how to find a girlfriend?

[Jim444]

Hello people! I'm Jim, 18, university student, I'm studying computer science and we are a class of 110 students, the girls we have are few, only 1-2 of them are really beautiful for me, and I think that they already have a boyfriend, is it a good idea to start talking to them? maybe they'll like me more than their current boyfriends. Idk what else to do , I talked with two friends from the class if they know girls who are looking for relationship but they don't. What else can I do? is it time to visit the other departments of the uni, maybe there are more girls in department of geographical or nutrition studies. Any other ideas?

[Atwood]

Whilst I very much understand the desire for a relationship, as we are all human and it's a very natural pursuit, I would recommend thinking about what you want to get out of your university experience beyond dating. You're studying computer science which, depending on the course, is going to involve a lot of practical work. It will most definitely involve a lot of reading and research. Relationships come and go in our lives. You only get to do university once. Focus on how you want to grow and develop as a person. What do you want to be good at? What kind of person do you want to be in the realm of human interaction? What are you passionate about? What other pursuits are you managing alongside uni (e.g hobbies, exercise, etc). 

I know you might be thinking this isn't the advice you asked for, but in the long-term people are interested in dating whole people who know who they are and what they want and are working to achieve those things. If your sole goal for talking to people and going places is to find a date, women can sense this a mile off and will be put off. Invest in yourself, your goals, and your long-term plans. When you meet someone you really like, you will have plenty to bring to the table

[Wiseman2]

17 minutes ago, Jim444 said:

 I'm Jim, 18, university student, I'm studying computer science.

Join some groups and clubs. See what social activities are available on campus. Join some sports and other activities that bring you in contact with more people and women. Don't limit yourself to trying to hit on girls in your class. Research other social opportunities to mingle and meet women. Consider getting a good profile and pics on popular dating apps and start talking to and meeting women.

[Jim444]

2 hours ago, Atwood said:

Whilst I very much understand the desire for a relationship, as we are all human and it's a very natural pursuit, I would recommend thinking about what you want to get out of your university experience beyond dating. You're studying computer science which, depending on the course, is going to involve a lot of practical work. It will most definitely involve a lot of reading and research. Relationships come and go in our lives. You only get to do university once. Focus on how you want to grow and develop as a person. What do you want to be good at? What kind of person do you want to be in the realm of human interaction? What are you passionate about? What other pursuits are you managing alongside uni (e.g hobbies, exercise, etc). 

I know you might be thinking this isn't the advice you asked for, but in the long-term people are interested in dating whole people who know who they are and what they want and are working to achieve those things. If your sole goal for talking to people and going places is to find a date, women can sense this a mile off and will be put off. Invest in yourself, your goals, and your long-term plans. When you meet someone you really like, you will have plenty to bring to the table /cdn-cgi/mirage/1b1d4cad9666a157ecc92a9670ac83845460200e0bc46cf2110283b154ef09c8/1280/https://www.loveshack.org/content/emoticons/smile.gif.365fdc925ab7f51a9626f13390a96867.gif

Thanks for the advice! Look, for one year and a half I studied really hard to be accepted in the university I wanted, no other activities not having fun and going out, nothing! Here in Greece we prepare for a whole year to pass panhellenic examinations, I did! With a really good grade. My life before panhellenic examinations was the same routine with school and some activities, boring things. I think that now it's my time to make a fresh start, I still live with my relatives, but I'm more free than ever, and have no worries. Of course I go to the lessons ( most times 😅) and I'm reading at home, I don't like all the lessons the same, some of these I want just a 5 to pass them, so I read them a few days before the exams. My main goal is to learn programming well and until now I do a good job , but of course as a young person I want to have fun and plenty of new things I never had the chance before, I don't want to live I'm giving panhellenic examinations again, I want a balance in my life, reading - outdoor activities - indoor activities - girls

[Els]

Don't you attend university events, meetups outside campus, societies, etc? Many people who had relationships in college didn't exclusively date within their own classes...

