quankanne Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 back to the initial poster's comments: I'm sure your husband probably hasn't interpreted her behavior as anything out of the ordinary from plain ol' friendship, but my guess is that her intentions aren't as forthright as you or he hope. It sounds like she's catting around, and he really needs to nip it in the bud. Otherwise, she'd have been cool about getting to "meet" the wife of her friend. just my 2 cents Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 I agree that you h is getting something out of the ims that is lacking from you.. This is bad because doing the deed is bad but when you get a emotional connection that is worst than sleeping with someone because you are getting something from one another and when that happens you tend to disconnect with your s/o and then that makes you long and want to be with this person and suddenly you are uninterested in your s/o and you want the person you are connecting more with because they are giving you what you want !! I would really stress to your h what can happen and it needs to stop !!!!!! Good luck:D Link to post Share on other sites
Israfil Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 I agree with all the other posters – it is very likely that she has a thing for your husband. I would just like to comment, though, that is it weird for someone, without having been purposely introduced by the owner of the account during that conversation, to suddenly use that IM account. I would be pretty wierded out if someone just randomly started chatting to me on one of my friend’s IM accounts, even if it was their spouse. Maybe that is what she meant by it being weird? Just offering a different perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 You're taking a huge chance of becoming involved when you have personal relationships with the opposite sex outside of the marriage. It's as simple as that... I'm with Moose on this one. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 Yes, it may to some. But I don't call those days, "dark" ages......I call them the, "glory" days where people knew what a marriage is. Where anything that could have the slightest negative impact on a marriage were avoided like the plague. Society preaches nothing but tolerance anymore. I don't buy it.Having male friends at work isn't the issue. That's a given. You have to get along with co-workers. You said, your best friend is male, and he isn't your husband. I have a problem with that.I trust my wife with my life. I don't, however, trust anyone else, and neither should you.This wouldn't work at all with Mrs. Moose. And I wouldn't blame her. There's no room for this kind of tolerance in a loving marriage. Moose said it all !! You never trust someone else because 9 times out of ten they will stab you in the back .. Women can be vicious when trying to get what they want married or not !!!! Link to post Share on other sites
fairluvwar Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 Well it's a good thing us normal people don't put much stock in what others have to say on here. I think Moose you are just a completely jealous moronic bimbo living in the past. I mean I'm assuming, I don't know what it was like back in the 1950's maybe you can tell me. But in the world of today each partner is free to do as they wish, as well as hanging out with the opposite sex. If you don't like it, fine, you stay in your own sad little cooped up world, while those of us who are secure enough with ourselves, our partners and our friends will choose to hang out with who we want and there ain't nothing you can do about it. To expect your spouse to only maintain relationships with the same sex is controlling and if I were in a relationship of that nature I would be finding a way out fast. Haven't you ever watched Dr. Phil? Guess what hot stuff, there are plenty of people out there, including this man, that are capable of taking care of themselves, regardless of what the 3rd party wants. If they don't have enough control to stay away from something happening then they don't love their partner enough and shouldn't be married to them. But feel free to live in your shell if that's what makes you happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ellen3143 Posted November 4, 2005 Author Share Posted November 4, 2005 It's different when you're included in the friendship and you know who the woman is. Yeah I think so too. I mean I have talked to people on his friends list before both male and female it was never an issue. They are perfectly fine talking to me if he is not here. I mean really its like if one of his friends were to call would I not answer the phone?? Of course not how is this any different? Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 But in the world of today each partner is free to do as they wish, as well as hanging out with the opposite sex... To expect your spouse to only maintain relationships with the same sex is controlling and if I were in a relationship of that nature I would be finding a way out fast. I acknowledge that each person has the freedom to do what they want, but befriending the opposite sex usually has dangerous repercussions when the friendship doesn't include your partner. Just look around the boards and see for yourself... plenty of examples abound. It usually starts out with people believing their heart is bulletproof (unless they were looking for a little action to begin with)... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 Well, most friends don't call (by phone) at midnight...lol. The point is, you're not comfy with her now, even more so and it's obvious that this woman friend feels 'weird' that you spoke to her. Which to me means her intent of being friends with your husband is questionable. She should be 'expecting' him to make sure you know all about her and have no problems with them talking online once in a while. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 Well it's a good thing us normal people don't put much stock in what others have to say on here.So I'm not normal. Hmmm, maybe I ought to get that checked......does anyone here know what normal is? Didn't think so.......I think Moose you are just a completely jealous moronic bimbo living in the past.You're entitled to your opinion as ignorant as it may be.I mean I'm assuming, I don't know what it was like back in the 1950's maybe you can tell me.Don't think so, wasn't born until the late 60's.....sorryBut in the world of today each partner is free to do as they wish, as well as hanging out with the opposite sex.What's the point in being married then? I don't mind if my wife hangs out with people. I do mind if all she hangs out with is the opposite sex, and she chooses to be, BEST friends with someone other than myself. That's the promise we made to each other, to grow, learn and be with each other until death.If you don't like it, fine, you stay in your own sad little cooped up world, while those of us who are secure enough with ourselves, our partners and our friends will choose to hang out with who we want and there ain't nothing you can do about it.Newsflash....you're not secure with yourself, you're just ignorant of what marriage is......go ahead, I won't lose any sleep over what you do, I could care less.....Guess what hot stuff, there are plenty of people out there, including this man,Maybe you're a little too secure to call another man hot stuff..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ellen3143 Posted November 4, 2005 Author Share Posted November 4, 2005 no, but then I've always made it a point to introduce my husband to my friends, be they real or in cyber-space. Same here he has meet a lot of my friends real and online. I want him to meet the people I talk to they are good people. But if they cross the line in anyway I remove them from my list. I tell people straight up I am very much in love with my husband and nothing or no one is going to interfere with that. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 I am going to stick up for Moose's opinion here, simply because a person doesn't need to be trashed because he or she sees things differently. I may not share that view, but that doesn't mean I cannot respect that they are someone else's. note that in his initial posts, he flat-out said that "no hanging out with friends of the opposite sex" was something they both agreed upon. You've even said "each partner is free to do as they wish," so I'm not sure where you got the idea that slamming him after he explained this was a mutual belief held by him and Mrs. Moose could not be construed as anything other than a mean-spirited attack. When it devolves to this point, it robs LoveShack as a whole from input that is potentially beneficial to a reader who needs to know that someone believes as he or she does. we can agree to disagree, and be gentlemen about it, you know? Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 wasn't born until the late 60's :( please don't tell me that you're younger than me, I don't think I can handle it just now :( back on topic: Ellen, does your husband feel the same way about sharing about the friends and company he keeps? I mean, is this something you both agree upon, to fill in each other with your lives outside of marriage (i.e., hobbies, work, etc)? If it is – if you know that he's open about who he talks to, then I'm seriously beginning to think that maybe this woman who is making goo-goo eyes doesn't understand that y'all don't keep secrets, hence the responses you've gotten/read Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 he is clearly saying that everyone should behave that way. yes, and this is his opinion, which he -- like every other poster on this board -- is entitled to share. We just ask that when we get responses to opinions, people can frame them in such a way that it doesn't lead to a playground squabble situation. Believe me, it makes things uncomfortable for other readers. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 So I'm not normal. Hmmm, maybe I ought to get that checked......does anyone here know what normal is? Didn't think so.......You're entitled to your opinion as ignorant as it may be.Don't think so, wasn't born until the late 60's.....What's the point in being married then? I don't mind if my wife hangs out with people. I do mind if all she hangs out with is the opposite sex, and she chooses to be, BEST friends with someone other than myself. That's the promise we made to each other, to grow, learn and be with each other[/uto any sleep over what you do, I could care less.....Maybe you're a little too secure to call another man hot stuff..... I'm sorry that Moose stepped on your toes but i agree with him .. He is a very sincere man and has great views of marriage and wished that other men would have views like him ..He respects and cares what he does and doesn't do to his wife and wants to make his wife feel always wanted or need maybe you could take some lessons from Moose !!! What was the reason you signed up for this site anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 aaarrrgggghhhhh ..... PEOPLE! DON'T DERAIL THIS DANG THREAD! