If someone you were hooking up with said this to you would you block them?

[stillafool]

7 hours ago, Calmandfocused said:

The only thing you should be offended  about is the fact this guy addresses you as “Hey man”. 
 

Next time he asks you to come over for sex respond with “on my way sister” 

I agree about the "hey man" comment.  Very disrespectful to say to a woman you're having sex with.  Also why are you the one required to travel in order to have sex with him?

[Els]

I'm... not sure if you really understand what a "hookup" means?

[Alpacalia]

8 hours ago, Calmandfocused said:

The only thing you should be offended  about is the fact this guy addresses you as “Hey man”. 
 

Next time he asks you to come over for sex respond with “on my way sister” 

I feel the "hey man" comment was used as a colloquial to push back because of the nature of the exchange. Something tells me leading up to it, it was push push push.

The "hey sister" in response is actually quite clever. Got a jolly out of it!

Edited February 5, 2023 by Alpacalia

[NuevoYorko]

Why are you engaging in "hookups" when it's clearly not a suitable situation for you to put yourself into?  Everything you shared about your interactions with the guy (mean texting,  lots of texts & calls you expect to be answered, surprise visits) are things that have NO PLACE with hookups.  In fact, avoiding all of them are the very reason people even have hookups / FWB / F-buddies etc.  

This does not seem to be you.

[Sugarly]

On 2/4/2023 at 9:04 AM, glows said:

It’s probably best to let this one cool off and see others. He’s being direct and honest with you. You’re acting clingy.

He is interested but it’s about sex. Don’t show up whenever you want or assume he always wants to meet you. You pushed a boundary and it likely wasn’t ok when you showed up like that last time. He might not have wanted to make a scene but that was inappropriate. 

Be busy and meet him when you are free also. No need to feel offended by what he said.

If he was so upset about it then why didn't he say that? Instead of kissing me and fooling around?

[Sugarly]

On 2/3/2023 at 9:30 PM, BaileyB said:

Take the hint, he’s not really interested. He will call you if/when it’s convenient for him - 

Personally, I wouldn’t answer his call. 

Previously he has asked me if I was available and if I would come over. It has not always been me who reached out first. 

[Sugarly]

On 2/4/2023 at 12:38 AM, NuevoYorko said:

Ok.  You're not a first choice / priority for him when it comes to how he wants to spend his time.   That's the way hooking up works.  You don't seem to get that.  

Ok, so I guess the times when he has texted me asking me if I could come over meant that he didn't want to spend time with me? Ok yeah that makes sense. 

[Sugarly]

On 2/5/2023 at 12:51 PM, stillafool said:

I agree about the "hey man" comment.  Very disrespectful to say to a woman you're having sex with.  Also why are you the one required to travel in order to have sex with him?

Lol I asked him about that and he told me he says that to everyone. I did overhear him saying that once while he was on the phone.

Edited February 7, 2023 by Sugarly

[Sugarly]

On 2/4/2023 at 5:34 AM, Alpacalia said:

Relationships of this kind are supposed to be fun and carefree. You will have a tough time finding a man who is interested in a casual relationship ongoing with this level of drama.

Basically, he's all about total chill vibes. He won't give his energy to anything he isn't comfortable with. It is for sure that the other person cannot impose anything on them, nor can they make any emotional overtures to them. If everyone is cool about it, then it can still be a 'no drama' relationship.

I mean, unless you are in a "real" relationship, right?

The idea of hookups, one-night stands, or a part-time lover who comes into town twice a month for work is something you need to be okay with. We all deserve fulfilling and fun sex whenever we can.

Keep pushing him to have sex, and he'll probably stop sleeping with you. You aren't entitled to sex and the fact that you are getting worked up about not having sex with him on a whim could make him think that you are developing feelings for him.

My advice is to start dating and find other men to sleep with. If you really are unbothered about being "first" or if you have no feelings for this guy, I don't see why you can't just find someone else that's more interested in a bed buddy situation than a romantic situation.

I am not pushing him to have sex with me there have been times when he has reached out to me without me contacting him asking if I was free and if I would stop by. If I wanted to be in a relationship, I would be talking to the other guy who's been asking me to be with him for months. I don't want to be in a relationship I like being able to go over to this guy's house, have sex leave and continue on with my life doing my own thing. Because it's a convenient arrangement for me.

Can't make any emotional overtures? Well, I'm not the one who initiates kissing, cuddling etc. He's the one who initiates cuddling when I don't even want to. Because those are not things that fwb do. 

