I realize now I Fu**** up!

[Regrets]

Hope some of you can share an honest opinion or two. Been with a man for 3+ yrs. I love him.This man gave me the world! Loved me unconditionally, loved my 2 girls as if they were his own and would do anything for me! And what did I do? Treated him like sh*t- thats what. Don't ask me why because I REALLY don't know. Then I did the usual dumb act of telling him I need 'space' or some time to myself. Did it several times. Always came back to the relationship. Never did it to pursue another relationship with anyone else. There were times I felt overwhelmed with him and his feelings but I think that is a lame excuse on my part. I never made time for him,always made the excuse I was too tired or too busy to see him. All I did was push,push and push him away some more.I had it so good to have a man love and adore me the way he did and I did nothing to show my appreciation.Let me tell you this man was absolutely wonderful to me and i threw it back in his face! Well he finally had enough of my crap and ended it.

But not before a conversation with a friend opened my eyes and hit me with a dose of harsh brutal reality!

Everything I did, I said,how I mistreated him went racing thru my head like flashbacks in a movie!I wanted to call him and tell him I was so sorry and that I loved him so much! By then it was too late. This happened 2 wks ago and I just met up with him today to tell him I was sorry. Sorry for being so stupid and not realizing I had the best thing in the world standing before me! I needed him to know that i realized what i had done and how bad I had treated him and that I was truly sorry! I begged him for another chance to show that I was serious about us and I truly wanted to have a lifetime relationship with him. I would do anything to make it up to this wonderful man!

He told me he can't do that at this time. His exact words to me 'I'm hearing you say my words.I will never let myself love anyone,the way I love you.You have to see that I can't do anything now I am mad enough about this,I don't want to end up hating you.'

I'm feel like i'm dying inside. How could I be so stupid to do this? There is so much to this story but I don't even know where to begin with how good this man was. I can't believe I let this happen.

What do I do? Leave him alone to deal with this as he knows how? Im so afraid that I completely lost this man. I would do anything to get him back. I'd do anything to take away the pain I caused this wonderful loving man.

I'm so stupid. I brought this on myself.

Any feedback is greatly appreciated. Take care everyone.

[J dub]

Regrets,

 

I have done what you did. By any chance, was there a possibility that maybe your pulling away was (unconsciously) trying to trigger him to act out/show his love for you more? I used to do it to get attention...sad isnt it? I look back and think, what an idiot I was.

 

Well, youve now seen your mistakes for what they are, and you told him you realize what you did and understandably he is unsure about how to take it. I am positive he is totally confused right now -- you went from one end of the spectrum to the other and hes probably tired of being pulled in every which way. I am not trying to be harsh to you, believe me. Just want you to kinda get an idea of where he is coming from if it hasnt already crossed your mind (probably has tho).

 

Your best move at this point would be to give him space. It wouldnt hurt to do something nice for him, say...in a week or so. But right now let him feel through his emotions and mull it over a little bit. He put up with it for a great deal of time and obviously loves you very much, so in due time he may come back with open arms. But he knows how you feel at this point and you'll have to put the rest to the hands of fate and just take care of yourself right now. I know its the hardest thing in the world to do because you want to do everything to show him you really mean it, but you dont want to push him away further by acting over-anxious. This may suggest to him that your sudden decision could be a fleeting one. Just be kind and warm to him when he calls.

 

You'll definitely want to seek within yourself what made you act the way you did in the first place so you dont do it again. and once you identify it, be honest with him and tell him so he knows you know what you did wrong.

 

Hang in there, you'll be in my thoughts

[westernxer]

This just happened to a buddy of mine... his ex, who said she needed space to get over her ex (my buddy was her rebound), just called him recently, wanting to apologize and possibly get back together. Until she called, he cut her off cold and was trying to get her out of his system.

 

He's warming up to the idea of being with her again, but he wants to take it slow, so that he can shake off the bitterness of being dumped the first time around. She's willing to wait, because she knows she messed up, and I'm happy to hear he's getting a second shot. Hopefully it works out this time around.

[regrets]

J Dub

 

I don't think I did it to trigger more response out of him. At least I hope not. Looking back on it from your question I really don't think he could've shown me more love than what he was already doing.

