Niceguy11 Posted February 7, 2023 Share Posted February 7, 2023 Hi..I, a versatile 40 yo guy, had been texting with a 27 yo (top) guy on a dating site for a few days. While our chatting was not constantly smooth, the night before last he suggested we should see each other and l sent my number to videocam a bit via WhatsApp. He left the message unread, though online, so l went to sleep. 30 min later he had texted me that he had just seen my text. I replied in the following morning that he could have read it during those 7-8 min when l also was online. Apparently pissed off, he said he was watching a movie then, and that we should end our chat for good. First, l said ok. Then l texted him again saying that l thought he had been playing games, but since it was about Tv l was sorry for the misunderstanding. This was yesterday in the morning - since then no text from either of us. I know l shouldn’t have said anything, and l wouldn’t really, if it hadn’t been for his presumably innocent statement: “l just saw your text”. Wasn’t he being entitled as a top? Was he maybe too good to be true? Thanks. P.S. Later, during the day, l read on a site that ignoring a text just to watch TV is bad online dating etiquette. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 7, 2023 Share Posted February 7, 2023 (edited) 1 hour ago, Niceguy11 said: Hi..I, a versatile 40 yo guy, had been texting with a 27 yo (top) guy on a dating site for a few days. While our chatting was not constantly smooth, the night before last he suggested we should see each other and l sent my number to videocam a bit via WhatsApp. He left the message unread, though online, so l went to sleep. 30 min later he had texted me that he had just seen my text. I replied in the following morning that he could have read it during those 7-8 min when l also was online. Apparently pissed off, he said he was watching a movie then, and that we should end our chat for good. First, l said ok. Then l texted him again saying that l thought he had been playing games, but since it was about Tv l was sorry for the misunderstanding. This was yesterday in the morning - since then no text from either of us. I know l shouldn’t have said anything, and l wouldn’t really, if it hadn’t been for his presumably innocent statement: “l just saw your text”. Wasn’t he being entitled as a top? Was he maybe too good to be true? Thanks. P.S. Later, during the day, l read on a site that ignoring a text just to watch TV is bad online dating etiquette. Wait...what? You seriously think that while watching a movie, he was also hovering over his whatsapp waiting for your video connect just so he could ignore you and lie about it? Sorry mate, I don't care about gender or sexual preferences...All I can see is that you have entitlement issues which need to be adjusted. And I would argue that sending a text and expecting the other to drop their movie is extremely self centred. Other people have lives which do not revolve around us. If you want to check in at a certain time, arrange it in advance Edited February 7, 2023 by basil67 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Niceguy11 Posted February 7, 2023 Author Share Posted February 7, 2023 (edited) 15 minutes ago, basil67 said: Wait...what? You seriously think that while watching a movie, he was also hovering over his whatsapp waiting for your video connect? And then you think he lied about it not seeing your message? Sorry mate, I don't care about gender or sexual preferences...All I can see is that you have entitlement issues which need to be adjusted You're right. Well, I told him he could also have read the message (and responded), since he said he "had just read the text". However, in hindsight, I know, I did the wrong thing in pointing this out. Would it be ok if I re-contacted him in a near future? Edited February 7, 2023 by Niceguy11 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 7, 2023 Share Posted February 7, 2023 The mistake was in thinking that he would put his life on hold to watch his whatsapp just in case you messaged. Pointing it out was the icing on the cake. Don't contact him again - you will be disappointed when you discover that you've been blocked. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Niceguy11 Posted February 7, 2023 Author Share Posted February 7, 2023 4 minutes ago, basil67 said: The mistake was in thinking that he would put his life on hold to watch his whatsapp just in case you messaged. Pointing it out was the icing on the cake. Don't contact him again - you will be disappointed when you discover that you've been blocked. Definitely I didn't want nor asked him to put his life on hold -- my comment was more of a blurt. No, he didn't block me, but apparently this makes no difference now. