Should I allow my gf to pay for half my mortgage in this case?

[ironpony]

I and my gf were talking about moving together, and I am planning on buying a house soon this year, and my gf insists on paying half of the mortgage bills if she moves in.

However, when buying a house, I spoke to a lawyer about several things, and he said not to let my gf pay for any of the mortgage because if the relationship were to go sour, then she could get half the house if we split up.

Whereas if she doesn't pay any at all, and I'm paying for all of it, then she doesn't, just in case we split up.

However, I did the budget plan and if my gf were to pay for half, that would help us out a lot in the long run, with the mortgage bills, so my gf has a point there.  But what do you think?  I guess it's a case of deciding to listen to my gf or my lawyer.

Thank you for any opinions or advice on this.  I really appreciate it.

[basil67]

She shouldn't pay your mortgage.  She should pay you rent - and you could use the rent money to pay your mortgage.

Have you spoken to the bank about how much you can borrow?  If not, that's the next thing you need to do. Don't make any plans before working out how much you can spend and whether it will buy what you want.

Edited February 12, 2023 by basil67

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, ironpony said:

, I spoke to a lawyer about several things, and he said not to let my gf pay for any of the mortgage 

If you buy a house with your own finances the deed is in your name. In the event that she moves in, you can talk to this lawyer again and set up a lease so she's a tenant, not a co-owner.  It's complicated to buy a house with anyone, so you'll need to talk to this attorney again about common law marriage in your jurisdiction. Why can't you two just rent a place together first?

[ironpony]

5 hours ago, basil67 said:

She shouldn't pay your mortgage.  She should pay you rent - and you could use the rent money to pay your mortgage.

Have you spoken to the bank about how much you can borrow?  If not, that's the next thing you need to do. Don't make any plans before working out how much you can spend and whether it will buy what you want.

The bank told me I had enough for a down payment and I can borrow the rest so I thought that meant I could borrow enough but I will ask them that.  Thanks.

[basil67]

8 hours ago, ironpony said:

The bank told me I had enough for a down payment and I can borrow the rest so I thought that meant I could borrow enough but I will ask them that.  Thanks.

Kindly, if you don't have clarity on what was discussed, you need one of your parents with you at the bank.   The gaps in communication and understanding between you and the bank are too great to do this on your own.  

[ironpony]

21 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Kindly, if you don't have clarity on what was discussed, you need one of your parents with you at the bank.   The gaps in communication and understanding between you and the bank are too great to do this on your own.  

Ok thanks.  I thought I borrowed the rest after the down payment, but I will get others to confirm.

[Els]

I'm not really sure what to say, because you have brought up the topic of buying a house repeatedly and have repeatedly been told by multiple posters that you should start with renting because buying (as a person who has never lived outside their parents house before) comes with so many more risks and responsibilities than renting. And yet here we are.

With all due respect, I hope you have some experienced people whom you really, really trust to walk you through this, otherwise you are going to be paying for a costly mistake for the next 20-30 years of your life.

[ShyViolet]

Your gf should not, absolutely NOT, pay half your mortgage or have her name on the house.

Let's say if you do actually buy a house and she moves in with you, she should just pay you an agreed-upon amount in rent each month.  Let's say she pays you $500 a month rent.  That's just an example.  It should not be equal to half the mortgage.  It should just be considered "rent" to help with expenses.  Because she is not buying this house with you, she is not co-owning this house, her name should NOT go onto ownership of this house.  That would be the most foolish thing you could possibly do and it will blow up in your face.

[ironpony]

1 hour ago, ShyViolet said:

Your gf should not, absolutely NOT, pay half your mortgage or have her name on the house.

Let's say if you do actually buy a house and she moves in with you, she should just pay you an agreed-upon amount in rent each month.  Let's say she pays you $500 a month rent.  That's just an example.  It should not be equal to half the mortgage.  It should just be considered "rent" to help with expenses.  Because she is not buying this house with you, she is not co-owning this house, her name should NOT go onto ownership of this house.  That would be the most foolish thing you could possibly do and it will blow up in your face.

Oh yes sorry, I didn't mean to imply she would pay half of it upfront.  What I meant was, she would pay half the mortage bills monthly, and I pay half monthly.  But the lawyer said that if she paid half monthly, that half the house would go to her if we broke up and told me not to do that though.  But at the same time, her paying half per month would help me pay it off for sure, and I really like the idea of living with her as well.

[ironpony]

3 hours ago, Els said:

I'm not really sure what to say, because you have brought up the topic of buying a house repeatedly and have repeatedly been told by multiple posters that you should start with renting because buying (as a person who has never lived outside their parents house before) comes with so many more risks and responsibilities than renting. And yet here we are.

With all due respect, I hope you have some experienced people whom you really, really trust to walk you through this, otherwise you are going to be paying for a costly mistake for the next 20-30 years of your life.

Oh it's just that friends and family of mine told me that I should put that potential rent money towards a down payment on a house, because then I would have more for a down payment, compared to if I used it to pay rent for the next few years, if they have a point there?

[Lisa]

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