He did tell me that he is seeing someone else now and that it is a very new relationship. He said he doesn't know what to do but that he doesn't trust anyone anymore to be able to love and show affection the same way he did with me. I am so hurt that he is seeing someone but can I really blame him? I'm afraid that this girl will win out. Yes I know its not a game to win but I don't want to lose this man.

I keep thinking that the more he is apart from me the closer they will become.

I was up til 4am just mulling over this and all the little things this man wanted: A good morning text, a phone call, a quick stop at his house(I work up the street)-I didn't do. Why? Because I was too busy or just couldn't be bothered?

Do you have any idea how stupid this is to me NOW? I think about everything he did for me.He gave me clues so many times on things that I was doing that were affecting him and I never listened.Never heard what he was saying.And I don't know why! I was beyond selfish with this man.I lived in my own little bubble and nothing and no one else mattered.It was a me Me ME world! Well I swear to God that bubble has been popped and I came crashing back to reality.A reality that he is not longer a part of. A reality that thru my OWN FAULT I lost him.If I could only take back what I've done or somehow be given a 2nd chance.Man give me that chance and I will NEVER let this man go.EVER AGAIN!!!

Everything I wanted him to change or become he did.Who the hell was I to ask this man to do it all and give it all and I gave NOTHING?!?! All I did was take til there was nothing left. I took advantage of him and I feel now I emotionally and mentally raped this man and treated him like a doormat. He did NOT deserve it! He was right to leave.

Can I honestly blame him?

I sent him a text saying again I was sorry for disappointing him and I was sorry he wouldn't give me another chance to show him different. I told him I didn't want him out of my life. That I knew pain like I never felt before and I knew love like never before. Said I know you don't trust me and I completely understand but i'll prove myself to you. If time is what you might need i'll give you all the time you need.I will never do you wrong again,I feel empty and lost without you in my life. I will forever be yours-of this i'm sure.

He responded with 'I'm not out of your life.If you only knew how bad this hurts'.

I woke up this morning with the most intense pain in my chest and a wicked headache.He is all i think about.I wish I could tkae every ounce of pain I caused him. Maybe this is my payback.

[westernxer]

Just live and learn, that's all you can do.

[regrets]

Believe me-I learned.

I just want him back-so very badly.

[westernxer]

He knows you messed up because you told him so. Now show some maturity and leave him be, until you hear back from him. He needs space to sort out his feelings, now that he knows your sorry. Until then, you need to get over him as best you can.

[regrets]

It's day 2 of no contact with him and my head is even more messed up. I keep dissecting the last conversation and the last couple of texts.

I don't know to take it as a good/hopeful sign that i sent him a text telling him I'd give him all the time he needs and he DIDN'T text back.

He never refuted it with a 'I don't need time,we're done,it's over' or even with a big nice fat F*** You!

 

One time I had told him I needed my stupid space and he backed off for 1 month! No call,no text-nothing! But he did almost drink himself into oblivion over me. And then I initiated contact with an e-mail and that got us talking again.

He really did fix himself and changed everything that bothered me but I never made an honest attempt to change myself and try to really make this relationship work. I was so blind to everything he did-THEN.

 

I see it ALL NOW!!

And I miss him even more and love him even more than that!

 

Thank you for the responses so far.But I think I NEED all of you to talk me thru this or I'm gonna lose it big time! I'm NOT handling this well at all. Thanks again-take care everyone.

[regrets]

Heres a bit to fill you in.

 

He sent me a text telling me that he is sick with a bad fever. He is traveling(work). He says 'I don't want to lead you on but you're still on my mind.The things you showed me on friday meant alot to me.More than you know.Please don't be down,there are parts of me that will always be yous,the best parts.'

So i sent him a reply that that I was sorry he wasn't feeling well.That everything I said was the truth and from the heart.And there was so much more I NEEDED to tell him.Said I wished he felt better and thanked him for texting me.He is always on my mind.

He responds with 'I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me.I'm spinning between fear and confusion'.

I said 'you have fear and confusion-I have fear and COMPLETE CLARITY for the 1st time in a long time'.

He says'i will meet with you whenever,but I don't like seeing u cry'.

