I realize now I Fu**** up!

[Kengne II]

I know I'm ridiculously confused. I can hear it when I talk and I can READ it in my posts here.

 

I have so many thoughts running thru my head that nothing is making sense anymore.

 

I expect to see him on saturday-so I have until then to try and figure out what I can say to possibly bring us to some kind of closure-permanent or temporary.

 

There is a feeling of despair and hopelessness that is just coursing thru me because all of this is MY fault. 'I' drove him away. And now I want this man back so badly but I don't know how to undo this mess.

 

Everything I do or say is a risk I take for him to decide this isn't what he wants. He says he is so confused about this and for once IM not confused about what I want.

 

I understand what you're saying about this being up to me. But it always helps to hear everyones opinions and advice. Maybe it'll be that 'one' post that clicks-that one word of wisdom that brings on a new outlook.

 

I need finality.I need closure. I know I can't let this continue on forever. It'll get me nowhere. I'm just wishing for all this to end-would prefer it to be in my favor-but I just want it TO END.

 

I need to vent.I need to cry so I come here because you have all been in the same boat,canoe,kayak,raft and yacht.Everyone has their own story but we all sail the same waters.

 

if I didn't have this place I think I would lose what little sanity I have left. So bear with me when I rant and rave. I'm listening even when you think I'm not.It's not fun being confused-i find it kinda scary.

So again-just bear with me please. I'll keep everyone posted as it happens.

 

Take care.

 

Regrets - please understand... that mindless desperation you are going through... that overwhelming mess of crazy thoughts that don't make any sense... I HAVE BEEN THERE!

 

The advice I am giving you is not to push you away, or make you think you shouldn't post here, rant or rave - I'm not saying that at all!

 

Post, rant & rave all you want! I just don't think you should be soliciting anymore "Guys-here's-what-he-ate-for-breakfast-i.e.-pancakes-&two-eggs-so-what-does-it-mean-about-us?" advice. The level of detail you are going into... verbatim transcripts of your conversations!!... DAMN, I'M feeling crazy, just reading your posts so I CANNOT even begin to fathom how crazy YOU must be feeling!

 

You are causing yourself undue stress.

Yes - YOU ARE CAUSING YOURSELF STRESS!

 

Now - your comment about that 'wonderful' post giving you a fresh new outlook - damn girl, I'm kinda hurt! I tht all my posts to you were wonderful!

 

Lol - I'm juss kidding girl.

 

But seriously - *REACHING OUT TO SHAKE YOU* - Regrets, you are looking for something that does not exist!! There is no 'miracle' post that is going to give you the answers you are seeking!

 

Albert Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing OVER and OVER again - and yet expecting a different outcome each time.

 

You have experienced so many 'revelations' on here it's stunning. I think to myself "Wow - she really got it this time!". But after each revelation, you come back with a different argument. And this is because NOTHING we can tell you is going to satisfy you - I know this, because I have felt EXACTLY the same way you felt, and looked for the same elusive answers!

 

Please believe that YES - we are here to help & support you. I mean, the fact that I'm posting on page 15 of this thread should tell you something!!! lol.

 

But recognize that at the end of the day... LS.org... your friends in the real world... should act as a support system, and NOT life support for you in this situation, feel me??

 

Please please please do not take anything I am saying the wrong way. But I have to give you some tough love, as I was given JUST this PAST weekend when I was spiralling OUT OF CONTROL with my thts and emotions - like I personnally feel you are now.

 

It hurt for my close friends to tell me - STOP OVERTHINKING the situation. It hurt because it's true.

 

I can feel you clinging to this website like a crackhead - it's addictive I know lol! Please please understand we are here to help - but you must ALSO help yourself first.

 

That is why for me - I have stopped posting about my ex.

I have stopped talking about him to friends.

I just got to a point that my support network was beginning to be TOO supportive - if that's possible. I was looking to them for each and every answer re: look-what-he-said-or-did-now.

 

THIS IS WHAT I SEE HAPPENING TO YOU - and I'm telling you to stop it, NOW.

 

The first few weeks/days is ok... I let it slide. But now that I see it for what it is, regrets, I'm asking you to please - GET A GRIP.

 

THIS is NOT the end all or be all.

Think about how lucky you are to have your wonderful children... your LIFE... GOOD health... YOU ARE BLESSED!

 

There are hungry starving children in Africa, and here you sit worried about a man.