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 7, 2023 Share Posted February 7, 2023 2 hours ago, Niceguy11 said: l read on a site that ignoring a text just to watch TV is bad online dating etiquette. Unfortunately I disagree with this. It's "bad etiquette" to text-tether anyone and expect that they can't watch TV or have a moment of privacy because they have to respond to texts ASAP. This man doesn't seem as interested as you would like him to be, so consider moving forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Niceguy11 Posted February 7, 2023 Author Share Posted February 7, 2023 2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Unfortunately I disagree with this. It's "bad etiquette" to text-tether anyone and expect that they can't watch TV or have a moment of privacy because they have to respond to texts ASAP. This man doesn't seem as interested as you would like him to be, so consider moving forward. The thing was that were texting each other and wanted to have a visual idea of each other [instantly?]. That's why I also sent him the number but he chose to ignore me at that moment. Which, of course, doesn't justify my blurting out of [me] having been "ignored". Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 7, 2023 Share Posted February 7, 2023 He was not 'that' interested and you reacted badly because you could feel he was not that interested. He was just an online contact, you've lost nothing. Go back fishing and search until you find someone that enjoys giving you all of his attention. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Niceguy11 Posted February 7, 2023 Author Share Posted February 7, 2023 3 minutes ago, Gaeta said: He was not 'that' interested and you reacted badly because you could feel he was not that interested. He was just an online contact, you've lost nothing. Go back fishing and search until you find someone that enjoys giving you all of his attention. You hit the nail on the head. Thanks everyone for the valuable input. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted February 7, 2023 Share Posted February 7, 2023 I’m curious what you mean when you said in the initial post at the top that chatting has not always been smooth. Were there other instances that gave you the impression he was playing games or distracted? There is really nothing more attractive than attentiveness and attention to detail, when someone listens and is completely present. Having said this and given the context and that it was late in the day I’m puzzled why a video chat wasn’t postponed or planned for another day. I don’t think it was necessary for him to get back to you in 7-8 minutes and it appears you were tired. The issue here believing him to be solely the one at fault is becoming frustrated again when someone is busy or doesn’t answer you right away. Take all the different aspects like time of day or how the other person feels into consideration too. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted February 7, 2023 Share Posted February 7, 2023 (edited) 4 hours ago, Niceguy11 said: You're right. Well, I told him he could also have read the message (and responded), since he said he "had just read the text". However, in hindsight, I know, I did the wrong thing in pointing this out. Would it be ok if I re-contacted him in a near future? You’ve already apologized so I’d let this one go if he isn’t responsive. I am usually open to reconnecting with someone as circumstances change but he was the one who also grew impatient with you and decided not to speak with you again. Treat this as a learning experience and be a bit more careful about your words. We all make mistakes or blurt things but that’s how we learn and correct ourselves. Try not to beat yourself up on this or linger on it. Meet others. Edited February 7, 2023 by glows 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Niceguy11 Posted February 7, 2023 Author Share Posted February 7, 2023 (edited) 32 minutes ago, glows said: I’m curious what you mean when you said in the initial post at the top that chatting has not always been smooth. Were there other instances that gave you the impression he was playing games or distracted? There is really nothing more attractive than attentiveness and attention to detail, when someone listens and is completely present. Having said this and given the context and that it was late in the day I’m puzzled why a video chat wasn’t postponed or planned for another day. I don’t think it was necessary for him to get back to you in 7-8 minutes and it appears you were tired. The issue here believing him to be solely the one at fault is becoming frustrated again when someone is busy or doesn’t answer you right away. Take all the different aspects like time of day or how the other person feels into consideration too. Well, at first he was too inquisitive, which l find a bit indiscreet. Next, he gave me the impression of being strict and lacking a sense of humor. Then inappropriately telling me l had to look extremely masculine when with him. I’m not saying he is the one at fault. I certainly admit to my blurt/mistake. Regarding the videocam stuff, you’re right l should have told him to consider it on the following day, since l was sleepy and tired - my mistake. Edited February 7, 2023 by Niceguy11 Correction 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Niceguy11 Posted February 7, 2023 Author Share Posted February 7, 2023 20 minutes ago, glows said: You’ve already apologized so I’d let this one go if he isn’t responsive. I am usually open to reconnecting with someone as circumstances change but he was the one who also grew impatient with you and decided not to speak with you again. Treat this as a learning experience and be a bit more careful about your words. We all make mistakes or blurt things but that’s how we learn and correct ourselves. Try not to beat yourself up on this or linger on it. Meet others. Thank you for the wise words. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 7, 2023 Share Posted February 7, 2023 32 minutes ago, Niceguy11 said: Well, at first he was too inquisitive, which l find a bit indiscreet. Next, he gave me the impression of being strict and lacking a sense of humor. Then inappropriately telling me l had to look extremely masculine when with him. Let me guess, too inquisitive in the intimacy's department? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Niceguy11 Posted February 7, 2023 Author Share Posted February 7, 2023 (edited) 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: Let me guess, too inquisitive in the intimacy's department? No, his inquisition was basically work and family background related. Edited February 7, 2023 by Niceguy11 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 7, 2023 Share Posted February 7, 2023 4 minutes ago, Niceguy11 said: No, his inquisition was basically work and family background related. Why did you consider it too inquisitive? Those are get-to-know-you questions, no? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Niceguy11 Posted February 7, 2023 Author Share Posted February 7, 2023 Just now, Gaeta said: Why did you consider it too inquisitive? Those are get-to-know-you questions, no? Because when you share a lot, they tend to lose interest - this is from personal experience. Since we were primarily into sex only, at least in the beginning, l suggested we keep online chatting to basic info and sexual preferences. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 7, 2023 Share Posted February 7, 2023 11 hours ago, Niceguy11 said: I replied in the following morning that he could have read it during those 7-8 min when l also was online. Good grief, man. You are the demanding and entitled one. Not him. Next time, slow your roll and ask yourself why you're so reactive and quick to assume the worst. Don't reach out to him again. Just take this as a lesson learned. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 7, 2023 Share Posted February 7, 2023 3 hours ago, Niceguy11 said: Because when you share a lot, they tend to lose interest - this is from personal experience. Since we were primarily into sex only, at least in the beginning, l suggested we keep online chatting to basic info and sexual preferences. So this guy isn't a boyfriend and never will be? You're asking a lot of someone who's nothing more than a sex buddy to you Link to post Share on other sites
Author Niceguy11 Posted February 7, 2023 Author Share Posted February 7, 2023 3 minutes ago, basil67 said: So this guy isn't a boyfriend and never will be? You're asking a lot of someone who's nothing more than a sex buddy to you How could l know how far we would go? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Niceguy11 Posted February 7, 2023 Author Share Posted February 7, 2023 33 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Good grief, man. You are the demanding and entitled one. Not him. Next time, slow your roll and ask yourself why you're so reactive and quick to assume the worst. Don't reach out to him again. Just take this as a lesson learned. I guess you’re right - thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 7, 2023 Share Posted February 7, 2023 9 minutes ago, Niceguy11 said: How could l know how far we would go? You didn't want to share anything emotionally because you say it ruins the sex. If you won't connect emotionally, a relationship can't develop. No sharing = no relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Niceguy11 Posted February 7, 2023 Author Share Posted February 7, 2023 11 minutes ago, basil67 said: You didn't want to share anything emotionally because you say it ruins the sex. If you won't connect emotionally, a relationship can't develop. No sharing = no relationship. I meant not sharing many details online, i.e. before meeting in person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Niceguy11 Posted February 7, 2023 Author Share Posted February 7, 2023 25 minutes ago, Niceguy11 said: How could l know how far we would go? @basil 67.. l guess you’re exaggerating a bit now, lol. I caused no harm to the guy, nor did l lead him on. Plus, l admitted my mistake/misunderstanding to him. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 7, 2023 Share Posted February 7, 2023 (edited) 20 minutes ago, Niceguy11 said: @basil 67.. l guess you’re exaggerating a bit now, lol. I caused no harm to the guy, nor did l lead him on. Plus, l admitted my mistake/misunderstanding to him. I'm just working with what you wrote. But thanks for clarifying that you didn't mean ongoing lack of sharing emotionally. It makes a world of difference to the outcome Edited February 7, 2023 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
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