Second date guidance for a guy that doesn't make it to too many second dates.

[justasht]

I have gone on a number of first dates and I went on a great first date with a girl in the middle of January. On 2/4, I asked if she was interested in going out again sometime and offering her a date of going to a mini golf place. Our first date was TopGolf and sushi (I am an aspiring pro golfer and I also feel like activity dates are better). She doesn't reply until 2/6 and kinda asks a weird question: "Just curious? What's your handicap".

I reply: "That's an interesting response. It's a 3.1. Why do you ask?".

She replies "Just wondering. Is that for top golf or real golf courses?".

I respond: "That's all real courses, tournaments mostly." TopGolf doesn't mean anything haha."

I then respond this morning with: "Are you going to give me a challenge when I take you out?"

She responds this afternoon with: "here's your challenge: let's go on a date that doesn't involve golf."

 

Honestly, I don't have too much experience beyond a third date and dating overall so I am not quite sure if she is being manipulating here or just being flirty and challenging me. Honestly I have a few ideas and am thinking of either: a) picnic in a park in our city b) a rooftop bar/dinner or c) basketball game. Do you guys have a recommendation?

The other challenge is I will be having dental surgery this Thursday so I won't really be able to do it until two weeks from now. How do I text her and let her know I am still interested?

I am thinking of saying: "That's not a challenge K, let's do a picnic in __ park. I have dental surgery this Thursday, so let's shoot for the week of February 20th. How does that sound?"

 

 

Thoughts?

[Alpacalia]

Oh yeah, I like this girl.

It sounds like the girl you went on a date with is not interested in pursuing a relationship with a focus on golf. It's good to be flexible and open to new experiences, so consider her request to have a date that doesn't involve golf. You could suggest trying out a new restaurant or trying a new activity together that both of you would enjoy. Communication and understanding each other's interests are key in any relationship.

[justasht]

4 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Oh yeah, I like this girl.

It sounds like the girl you went on a date with is not interested in pursuing a relationship with a focus on golf. It's good to be flexible and open to new experiences, so consider her request to have a date that doesn't involve golf. You could suggest trying out a new restaurant or trying a new activity together that both of you would enjoy. Communication and understanding each other's interests are key in any relationship.

@AlpacaliaWhy do you like her so much? lol

[Alpacalia]

5 minutes ago, justasht said:

@AlpacaliaWhy do you like her so much? lol

She's sassy. That exchange was golden (lol).

[glows]

Good response if you both like picnics. Please check the weather, ask about any allergies and plan something simple and elegant. And I hope your surgery goes well. I like that you’re including that in the text so she’s aware.

Regarding her reply to you, it was a bit snarky. If she was more mature she’d have suggested other ideas in a more simple and straightforward manner. I don’t think she’s manipulative but immature. She was the one who initiated the conversation in the first place asking a golf question.

Either way, see how it goes. If she’s not interested or seems rude, leave her alone.

Edited February 8, 2023 by glows

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, justasht said:

She responds this afternoon with: "here's your challenge: let's go on a date that doesn't involve golf.

She seems interested enough to want to date again so yes, suggest something besides golf and if you need to explain some medical leave you can be honest about that. However it's unclear why you need this much time off for dental procedures, and especially emphasize you'll only be available after such-and-such date. Hopefully she doesn't think you're just trying to bypass a valentine's date.

Edited February 8, 2023 by Wiseman2

[justasht]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

She seems interested enough to want to date again so yes, suggest something besides golf and if you need to explain some medical leave you can be honest about that. However it's unclear why you need this much time off for dental procedures, and especially emphasize you'll only be available after such-and-such date. Hopefully she doesn't think you're just trying to bypass a valentine's date.

What do you mean by it’s unclear? I am just following what the dentist told me. 

[Alpacalia]

Gum bone graft surgery can take 2 weeks to recover. What a weird timing that you get it so close to Valentine's Day. How will you eat chocolate? 

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, justasht said:

 I am just following what the dentist told me. 

Ok, you're message seems good and giving her the heads up that you're interested but need time out for medical reasons is a good approach.

[justasht]

7 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Gum bone graft surgery can take 2 weeks to recover. What a weird timing that you get it so close to Valentine's Day. How will you eat chocolate? 

@AlpacaliaGum grafting not bone. 10 days is what I was told. No sports or exercise that raises blood pressure. 

[Alpacalia]

12 minutes ago, justasht said:

@AlpacaliaGum grafting not bone. 10 days is what I was told. No sports or exercise that raises blood pressure. 

Ah yes! That does take a long time to recover. As far as keeping interest is concerned, don't even worry about that part. The interest will regenerate throughout the date.

Edited February 8, 2023 by Alpacalia

[justasht]

50 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Ah yes! That does take a long time to recover. As far as keeping interest is concerned, don't even worry about that part. The interest will regenerate throughout the date.

@Alpacalia, yes I am concerned about keeping interested over 10 days. She may forget. You are saying this is not a concern?

[justasht]

10 hours ago, glows said:

Good response if you both like picnics. Please check the weather, ask about any allergies and plan something simple and elegant. And I hope your surgery goes well. I like that you’re including that in the text so she’s aware.

Regarding her reply to you, it was a bit snarky. If she was more mature she’d have suggested other ideas in a more simple and straightforward manner. I don’t think she’s manipulative but immature. She was the one who initiated the conversation in the first place asking a golf question.

Either way, see how it goes. If she’s not interested or seems rude, leave her alone.