 

Harsh yes - but don't you feel a little ridiculous abt what you're going through now? I know I did when a GOOD friend broke it down to me like that.

 

HUGZZ!

 

K.

[newbby]

regrets,

further to what kengne has just said. the more you stress yourself out, the less able you will be able to handle the situation. it may be better if you stop trying to UNDO this mess. you cant live in the past with this, so you f'ed up, but you realised it, you cant go backwards with it. you can draw a line under it, and try to start afresh, but that is ALL you can do. you are attempting the impossible if you keep living in the past and that in itself is stressful.

maybe just take some time out, and do some calming things like meditation, keep doing cosy things with your kids and just not even think about it.

the more you try and control the situation, the more wisdom will elude you. just let it be.

[Jorsher]

Well, sorry I don't have any wonderful advice to give you. Just thought this was a pretty educational thread. Made me think about things differently and is helping me with my own situation, although it's going to be a lot harder for me to get mine under control than it will for you, I messed up worse lol. Good luck!

[bigbrowneyes]

Hey Regrets,

 

Couldn't sleep so I decided to log on and do some reading. I selected this thread b/c I thought I might get a perspective of how my xbf might feel after he treated me so poorly. Cheated on me...and I took him back. I have to say that the only reason I decide to give him another chance was b/c he offered to go to counseling. You two need a professional mediator that can help you both move forward. You are in a cycle that will never progress. He's hurt and can't forgive. Your desparate and can't let go. Offer to go to counseling with him to repair your relationship. Let him know that you see that you need the help of a qualified professional to move forward and you think this is the best way to go. Otherwise, you need to cut all ties and move on with your life. The relationship you have now is not healthy for either of you.

 

As and FYI, I did end up staying with my X for 18 months after we decided to go to counseling....but he reverted to how he treated me before. At first he couldn't do enough to make this work. It took about 3 months before I truly trusted him and than once I told him that I felt like we were on track and how much he meant to me...boom...back to old behaviors. I broke up with him in October and it's breaking my heart. He's moved on with another within a month and I'm sitting here hurting for the 2nd time.

 

You need to look at how you are feeling. Why do you suddenly want him back. Do you really love this guy? Will you revert back to you old behaviors once you feel secure in the relationship? You need to look at this honestly. No sense in going through this twice...I can tell you from experience that, although I ended the relationship, I'm suffering here...again...2 times in 2 years and the second time hurts the most!

 

Best of luck

[newbby]

thats an excellent post bbe, some brilliant advice.

[lovingfeeling]

:o :o :o :o

[Kengne]

Regrets!

 

Girl what's going on?

 

Haven't seen any recent posts from you in a minute! Hope all is well.

 

K.

[regrets]

Greetings Earthlings!

 

Long time no speak/post. I'm doing pretty good. ALOT has happened-don't even know where to start,if it'll make sense or if you guys are gonna think we are just f'n nuts!

 

Kengne-thank you for your concern sweetie-much appreciated. I'm almost afraid to post what's been going on and whats been said because you will be the one that slaps the hell out of me thru your monitor.

 

I'll tell you as it comes to my mind so forgive me if it comes off like the ramblings of a mad woman.

 

ok here goes-you asked for it....

 

last event first--met up with him at a bar Tuesday nite. Before we even order drinks he says to me that i'm gonna think he's a real shhitt for saying this but he's realized what this girl is to him. I ask what. He says that she is his safety net.He says she gets on his nerves just by being there. (quick note-she has been paying more than 1/2 his bills and has given him more than 3G to pay off some of the debt he incurred).Long story-I will fill you guys in later.He says she is on her way out. He does not want this girl anymore in his life blahblahblah. She has also brought her 'habit' into the house and it has gotten worse.

 

Says he loves me very much and he wants things to work out between us but he wants us to have all the dust settled and resolved before we are in a relationship again.

 

Made mention of the fact that it's been 3+ mths w/this girl and he said-I ended my 13yr marriage to be with you-I'm not concerned about this situation with her-trust me neither should you.

 

Bullshhitt? probably-who knows anymore.

 

We were brutal with each other. He does not think we should rush into anything right away because we are at still angry and hurt.He said I should remember the bad things he did in the rel. as well and not just think about the good. Maybe there are things he needs to work on himself and maybe he owes me a few apologies.

 

Says one day when we are old and gray-sitting in rocking chairs on the porch we'll laugh about this. ( I'm not laughing-I find NOTHING funny about this comment-kinda pissed me off!)