"Visiting other departments" without an actual reason to be there is hella creepy, btw. Just go to social events if you want to meet women.

[Jim444]

8 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Join some groups and clubs. See what social activities are available on campus. Join some sports and other activities that bring you in contact with more people and women. Don't limit yourself to trying to hit on girls in your class. Research other social opportunities to mingle and meet women. Consider getting a good profile and pics on popular dating apps and start talking to and meeting women.

I had a tinder account on my friend's phone from university, I had some matches but I didn't actually liked them, my friend tapped them , but we sent messages to these girls and no one of them responded. Do you think it's easy to find something from a dating app, I want girls only in my age , not older even for a year. I also downloaded bumble for 3 days and no respond

 

[glows]

Do you have any interests or hobbies? If you’re a guy with no job, young, studying and living at home your best bet is to meet other young ladies at local events. Most people your age are hustling hard and a good many know getting seriously involved is going to limit their options especially if they’re working towards similar goals. 

There were tons of parties and events when I was in school. Join some clubs and associations. A lot of socials aren’t just the ones advertised or posted. The more you mix around and meet people you’ll likely be invited to other private get togethers etc. I wouldn’t expect anything serious or long term to come out of it. 

[Jim444]

11 hours ago, glows said:

Do you have any interests or hobbies? If you’re a guy with no job, young, studying and living at home your best bet is to meet other young ladies at local events. Most people your age are hustling hard and a good many know getting seriously involved is going to limit their options especially if they’re working towards similar goals. 

There were tons of parties and events when I was in school. Join some clubs and associations. A lot of socials aren’t just the ones advertised or posted. The more you mix around and meet people you’ll likely be invited to other private get togethers etc. I wouldn’t expect anything serious or long term to come out of it. 

What do you mean about hustling hard?

[Wiseman2]

13 hours ago, Jim444 said:

I had a tinder account on my friend's phone 

Besides dating apps, you can get involved in more social activities offered on campus. Do you have your own phone and computer?

It's normal to want to start dating. Did you date in highschool, such as going to dances, events, sports etc.? University is sort of an extension of that.

University is a new experience with new people and new opportunities. You'll have to find a way to make friends and socialize beyond just who's in your classes.

[Jim444]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Besides dating apps, you can get involved in more social activities offered on campus. Do you have your own phone and computer?

It's normal to want to start dating. Did you date in highschool, such as going to dances, events, sports etc.? University is sort of an extension of that.

University is a new experience with new people and new opportunities. You'll have to find a way to make friends and socialize beyond just who's in your classes.

My highschool was boring as hell, nothing to do , they never organized something like that for the students. My university hasn't a campus. Computer science building is isolated from the other departments, we have only a restaurant and the classrooms nothing else. Even in the main building there's only a library nothing else, that's why we are the second smaller university in Greece. The only thing I can think now is to go to the big universities where they organize parties almost every week

[glows]

4 hours ago, Jim444 said:

What do you mean about hustling hard?

Studying, working three jobs, applying for international exchange programs, looking at internships, figuring what next after the first degree or looking at jobs relevant to your education.

[Jim444]

4 hours ago, glows said:

Studying, working three jobs, applying for international exchange programs, looking at internships, figuring what next after the first degree or looking at jobs relevant to your education.

I don't even work , I only study. Studies and work together don't allow you to have a lot of free time to live your life as a young person. Do you think that most people in my age don't care a lot about social life? I personally believe most university students have plenty of time to go out

[basil67]

2 hours ago, Jim444 said:

I don't even work , I only study. Studies and work together don't allow you to have a lot of free time to live your life as a young person. Do you think that most people in my age don't care a lot about social life? I personally believe most university students have plenty of time to go out

How are you going to date if you don't work?   Dating involves doing nice things together and at the very least, you'd be expected to pay your own way.

