Should I involve the lawyers now?

[Sizen]

So I met my friend in Summer 2021 and we immediately connected. We had a great time most times back in 2021. Then Late 2021 they had a medical emergency and I happened to be there for them. I supported my friend through the whole process until they were able to 'function' again. After a whole 3 months of helping them out. They started behaving very weird, they would speak to me in a very condescending manner or say things I like 'you think I need you.'

Anyway, I never took it to heart and still remained their friend. Fortunately, I relocated to another state, and we would keep touch. Early 2022, they moved to the same state I was and we developed an intimate relationship but we weren't dating. I started noticing that they would say very sly things to me, make me pay for their stuff and not refund me the money, use excuses all the time about not having money or even try compete with me. Like if I get invited to a place they  would also make a point to be invited somewhere and be like don't think 'you are the only one being invited'.

It was becoming so weird and I would withdraw and not engage but they would push me to points I have to go silent on them for weeks. Then one day we were out looking for places to eat and we were walking and talking about something and laughing, they made a comment about me that I didn't like and when I expressed it to them, they pushed me physically towards the road. I was so scared because they turned feral. I picked myself up and  continued walking away but they kept on following me shouting. I got into a restaurant and sat by the bar and they still came and started shouting at me taunting me to engage them physically.

To the point the bartender told them to back off or they call the police, that's when it stopped.After that day I went silent on them for weeks and they came apologizing and my silly self forgave them and now the same pattern of shouting and they always say 'I am shouting because you made me shout'. And I started noticing the bare minimum like they never go out of their way for me, I am due to have surgery in a few weeks and they ghosted me. And they texted me  the reason they ghosted me is because they are scared of the altercations we get into. I feel so betrayed because all along I gave them a chance to talking it out, see a therapist, express my feelings and try to understand their situation but they don't seem to understand my point.

My other friends tell me to stop the silent treatment on them but I feel like I can't because every time I  express myself they say they don't like how I speak. So, now we had booked a trip to Vegas months ago and its approaching but I want to cancel it. I haven't spoken to them the last 2 weeks and they still sent me a message saying; Have a great day looking forward to our trip,  like everything is so casual and nothing  happened. What do I do? I feel torn whether I should forgive them, text them to leave me alone, or just stay silent.
 

[stillafool]

Why are you allowing yourself to be treated this way by that person?  Is this a same sex relationship?  This person treats you like that because you allow it.  Why do you is what you need to ask yourself.

[Wiseman2]

18 minutes ago, Sizen said:

 they still came and started shouting at me taunting me to engage them physically. To the point the bartender told them to back off or they call the police, 

Sorry this is happening. It seems like you are aware that you're in an abusive relationship. Cancel the trip if you feel uncomfortable/threatened. You don't live together, however you seem stuck in a cycle of abuse.

There is a lot of information about abusive relationships and there's information on the incidence of same-sex relationship abuse. That may have unique dynamics Involved.

In the meantime, make an appointment with a qualified therapist for ongoing support and to discuss the abuse and developing an exit plan.

[MsJayne]

This person has serious mental health issues. If you continue with a friendship you could end up being badly hurt. I’d ignore other friends because “friends” don’t expect you to be OK with being bullied and abused. I say get rid of, and cancel that Vegas trip because when an abuser knows you’re trapped with them they unleash their worst behaviour. Don’t risk it. 

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Sizen said:

we had booked a trip to Vegas months ago and its approaching but I want to cancel it

Absolutely cancel it. 

And cut this person off forever. They are abusive and dangerous and you need to get away from them permanently. Then try to seek out some professional therapy. The fact that you are even considering forgiving this violent nutjob indicates you very much need to work on your self-esteem and boundaries. 

 

[glows]

10 hours ago, Sizen said:

So I met my friend in Summer 2021 and we immediately connected. We had a great time most times back in 2021. Then Late 2021 they had a medical emergency and I happened to be there for them. I supported my friend through the whole process until they were able to 'function' again. After a whole 3 months of helping them out. They started behaving very weird, they would speak to me in a very condescending manner or say things I like 'you think I need you.'

Anyway, I never took it to heart and still remained their friend. Fortunately, I relocated to another state, and we would keep touch. Early 2022, they moved to the same state I was and we developed an intimate relationship but we weren't dating. I started noticing that they would say very sly things to me, make me pay for their stuff and not refund me the money, use excuses all the time about not having money or even try compete with me. Like if I get invited to a place they  would also make a point to be invited somewhere and be like don't think 'you are the only one being invited'.