 

Wants us to date and more important establish a friendship.Something we lost a LONG time ago and never really let happen.

 

Says he has many demons of his own he needs to deal with as well.

 

We have to try to work our way back to eachother. Wants to get to know me again. But the person i'm trying to become and he sees different. Cant believe how much I've changed and how different I carry myself.

 

Last Friday I went out with my girlfriend for dinner and drinks. He called asking what I was up to-told him I was w/my friend and she said to invite because she wanted to meet him. He shows up. We order a shhittload of drinks.Laughing and talking. I go to the washroom. Walk back-I see them in deep convo. I ask nothing. Night goes on. My friend is doing renovations to her house 'D' makes a comment about his house. Says he hates his house. I say I like your house-why do you hate it? He says it's too small. I ask why is it too small?! He says for 4 kids. My stomach jumps-I say to him-before I start crying does she have kids? he says no-for OUR kids! I almost lost it-eyes watered but kinda held it together. At this point he gets up and says he needs to go. Pays our $160 bar tab gives me a hug and a kiss-gives her a hug and leaves.

 

Well now I really need a drink-so we open up another bar tab!

 

She fills me in on the convo they had.He told her that I am the one for him.The only one. He wants us to be together.Hopes we will be together but wants us to take it slow and work on us to make sure it's what we really want. Says he never stopped loving me -he left because he was afraid of me.That I made him something that wasn't him.

Called this girl a rebound-a bad decision on his part and he feels bad because she is gonna be hurt and has done nothing wrong to him.Wants me to just relax.

 

Another $80 worth of shots and drinks and laughs-I was feeling no pain! I was good to go.

 

There is SOOO much I could tell you guys I'm just gonna leave it at this for now.

 

Want you to know that I have NOT been sitting back and waiting for his decision. Not even banking on it to be honest. Noticed that he is doing mostly all of the calling and texting and the get togethers.

 

I have been going out with friends,having a GREAT time. If he says he can't meet up with me I say ok non-chalantly and then he goes nuts trying to juggle his schedule so he CAN meet up with me.

 

Went out on a date with a cop I met and had a wonderful time. And there's another cop that asked me out that I'm debating on. (Don't ask me what it is about the cops-I don't even like cops!)

 

Get hit on quite often and am enjoying the attention as it comes.

Been working 6 nights/wk. Keeping very busy with my girls.

 

It might not seem like it but I'm doing great. Yes-I would like another chance with 'D' but I am SOOO NOT feeling the way I was when this first went down.

 

I noticed that alot of his comments and actions are DEAD ON with what all of you say when you break up,rebound,cry,PUSH,pull back alittle,and how much they come sniffing around.He says HE WANTS to see me-HE WANTS to talk to me-HE is doing all the talking about us getting back together-however cautiously.

 

We see eachother ALOT,talk all the time and honestly-yes I miss him-yes I still truly do love him-yes I would love to be with him-BUT--I will be just fine without him if this goes kaput.

 

i'm done apologizing. I can't do it anymore. He knows I'm sorry but I have to get past this too. He needs to get over it already. And God knows I treated this man like crap but now he needs to deal with it how he sees fit. If he comes back-we'll see what happens.If he doesn't-oh well-lesson learned-he taught me alot-but I can't keep beating myself up over it.

 

Hopefully some of this made sense.

 

Don't know if this is a blog or a confession!

 

Will let you know whats going on with everything.

 

Take care everyone.

[clynn]

oooooh, I've got this bloody big exam I'm studying for and it has been sooooooooooo hard. It would be at the best of times....but since the break up (well, whatever it was - but that is what it is).....I've been completely miserable.

 

Crying, crying, crying. I'm so sad. Especially after this week when he came over one night He gave me a couple things of mine (things I never would have even known or cared if he had or kept - but I think he was just being clear what this was all about) - ---- and he was picking up a couple of items of his. It was really gross making that commodity exchange and I realized that is indeed what it was, it wasn't really a visit or hanging out.

 

It made me sadder than ever and I just can't study now. I wish that this had been put off by just 10 days ! til the bloody exam was out of the way. lol.

[demonspawn]

i want to know what made u feel this whole regret thing, with him being an good guy and such to you. Im asking this because my girlfriend just broke up with me because of that. I treated her like a queen, with respect and a lot of care, and she basically pushed me away. i would always tell her what i can do to help her and she said nothing...so i was just wondering, what made u realize how much he ment to you?