Edited February 7, 2023 by Sugarly

[Wiseman2]

33 minutes ago, Sugarly said:

Previously he has asked me if I was available and if I would come over.

Are you still seeing him? Where would you like to see this going? Have you considered dating other men who seem more interested in you? If he's becoming a headache, this is easy to walk away from.

[Sugarly]

On 2/4/2023 at 9:04 AM, glows said:

It’s probably best to let this one cool off and see others. He’s being direct and honest with you. You’re acting clingy.

He is interested but it’s about sex. Don’t show up whenever you want or assume he always wants to meet you. You pushed a boundary and it likely wasn’t ok when you showed up like that last time. He might not have wanted to make a scene but that was inappropriate. 

Be busy and meet him when you are free also. No need to feel offended by what he said.

Ok, so how am I acting clingy? I haven't been to his house since he told me he would let me know when it's good for me to come over I haven't been texting him or calling him at all. I thought being friends with benefits also meant that the two people were friends? But I guess that's not how it works? We don't only have sex when I see him, we also talk about work, school, etc. I know as friends with benefits that you aren't supposed to be kissing and cuddling or bathing together. And yet these are things that he likes to do and when I tried to keep my distance and not engage it seemed to be an issue. So, either I'm being too clingy or not affectionate enough. 

Edited February 7, 2023 by Sugarly

[Alpacalia]

30 minutes ago, Sugarly said:

I am not pushing him to have sex with me there have been times when he has reached out to me without me contacting him asking if I was free and if I would stop by. If I wanted to be in a relationship, I would be talking to the other guy who's been asking me to be with him for months. I don't want to be in a relationship I like being able to go over to this guy's house, have sex leave and continue on with my life doing my own thing. Because it's a convenient arrangement for me.

It isn't a relationship you want with him; what you want is him to be available to you when you want him. Your use of this guy is convenient for you. The other night, it wasn't convenient for him. His response seems fair, doesn't it?

It sounds as if you're unsure how to proceed in this relationship. How can you set your own limits with this person while still maintaining friendly, enjoyable relations?

[Sugarly]

9 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

It isn't a relationship you want with him; what you want is him to be available to you when you want him. Your use of this guy is convenient for you. The other night, it wasn't convenient for him. His response seems fair, doesn't it?

It sounds as if you're unsure how to proceed in this relationship. How can you set your own limits with this person while still maintaining friendly, enjoyable relations?

Just like when he texts me asking me if I am available and If I'll come over why can't it be the same for me?

[Alpacalia]

Just now, Sugarly said:

Just like when he texts me asking me if I am available and If I'll come over why can't it be the same for me?

The availability of people isn't always guaranteed.

Check it out. The solution to this is simply not to be accessible all the time yourself.

The other thing that comes to my mind is that you seem as if you are looking for a way to express your feelings. Would you consider yourself romantically attached to him here? It's fine if you are. In situations like these, developing such feelings is not that uncommon.

[stillafool]

19 minutes ago, Sugarly said:

I know as friends with benefits that you aren't supposed to be kissing and cuddling or bathing together. And yet these are things that he likes to do and when I tried to keep my distance and not engage it seemed to be an issue.

Of course he likes to do those things, guys want sex.  You probably aren't the only girl he does this with or wants to do it with.  If you were trying to keep your distance you would refuse to do it, not chase him.

[Sugarly]

Just now, Alpacalia said:

The availability of people isn't always guaranteed.

Check it out. The solution to this is simply not to be accessible all the time yourself.

The other thing that comes to my mind is that you seem as if you are looking for a way to express your feelings. Would you consider yourself romantically attached to him here? It's fine if you are. In situations like these, developing such feelings is not that uncommon.

I haven't known him long enough to be romantically interested in him. 

[stillafool]

55 minutes ago, Sugarly said:

If I wanted to be in a relationship, I would be talking to the other guy who's been asking me to be with him for months. I don't want to be in a relationship I like being able to go over to this guy's house, have sex leave and continue on with my life doing my own thing. Because it's a convenient arrangement for me.

You don't want that other guy and that is why you're not chasing him down for sex.  You want this guy and I bet you'd gladly accept a relationship if he offered.

[introverted1]

11 minutes ago, Sugarly said:

Just like when he texts me asking me if I am available and If I'll come over why can't it be the same for me?

And presumably there are times you are too busy so you say no, just as he did.

Look, I get that you don't want to admit it to us -- and possibly to yourself -- but it's clear to anyone reading this thread that you are more into him than he is into you. That's not likely to change. 