I said 'how can I not cry?! I cry for everything I lost and love.'

 

So that is where we ended for right now. He is back on another plane so he couldn't respond.

What do you think of that exchange? I'm trying not to read anything into it because i'll read what I WANT to not whats really there. All of you will see things much clearer than I will.

Please respond before I go bonkers!

Take care everyone.

[suegail]

It sort of sounds as if things are on the upswing, however there was one remark which I tend to wonder about, "there are parts of me that will always be yours, the best parts," hmmmm, why does that sound so eerily familiar? "A part of me will always love you....." Somehow it does seem as if those are the kind of words one doesn't use with the expectation that the relationship will have a new beginning.

 

He could however just be extremely on his guard, and who wouldn't be considering the history you've had together? I think it would be a good idea to allow him time to really think this over. Hopefully he'll decide there is enough love and understanding between you that he'll be ready to try again.

 

I wish you the best...

[regrets]

Thank you Suegail for responding.

Heres whats happened so far this morning-Everyone just please bear with me.

Just gonna give the exact word for word conversation-here goes:

 

Me:I don't mean to bother you.Not gonna hound you with texts.I hope you are feeling better.

 

Him: Why not try 'good morning are you feeling any better?'

 

Me:Because i don't know what i'm supposed to do anymore when it comes to us.But I really did wanna know if you were ok.

 

Him:I'm at work.Still have a fever.As for what you do.Try relaxing a bit.

 

Me:I can't relax. I still wish I had your strength and insight I'll always admire you for that.Now I know what it feels like to not stop shaking.I was asked at work if I've started taking drugs.believe it or not.And if im pregnant to explain the dry heaves and nausea.

 

Him:All the things you miss about me,are already inside of you.you've spent your whole life believingthe opinion of others.Why not be yourself and forget what others think.When it comes down to the cruel truth,we all die alone.

 

Me: If I told you that I don't give 2 sh*ts what anyone thinks of me anymore would you believe me?I did it and lost. Now that i understand and don't care-I still lost.U said we would grow old and die together and look back and laugh at these dark times cuz we made it thru them.I guess I die alone.I want no one else.

 

Him:I still don't think u you realize how bad you F**ked my head.For a long time I was questioning my own sanity.I gave every ounce of me and got nothing in return.This wasn't easy for me.I never thought I could walk away.I had to.

 

Me: I do know.Thats where you are wrong.So wrong.Actions speak louder than words but how can I prove it when you won't give me that chance.I wish there was 1 thing I could do or say to show you I mean it-that things would be so different.

 

Him: I believe you.

 

Me: You believe me? What do you believe? Do you believe that I feel that desperation,that fear,the worry that no matter what I do or say I won't be forgiven and have that 2nd chance with the only man i'll EVER LOVE?! Yes i feel it.Yes i'm living it. Yes I would do anything to change it.

 

Him:It seems that things have changed.Now if after reading what you just text.I told you I didn't want to be bothered with the obligation of a relationship.What would that make me?

 

Me: That would make you--me. *(I stupidly said this to him one time) The 'stupid' me. The me that I'll never allow to rule my head again.i lost everything by not thinking.I lost the most amazing man by not thinking.

 

What does everyone think? Besides that I'm crazy!

[suegail]

It's just too soon to draw any conclusions, is what I think. The good part is he is willing to talk and he doesn't come across as if he's hiding his thoughts from you. He is just trying to sort things out inside his head.

 

You have said how sorry you are in about every way possible. He knows this and he knows without a doubt you want another chance. He'll decide...

 

Try to not get too worried because whatever is going to happen will happen and you'll handle it, come what may.

[regrets]

Hello everyone,hope all is well today. Gonna give you the rest of the conversation we had yesterday for you to ponder on. Forgive my pestering and venting/whining. Feel like my head is gonna explode.

 

Him:let's drop this for now.I get bothered when i think about it.I'm not blowing you off.I don't want to get angry about it. Text me later.

Me:I understand.When is a good time to text you?

 

Him:Whenever.I just find myself getting angry about this.I have every right and reason to be pissed,but I don't want to be.I know how bad you hurt.I know how long u let me hurt,You've made this very difficult. For every time I told you I was at the point I couldn't take anymore-you didn't care.

