Insecure or intuition?

[AP2045]

So, disclaimer here, I haven’t had the best history when it came to dating and relationships. I tend to base my happiness on my significant other- definitely have some prolonged underlying codependency /attachment issues going on.

I have been with my fiancé now for three years. Been engaged for a few months now.

He recently had a huge promotion at work putting him in charge of basically the entire business which requires him to work longer crazier hours for now. He recently also started on antidepressants for the first time for over a month now. But since starting with this promotion I’ve felt very insecure, I feel like he’s not as “cutesie” with me, definitely not as intimate which I figured was the antidepressant. Also figured like, okay he’s tired he’s working really crazy hours, comes home, sleeps, does it all again. 

My biggest issue is I keep feeling like there is a pit in my stomach- like I feel like something is wrong. 

He has a new co-worker (female) who commented a weird comment that struck me as odd on one of his Instagram photos. 

But just recently his job put up a picture of him at the building where he works  (which is a big deal for where he works, the company is very close and it’s definitely cool and all to have his picture up at the place) this same girl took a picture of it & posted it on her Instagram story tagging him & he reshared it to his story too. 

Now, saying both of those things out loud makes me feel like I am just over reacting.
But this woman is clearly showing him extra attention.
I don’t go through my his phone, I don’t obsess over his social media “likes” or DM’s, we share locations with eachother, he comes right home after work everyday.. But why do I have this sick nervous anxiety feeling in my stomach?

Is this intuition that something is up or am I just being insecure? 

I don’t want to ask like is this woman showing you extra attention at work? I think it’s weird what she’s doing on Instagram so who knows how she’s treating him at work- I don’t want to come off as insecure to him.. 

Edited February 11, 2023 by AP2045

[stillafool]

I think since he's not just a boyfriend but your fiance you need to be open with him how you're feeling.  Tell him you feel a shift in his affection towards you and mention that you feel a bit insecure about what this other girl wrote.  Usually when we women feel a pit in our stomach regarding our relationship, there's a reason why, so you're right not to ignore it.  Nip it in the bud and get it out in the open.  If something is going on he will be aware that your antenna's are up.

Edited February 11, 2023 by stillafool

[AP2045]

8 hours ago, stillafool said:

I think since he's not just a boyfriend but your fiance you need to be open with him how you're feeling.  Tell him you feel a shift in his affection towards you and mention that you feel a bit insecure about what this other girl wrote.  Usually when we women feel a pit in our stomach regarding our relationship, there's a reason why, so you're right not to ignore it.  Nip it in the bud and get it out in the open.  If something is going on he will be aware that your antenna's are up.

Thank you for the reply. 
 

I have brought it up to him, he basically just made it seem like it was not a big deal. 
it’s still doesn’t make me feel better about it though. And if I bring it up again, I don’t want to come off as insecure.. 

I suppose maybe I’m just over reacting and feeling jealous/insecure about the change in his actions, which is exacerbated by a coworker clearly showing him attention. 

I guess I put it into perspective of like, If I was working with a coworker, and he was an engaged man I wouldn’t be taking a picture of him, putting a funny quote on it, and then tagging him onto my social media story like that before anyone else. 

[glows]

Am I understanding this correctly? He shared something someone else posted about him, tooting his own horn? 

As frustrating as this is with his coworker, bring the focus back to your relationship.

I’d be clear with him about what you need in the relationship whether it’s more hours in an evening or two, date nights or his full and undivided attention when you’re together. The relationship is falling apart without quality time as a couple. He might be blind to this or has forgotten that a relationship doesn’t run on one person alone.  

Edited February 12, 2023 by glows

[JTSW]

On 2/11/2023 at 1:04 AM, AP2045 said:

He has a new co-worker (female) who commented a weird comment that struck me as odd on one of his Instagram photos. 

What was this odd comment?

On 2/11/2023 at 1:04 AM, AP2045 said:

But just recently his job put up a picture of him at the building where he works  (which is a big deal for where he works, the company is very close and it’s definitely cool and all to have his picture up at the place) this same girl took a picture of it & posted it on her Instagram story tagging him & he reshared it to his story too. 

Well obviously not hiding anything as its there for everyone to see and it's work related.

You have admitted to having some personal issues in the past when it comes to relationships so I think you may be overreacting here.

It's good that you were open with him about your feelings because harboring them by yourself would make you feel worse.