ROCD. is it really a thing?

[Kindle500]

Hi all.

I dated a woman I no longer wanted to date. I finally broke it off but  I stuck around because of something called  Relationship OCD (ROCD).  I have been diagnosed with OCD.  ROCD is a subset of OCD where people focus on their partners faults. They focus on little things which make them want to end a relationship.

As I dated this woman I felt less attraction for various reasons, but I was reading books and watching video's on ROCD which basically tell you to stick around in the relationship... it's your ROCD talking.  I read things like " there are worse things in the world than marrying the wrong person."  Or something to that effect.  The book and videos would say "do not follow your gut or your instincts."

One book I read said that we are conditioned to want "the one."  That we are conditioned that love should be like in the movies, and when it's not we bail.  Well no S#%$ it's not like the movies.

This morning I accidentally ran into another ROCD video and I felt burnt out about the whole thing.  I mean we know when we want to date someone or when we don't.  

I'm not saying that people do not have ROCD, but I wonder if it's just a thing for people to write books, make vidoes, and do podcasts on.

 

 

 

Edited February 13, 2023 by Kindle500

[glows]

Is this with the woman who drinks and has lifestyle differences compared to you? 

We’re looking for similarities in core values. Try not to fixate on any one thing. Let this go and learn from the experience. 

[Kindle500]

54 minutes ago, glows said:

Is this with the woman who drinks and has lifestyle differences compared to you? 

We’re looking for similarities in core values. Try not to fixate on any one thing. Let this go and learn from the experience. 

Ok

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Kindle500 said:

I'm not saying that people do not have ROCD, but I wonder if it's just a thing for people to write books, make vidoes, and do podcasts on

It may or not be a thing, but you had several valid reasons for ending it. There was nothing obsessive or fault-finding about it. At best you were incompatible and there were deal breakers such as heavy drinking.

[Kindle500]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

It may or not be a thing, but you had several valid reasons for ending it. There was nothing obsessive or fault-finding about it. At best you were incompatible and there were deal breakers such as heavy drinking.

I agree 100 percent with you.

I understand that the drinking was a deal breaker in my case for sure, it's not ROCD.

But putting the drinking aside for argument's sake, as I dated her, I found things unappealing, things that were not her fault.  

 I went through this weird rabbit hole with ROCD, reading books and watching videos.

I've always been someone who goes by feel and instinct, while literature on ROCD tells you that as long as the relationship is not abusive to not go by instinct.

Looking back, I'm burnt out from reading about it...I'm done with it... I think that for me it's just better to call a spade a spade.  It's easier.

I've seen  people ask in other forums "Is it ROCD or is it that I don't like my partner anymore?"  And while I could never answer that for that person, I would be more inclined to say it's you.  IF there is something you don't like then it's OK to go.

Though I can see where ROCD may be something where someone is in love, and the combabilities are good, but they just focus on small things (the way they chew there food) to break up with someone.

 

[Gaeta]

When I came on here and complained and complained about men I was dating it was because I was with the wrong guy. I have been in a relationship 6 months now with an amazing man and I have not posted once here about it, zero, nada, rien!  She was not the one for you. 

ROCD? they have a syndrome for everything nowadays. Your ex was an alcoholic. 

Edited February 13, 2023 by Gaeta

[Kindle500]

13 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

When I came on here and complained and complained about men I was dating it was because I was with the wrong guy. I have been in a relationship 6 months now with an amazing man and I have not posted once here about it, zero, nada, rien!  She was not the one for you. 

ROCD? they have a syndrome for everything nowadays. Your ex was an alcoholic. 

I agree with about my ex.  100%

This is not about her, I apologize if I made it seem that way, but it's more about the subject of ROCD.  They have videos, they have podcasts, book, seminars on the subject.

I'm trying to express that I feel into  rabbit hole about it, and I started doubting how I really felt.  

You expressed how you feel about ROCD.. thank you.  I feel that way too.

I've shed everything I learned on the subject as I move forward.

 

 

 

 

Edited February 13, 2023 by Kindle500

[Gaeta]

18 minutes ago, Kindle500 said:

I agree with about my ex.  100%

This is not about her, I apologize if I made it seem that way, but it's more about the subject of ROCD.  They have videos, they have podcasts, book, seminars on the subject.

Kindle: They have videos, podcasts, books and seminars about everything and anything, not long ago it was about a religion named flying spaghettis. My answer was not about her, it was about you. You concentrated on the bad because it was incompatible with you. If they had been little flaws you would not have felt this annoyed. TRUST what you feel, your entire head & heart told you something was wrong, because it was wrong, not because of some ROCD. 

[Kindle500]

18 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

 TRUST what you feel, your entire head & heart told you something was wrong, because it was wrong, not because of some ROCD. 

This is my point, I realize that.

[smackie9]

You found things wrong with her because well there were things wrong with her...and any person would have seen it that way too. We can totally be attracted to someone that is so wrong for us. That's why we date, right? You just have to keep looking is all.