Him:I remember-you ruined a whole weekend because I told ## the truth about us.I should have left you then.One thing i have learned-I will NEVER be a secret again.*(this is WAY too long to explain-but a VERY stupid thing I did)

Me:You have no idea how stupid and how low I feel right now.I should have shouted to the world I love you!And I do.So very much-it hurts.

 

HIm:Thats the part that scares me.I told you over and over again and you still didn't see it. I know you say its different now.It still doesn't erase what you already did.

Me:I can never erase what I did but I CAN never do it again.I'm angry at myself for not seeing it.I'm embarrassed I did it TO you! And all I can offer is an apology and assurance it never happens again.Now I know how you felt when you said the same thing to me.You held true to your promise-ALLOF THEM! All i ask is that you give me the same chance to prove to you my love for you real.And that you and our love are worth fighting for!

 

Him:You sound alot like me.So I'll show you more respect,than you ever showed me and ask you not to push this.If you try to force an answer,I can guarantee you will not hear what you want.(*I also said this to him when I needed my 'space' and he tried to keep us together)To be honest with you working things out,is not on my mind right now.

Me: I can't argue with 'right'.You are right-I was wrong.Bottom line.there is nothing more I can say or do.Just remember that I love you.take your time.i understand.

 

Him:Have a good night.I know theres alot you want to say,I want to hear it,all of it.Not in a text,while im on a job.Text me whenever.I still want to hear from you,I will make time to see you when I'm back in town.I didn't want my text to sound so final,but I don't want to lead you on.

Me:Have a good night.

 

It's weird.Our roles are completely reversed now. I'm using HIS words and he's using MINE.

Here's what I'm not quite understanding.Since he is seeing someone else and says that working things out is not on his mind right now and talking about this gets him more angry-WHY does he want to meet with me so we can TALK about this some more? Am I not wasting my breath trying to patch things up if he's 'not trying to work things out right now'? Is that not leading me on or no? Does he not think how hurtful it is for me to sit there talking to him about us and I'm professing my love for him and then have him get up and go home to the new girl? Or am i really going crazy? Please tell me what you think.

Take care.

[suegail]

Yes, he knows it's hard for you. He's just not ready though to give a definate answer as to what the future for you two will be. I think you will have to be patient. You have no choice because that is the position you are in. He gets to choose. He may be testing you a bit to see if you can withstand the pressure without reverting back to earlier emotional responses, certain tendencies which he may never wish to see in play again. What I'm saying is people can tell you they've changed, it's very easy to say that....

 

It's obvious he is working on healing old wounds, but it's just not easy, as he has told you, you can't change the past, and that's what's hard.

 

He did say that talking about this with you tends to make him more angry. Maybe you should tell him you will give him some time on his own to decide how he feels about things, if that is what he wants. Tell him what you need to know is how you can make this easier for him, because you will do whatever it takes. I don't know if that would be helpful for you or not in the long run, cutting the communication line for a time...I don't know, it could go either way, but I do think you want to be especially considerate of his feelings. You want to prove to him that you are honestly seeing him with new eyes, and that you will not take the chance of causing more hurt.

 

Good luck and keep us posted...

[regrets]

Thank you Suegail for responding. Here's the latest text volley.

 

ME:Good morning.How are you feeling today?

 

HIM: Good morning.Better.Thanks for asking.Hoping this has finally broke.Have you started eating?

 

ME: I have ZERO appetite. Everyone says I look like crap.Can't wait for the 2 wks to be up. That monday can't come soon enough.(* I gave my notice in cuz I hate the place and now associate it with some of the problems we had that I MADE)

 

HIM:Not to be an ass,but you look so much hotter with your curves.

HIM: So don't lose them.

 

ME: I really don't care about my curves right now.

 

HIM:IT's sh **ty to put it this way but if you ruin urself,there is nothing to come back to.

 

ME: I don't even know how to respond to that.

 

HIM: Think about it this way,The worst thing you can do right now is quit.U need to focus on yourself.Start doing things for yourself.Put your life back together.If you don't-What do you have to offer to me or the next person in your life? Your not dead-so don't act like it.

