Tinder Video chat stood up. Am I overreacting?

[KamaladoesntrhymewitPamela]

I've been talking to this guy on Tinder for a few days. It's been going well. He is the right age for me, seems to have his life together. Talks like an adult. It's been nice. He asked me to dinner on Saturday night.

So yesterday I mentioned that perhaps we could do a video chat this week in the meantime. (Making sure that he is the person in his pictures) He didn't balk at all. He suggested today. Great! He said he should be able to take a break around 2ish. I told him that was fine with me, that I could do 2ish.

We messaged late into the night, and I happened to fall asleep in the middle of our conversation. When I woke up, I messaged him apologizing, and he replied, "No worries." (not right away. I wake up early, so I am sure he was asleep. By the time he replied, I was at work, so I didn't see it till later) I didn't think a lot of it at the time.

Once I got off work, I messaged him to ask if we were still on for today. No reply. 1:30 comes, 1:45, 2. Still nothing. So, now I am second guessing...I have dated enough to know that sometimes, "No worries" is a passive aggressive reply. So now, I am wondering if he is upset.

I still haven't heard from him. I thought that perhaps he got wrapped up in work, and his 2 o clock break ended up not happening. It would still be rude to not let me know, but still at least it would be an explanation. But...here we are, almost 10 pm. 9 hours later. And, I still haven't heard from him.

Am I overreacting, or is it time to unmatch/block?

[Lotsgoingon]

Move on ... you can block or not block but move on! Ignore him. Do NOT give him another chance. He should have contacted you. 

[glows]

I’m sorry to hear this. Can you shift your attention to something else? Anything could have happened and if he’s not interested, that’s fine. You haven’t even met one another yet.

Avoid excessive texting before meeting someone. Save that for a more established relationship. Texting isn’t dating. You might have grown attached to that without knowing who he really is. There’s a difference.

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, KamaladoesntrhymewitPamela said:

I've been talking to this guy on Tinder for a few days. He asked me to dinner on Saturday night.

After a couple of messages, he (appropriately) tried to set up a meeting/date that for some reason you chose to sidestep. Video chatting is not dating. If you are still interested, simply confirm the date for Saturday.

People on dating apps aren't looking for chat buddies. And texting so much that you're falling asleep is something to avoid also. Exchange a few messages, then meet as soon as mutually convenient.

[basil67]

Assuming you don't have narcolepsy, falling asleep mid chat can easily be interpreted as you being very bored by the conversation.   Next time you're chatting late and getting tired, end the conversation while you're still able to. 

[smackie9]

If this guy stopped talking to you because he got pissy about you falling asleep mid conversation, then you dodged a bullet. You did nothing wrong. This guy is being a wiener, so block delete forget about him. 

[NuevoYorko]

General tip:  Do NOT be texting late into the night with a person you have never met.  It's pretty intimate.  

[Weezy1973]

Try setting up a video change before setting up a date if you’re worried about being catfished. Even better, don’t do dinner on a first date from online dinner. A drink or coffee is you best bet. If you hit it off, then you make the dinner date. 

[basil67]

I once saw a friend fall asleep on a Covid zoom gathering.  In that case, it was quite understandable because there was a dozen of us and only one conversation can happen at a time... and watching other people talk combined with a long day at work can have that affect.  We all thought it was hilarious.

But for this to happen one on one, the conversation you were having with him must have been as dull as dishwater.  And if it was dull enough for you to actually fall asleep, it was probably dull enough for him not to be interested in meeting with you.   Or perhaps he thought it was going well and was disappointed that it wasn't stimulating enough for you to stay engaged.  

It's very nice that you apologised, but it doesn't undo the fact that it wasn't interesting enough to keep you awake.

[birdie_b]

So, it’s always possible that he doesn’t look to much like his pictures and that’s the real reason he’s ghosted.  Has he come back?

[Acacia98]

On 2/8/2023 at 6:01 AM, KamaladoesntrhymewitPamela said:

I've been talking to this guy on Tinder for a few days. It's been going well. He is the right age for me, seems to have his life together. Talks like an adult. It's been nice. He asked me to dinner on Saturday night.

So yesterday I mentioned that perhaps we could do a video chat this week in the meantime. (Making sure that he is the person in his pictures) He didn't balk at all. He suggested today. Great! He said he should be able to take a break around 2ish. I told him that was fine with me, that I could do 2ish.

We messaged late into the night, and I happened to fall asleep in the middle of our conversation. When I woke up, I messaged him apologizing, and he replied, "No worries." (not right away. I wake up early, so I am sure he was asleep. By the time he replied, I was at work, so I didn't see it till later) I didn't think a lot of it at the time.

Once I got off work, I messaged him to ask if we were still on for today. No reply. 1:30 comes, 1:45, 2. Still nothing. So, now I am second guessing...I have dated enough to know that sometimes, "No worries" is a passive aggressive reply. So now, I am wondering if he is upset.

I still haven't heard from him. I thought that perhaps he got wrapped up in work, and his 2 o clock break ended up not happening. It would still be rude to not let me know, but still at least it would be an explanation. But...here we are, almost 10 pm. 9 hours later. And, I still haven't heard from him.

Am I overreacting, or is it time to unmatch/block?

You're not overreacting. In the same way that you apologized after falling asleep mid-conversation, he should have apologized for not showing if something had genuinely happened to him. Wanting to unmatch or block is an acknowledgement that you're probably not a good match and should move on. That's okay. But you should be mildly annoyed at most. If you have stronger emotions, then you were likely too invested in this guy.

Personally, I'd give it an extra day or two beyond the day he stood me up just to give him the opportunity to reappear and say something. If I didn't hear from him, I'd unmatch. If he reappeared and apologized and tried rescheduling, depending on what he said and how he said it, I might give him a second chance.

I have no idea why he didn't show. But it is possible that he never intended to show in the first place, that something happened to him, that he got offended because you fell asleep, that he met someone else, or that something else happened. Because there's no way for you to know for sure, it's best to disengage without attempting any further communication.

I don't think your falling asleep while chatting is the end of the world. The important thing is that you explained and apologized. And now you know not to attempt to chat when you're exhausted. Also, it may be for the best that things happened this way. If it turns out that this guy is the type of person who gets offended very easily, holds grudges, and is vengeful, you're best off figuring that out early and not getting involved with him.

Edited February 9, 2023 by Acacia98

[Weezy1973]

He’s basically ghosted you at this point. Not uncommon for online dating. Plenty of other guys out there. Next!