[Sami_D]

He says that she is his safety net.He says she gets on his nerves just by being there. (quick note-she has been paying more than 1/2 his bills and has given him more than 3G to pay off some of the debt he incurred)... He says she is on her way out. He does not want this girl anymore in his life blahblahblah. She has also brought her 'habit' into the house and it has gotten worse.

 

he said-I ended my 13yr marriage to be with you-I'm not concerned about this situation with her-trust me neither should you.

 

 

Were you involved in an affair with him before he left his wife..? And now he's with this other girlfriend and you're on the outside again..?

 

Whatever is the case, he's talking VERY badly about this woman. And the way he treated her that other night is at best 'odd', at worst disgraceful. I wonder what she knows, and what story he is feeding her. And she's paying half his bills..?

 

One 'rule' I learnt... listen to how he talks about/ how he behaves to other women. Because that's the way he'll treat you at some point.

 

Mr. Perfect or not..?

 

I would imagine that it's all in your interpretation... and your needs at the time how he appears. To an outsider, he doesn't seem all that.

[regrets]

Good morning everyone.

 

Demonspawn-to answer your question-- It was finally realizing how badly I was in fact treating him. That and he finally walked away from me. I never expected him to leave-never in a million years thought this man would up and leave me because of how much he loved me.

 

AND I KNEW THIS!!

 

It's called taking someone for granted. Which I did..brilliantly.

 

I knew that when I hung up on him to prove that I was upset-HE would call.When I cancelled plans to prove a point of being upset-HE would call. It didn't matter what it was-if I was upset or angry like a spoiled brat-HE would jump thru hoops of fire to make things better. What did I do? Nothing. I used that attitude to make the world (his world) revolve around me.

 

Read the thread from the beginning. It's disgusting what I did. I have to live with what I did.Regret what I did.But I most definitely LEARNED from this experience.I NEVER again want to do this to ANYONE!!!

 

Please understand-I am NOT bragging about what I did. I am telling you how I acted and thought. It sounds like this is what your GF is doing to you. What will probably make her open her eyes is YOU walking away. When she realizes what she has lost hopefully that will smarten her up a bit. And if you feel that she is honestly and truly and sincerely trying to change for the better and for you,then you need to decide if this is what you really want as well.

Hope this works out to where YOU are happy. Please keep us posted.

 

I'm probably not the best person to give out advice. I am learning all this for the 1st time as well.

I can only answer questions or address comments as honestly as I can,whether I come out looking like a rose or smelling like the fertilizer. It will be honest.

 

Take care.

[regrets]

Good morning.

 

You guys wanna talk about bizarre and just plain crazy?!?! Wait til you read this.

 

"D" and I had been doing some serious talks about getting back together after we both had come clean with some issues. He said he did not want to have things end with this girl on a bad note because she had done nothing wrong to him and was a genuinely nice girl.

 

Says the "relationship" with her had completely ended back in January but she was in need of a place and he needed help with the bills. I didn't care about that-I left it alone.

 

We were together all the time and things were looking up when he calls me -this was about 2 wks ago)and says she NEEDS to talk to him as soon as he comes back into town.He doesn't know what its about but my gut feeling on this 'meeting' was VERY BAD.

 

Anyhow,he gets home and he's on the phone with me when she comes home from work. He says-I'll call you later.

 

I'm getting dressed ready to go out to a club with a girlfriend when he calls and asks where I'm at. I tell him and ask what the meeting was about. He says he doesn't wanna talk about it right now.

 

He meets us at the club later and the 3 of us leave. We're driving around talking,laughing blah blah blah. It's now almost 8AM when I just came out and asked him about the 'talk'. My friend gets out of the truck and starts walking on the beach.He starts crying and says 'she dropped a bomb on me'. Right then and there I knew. I said 'shes pregnant'. He nods and wont stop bawling. I start crying because now I know there is no chance in hell we will ever get back. Case closed right? Nope he won't let it.

 

He says she is 3mths pregnant and swears on his kids that it was over since January. Says he does NOT want this girl OR the baby-but he won't suggest an abortion because of his views on that. I wouldn't dare force that issue so what's done is done. HE Says just because she is pregnant doesn't mean he has to stay with her.