It was becoming so weird and I would withdraw and not engage but they would push me to points I have to go silent on them for weeks. Then one day we were out looking for places to eat and we were walking and talking about something and laughing, they made a comment about me that I didn't like and when I expressed it to them, they pushed me physically towards the road. I was so scared because they turned feral. I picked myself up and  continued walking away but they kept on following me shouting. I got into a restaurant and sat by the bar and they still came and started shouting at me taunting me to engage them physically.

To the point the bartender told them to back off or they call the police, that's when it stopped.After that day I went silent on them for weeks and they came apologizing and my silly self forgave them and now the same pattern of shouting and they always say 'I am shouting because you made me shout'. And I started noticing the bare minimum like they never go out of their way for me, I am due to have surgery in a few weeks and they ghosted me. And they texted me  the reason they ghosted me is because they are scared of the altercations we get into. I feel so betrayed because all along I gave them a chance to talking it out, see a therapist, express my feelings and try to understand their situation but they don't seem to understand my point.

My other friends tell me to stop the silent treatment on them but I feel like I can't because every time I  express myself they say they don't like how I speak. So, now we had booked a trip to Vegas months ago and its approaching but I want to cancel it. I haven't spoken to them the last 2 weeks and they still sent me a message saying; Have a great day looking forward to our trip,  like everything is so casual and nothing  happened. What do I do? I feel torn whether I should forgive them, text them to leave me alone, or just stay silent.
 

Cancel the trip. It’s fine to let go of this friendship. It does beg the question though whether this was a friendship or if it was misunderstood for something else by the other person. You mentioned you were both intimate but not dating. It sounds like a casual relationship gone sideways.

[JTSW]

She physically assaulted you and could've killed you if you had fallen into that road.

This is not a friend because friends never do this.

This is a nasty bully, pure and simple.

Cut her out of your life for good before it really starts to affect your mental health.

 

[LexImperialis]

I think he's just badly behaved. A bit selfish of him.

[LotusMRP]

Hi,

I am separated from my husband of 9 years, we have a child together.  So 7 years into the marriage I discovered that my husband was cheating with multiple women and he started abusing me mentally, emotionally and threatened me to physically attack me & he really isolated me during our marriage.  Before then,  we would fight about finances and bills because he was always be late paying bills and payments and I would have to be on his neck to pay them. I even offered to manage the finances if he was too busy. See he's a doctor and he always complains he's busy and has no time. Well, little did I know he wasn't busy but paying for gifts and trips for women he was pursuing. I tried to pursue my career and keep my job but he would make it so difficult for me to advance in my career and made me quit.  When I wanted to pursue my graduate school the 2nd year of marriage he would tell me it wouldn't make a difference because he earns more than me. I was stuck in the abusive cycle, for a long time and when we separated he became malicious. He sabotage any relationship or anything I did or do to elevate myself. After the affairs, he offered to pay for my graduate school and promised not to hold me back and once I settle into my career we would part ways. I agreed. So we decided to get an apartment closer to my school and our childs school and he would maintain that agreement without legal intervention  while he kept the house. 6 months into school for both my child and I we received payment notices stating there were no payments coming through and few days later the apartment sent us an eviction notice. I followed up and my husband sent me an email that he can no longer afford my school, rent and childs school stating he doesn't feel like paying it because he doesn't see how it would benefit him and also he added  he needed to start saving so he wants us to move back to the house and wait until he decides it fine for us to proceed with the agreement. I am so upset because I know he earns above $700k but I never have or had a say financially and when I would bring it up he would tell me not to be concerned but at the same time when payments are late or bills were not paid he would forward me the notices and say 'see I told you.'  I have no one I can run to, I have no living family member or relatives around me who could help me. Any advise?

[mark clemson]

Your friend sounds manipulative. Perhaps you could look for others who are a bit less problematic and/or a romantic partner who doesn't "pull stuff" like you describe, with the paying for things, etc.

[basil67]

Ah, what a mess.   

I'm not sure what good a lawyer would be to you unless it's a divorce lawyer.  Are you ready to start divorce proceedings?

[NuevoYorko]

Yes, a divorce lawyer.  You will want to fight for a substantial divorce settlement so you can finish your school and become self reliant.   You will be awarded child support (at least in the USA you would) as well.

[Lisa]

@LotusMRP and @Sizen are the same member