@glows @Alpacalia, Is a picnic better than a trying a dinner out at a new restaurant?

[Calmandfocused]

Op why have you not seen her since the middle of January? And why did you wait until February to ask her out for a a second date? 
 

You need to pick up your speed mate! 

I’m sure your teeth is a valid excuse but you come across as someone very disinterested in any event. That’s how I’d perceive you if I was this woman. 
 

Snails finish last in the race. You want some more second dates? Get your skates on! 

Edited February 8, 2023 by Calmandfocused

[Alpacalia]

@Calmandfocused This is a good point.

Are there any particular reasons why there is such a long gap between the dates (with the exception of dentist)?

A picnic can be a romantic and intimate setting, especially if you find a secluded spot in a park or by a lake. It allows for a more relaxed and casual atmosphere, and can also be a great opportunity to get to know each other better while enjoying good food and each other's company.

On the other hand, dining at a new restaurant can be a more formal and sophisticated experience, and can be a great way to dress up and make a special effort for your date. Trying new foods and experiencing different cuisines together can also be a bonding experience.

Ultimately, the best choice depends on the preferences of both people and the type of date experience they want to have.

Edited February 8, 2023 by Alpacalia

[justasht]

5 hours ago, Calmandfocused said:

Op why have you not seen her since the middle of January? And why did you wait until February to ask her out for a a second date? 
 

You need to pick up your speed mate! 

I’m sure your teeth is a valid excuse but you come across as someone very disinterested in any event. That’s how I’d perceive you if I was this woman. 
 

Snails finish last in the race. You want some more second dates? Get your skates on! 

@Calmandfocused @Alpacalia I originally texted her late the night of the first date and got a response the next day of the following:

“Hey, I had a great time as well. I’m actually pretty booked up this weekend so maybe another time!”

I took that as lack of interest so I didn’t follow up. Then I figured why not follow-up after a little while? Another reason is in the past I have had a tendency to come across as too available and I just did not want to come across that way. 

Thoughts?

[Ami1uwant]

8 minutes ago, justasht said:

@Calmandfocused @Alpacalia I originally texted her late the night of the first date and got a response the next day of the following:

“Hey, I had a great time as well. I’m actually pretty booked up this weekend so maybe another time!”

I took that as lack of interest so I didn’t follow up. Then I figured why not follow-up after a little while? Another reason is in the past I have had a tendency to come across as too available and I just did not want to come across that way. 

Thoughts?

How far apart do you live in terms of drive time? Why just weekend availability?

 

if you have this on Thursday you coukd try to do something on Sunday night.

 

 

[justasht]

Just now, Ami1uwant said:

How far apart do you live in terms of drive time? Why just weekend availability?

 

if you have this on Thursday you coukd try to do something on Sunday night.

 

 

We live about 20-25 minutes apart with no traffic. It is recommended to not do anything for 3 days after surgery, so this weekend is out. I also have to eat only soft foods for 10 days so it will be hard to go to a restaurant I’d say….  

[Alpacalia]

8 minutes ago, justasht said:

@Calmandfocused @Alpacalia I originally texted her late the night of the first date and got a response the next day of the following:

“Hey, I had a great time as well. I’m actually pretty booked up this weekend so maybe another time!”

I took that as lack of interest so I didn’t follow up. Then I figured why not follow-up after a little while? Another reason is in the past I have had a tendency to come across as too available and I just did not want to come across that way. 

Thoughts?

Ah. Okay. Yeah, you're fine. 

Good luck with the dental surgery and hope the two of you have a lovely date 

[Ami1uwant]

6 hours ago, justasht said:

@Alpacalia, yes I am concerned about keeping interested over 10 days. She may forget. You are saying this is not a concern?

This is common….you have a break in early dating you can kill a relationship.  There have been too many examples of one going on a long work trip of 1-2 weeks or family vacation of the same length thrn it’s gone.  It also happens around Christmas/ New Years where people do family things or close friends events but it’s too soon to introduce someone new.

[Ami1uwant]

2 minutes ago, justasht said:

We live about 20-25 minutes apart with no traffic. It is recommended to not do anything for 3 days after surgery, so this weekend is out. I also have to eat only soft foods for 10 days so it will be hard to go to a restaurant I’d say….  

Italian works…simple pasta dish. Rice dishes like Indian/SE Asian

 

 

Edited February 9, 2023 by Ami1uwant

[justasht]

Just now, Ami1uwant said:

Italian works…simple pasta dish.

I don’t eat dairy or gluten

[Ami1uwant]

3 minutes ago, justasht said:

I don’t eat dairy or gluten

Many Italian places have gluten free options for pasta and you don’t top sauce with cheeses.

 

thrn there are Asian rice dishes. Those can be gluten free.

Edited February 9, 2023 by Ami1uwant

[justasht]

Just now, Ami1uwant said:

Many Italian places have gluten free options for pasta and you don’t top sauce with cheeses.

 

thrn there are Asian rice dishes

Yeah, I would have to check in more detail. I usually check but I have struggled to find a place that has gluten and dairy free options. 
 

@AlpacaliaI realized I don’t think I have the time to put together a picnic unless I order takeout haha.  

[basil67]

7 minutes ago, justasht said:

I realized I don’t think I have the time to put together a picnic unless I order takeout haha.  

It only needs to be a simple picnic:  A couple of wraps (perhaps chicken, salad and mayo), some fruit, crackers with dip, a couple of dessert options from a bakery and a drink.   Dating does eat into our time, so make sure that you do actually have the time to date