True. It doesn't. He has options. I'm keeping my mouth shut. He is begging me NOT to leave him and to give us another chance but let him figure out what to do. I'm stunned. This man is an incredible family man and here he is telling me that he wants this girl gone but needs to figure out a way that everything is taken care of(her,the baby,housing,support,bull$hit etc).

 

I tell him there really is no way out of this for him and we should just cut our losses and call it a day. He flips! Says we have been trying so hard and have come so far and now I'm just gonna quit?!

 

Now remember-this man found out 4 hrs ago that the girl is pregnant and stayed out ALL NIGHT with me. Anyhow-after MUCH CRYING and my head pounding we finally said good night(at10 in the morning).

 

I get home-feeling very numb-and he won't stop texting or calling. Told him I needed to take the girls to the beach and then the movies like I promised them and I was operating on zero sleep. Said I needed time to think-leave me alone for a bit.

Calls and texts me all night-wants to meet me for a coffee(its now 5AM).

Yes I'm an idiot-I meet him for coffee. He is begging again(and here I was chasing him in the beginning) for me NOT to leave him.Says he loves me more than anything in this world-says he will never love anyone like he loves me and he wants us to be together.

 

Says he hasn't had time to think about this and he's scared of this situation but he's more scared that he's gonna lose me. (Ya think?!)

 

This man has been telling me non-stop that he wants me back. He loves me. He will be there for the baby but he is more concerned about me and whats going on with us! I still don't know what the hell to make of that! Scratching my head because this man wanted more children(at the time WITH ME)-this girl ends up pregnant and he plans to walk away?!?!

 

I told him he needs to get his life in order but I would be there to support him in any way and that I would always love him. Told him I never expected us to end for a 2nd time because of something like this but there is a new kink in our story and he needs to deal with it.

 

He won't have it. He refuses to end us. Won't let me end us. Won't let me walk away.

If I don't answer his texts or calls-he will call the house. Says he can't believe that I'm giving up on us now.

 

I said to him when he had the chance for us to be together he was dragging his feet. He says he wasn't. He didn't wanna rush back into things and have things be the same and then we break up again probably hating eachother. I can understand that. We got a ton of things resolved and were actually enjoying 'us' again.We had been making plans of making things more permanent after school ended (next month).

 

I hate the idea of having lost this man AGAIN-but I know there isn't a chance for us-even though he says different. I have friends that even say not to give up after everything we've been thru and how far we've come in dealing with our issues and ALMOST making it back together.They say we wont be the first or the last something like this happens to and just deal with it and try to make it work. My thought?

Trailer park/Jerry Springer/NO THANKS! lol

He's got a whole other issue he has to deal with now.

 

Well that's my story for now. Still don't know what to make of it. I'm willing to end it and tried to- but now he won't. He refuses. Don't know to laugh at that or cry.

 

Will keep you posted.

Take care everyone.

[sazzya1987]

He is having a baby with this woman now... even though he says he is not intrested this woman he will be brining up his baby, this just seems too much of a big thing to do. He kept you hanging by not getting back with you when he had the chance. No matter how much he cries and begs I think this situation is beyond anything in the world. He says he split up with her but I think it sounds like she was still in the picture. I do beleive you need to move on. From the rest of your posts there is better guys out there, like you were doing, moving on with the cops. Tell him you wish him luck but there is not going to be a chance now because he has knocked up this chick, its too much for you to take on right now. You need to keep going out with your friends and enjoy being single without having to worry about all this crap he has put you through. Even join clubs and meet guys. But the choice is yours to do, it just seems unfair on you and your children. You both broke up and he got with this woman very fast its not fair. If he loved you so much he wouldnt have jumped into a relationship, he would want to try it with you rather than dating other women. I think you need to let this slug go! Its up to you to be friends with him and still be in contact with him, but he can't just run away on this woman who needs help with expenses with his baby. Its not right of him to run away. Like I said, just tell him you are happy with your life right now but having a baby with this woman has changed things too much, your sorry but its not something you can deal with. Accept there is his baby comming into the world and move on, find other guys, make friends with other guys and hang out without worrying about this baby situation.

[clynn]

Wow, that is very big news.

 

I feel really badly for both of you.

 

It really doesn't seem as though either of you is to "Blame" in this situation. She probably did what some girls sometimes do and "trapped" him.

 

It also doesn't sound as though, even if you did step away....that his relationship with her would last --- beyond being father of the child.