 

ME:I feel like the best part of me died.As for the next person in my life-I'd rather be alone.That you're able to handle this and already have been/are in a new relationship speaks volumes about your ability to move on.I always said I envy your strength and mindset. I'm not you.Im trying to digest this still.I despise the taste.

 

HIM: I don't think you realize how alone you left me.For the longest time I only heard from you when you needed something.I don't know whether I moved on or just stopped reaching out.

 

ME: No-you have idea how alone you left me.Maybe you don't realize something.I fell in love with YOU!! Not what you did for me not what you fixed not what you bought for me not what you could give me.I fell in love with you and your love.Im sorry I didn't show that.I fell in love with your touch.I fell in love with your beautiful eyes. But most important I fell in love with your heart.Im sorry I didn't show you that. I closed up for all the wrong reasons.But my love for you is always there. I've been reading all your texts and I think I need to realize and accept-even though I DON'T WANT TO-that you will not take me back.NOW I KNOW the desperaion and fear and hurt you felt not wanting us to end.And I will forever regret losing my one and only true love. I will never deny my love you ever again.I accept it I embrace it I CRAVE it and I miss it. I am slowly realizing unfortunately that there is nothing I can say or do to make you see that. I will never be given that chance to make you smile. And for that- I am truly sorry.

ME: Did I make you angry or upset that you stopped responding?I also realize you are at work.

 

HIM: Angry or upset? I was just wondering if your crystal ball gave out lotto #'S. Congrats on your job.

 

ME: Me? clairvoyant? No sad and afraid would be the better word.

 

HIM: You must be clairvoyant to know what the future holds. I wish I was as clear about things as you are.

 

HIM:You'll do good at the new job,You're friendly and very beautiful.At least you'll meet alot of new people.I'm glad something is going your way. I'll be a memory in no time.

 

ME: You'll be a memory? Maybe YOU DIDN'T read all of my texts.And NOTHING is going my way.I don't even care about this new job.

 

HIM: Embrace it. You're starting over. You don't get many chances to do that. Maybe I'll stop in some day.

 

ME:Embrace what? Emptiness? I get to say your words AGAIN-I'm trying.This is your decision.PLEASE don't get angry or upset when I say this-UNDERSTAND how I feel--don't bring her.Come alone.

 

HIM: What kind of a**h*** do you think I am? I don't want any bad blood between us.I'd still like to be there for you and the girls.So why would I do something that stupid? There really isn't alot of trust between us.

 

ME: I do trust you. I'm gonna trust you to not kill me anymore than whats already done.I get sick to my stomach thinking about you and her.I don't want to see you together.I want to know-WHY do you still want to be involved in our lives? WHY?!

 

HIM: Because i still have an overwhelming desire to see you make it. It may sound dumb to you,but that's my reason.Right now,I can't trust you not to hurt me again. I'm not angry with you. I don't hate you. I just know if I hadn't walked away nothing would have changed.Those girls of yours are part of the reason i let it go on as long as it did.Hell I did more for yours than I did my own most of the time.Thats why i could never understand why you treated me the way you did.As a mother you should have seen what they had in me.(*HE KILLED ME WITH THIS ONE SENTENCE-CUZ HE'S RIGHT!!!COULDN'T HAVE ASKED FOR BETTER.)

 

ME: You are right.But I did see what they had in you as their dad. I told (my youngest) we wouldn't be seeing you anymore.She asked me why.I say cuz mommy messed up.Would you believe she said 'did you say sorry?' It made me laugh and then I cried.It was that simple for her.I would rather die than ever hurt you.I always wanted your strength in them.I still want that for them and definitely to have your outlook and support in life but as their dad.Not as a visitor.

 

HIM: I need to calm down before I even think about responding to that text.

 

ME: Sorry if it made you angry or upset but thats how I feel.

 

Didn't hear from him for the rest of the night.

Today-this morning.

 

ME: Good morning.went for my training at the new place.Nervous. Little one is sick.Came home from school.

 

HIM:Good morning.Hope she feels better.

 

All day nothing.I did not want to send him texts so I don't push.

Then just a little while ago--

 

HIM:Good night. Sleep well.

ME: Have a good night. Sleep well also.

 

I didnt say anything else.Thought it best to keep it short and sweet.