There's no need to block him if your concern is that he's going to blow up your phone.  Based on his most recent response to you, I doubt you will hear from him at all unless he encounters a long dry stretch.  But yes, block him if that's what it will take to prevent you from reaching out.

[Alpacalia]

30 minutes ago, Sugarly said:

I haven't known him long enough to be romantically interested in him. 

Friends with benefits provide sexual solace when you aren't in a serious relationship.

No, this isn't it.

In the end, what you and he do together is about having fun, not arguing.

So, there should be no more “expectations”, being FWBs, than with your friend Sally. 

This arrangement is using each other. That is exactly what it is. If your tired of it stop. 

Edited February 7, 2023 by Alpacalia

[Sugarly]

2 hours ago, introverted1 said:

And presumably there are times you are too busy so you say no, just as he did.

Look, I get that you don't want to admit it to us -- and possibly to yourself -- but it's clear to anyone reading this thread that you are more into him than he is into you. That's not likely to change. 

There's no need to block him if your concern is that he's going to blow up your phone.  Based on his most recent response to you, I doubt you will hear from him at all unless he encounters a long dry stretch.  But yes, block him if that's what it will take to prevent you from reaching out.

I like having this arrangement with him because it's convenient for me. I said I was going to block him because I don't understand why he just didn't say he didn't want to hook up anymore. Instead of saying he's busy that's why I said I wanted to block him not being I can't stop reaching out. 

[Sugarly]

1 hour ago, Alpacalia said:

Friends with benefits provide sexual solace when you aren't in a serious relationship.

No, this isn't it.

In the end, what you and he do together is about having fun, not arguing.

So, there should be no more “expectations”, being FWBs, than with your friend Sally. 

This arrangement is using each other. That is exactly what it is. If your tired of it stop. 

You asked me if I was romantically interested in him. And I said no because I haven't known him long enough which is true. But you're saying friends with benefits aren't really friends is that what you're saying? Because I thought that was the whole point of the friends part. And why he likes kissing, cuddling etc. 

[Sugarly]

2 hours ago, stillafool said:

You don't want that other guy and that is why you're not chasing him down for sex.  You want this guy and I bet you'd gladly accept a relationship if he offered.

The other guy wants a relationship which is something that I don't want right now with anyone. But I'm not chasing this guy down for sex I haven't been texting or calling him.

[Alpacalia]

8 minutes ago, Sugarly said:

But you're saying friends with benefits aren't really friends is that what you're saying? Because I thought that was the whole point of the friends part. 

By your own words, you haven't even known him that long. How are you even defining this as "friends with benefits?"

Friends don't go around blocking their platonic friends or go barging over to their house if they already have plans.

Isn't this what you wanted and signed up for? Sex with no strings? What about the part about not expecting emotional commitment or investment from this particular type of relationship? There is no commitment or exclusivity between you.

Getting intimate with another person is almost impossible without getting entangled in personal feelings, even when it has been established from the start that it will be strictly physical.

What are your plans now that you've reached that point?

[NuevoYorko]

4 hours ago, Sugarly said:

Ok, so I guess the times when he has texted me asking me if I could come over meant that he didn't want to spend time with me? Ok yeah that makes sense. 

It meant he felt like having sex and knew you were probably down for that.  Which is fine.  It's a "hookup."  

[NuevoYorko]

3 hours ago, Sugarly said:

Just like when he texts me asking me if I am available and If I'll come over why can't it be the same for me?

You have boundary issues and he's experienced your behavior when you broach boundaries.  So, he's going to be strict about HIS boundaries.  

I expect that you might not be having hookups with this guy going forward.  He may be keeping his options open, since you're obviously into it.  Or, maybe he just wants to fade away because he is wary of more "mean texts" or surprise visits from you.  He owes you NOTHING, even though you seem to want and expect an explanation.

3 hours ago, Sugarly said:

I haven't known him long enough to be romantically interested in him.

 People can get attached to others who they don't even know at all.  "Love at first sight" etc.   Sex is very bonding for many.  Women are more prone to getting feelings after having sex than men, in general.  

 

3 hours ago, stillafool said:

I know as friends with benefits that you aren't supposed to be kissing and cuddling or bathing together

Not true at all.  It's supposed to be FUN.  That can encompass different things depending on the individuals.

As I said before, people who seek that type of arrangement are actively looking for actual no strings attached sex.  You come with a lot of strings and drama.