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ellen3143 Posted November 4, 2005 Author Share Posted November 4, 2005 wasn't born until the late 60's :( please don't tell me that you're younger than me, I don't think I can handle it just now :( back on topic: Ellen, does your husband feel the same way about sharing about the friends and company he keeps? I mean, is this something you both agree upon, to fill in each other with your lives outside of marriage (i.e., hobbies, work, etc)? If it is – if you know that he's open about who he talks to, then I'm seriously beginning to think that maybe this woman who is making goo-goo eyes doesn't understand that y'all don't keep secrets, hence the responses you've gotten/read Honestly I think he does he said he doesn't care if I talk to people on his list but some of them might feel "weird" about it. However she is the only one so far that has ever expressed that to my knowledge Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 Ellen, have you thought about talking with your husband and letting him know how this particular woman bothers you? Maybe see how he reacts, or what he has to say. I'm with the others that even though it may not be your husband that likes her in another way other than a friend, she may be the one that thinks more of him. I think by him continuing to talk to her may be leading her on and thats why she feels the need to keep talking with him. I think its possible shes feeding his ego. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 aaarrrgggghhhhh ..... PEOPLE! DON'T DERAIL THIS DANG THREAD! We are not just pissed me off bashing Moose!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ellen3143 Posted November 4, 2005 Author Share Posted November 4, 2005 he is clearly saying that everyone should behave that way. yes, and this is his opinion, which he -- like every other poster on this board -- is entitled to share. We just ask that when we get responses to opinions, people can frame them in such a way that it doesn't lead to a playground squabble situation. Believe me, it makes things uncomfortable for other readers. What works for one marriage will not necessary work for another everyone has to find what works for them. I personally don't think not having male/female friends is the answer to my situation. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 Like i said he or she has to be getting something out of it.. Why would you want to talk to a married man in ims anyway .. That is a no no!! I know i said it but i want to emphasize that !!! If you want to talk with the opposite sex and you are neglecting your spouse than you shouldn't even be married to begin with!! Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 What works for one marriage will not necessary work for another everyone has to find what works for them. I personally don't think not having male/female friends is the answer to my situation. Obviously it bothers you or you wouldn't be asking for opinions if it don't bother you that let him keep chatting in ims then !!! Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 I don't think its wrong that married people have friends of the opposite sex, and I think thats a point that keeps being missed. I think the issue here is that he is talking with this woman on a daily basis. About what, idle chit chat? Chit chat that he could be having or sharing with you. The time he is investing chatting with this other woman is taking away from time that could be spent with you and the marriage. He was up at 12:30 midnight chatting with her, he could have been sharing quailty time with you. Theres being an emotional bond formed here, maybe more one sided than the other, who knows for sure, but that emotional bond he is having with her isn't good for your marriage to be strong and healthy. So its not really about married people having friends of the opposite sex, sure you can too a point. Its one thing to have co-workers of the opposite sex that you deal with on a daily basis, or to go out with another couple for dinner and drinks, but to sit and chat in ims day in and day out with another of the opposite sex isn't good. Theres a reason for that. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 Honestly I think he does he said he doesn't care if I talk to people on his list but some of them might feel "weird" about it. However she is the only one so far that has ever expressed that to my knowledge While I don't do the "chat" thing, I might find it a little puzzling if my partner went online under my screen name and began chatting up one of my friends. Then again, the friends I correspond with via email are female. And they're real-time friends (people that he's met) and not cyber pals. Unless it was some kind of joint account, I can't imagine why we wouldn't just use separate identities. (???) Unless of course, one of us were fishing for something out of curiosity…or wanted to make sure that anonymous person behind the screen was aware of our presence. If that's what happened in your case, then I think you acted in the very best interest of yourself and your relationship. It doesn't really matter what that stranger on the other end thinks of you. And if your husband isn't offended, then there's no reason to explain yourself to her or anyone. Remember --- It's your marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ellen3143 Posted November 4, 2005 Author Share Posted November 4, 2005 Unless of course, one of us were fishing for something out of curiosity…or wanted to make sure that anonymous person behind the screen was aware of our presence. If that's what happened in your case, then I think you acted in the very best interest of yourself and your relationship. It doesn't really matter what that stranger on the other end thinks of you. And if your husband isn't offended, then there's no reason to explain yourself to her or anyone. Remember --- It's your marriage. No I was not fishing. Her message popped up and he hadn't set an away message so I let her know he was gone out. Much the same I would if his friends called on the phone. Would that be weird if one of his friends called for me to say not he is not here and talk politely to them for a few min? I think she found it weird and it took her back a little to know I had access to his msn. Link to post Share on other sites
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