Tuesday Morning, He Tells Me Wife Was Leaving - Tuesday Evening, Wife Tells Me She Is Staying

[HappyAgain2014]

All the advice the OP has gotten is solid. If nothing else keeps you from going back consider this… if you take him back after he discarded you, you’d be showing him you perceive yourself as a convenience that can be discarded at will. 

Let that sink in. There’s no other way to see it. 

 

[basil67]

22 hours ago, Blindsided2023 said:

That would be helpful...and I also think you are right. Though I hope no one else gets hurt. He's older, so hopefully he doesn't have the energy to do this to someone again...but I am sure that's not the case.

If another woman gets involved with him knowing that he's married, then her pain is self inflicted.  All of our decisions have consequences and OW are not immune to this

[Alpacalia]

On 2/8/2023 at 4:56 PM, Blindsided2023 said:

So, I realize people want to bastardize me as the AP for particupating, and I own my responsibility in this, but there are other factors at play that I'm genuinely surprised so many people don't consider in their replies. But I get this is the internet and only the three of us know the history and situation. I just wanted general feedback in regard to moving on so didn't get into the history of our story - just the outcome.

Not directed at you, specifically, stillafool. Just in general.

Sorry to hear that.

You've been given excellent advice.

It's so easy to vilify the man in question.

It is interesting how often a hurting spouse believes the affair partner will tell them the truth and sorrowfully see the error of their ways once they realize the pain they have caused. 

Just from reading some of the threads on here, it's pretty common for the affair partner to lie, vilify, and justify their immature behaviors, and when they’re told it’s over, and no sign of hope remains for the adulterous relationship, they’ll cling, cry, beg, and plead. 

In terms of my viewpoint, I cannot relate as I have never had such an experience with engaging in an affair with a married person (a situation I hope I never encounter). 

Are you truly concerned about this other person (the wife), or is it what you really want is for your ex lover to feel pain? To have someone treat him the way he has treated you?

More than likely you won’t get any answers from him since you already know the important part.  You know where you are today, and whatever happened, it’s done now. It’s time to move on, and moving on means letting it all go.

 

Edited February 10, 2023 by Alpacalia

[JTSW]

On 2/9/2023 at 1:01 AM, Blindsided2023 said:

hopefully he doesn't have the energy to do this to someone again

You need to remember that you are just as guilty as he is.

You did the same thing, cheated.

You are no different.

Certainly not a victim.

[Wiseman2]

On 2/2/2023 at 11:24 PM, Blindsided2023 said:

 Her response was basically what happened is in the past and they want to focus on their happy future without communication from me.

All you can do is delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

They've been crystal clear about no contact. Once someone states this you need to back off 100%. The last thing anyone needs is a restraining order or a visit from the police about harassment/stalking.

Was he a duplicitous snake? Yes. But you're only responsibly is to your mental and physical health and moving forward. Whatever this snake decides to do is not your problem any longer.

[mark clemson]

On 2/2/2023 at 8:24 PM, Blindsided2023 said:

Instant connection.

It's an interesting quirk of human nature.

Many (certainly not all) women it seems would rather share a winner they find suitable than settle for men they deem sub-par. Even if that winner has already married and so they really only get 10% of him at best. And yes, that man is a winner. Men who have multiple women chasing them when so many men in the world go without are winners. Maybe not the most scrupulous ones, but nonetheless. The proof's in the pudding.

And often that winner is only too happy to play along for the fun, romance, sex, etc, etc. Everything that a new relationship brings if the old one has gotten a bit stale, or the partner turns out to be problematic, or whatever the case may be.

But, as you've seen, this strategy rarely pays off, but instead leads to problems for both parties.

So, take some time to reflect and gain insight into yourself, so you can make wiser decisions next time around...