Ex acting normal when we first broke up. Odd behavior now.

[Kassieee]

I initiated the break up.I called him and said it was over. He said "OK bye" and hung up. 

 And then one weekend he showed up at my house with his friend, drunk. When he saw me open the door, he looked confused 🥴 and said wth was he doing here. We hung out. He left. Another weekend I invited him over our mutual friends house. We hung out as friends, normal stuff.

And then all of a sudden he started avoiding me. If I was at our mutual friends house party, he wouldn't go. I wouldn't go to the house party, he would go. In the halls, he would not say a word to me. He goes over and beyond to avoid bumping into me. I call him to wish him a happy bday, his roommate says he doesn't want to talk to me. 

He is fine with the breakup, he never considered or wanted to get back together. Actually it seemed like he wanted the break up but why is he avoiding me so hard. You're not a mind reader...but what do you think it could be.

Edited February 15, 2023 by justaskingok

[Kassieee]

For the record. I did tell him the reason for the breakup. Should've added that in my OP.

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, justaskingok said:

You're not a mind reader...but what do you think it could be.

Isn't it obvious?

You dumped him and he wants to move on. The better question is why are you trying to call him and hang out with him if you dumped him? It seems like you're playing games. Leave him be. 

[Kassieee]

9 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Isn't it obvious?

You dumped him and he wants to move on. The better question is why are you trying to call him and hang out with him if you dumped him? It seems like you're playing games. Leave him be. 

Let's get this straight and clear.

I didn't initiate communication with him after the break up. He showed up at my house, he was cool with being friends for some time. I called wishing him a happy bday because I was under the impression we were cool at that point. We have mutual friends so it's normal for us to hang out, we did before getting into the relationship. Then he started to avoid me.

I haven't been trying to talk to him after this whole avoiding situation. So games where?

Edited February 15, 2023 by justaskingok

[ExpatInItaly]

1 minute ago, justaskingok said:

So games where?

In all of what you described. 

You two are not together anymore so you shouldn't assume you'll be friends like before. Stop inviting him over. Stop calling him. Understand that the goalposts changed when you dumped him and he probably wants space from you now. Maybe he thought he was fine with it but realized he's not and doesn't really want you around him right now. That's normal after a break-up.

So again, I would advise you to leave him alone. You two cannot be friends at this time. Give him space and be mindful of the fact that you ended it. You aren't owed his attention or friendship. Say hello when you see him but leave it at that. One day when you both move on, maybe you can be friends. Now is not that time. 

[Kassieee]

7 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

In all of what you described. 

You two are not together anymore so you shouldn't assume you'll be friends like before. Stop inviting him over. Stop calling him. Understand that the goalposts changed when you dumped him and he probably wants space from you now. Maybe he thought he was fine with it but realized he's not and doesn't really want you around him right now. That's normal after a break-up.

So again, I would advise you to leave him alone. You two cannot be friends at this time. Give him space and be mindful of the fact that you ended it. You aren't owed his attention or friendship. Say hello when you see him but leave it at that. One day when you both move on, maybe you can be friends. Now is not that time. 

That's fine.

I just found it bizzare how he went from being completely fine, to not talking to me at all lol. Having his friend tell me not to call him when we were fine just a min ago. And I was never begging or badgering to talk to him it's mostly him initating any form of communication.

Thanks for the insight.

Edited February 15, 2023 by justaskingok

[Kassieee]

12 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

In all of what you described. 

You two are not together anymore so you shouldn't assume you'll be friends like before. Stop inviting him over. Stop calling him. Understand that the goalposts changed when you dumped him and he probably wants space from you now. Maybe he thought he was fine with it but realized he's not and doesn't really want you around him right now. That's normal after a break-up.

So again, I would advise you to leave him alone. You two cannot be friends at this time. Give him space and be mindful of the fact that you ended it. You aren't owed his attention or friendship. Say hello when you see him but leave it at that. One day when you both move on, maybe you can be friends. Now is not that time. 

Also. I assumed we were friends like before. Because he was acting like we were friends like how we were before. So I'm not the bad guy trying to play games with him.

[ExpatInItaly]

The important thing is that you now understand that being friendly like before isn't going to work. 

Most ex-couples don't revert back like that, and for good reason. Things change when you date and then decide to end it. It's just not a realistic prospect for most people. You are both going to need ample time and space away from each other so you can both move on.  

Have you been through a break-up before? I mean that sincerely, by the way. I am gathering that you and he are both still quite young and perhaps don't have much experience with this sort of thing yet. 

Edited February 15, 2023 by ExpatInItaly

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, justaskingok said:

I called him and said it was over. He said "OK bye" and hung up. 

 showed up at my house with his friend, drunk. 

Sorry this happened. How long were you dating? What was the breakup about?  How old is he?

It may be best to delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Try to avoid him.

Staying friends doesn't seem to be working. If you run into each other, be cordial but don't engage.

Don't accept obnoxious behavior such as showing up at your house drunk. Try to distance yourself as much as possible.

[Kassieee]

2 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

The important thing is that you now understand that being friendly like before isn't going to work. 

Most ex-couples don't revert back like that, and for good reason. Things change when you date and then decide to end it. It's just not a realistic prospect for most people. You are both going to need ample time and space away from each other so you can both move on.  

Have you been through a break-up before? I mean that sincerely, by the way. I am gathering that you and he are both still quite young and perhaps don't have much experience with this sort of thing yet. 

I was in a relationship before him.

Yeah I get it. He could've just told me instead of having his friend tell me. That caught me off guard. Like dude I just called to wish you a happy bday.

[JTSW]

There is no game playing here.

He just realised that he can't be friends with the girl that dumped him.

You just need to accept that and move on.