 

It seems that time will tell what will happen in this situation.

 

I'm so sorry to hear this. For both of you.

[regrets]

Hello all,

 

Not too much of an update for you except that D called me super upset because this girl freaked on him when he addressed her on the subject of her moving out and their needing to figure things out concerning the baby and support.

I knew this was gonna get ugly.

 

I had a talk with D again about us and that this basically was the nail in the coffin for us and he said no it's not. Don't end us. I left crying because I feel terrible and a part of me feels angry that we wasted so much time and now it's too late.

He says he wishes we came clean sooner as that would have breathed life into the trust issue that was lingering over us and there-he is definitely right.

 

Says he won't let us end because he loves me too much and he believes in us.

 

But he knows his life right now is f***ked up big time. I cannot help him make any kind of decision concerning this child. As for the girl-I could care less about her but I have no ill feelings towards the baby.

 

Feeling kinda blah and kaka right now about everything. Sorry if this post is deemed worthless-maybe I just needed to meow a bit.

I've begun crying again-alot. I don't know what to think or do anymore.

 

I hate the feeling of not knowing,the fear and desperation of wanting and losing and the anger that if maybe we had said what we needed to say to get eachother back-we wouldn't be in this mess now.

 

I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff waiting to get pushed off. I know it's coming but I just don't know when.I can only wait.

 

It's a terrible feeling.

I wish for all my emotions at this moment to just go away-ALL OF THEM.

 

The fear,the desperation,the worry,the stress,the hurt,the pain but most of all I would do anything for the LOVE to finally DIE-just so I can stop feeling that.

That actually hurts me more than anything.

 

Thanks for listening.

Take care.

[Kengne]

Damn regrets.

 

Didn't expect to see this kind of update.

WoW. This really is a f*cked up situation.

 

He dragged his feet too long... the other, nice girl whom he DIDN'T want to hurt got knocked up... and now he's about to have a baby with her... but yet he wants to get back with you?

 

WoW.

 

One thing's for sure - don't say he won't 'let' things end with you. Stop making excuses to end things. Because if you REALLY and TRULY wanted things to be over with him - all you would have to do is sit him down, explain to him gently but firmly that even though you love him you cannot handle this situation and then ask him for the love of God to just leave you alone. And I firmly believe that, because he loves you so much, no matter how much it would kill him - EVENTUALLY - he would do just that. The calls, the texts etc... would stop.

 

So my question to you is - is that what YOU want? Do YOU want things to be over?

 

Can you handle this other woman... and the baby being intricately tied to his life for the next 18 years? Because even though he and her are not together, that child will FOREVER bind them together. She will ALWAYS be there in the background. Are you ok with the drama she's going to bring to his life? I mean look, she's already kicking up a stink about having to move out of his apt - and the baby isn't even born yet!

 

Which brings me to another question... it's a little odd, that she was allegedly living with him because she needed a place, and he needed help with the bills... but NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN THAT SHE'S PREGNANT... he wants her to move out? Why wasn't he saying that to her, BEFORE she got pregnant i.e. back in January? She hasn't stopped needing a place to live. Has he suddenly stopped needing help with his bills? Why the sudden shift to have her moved out, ESP when she's pregnant? If anything - he should be accomodating her even more so now that she's about to have his baby.

 

I just feel like there's more to this story than he is telling you regrets. Have you ever even talked to this woman? Have you two ever met? Would she tell you the SAME things he's told you, about their 'relationship'? Because IMO it's just a little too convenient for me that things ended between them... and then she MAGICALLY got pregnant all of a sudden. I mean of course it's possible if she was trying to trap him... but I really wouldn't trust what he's telling me until speaking to this other woman first.

 

Before you make a decision about squashing thigns with him... try to see if he would be willing to let you talk to this other woman. Unless of course you believe him at face value when he swore to you she got pregnant right before they allegedly ended things in Jan.

 

If you believe him about that... then the only thing to decide is how much are you willing to go through, for the sake of this love?

 

There's no turning back the hands of time. No more pointless thts abt "if only we'd resolved our issues SOONER.." "or if only he'd come back to me SOONER" etc... what's done, is DONE. Accept it.

 

No one is saying you have to make a decision right away.

 

Just take your time... see how things go, and how your feelings develop. Don't feel rushed to end things, but def do not let him pressure you into continuing if ULTIMATELY you feel this is NOT smth you can handle.

