. she has asked me back out but i have said no but my heart hurts alot. what should i do ask her out or just move on ? thanks joel .v Link to post Share on other sites
Grinning Maniac Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 The girl has cheated on your four times in just as many months. More for all you know. STOP DATING HER YOU DOPE. Someone needs to kick you in the ass. When people cheat on you, get UPSET about it. Don't get all whiny and emo...only to just take them back like a punk. Cripes. You're in high school. This relationship doesn't matter. If she's good in the sack, you can stick around in that regard, but christ I wouldnt even trust rubbers as protection with that kind of girl. You're better off finding someone else man. She's not going to stop cheating on you. She doesnt really want to be in a relationship. You've heard this. She's immature and kind of a slut honestly. Next time she brings up wanting to go out, you just look her in the eyes and say that you can think of better ways to waste your time than dating a walking case of clap. Maybe she'll run off crying. You have to options: A) Be a man and get your little cajones back from a girl who really is never going to be there for you anyhow. B) Be the whiny doormat and manbitch to a high school whore who respects you for nada. It's your choice. Link to post Share on other sites
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