Pacito Posted January 31, 2023 Share Posted January 31, 2023 I was wondering what you think about this: My spouse is cheating on me with her ex. She stayed 2 full days and nights at his place and I catch them. The wife and her lover have at least a decade long story with minimum of 20 group trips together, day and overnight trips together, a long history of secret emailing and texting, exchanging romantic messages and she confessing here feelings for him many times. This continues despite repeatedly being caught and asked to stop without any apology or even acknowledgement of wrongdoing but minimizing and deflecting the situations and criticizing me for being upset. Just days after the two nights at his apartment, without any apology or any attempt to repair, she wants to go on a group trip run by him and thinks that is ok. Ultimately, she does not go, probably mostly because she is afraid of being exposed to friends and family. In the following months she repeatedly makes me feel guilty for not having gone on that trip. But not only that, she is upset, that I am furious about this behavior. Half a year later (with probably no contact with him for the most part) she announces without the slightest attempt to have any sort of conversation about this with me that she will go on another group trip with him, most likely having alone days with him. She also wants our son (one of three kids) to come along for a weekend going after his favorite outdoor past time. I am not allowing my son to go, although he would love to. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
birdie_b Posted January 31, 2023 Share Posted January 31, 2023 I can’t see any reason for you to stay. I think you’ll be happier in your own. I’m sorry. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted January 31, 2023 Share Posted January 31, 2023 Divorce her. Dna test the kids. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 1, 2023 Share Posted February 1, 2023 Your marriage is already over. Speak to a lawyer so you can initiate divorce proceedings. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted February 1, 2023 Share Posted February 1, 2023 She wants her ex and doesn't give a monkeys about you or your feelings. Speak with a lawyer and file for divorce and custody of the kids, citing infidelity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted February 1, 2023 Share Posted February 1, 2023 Is there any reason why you’re still with her? Unfortunately we can’t control others. Don’t involve the kids in any of this. If they want to be with her let them, provided you think the trip is safe. Treat your marriage issues as separate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted February 1, 2023 Share Posted February 1, 2023 Some folks have a hard time leaving. While I don't advise people to divorce, I guess I am wondering what you are still doing married to her? If it was me, I'm 99% sure I would have left a long time ago. I think you are the "stable base" for her, from which she goes out and has "romantic adventures". It's nice for her, but no doubt extremely distressing for you. I guess you are supposed to just deal with it?? Is she and/or "being married" worth what you are going through? Only you can answer that question. Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted February 1, 2023 Share Posted February 1, 2023 (edited) 22 hours ago, Pacito said: The wife and her lover have at least a decade long story with minimum of 20 group trips together, day and overnight trips together, a long history of secret emailing and texting, exchanging romantic messages and she confessing here feelings for him many times. This continues despite repeatedly being caught and asked to stop without any apology or even acknowledgement of wrongdoing but minimizing and deflecting the situations and criticizing me for being upset. I think your wife has already checked herself out of your marriage. Wow, you've been tolerating her cheating for at least 10 years. Do you really love her that much that you are willing to tolerate such disrespect? There are few choices you can do: Continue ignoring everything and sweeping things under the rug as you do now. I doubt that she actually wants to leave you for her lover. Otherwise, she would have done that long time ago. Your marriage is likely to continue but at what cost? Open up your marriage. There are couples who function quite well and thrive once they open up their relationship. Allow her to openly have her "adventures" with her ex and you go on adventures on your own. Maybe once her cheating is no longer a taboo, your lines of communications are going to be more honest and open. Who knows, some couples go down that route and are happy about how things turn out. Not saying this is good for everybody, but honestly, I don't think you have much to lose at this point. Put your own well-being first and divorce her. Don't stay with her just for the kid's sake or for a financial reason. Edited February 1, 2023 by Alvi Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 2, 2023 Share Posted February 2, 2023 (edited) On 1/31/2023 at 1:09 PM, Pacito said: Thoughts? It wouldn’t matter to me whether she did/did not go on the trip… as my soon-to-be ex-wife, she would be free to do whatever she chooses. In other words, I would save the argument and just file for divorce. Why stay married to a woman who repeatedly disrespects you this way? I would not. Edited February 2, 2023 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
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