My daughter and all her friends worked part time jobs during their final years at school and during uni.  Granted there were a lot of house parties and picnics, but there were also paid events and transport costs.  A number of them also saved enough money for (pre covid) international travel.   Many started with the standard retail jobs which they were doing during school, but by the ends of their degree, they were already working in their field two or three days week.  No way would my daughter have dated a guy who didn't work

Edited February 7, 2023 by basil67

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, Jim444 said:

 go to the big universities 

You can start looking into universities that offer campuses and dormitories. However don't do that to meet girls or party, do it for a more well rounded education and social life.

People in highschool and college date all the time. Nothing new or unusual. However you'll have to find social opportunities to meet girls. And that's up to you.

[basil67]

11 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You can start looking into universities that offer campuses and dormitories. However don't do that to meet girls or party, do it for a more well rounded education and social life.

People in highschool and college date all the time. Nothing new or unusual. However you'll have to find social opportunities to meet girls. And that's up to you.

This is good advice. 

I will add that if the dormitories are too expensive (they certainly are where I live) look for share accommodation with friends or other roommates.   Instant social life!   Of course, you will need a job to pay your share.

[Els]

On 2/7/2023 at 7:46 AM, Jim444 said:

I want girls only in my age , not older even for a year

Well, you can obviously want whatever you want, but this will make things harder for you. It's normal and healthy to want a relationship close to your age, but wanting the exact year is a bit much. Besides, how do you compute a year? If you were born in January and they were born in December the previous year, is that one month or one year? Are you going to be asking for their birth date on your first date?

 

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

My daughter and all her friends worked part time jobs during their final years at school and during uni.  Granted there were a lot of house parties and picnics, but there were also paid events and transport costs.  A number of them also saved enough money for (pre covid) international travel.   Many started with the standard retail jobs which they were doing during school, but by the ends of their degree, they were already working in their field two or three days week.  No way would my daughter have dated a guy who didn't work

Whether or not it's culturally common for university students to work part time depends entirely on the country, notably the minimum wage and the cost of education. Where I grew up, nobody would ever work part time while going to university unless they literally HAD to. Not in the sense of "I need money to go to the movies", but more like "I am living in a dormitory with 20 other people and I'm already eating one meal a day and I will die if I don't get more to eat".

The main reason is that if the minimum wage is very low and the cost of education is very high, then it makes zero sense to spend that 10 hrs/week working when you can spend it on studying. Studying makes you pass exams, and if you are very good you might even get a scholarship. Because $5/hr is pittance in the face of potentially having to pay $20,000 to retake a failed semester, or getting the good news that your grades qualified for a scholarship and now you are saving $40,000 a year.

So, the rich don't work for obvious reasons, but even the middle class will try and prevent their kids from working, because it costs them more in the long run. Not ideal, but it's how it is.

Australia is known for having the highest minimum wage in the world (and also subsidized tertiary education), so of course Australian students will typically try to work. It's different elsewhere. I dunno about Greece.

Personally, if I were the OP and thinking about my future, instead of taking a retail job I would spend less and either work on personal programming projects or contribute to open source development instead. Then apply to one of the more prestigious internships during a summer holiday with that experience. Less money in the short run, better employment possibilities in the long run. CS students are uniquely positioned to be able to do this - they can start accumulating experience that will be valuable to an employer even before they have graduated. Recommend looking into the Google Summer of Code.

Edited February 7, 2023 by Els

[Jim444]

15 hours ago, basil67 said:

How are you going to date if you don't work?   Dating involves doing nice things together and at the very least, you'd be expected to pay your own way.

My daughter and all her friends worked part time jobs during their final years at school and during uni.  Granted there were a lot of house parties and picnics, but there were also paid events and transport costs.  A number of them also saved enough money for (pre covid) international travel.   Many started with the standard retail jobs which they were doing during school, but by the ends of their degree, they were already working in their field two or three days week.  No way would my daughter have dated a guy who didn't work

That's strange, here in Greece it doesn't go like that , I take some money from my relatives, they always help me in these situations. I've always money with me, that's not a problem

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, Jim444 said:

. I've always money with me, that's not a problem

A lot of highschool and college kids date. Some have part-time jobs (which helps) and some have an allowance or stipend. The issue is you want to meet girls, but lack the opportunity. Working part-time is one way to meet people, and you can create more opportunities by being more socially active.