So....what do you think? Keep fighting for it or let it go? Does it sound like he might give me another chance, is thinking about it or is there nothing hopeful about my situation outside of my own wishful thinking?

Thank you in advance for any feedback.

[suegail]

As I said before, I think it's just too soon to tell...I wouldn't give up hope at this point, but I wouldn't push him for a decision. He's got the ball, or the ball is in his court...as they say...I guess you'll have to wait it out patiently, if possible. *S*

[Devildog]

regrets, I am offering you this as advice. You are still being the selfish, inconsiderate person you seem to have been in the relationship. You still continue to screw with his head. You go on and on about how this is hurting YOU. How upset YOU are. How much regret YOU have. How sorry YOU are. How YOU wish you had another chance.

 

If you really want to have a prayer of getting a second chance, stop making this about YOU. Start showing some real consideration for HIM.

 

Tell you what, when he gets home from this trip, bring him some chicken noodle soup, preferably homemade. Don't go there to beg and plead. Just stop by, knock on the door, and when he answers say "Here, I brought you some soup to help you feel better. Now go get some rest. I'll check to see how you are feeling tomorrow." Then leave. Believe it or not, this will probably have a bigger, more positive impact on things than you begging and pleading and trying to guilt him into giving you another chance. This will show him that you have actually changed some, that you are showing some consideration for him.

[regrets]

Devildog-

Daaaaammmmnnn!

 

I didn't realize that was how I was coming across. I guess you're right.I made the relationship about ME and now I'm making the break-up about me too.

You make perfect sense. Even Suegail (and Westernxer)has stated that I've already said how sorry I am and he knows it, now leave it up to him to figure out if we're worth a second chance.Either he will or he won't.

I need to regroup here and use the advise given. Everyones insight and HONEST opinions have a very profound affect.

 

I'm going to send him a text asking only how he is feeling. There will be NOTHING about me or our situation or anything to that factor.I promise...

 

*Knowing my luck-I'll go to the door-SHE'LL answer and I will pass the F**k out straight-legged on the porch!

 

I'll keep you posted.

Again THANK YOU for all your help and take care.

[Kengne]

Hello regrets!

 

I've been reading your text interchanges with your ex and I would like to offer my 2 cents.

 

You are PUSHING ... HIM .... WAY .... TOO ... MUCH.

 

I totally understand your bf's position. What it is to give, give & give someone your all, your love, your everything.... and receive not nearly enough in return. Your situation now reminds me of me and my ex-bf of 4 years. I was in your bf's shoes. I did sooooooo much for my ex-bf... and how did he thank me? by cheating on me multiple times, with multiple girls.

 

Of course I broke it off immediately. And abt 1 mth later, I started seeing a new guy. While I was seeing this new guy - my ex did exactly the SAME THING YOU ARE DOING NOW - and it INFURIATED ME.

 

He tried to pull the guilt trip on me "How could u be seeing somebody else so quickly?"

 

He tried to tell me over and over and OVER how TRULY sorry he was... and how he'd NEVER do it again.

 

He called 24/7.

 

He picked arguments w/ me 24/7.

 

All of this served to do only one thing - push me even FURTHER away from him and into the arms of the new guy.

 

Do you get my point?

 

By making this all abt YOU, YOU, YOU - you are effectively showing him that nothing has changed! You are trying too hard to win your case. The best thing for you would be to fall back... gracefully.

 

I very well believe he will come back to you. But it will take time - ALOT OF TIME AWAY FROM YOU. Understand with this new girl in the pic - all he is going to do is compare YOU to HER - 24/7. And undoubtedly - she will come out on top as the better pick after all the drama you put him through.

 

The only way for him to choose you over her now - is with you being out of sight, out of mind. Let him MISS YOU. Let him realize that this new REBOUND chick is just that - a rebound.

 

I personally do not think you should let him continue to be in your life bcuz of your daughters. It is not necessary. You need this time to heal, and he has chosen to be with someone else. He cannot have his cake, and eat it too.

 

Yes it will hurt him - but it will also force him to realize all that he is missing by not being with you - the GOOD and the BAD. He needs to realize this on his own - without any urging or pushing txt msgs from you. He needs to come back to you on his own, under his terms - or not at all.

