No contact confusion - who should break it (if ever.

[basil67]

I think you've been given some excellent advice so far, so I will just add another thought

If having you in her life was so important to her, she shouldn't have dumped you.   But the way she's been treating you is just cake eating - doesn't want to date you, but wants you as a dear friend.  Thing is, she can't have it both ways.   Her reaction to your request for space to heal is nothing short of selfish.  It truly does appear that she struggles with empathy and being given boundaries. 

I can't help but wonder if she's been a bit spoiled and hasn't had much experience with not getting what she wants. 

 

[Lotsgoingon]

Agree: it's very  immature and self-absorbed how she is insisting on friendship. She dumps you. She should have no say in anything. 

This woman won't even do the decent thing of leaving you alone. Most dumpers do that! OP,  this is NOT the woman. I know  you're still attached to her, but set as your aim someone who tortures you a lot less than this person. 

[glows]

On 1/27/2023 at 5:15 AM, Anothersaddumpee said:

I feel faintly guilty even now saying this - but can't deny I feel very seen by you here - yes, she certainly didn't react well to any disagreement or expression of any problems or issues from my side. Which was confusing, since she also criticised me for not communicating - but I very quickly became reluctant to do so, as it often wasn't worth upsetting things. Wow - I feel so pathetic when writing this - but am trying to focus on the fact that I have at least finally managed to separate myself from her (even tho it doesn't feel that way - I'm still experiencing waves of nausea/anxiety over a year after the original final break up...) Thanks for your words - and you're right also - it's getting my head around the idea that it doesn't matter what she thinks, and certainly not ruling out dating one day - just feels a LONG way off! 

You’ll have to learn to pick partners who are more compatible with you eventually so that you’re not bickering like this. Some disagreement is inevitable in any relationship but not to the point where you’re afraid to speak for fear of being criticized heavily or someone flying off the handle. 

This is all part and parcel of healing and growing or learning about what works. 

The aim now is distancing yourself and not seeing yourself as part of her or anything having to with her. She’s yesterday’s news. Over. Kaput. Finished. It is ok to move forwards without anything to do with this person.