 

[Jim444]

17 hours ago, Els said:

Well, you can obviously want whatever you want, but this will make things harder for you. It's normal and healthy to want a relationship close to your age, but wanting the exact year is a bit much. Besides, how do you compute a year? If you were born in January and they were born in December the previous year, is that one month or one year? Are you going to be asking for their birth date on your first date? /cdn-cgi/mirage/1b1d4cad9666a157ecc92a9670ac83845460200e0bc46cf2110283b154ef09c8/1280/https://www.loveshack.org/content/emoticons/wink.gif.6242da29907218d9034537cede97dce3.gif

 

Whether or not it's culturally common for university students to work part time depends entirely on the country, notably the minimum wage and the cost of education. Where I grew up, nobody would ever work part time while going to university unless they literally HAD to. Not in the sense of "I need money to go to the movies", but more like "I am living in a dormitory with 20 other people and I'm already eating one meal a day and I will die if I don't get more to eat".

The main reason is that if the minimum wage is very low and the cost of education is very high, then it makes zero sense to spend that 10 hrs/week working when you can spend it on studying. Studying makes you pass exams, and if you are very good you might even get a scholarship. Because $5/hr is pittance in the face of potentially having to pay $20,000 to retake a failed semester, or getting the good news that your grades qualified for a scholarship and now you are saving $40,000 a year.

So, the rich don't work for obvious reasons, but even the middle class will try and prevent their kids from working, because it costs them more in the long run. Not ideal, but it's how it is.

Australia is known for having the highest minimum wage in the world (and also subsidized tertiary education), so of course Australian students will typically try to work. It's different elsewhere. I dunno about Greece.

Personally, if I were the OP and thinking about my future, instead of taking a retail job I would spend less and either work on personal programming projects or contribute to open source development instead. Then apply to one of the more prestigious internships during a summer holiday with that experience. Less money in the short run, better employment possibilities in the long run. CS students are uniquely positioned to be able to do this - they can start accumulating experience that will be valuable to an employer even before they have graduated. Recommend looking into the Google Summer of Code.

I agree with you , but it's too early for this. I'm still in my first year. I want to take some basic knowledge from university and during the next summer I'll start practicing by my own. Here in Greece there are no fees, higher education is free. We give exams to be accepted, with no money. Of there are private colleges where you pay for but they are really expensive for mid class people

[Jim444]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

A lot of highschool and college kids date. Some have part-time jobs (which helps) and some have an allowance or stipend. The issue is you want to meet girls, but lack the opportunity. Working part-time is one way to meet people, and you can create more opportunities by being more socially active.

 

I'm thinking about working as a builder for a while during the summer but there'll be  no girls in this job

[Jim444]

17 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

You can start looking into universities that offer campuses and dormitories. However don't do that to meet girls or party, do it for a more well rounded education and social life.

People in highschool and college date all the time. Nothing new or unusual. However you'll have to find social opportunities to meet girls. And that's up to you.

Yeah I know 😅

[ZA Dater]

For some this is actually very easy, for most it would seem, for others is a near impossible game of chance and luck.

You can be the best version of yourself, try look good, be polite, have good manners and hopefully you connect randomly with someone. The best advice I can give you is to not get to down about lack of dating success. I do suggest you really try now though because it get harder the older you get, well in my view anyway.

[semble]

On 2/6/2023 at 6:58 AM, Jim444 said:

 I think that they already have a boyfriend, is it a good idea to start talking to them? maybe they'll like me more than their current boyfriends.

Trying to steal girls away from their boyfriends is an ineffective strategy. It isn't even nice.