[Kassieee]

24 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. How long were you dating? What was the breakup about?  How old is he?

It may be best to delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Try to avoid him.

Staying friends doesn't seem to be working. If you run into each other, be cordial but don't engage.

Don't accept obnoxious behavior such as showing up at your house drunk. Try to distance yourself as much as possible.

He was agitated because he couldn't find something, so he was talking to me like an a**h***.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, justaskingok said:

He was agitated because he couldn't find something, so he was talking to me like an a**h***.

It sounds like it's definitely time to delete and block him. He's generating too much drama. Your time and energy is better spent not entertaining his nonsense and moving forward without attempting to stay friends.

[Kassieee]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

It sounds like it's definitely time to delete and block him. He's generating too much drama. Your time and energy is better spent not entertaining his nonsense and moving forward without attempting to stay friends.

Ok

[glows]

He’s not interested in being anywhere you are for whatever reasons. It doesn’t feel good when someone avoids us or isn’t open and communicative. That’s understandable. He changed so roll with it. It’s time to let go of any idea of friendship.

What were the reasons for the break up? 

 

[Kassieee]

20 minutes ago, glows said:

He’s not interested in being anywhere you are for whatever reasons. It doesn’t feel good when someone avoids us or isn’t open and communicative. That’s understandable. He changed so roll with it. It’s time to let go of any idea of friendship.

What were the reasons for the break up? 

 

He was talking disrespectful to me because he couldn't find something.

[glows]

1 minute ago, justaskingok said:

He was talking disrespectful to me because he couldn't find something.

Was it one incident or several? Did he apologize? I ask not for reconciliatory purposes but for the idea of closure and being able to let go of a relationship that wasn’t working.

[Kassieee]

Just now, glows said:

Was it one incident or several? Did he apologize? I ask not for reconciliatory purposes but for the idea of closure and being able to let go of a relationship that wasn’t working.

 

No he didn't apologize...like I stated in my OP..

I told him it was over, told him why..and he said "OK bye"! And hung up the phone on me.

Even when had that period of being cool after the breakup...we never mentioned or talked about the breakup. 

 

It happened once.

[glows]

I’m sorry to hear that as it doesn’t sound like there was acceptance or understanding in where he went wrong speaking to you disrespectfully. How does it make you feel to keep feeling disrespected by the same person with no acknowledgement or apology for that behaviour? 

Generally people tend to stay away from individuals who keep hurting them. You seem to gravitate towards him.

If he was verbally abusive towards you that is not your fault. What you can start doing from now on is changing those patterns being drawn towards disrespectful and emotionally abusive individuals. 

[Kassieee]

21 minutes ago, glows said:

I’m sorry to hear that as it doesn’t sound like there was acceptance or understanding in where he went wrong speaking to you disrespectfully. How does it make you feel to keep feeling disrespected by the same person with no acknowledgement or apology for that behaviour? 

Generally people tend to stay away from individuals who keep hurting them. You seem to gravitate towards him.

If he was verbally abusive towards you that is not your fault. What you can start doing from now on is changing those patterns being drawn towards disrespectful and emotionally abusive individuals. 

Hes never spoken to me like that before.... it happened once. That's the only time I felt disrespected by him (and turned off). Maybe he thinks I'm not deserving of an apology. I dont need an apology. He gave me the closure I needed with that weird attitude over stupidness. 😒 

I was just curious to know the logic ..... being completely OK with someone's existence one day And then completely avoiding them next. 🤣 

Edited February 15, 2023 by justaskingok

[stillafool]

9 hours ago, justaskingok said:

I initiated the break up.I called him and said it was over. He said "OK bye" and hung up. 

I reacted this way once when a guy broke up with me.  The reason was I agreed with him and didn't want to discuss it because we might get back together.  I think your ex feels the same way which is why he avoids you and doesn't want to be around you anymore.  For you it's a bad idea to try to be friends with an ex because you're just setting yourself up to be hurt when he starts moving on with someone else.  Also he can't give you closure only you can do that.  

[NuevoYorko]

7 hours ago, justaskingok said:

That's fine.

I just found it bizzare how he went from being completely fine, to not talking to me at all lol.

He's finally accepting the "new normal."  That is to say - he's an ex, and not having him talking to you and hanging out is supposed to be normal and now it's getting there.

It would NOT be "normal" for him to keep hanging out and being your compadre like when he was your bf.

As far as speaking to you disrespectfully - why not give him a break.  He's probably hurting.  It will be a lot easier for him when he doesn't have you in his life on a regular basis.

[Kassieee]

18 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I reacted this way once when a guy broke up with me.  The reason was I agreed with him and didn't want to discuss it because we might get back together.  I think your ex feels the same way which is why he avoids you and doesn't want to be around you anymore.  For you it's a bad idea to try to be friends with an ex because you're just setting yourself up to be hurt when he starts moving on with someone else.  Also he can't give you closure only you can do that.  

I don't think it's that.

Because after we broke up, during the period we remained friendly and hung out (with mutual friends, never one on one).. we never talked about our breakup, we didn't even mention it on both our ends. We never discussed futher why we broke up. We deaded it that day i said it was over on the phone. There was never even a fight or argument. There was no signs of any of us wanting to get back together at all. I don't want him back and like I said i got closure when he acted weird that day that caused me to break up with him. I'm turned off by him and I'm interested in someone else. 

[stillafool]

13 minutes ago, justaskingok said:

I don't want him back and like I said i got closure when he acted weird that day that caused me to break up with him. I'm turned off by him and I'm interested in someone else. 

Oh well, it's good to see you've moved on.  Onwards and upwards.   Still you don't need his friendship.

[ShyViolet]

He's your ex, he's not your friend.  Leave him alone.  Stop calling him or expecting him to interact with you.