 

I'm not sure if you remember but regrets -> I've been in your shoes. Except with my ex-bf the other woman he got pregnant was a woman he cheated on me with. Which made it 10x worse because he didn't even love this girl -> as both he and she told me.

 

I chose to walk because at the end of the day... it was just TOO MUCH. No matter how much I loved him.. I could not look past the cheating, and the physical reminder i.e. the baby. Esp the baby because I felt like - why should I have to take on his isssues & deal with his mess? I'm too young & cute for this shyt! And so I walked.

 

Hope this helps in your decision, which ever way you go.

 

Good luck girl!

 

K.

[beachrosie]

I am concerned about any person that is having someone else (that they don't like) paying their bills, and is now pregnant. I'm sorry, but he sounds very scary to me.

[blueberry]

sounds very painful, but i think you really need to back off. he still sounds angry and upset, which to me means that he still cares enough. just back off and give him a chance to miss you.

kia kaha

[regrets]

Hey everyone.

 

Hope all is well.

 

The only update I can give you is that I tried to do no contact. Didn't call or

text-and it drove him batty! And he basically blew up my phone. I went to the beach with my girls on Saturday and he kept pushing the idea of us to meet at the beach and spend the day together. Preggo was at home.

 

I told him I didn't think it was a good idea to send mixed signals to the kids before any decisions have been made.

My kids miss him like crazy and are dying to see his kids.However I felt that I didn't want to open up feelings and emotions only to step out of their lives permanently-for a 2nd time. Am I wrong?

 

He tells me his kids miss us so much that it would be a step in the right direction to start getting back into their lives.

 

I told him that I had a bad gut feeling on all of this and it was gonna end up in my face. Explained to him that I had a feeling that he wasn't going anywhere.This girl is here to stay. That too many bad things happened,feelings hurt blah blah blah.

 

He says i'm wrong.Says I need To stop assuming I know whats gonna happen,to stop thinking for him and to stop assuming that I know everybodys feelings on this.

 

Said to him that when it came to seeing his children-I didn't think it was a good idea period and that was it. He flips and says-who f***king cares what they think. Can this ever have anything to do with what I want?!

 

Some friends said I should get involved back into his life full swing-kids and all-and make my presence felt.

Some say-run for the hills.If he hasn't made a move yet-he's not going to.

 

I have no clue anymore what to do.

To be honest-I DON'T want things to be over. But the saner side of me feels-it's done. You tried. Now walk.

 

Sometimes it doesn't hurt as bad-I can almost believe in my head that it is over-he's made his mess-now let him lie in it. And other times-I cry. It's because of what I did and how I treated him that made HIM WALK. And walk he did. Right into a pile of s***.

 

Maybe I'm trying so hard to hold on because I'm afraid to be alone. Do I really want him back or is it just the fear?

 

And yes Kengne-it HAS crossed my mind that this girl AND baby are in his life forever. Can I handle it? I don't know. I would say yes-but then I have to question myself on the fact that I want him back so badly that I'm just saying it to say it and not really mean it. I actually find that scary-and screwy. Are my motives true good or ego?

 

I can take the wait and see approach. But i'm not gonna put my life on hold anymore than I already have. If i get asked out and go out on dates(which I have)or wanna go to clubs-I'm going. If something happens where I find myself becoming interested in a possible relationship-I will definitely explore that avenue.

Moreso if D hasn't made a move to make US a reality. And made fair and responsible decisions concerning her and the baby. He needs to do something.

 

He has a s***load to think about and get straightened out. I can't do it for him.

 

Maybe I do need to back off and relax a bit and let him think things thru instead of crying the blues and meowing about me in our situation. Maybe if I back off it'll help ME get out of this funk I'm in and give me some space to think this over as well.

 

I'll end this for now. I gave myself a headache. I'll post more as it comes to me.

 

Sorry for the ramble-thanks for listening.

 

Take care.

S-Regrets.

[mikeyboy1990]

don't worry if he loved you like he said he really did and you love him like you say you really do then everything will be ok. Just give it some time and space let his heart repair it self. Hopefully he will get back with you. Just for now show him you appreaciate his love and affection for you and drown him in kindness. I understand how you feel. My girlfriend does the same thing to me that you did to him. But she does it only occasionally.But anyways I promise you that everything will get better and clear again. And if he does get back with you DON"T screw it up this time. Your story really applies to the quote "You don't appreaciate something till its gone"