 

Good luck - and keep us updated!

 

PS for the record - I have not gone back to my ex-bf, again bcuz of the cheating. He did however realize his actions were pushing me away, and we lost all contact for close to 1 1/2 mth. It was the best thing for both of us, and in that last week is when I realized how much I missed having him in my life. I didnt and still havnt taken him back - but had the situation been different I could've easily done so.

[regrets]

Kengne-

 

THANK YOU FOR THAT RESPONSE!!

 

I wish I had the insight of everyone here. Actually I wish I had that insight THEN-versus learning it now thats it probably too late.

 

You are right as well. I am pushing him away. I think I realize that with all the begging and pleading and with his short reply texts. So I then responded the same way as well.

I sent a text asking how he was feeling this morning.(NOT ONE OTHER WORD-I SWEAR) He replied with "good morning.Still feeling sh**ty.Have fun tonight.(my new job) and that was it.I never sent anything back.

 

One thing I forgot to mention. His last text in that volley yesterday was "can you relax.I'm asking you for a bit of time not a MONTH." (*a month is how long we went last time with NC-this man did not bother with me at all and we got back together) and then later that night he sent a good night text first. I replied with the same.

 

I think Im being more desperate because I realize the gravity of what I did and how I treated him. If that makes sense and please understand Im NOT trying to justify my actions just trying to explain my feelings on this.

 

As for the continued involvment with the girls.You are right on that as well. I don't think it's something I should put us through. The girls LOVE him and already miss him like crazy.But I don't think I want to see him as a visitor when i want him as a husband and dad to my kids.I'll go crazier than I already am.

As for the new girl-it's that feeling of the longer he's apart from me the closer they become. Like the clock is ticking.But then again there really isn't anything I can do about it if he does chose her.She will be one lucky bitch-let me tell you-that is a fact!

 

So let me ask you this-this is where i'm stumped.

I will do the NC like everyone suggests and back WAY OFF. BUT-what do I do if he sends a good morning/hello/how did the job go/or even a good night txt? What do I do? Respond with short answers directly related to the question and nothing else? Ignore the text completely? (Could that backfire or is that also a risk I have no choice but to take?) I wish I did have that crystal ball he was talking about! It would make things that much more easier.Please let me know what you think on that.

 

I will keep you posted if there is any new development whether it's bad or good. Kinda anxious to see how this turns out myself!

 

Thank you again for being so straight forward with your opinions and advise and letting me know when i'm f**king up even more.

It is greatly appreciated.

All the best to everyone.Take care.

[Devildog]

I would suggest that as he is the one seeking time and space, to let him take the lead. Don't ignore his texts. Reply to his questions. Also ask how things are going with him. The trick here is to show him that you care about him still, and that part of the caring is giving him what he needs, time and space.

 

You have alot of damage to repair if there is to be any hope for another chance. And words won't cut it. He is going to have to see real changes in you. Hard to do while giving him his space right? But the biggest and most important change you can show him is that you care enough to give him the time and space he needs. All other changes will mean nothing unless this one happens.

 

He has told you time and again what he is looking for. Basically just someone that thinks of him and sees him the way he saw you. Someone that does the sweet, often overlooked and unappreciated, things. A message saying good morning or good night. I think after a week or so if you send him a short little message saying something like "hope you have a good day!" it might help. But keep it light and just friendly for a while. Stay away from the "I miss you" and "Thinking about you" type messages. He knows that already. Don't do anything that would seem like pressure.

[Kengne]

So let me ask you this-this is where i'm stumped.

I will do the NC like everyone suggests and back WAY OFF. BUT-what do I do if he sends a good morning/hello/how did the job go/or even a good night txt? What do I do? Respond with short answers directly related to the question and nothing else? Ignore the text completely? (Could that backfire or is that also a risk I have no choice but to take?) I wish I did have that crystal ball he was talking about! It would make things that much more easier.Please let me know what you think on that.

 

Hi Regrets!

 

No problem. Unfortunately the question you ask me now re: Contact vs No Contact... is precisely the same problem I'm dealing with. That new guy I started seeing after my ex-bf of 4 yrs? Well he broke it off w me 3 wks ago... after 5 mths... he told me he needs to be alone and is taking time out to sort things out w himself/get his head straight... focus on his life / career etc.... he feels like he can't give me his all, his 100% in the rel'ship and he wants time alone to focus on himself... he still wants to be friends... in his words, 'close friends'.... and has stated that he is open to the possibility of re-kindling our rel'ship... somewhere down the line... he does not want to date ANYone else... and is not happy abt the fact that I AM dating others... but what can he say? (NOTHING!!)

 

The problem now is that we waver back & forth b/t C and NC... one minute I am cool with it, the next minute I am not. Right now we're somewhat in C but I am not 100% convinced it is a good idea. In terms of healing - C is not a problem FOR ME. I have gone past the stage of desperately wanting him back, and am content with the way things are now. I accept the fact that we are not together and am moving on with my life. I certainly DO NOT sit by the phone waiting for his call! So in that sense, C for me NOW is OK as I am not holding onto hopes of reconciliation.

 

But on the other hand - I just don't feel it is NECESSARY for us to stay in touch. What for? What do we need to talk about? He has things he is dealing with. And quite frankly - so do I.

 

With that being said - IN YOUR SHOES what I would do is exercise partial NC. I.e. DO NOT initiate contact with him. BUT - DO RESPOND if he initiates contact with you. KEEP IT SHORT & SIMPLE. If he asks you what color the sky is, tell him blue. DON'T go into details about how the clouds are puffy, the wind speed is 90 mi/h etc... Feel me?

 

But if you REALLY wanna be hardcore - go FULL NC. This is the most difficult route but may get you where you want to be quicker i.e. HEALED from the breakup and, if ur lucky, CLOSER to reconciliation. If you intend to do NC - at least tell him.

 

Tell him you care about him alot.. you want to respect his decision and his need for time & space.... BUT that you also need time & space to heal, & to sort things out with you & your life. Don't have him send txt msg after txt msg which you ignore. Once you tell him you would prefer him NOT to contact you - IF AT THAT POINT he STILL contacts you THEN you can ignore him - and DONT feel any ways about it.

 

Hope this helps!

 

K.

[regrets]

BOY OH BOY OH BOY I hope you guys are online right now with a speedy superman answer. He JUST NOW sent me this text:

 

The idea of what the girls lost in all this will always p*ss me off. Not because of what you did,but because of what WE let happen.I don't even want to think of how they will turn out,W/the influences around them.So if I get bothered at least you know why.

 

Am I right in getting the feeling of finality to that one?

 

I don't even know what to say! How do I respond to that?! DO i even RESPOND TO IT?

 

I'm sorry I'm asking you what to say but at this point it feels like we are all in this relationship together.

 

I will respond to both of you in a little bit once the nasty feeling in my stomach goes away.

But I need an answer ASAP-some guidance-a spiritual slap-a kick in the ass-something.

[Kengne]

BOY OH BOY OH BOY I hope you guys are online right now with a speedy superman answer. He JUST NOW sent me this text:

 

The idea of what the girls lost in all this will always p*ss me off. Not because of what you did,but because of what WE let happen.I don't even want to think of how they will turn out,W/the influences around them.So if I get bothered at least you know why.

 

I don't even know what to say! How do I respond to that?! DO i even RESPOND TO IT?

 

I'm sorry I'm asking you what to say but at this point it feels like we are all in this relationship together.

 

You know what you need to do girl - ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

 

He has NOT asked you a question.

He is simply making a statement.

Your silence will speak volumes.

 

Let him wonder at your silence...

 

I think he is trying to get a reaction out of you.

Don't give him that satisfaction.

Don't respond.

 

K.

[regrets]

HE said "my text is just an explanation.Thats all"

 

AFTER I RESPONDED WITH " Your text had a ring of finality to it.I don't even know how to respond to that."

 

Dang it! I KNEW I should've sat in front of the computer and NOT MOVED!!!

Kengne I blew that one to hell! Sorry. Now what? DO i respond now that I goofed? Or just let it ride? Do as you say and don't respond at all? huh? Huh?? HUH???

 

Can I borrow your brain til this is over? PLEEEAASE?!?!?